Trying to Get Into Online Multiplayer - Black Ops Edition

I don't know why but I have never really seen the appeal of online multiplayer. There's no one aspect about it that I can pinpoint and say that is the reason why I have never made a real concerted effort to play games online. I don't count my forays in Massively Multiplayer games due to me always being a ardent Player versus Environment player that avoided raiding and interacting with other players like they were a plague. As far as shooters go I think I played two or three Halo 3 matches online and I player one match online for Modern Warfare 2. So I guess it's a suprise that I'm using Call of Duty: Black Ops to wean me into online multiplayer. 
 
I guess this is where I make my confession...I like shooters especially first person shooters...but I'm terrible at first person shooters. I have had friends that are great at this game watch me and coach me and give me advice, and so far none of it has worked. So I've kind of come to terms that I'm probably never going to be calling the dogs anytime soon.
 
I don't want to convey the sense that because I am bad at Call of Duty that I don't enjoy the online multiplayer. It's quite the opposite. It's this weird dynamic where I actually enjoy the game more. I am continually amazed at how terrible I am at this game and it has officially reached a level of hilarity that adds to the experience. It's gotten to the point where I'm hardwired to expect that my kill/death ratio be around .333 (1/3). Why would I be proud for such a feat? When you go 4-13 each individual kill that you do get is far more enjoyable than if you have a positive kill death ratio. Maybe it's just me trying to rationalize my terribleness, but I can honestly say that I don't want to get good at this game. I remember my terrible sessions a lot better than my great sessions. I can't tell you what my best session is (I think 22-8), but I can honestly look you in the eye and say I went 3-27 and it was great and it was a wonderful time for me at least. 
 
Now as a user who is almost always at the bottom of my team and sometimes the reason why my team loses Team Deathmatch I guess it's time for me to address the community side of Black Ops. I honestly have say that yes people do insult you when you are terrible, but they are so uncreative with their insults that I'm disappointed. Maybe being a mod has unforseen benefits but I'm never insulted when I play matches online. People who go online should come prepared with tough skin.
 
Now why would users get angry at me on the first place? Because I'm THAT USER on Black Ops. I still use an M-16 with an ACOG sight even though I'm now level 15. I use the RC-XD because yo homie I needs me some kills. I use Second Chance, because...come on...I need KILLS! I use hardline...because I'm the reason why there is the Hardline perk in the first place. I have my killstreaks numbered at 2-3-4 (using Hardline) because I think I have called a mortar strike legitimately once. When I get flashbanged I charge like a maniac with my finger holding the trigger screaming "ARRRGGGHHHH" on my microphone. I'm the guy who stands still on open fields doing nothing and is a sniper's delight. I'm exclusively playing Headquarters to boost my XP and almost always never actually contribute to my team and am just on for the ride. Also, and it probably is why I don't do that good in this game in the first place, I always hesitate to pull the trigger when I see an enemy player.
 
I'm slowly but surely starting to understand why people put so much time and effort into this game. It's oddly hypnotic making emblems and buying new guns and stuff to put on those guns. Whether or not I continue to play this game months after the fact I guess is the big question but for now I'm enjoying...maybe for the the wrong reasons but for my own reasons at the very least.