Music Video Review - Nicki Minaj "Super Bass"

by turboman

(not to pimp my blog over the forum post, the forum post cuts a bit of the table out... totally works fine on my blog ... tell Dave to fix it.) A bit of fore-word: This is the stuff that I would write about, and the writing style I would use if I had my own website. So please, all feedback would be greatly appreciated. Also, this is supposed to be mocking of terrible music, but also has a bit o...

(not to pimp my blog over the forum post, the forum post cuts a bit of the table out... totally works fine on my blog... tell Dave to fix it.)

A bit of fore-word:
This is the stuff that I would write about, and the writing style I would use if I had my own website. So please, all feedback would be greatly appreciated. Also, this is supposed to be mocking of terrible music, but also has a bit of intelligent writing about it. Also, when I say intelligent, keep in mind that I was on more than a few drinks while writing this. Enjoy.

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Nicky Minaj, aka that person that was on “Monster” with Kanye West and Jay-Z, could be great if she wanted to be. It took me a while to come around to her verse from “Monster”, but once you get a since of what her “rapping style” is, you realize that she kills it and is able to hang with some of the most talented rappers of all time on that track.

Unfortunately, she has surrounded herself with garbage during her solo rap career so far. She’s forced to work with Lil Wayne since he signed her, but she has also had to have tracks alongside other talentless hacks, including will.i.am, Rihanna, Ludacris, etc.. but I don’t put the blame on any of those people for the reason that she’s a quickly dying talent, I put the blame on Nicki Minaj herself.

Yes, I already admitted that she’s a talent, but when you’re looking at her track-record, she’s been putting out bull-crap teeny pop songs ever since she put out her first CD. This leads me to today’s song/music video of discussion, Super Bass. Super Bass is a song that is coming up on her “Deluxe Edition” of her first CD. Before we get to the song, let me just say that re-publishing an old CD with two new singles is just downright stupid in its own right. Is there anybody sitting on the edge of their seat wondering to themselves “Gee, I can’t wait to purchase the same album that I bought last year, with two whole new songs!”. If you’re going to make new songs, great, just release those songs as singles or hold them for the next album. Now, let’s get to the music video.

Nicki Minaj. If you still haven’t figured out who she is, then I’ll give you two of her trademarks.
	1. She has what many African-American males in between the ages of 15-24 like to call a “Badonk-A-Donk”. My Lord look at the size of that thing. It looks like she cut a watermelon in half and then shoved it done her pants.
2. She makes Crazy Faces! Look at how crazy she is!
	This woman is out of control!
Now onto business. The title of this song is “Super Bass”, now judging by the title and the fact that it’s a female pop song, I’m going to guess that the message of the song is that she is hoping to get with a specific kind of man, and she metaphorically compares her heartbeat when she’s around him to the sound of a “Super Bass”. Nailed It? I thought so.
	The video starts off with Nicki staring at a camera... c’mon Nicki, SHOW US YOUR CRAZY FACE!
Yeah! That’s the stuff! She so crazy! (not racist if that's how they talk.)
	It doesn’t even take ten seconds before the video slips in some product placement. The lyrics of the song state: “This one is for the boys with the boomin' system / Top down, AC with the coolin' system”. So far, she just wants a man with a car that has speakers and an air-conditioner in it. I’m not here to brag, fellas, but I fit the criteria so far for Nicki Minaj.
She keeps on rapping about how she wants a man who has a lot of money, and can treat her right... and then we get to this shot by the pool, which left me speechless.
	“Hey guys, wanna go soak up some sun by the pool today?” “Yeah, I’d love to, but I forgot to bring my swimsuit.” “That’s ok, I don’t have any either, we can just lay by the pool naked, like God intended us to.”
This leads to a 100% classy shot of Nicki pouring Pepto-Bismol on her chest.
	I’ve seen plenty of videos with this kind of set-up before. If I didn’t know any better, I wouldn't be surprised if any of these men whipped out their flesh sword and started filming some love making...
... which leads to this shot of Nicki grinding her lady parts on a frozen Motorcycle. Wait a second people, I need to write a couple of things down....
	So, have you ever tried to make love to a woman right after she got done humping a frozen motorcycle? Shriiiiinkaaaaage
So I caught my girlfriend sitting on a frozen motorcycle the other day, somebody told her it could numb the pain of her genital warts .
	What do you get when you dry hump a frozen motorcycle? A soggy vagina.
Sorry guys, I had to go write down a couple of jokes for my up-coming stand up career. Now, where were we? Oh, yes, blacklights and stripteases! Nothing can be sexier than the possibility of seeing semen-stains from past clients on the woman who is grinding on top of you.
	The video ends out with nothing special, except for this man doing the robot in 2011. Which makes me quite happy that a dance movie in my repertoire is still in.

Super Bass as a whole sounds like a Fergie song that was cut-out of her solo albums. It’s painful to know in the back of my head that young Nicki could be a talent that her parents would be proud of if she would surround herself with the right people. Unfortunately, I’m only going to know her for her stupid crazy faces, and her unexplainable fetishes.