10 Great Films that would be Shit videogames

• Lost In Translation

You take out your mid-life crisis on a random white girl in Tokyo. Bill Murray lends his reluctantly unenthusiastic tones to a medium he clearly has little patience for. A JRPG, perhaps?

• The Fountain

As your wife slowly dies of some unknown disease you become disillusioned and search desperately for a miracle cure. The story is told through a series of abstract flashbacks and surreal space snow-globes. A hack-n-slash, for all ages.

• Schindler's List

A first person shooter in which you attempt desperately to save the lives of Jews during the Holocaust. Press right trigger to spray the Jews with the water hose while they slowly die of dehydration in a cramped train.

• Good Will Hunting

A stealth/math game in which you must avoid detection whilst prowling around a college and solving equations that the lecturers leave on the blackboard. Spout witty one-liners at people with more money than you, then attempt to hide paralysing self-doubt and fear by mentally attacking those who are assigned to help you. Re-arrange these matchsticks from a triangle to a motorcycle by only moving one match.

• Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas

Press A to take acid. Watch the pretty colours.

• Citizen Kane

Bizarre newspaper flashback thriller. Puzzle game. Citizen Kane Party.

• The Bourne Identity

Wait, what?

• Belleville Rendez-vous

Take on the role of a lop-sided old woman who sets of to the French equivalent of New York in a search for her kidnapped tour-de-France dropout of a grandson. Point and click adventure. (In retrospect that actually sounds pretty awesome)

• American Beauty

Quit your job and attempt to seduce teenage girls. Persona 4, anyone?

• Some Like It Hot

Dress up like a woman and join a Jazz Band. Try desperately to avoid getting hit on by ageing gentlemen. Works with Rock Band peripherals.

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