227 public written reviews
The views here are this user’s only and are not representative of Giant Bomb's thoughts and opinions on the discussed video game. GB's official reviews reside at giantbomb.com/reviews.
Here is a common scenario that aspiring electronic video gamers can look forward to upon booting up Bayonetta. The player, a leather-clad witch of abnormal height, will leap across the screen doing battle with angelic monsters. You will fire guns strapped to your arms and legs and batter enemies with giant fists and legs manifested from your hair. Your hair also doubles as the material for your clothing, so the more…
Inception is a 2010 movie directed by Christopher Nolan (most famous for the 2002 film Insomnia, of course) with Leonardo DiCaprio and a band of dream invaders. They’re on a mission to…and you should probably skip this one paragraph if you haven’t seen the film yet, and you should perhaps be disappointed in yourself if you haven’t. Well they enter the dreams of the rich heir (Cillian Scarecrow), and then enter the…
Braid was a 2008 release starring a self-loathing British stalker capable of using the powers of Shame and Regret to manipulate time in unsavory fashions. All of this may or may not have been a metaphor for the atomic bomb, or the destructive nature of human obsession, or something completely unrelated. It had the right kind of ambition of boosting the games-as-art argument, but the problem was that the developer…
Being that the calendar for July comprises of such hotly anticipated storewide releases as “Starcraft 2” and “jack all else”, I figure that now is a good time to redirect my attention to the downloadable market. I had originally felt like I was missing out on some unique experiences and concepts, but aside from some business involving flowers and cats shooting yetis, not really. The same kind of marketing…
Deathspank flows through the system like a combination of mixed drugs. It’s a video game speedball; the mixture of coke and heroine that killed your favorite actors and musicians. In my case, the injection of Deathspank caused heart failure to my social life, diet and exercise routine. Or at least it did for all of 12 hours between first downloading the game and now. I am kind of astonished that I finished it at…
There’s a great irony about the idea behind the sandbox genre. The whole term “sandbox game” originates from the idea that games are a synonym for a sandbox filled with sand and toys and things that a child can fiddle with to suit their imagination. The term “sandbox game” is incredibly ironic because most every sandbox game involves playing with things a little kid shouldn’t be playing with; in particular the lives…
Earthworm Jim was definitely one of those concepts that you had to be around at the time to appreciate. Back in 1994, all you needed to dazzle people was a fluid animation of a character climbing a ledge for people to think your production was the real deal. Who cares if there’s a lack of cohesion within the universe’s design; look at the way light shimmers off your gun! And maybe Earthworm Jim was a token case of…
I guess if you were going to update any board game for the console market, it may as well be Risk. It’s not that online renditions of Kerplunk or Hungry Hungry Hippos couldn’t work (actually, they probably wouldn’t), it’s just that Risk is already a game about war and console gamers love games about war many times more than the soldiers actually fighting wars. Thus, the changes that turned Risk into Risk: Factions…
I don’t know what to make of Alan Wake as a novelist. His writings, while fairly manageable to comprehend, seem indescript, ridden with clichés. I have a feeling that my former Creative Writing teacher would probably rip the pretentious drunk to shreds if he ever took a glance at his works. However, the game does make allusions to a series of “Alex Casey” books starring a presumably dashing male lead hero. This…
So I vaguely remember that last year, I thinking that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was not half-bad. Before you shut the monitor off in disgust and declare me the world’s biggest nitwit failure of a life form, know that I’m talking about the video game, not the 150 minute disaster of a movie. While the campaign was a waste of data and the controls were more unorthodox than people who pull their pants down to…
It’s almost an authentic feel-good story. The original Sin and Punishment, never officially released in North America, becoming an underground favorite amongst importers and people making more cash than me. By popular demand (I presume popular demand anyways) the game was finally released via Wii Virtual Console and becomes a big enough smash that the original developers get the thumbs up for an…
Previously on God of War, things passed away. That’s as apt a summation of the series as I can think of. Greek mythology, when not toned down for Saturday afternoon children’s cartoons or big budget crapfests starring Sam Worthington, are more about blood and guts than anything else. (Well, anything short of explaining phenomenon which primitive Greek science could not. Forget ion charges inside clouds, lightning…
So there’s this young, scrapping lad with modest beginnings. He comes from some kind of small village, possibly located in the woods. If he doesn’t already have an affinity for green garb, he’ll be toting a bright tunic and pointed hat soon. He’s not much a person for words but he’s mighty courageous, on default of people telling him he is “the hero of destiny.” He’s going to rescue a princess that he may or may not…
Previously, I had suggested that the secret to Super Mario Galaxy’s success was attributed to Nintendo programmers undergoing some extra-curricular activities. After all, who but the users of the most hallucinogenic medicine could conjure up such wonderfully bizarre level concepts as the haunted house in space, or the race track in the sky comprised of floating water? It appears that Mario Galaxy’s commercial…
For the longest time, it seemed like something was amiss from Mario games. I would argue that it has been at least a decade since this “it factor” vanished. The product of this missing “it factor” was soulless gimmick titles like Luigi’s Mansion and Mario Sunshine. For awhile it seemed like Nintendo acknowledged this too, with shameless reaches at nostalgia like New Super Mario Bros and Yoshi’s 2. These were titles…
I felt so hardcore buying 3D Dot Game Heroes. I walked into two different Gamestops, on three different occasions, asking for this title, and none of the store clerks ever heard of the name. My e-penis became quite erect at the prospect of buying a title so niche, so leet, so underground that even the full-time staff of a games store never heard of it. It was like I was sticking it to the man in supporting 3D Dot…
Once upon a time there was a little boy in named Dana, and this boy had great dreams. “One day, I’m going to be the bravest bald man alive. And god do I hate that Tito kid!” So he worked, and struggled, and toiled, and knew some people who owned some casinos, and they bought a strange organization called Ultimate Fighting Championship. And through a combination of blood, sweat and tweets, he transformed this small…
Red Dead Revolver was a modest action-shooter-game-thingy released on last generation’s consoles in 2004. I’d best describe it as an unorthodox spaghetti-western game with strange controls and a cast of cowboy archetypes that had the benefit of stylish load screens and trumpet-fueled music music. Red Dead Revolver is the non-sequel to 2010’s Red Dead Redemption, and quite frankly you will not hear the name of the…
Final Fantasy 13 has had a highly positive effect on my life. I found myself studying more diligently for finals, effectively boosting my grades to honour-roll levels. I spend more time exercising, socializing with friends and family, and dating a lovely lady (insert winking smiley face) thanks to Final Fantasy 13. The reason being that the disc for Final Fantasy 13 sits there, begging to be played, and the part of…
It’s not morally ethical to mock death, it seems. Even if it sounds ridiculous to hear of someone passing on for licking a lightning rod, there’s still the tragedy that a human lost life, so I don’t know if I’m allowed to call out that person for the buffoon he was. Such is the predicament that comes when a game developer closes down before their game is released. It’s happened with Pandemic and The Saboteur, and…
Super Street Fighter 4 is Street Fighter 4 with more characters and things. Review done, goodnight everybody. Truth be told, Super Street Fighter 4 is the kind of game where you can read the taglines and determine your purchase decision appropriately, without my input. There is no hidden swerve or game-breaking flaw here; the online play doesn’t have unbearable lag, the new characters are entertaining and…
Final Fight: Double Impact is an unlikely combination of two arcade releases from the early 90s, bundled together in a nifty little $10 value package. Though it’s hard to not feel like there is a sense of shame in the advertising of this game, like they Capcom marketing team doesn’t want you to know that Magic Sword is included in the bundle. “In this great retro package, you get the legendary FINAL FIGHT and…
All that is old is new again. A game comprised entirely of quick-time events (a concept that hasn’t been funky fly since Shenmue) combined with the hunt for a Jigsaw-like killer (imitating a movie that hasn’t been interesting since…well the first one), coupled with Resident Evil-like walking controls (which have never been cool.) Throw in the most daring attempt to climb the uncanny valley to date and you have a…
I once knew an emotionally unstable young lady that was very much into anime conventions, the dress-up that comes with them, and fan-fiction. She was the kind of person that wrote volumes worth of fan-fiction for any number of Final Fantasys, animes I’ve never heard of, and at least two universes of her own creation. While did manage to secure all of three fans, she had that issue where her love of writing and the…
Mega Man 10 is a rather ironic release. Ironic in the sense that it’s the direct sequel to a game most known for abandoning every gameplay change, new plot direction and franchise reimagining done to the ever-stagnating Mega Man series in the last twenty years. And if Mega Man 9 is not only intended to be a nostalgic homage but the starting point of a new franchise, then it shouldn’t be long before the known world…
First and foremost, if you are an avid fan of The Divine Comedy, you are going to hate what EA has done to their Dante’s Inferno game. It is as blistered and altered and transformed from the original poem as you feared. I’ve joked before about video gamizing in the past, but Dante’s Inferno really raises the bar to downright sacrilegious levels. But if you avoid taking personal offense to how Dante’s Inferno…
Once upon a time there was a magical kingdom under the sea. All kinds of exotic jellyfish and coral reefs occupied this kingdom to greet the citizens, all of which had magical powers. The king of this land was a wise and charismatic leader with ambitions of utopia and addressing the pedophilia issue by protecting all daughters with hulking submarine monsters. These monsters, despite being fatherly figures in name,…
God of War 2 is a lot like the Olympics, if you think about it for a second and no longer. There’s a decidedly Greek undertone, you have multiple nations going to war against each other (in this case, gods vs titans), there’s an overpriced musical score to accompany it, and there’s a torch or two involved. Of course, there are differences, too. One uses torches are part of tradition while the other uses them to…
The 2010 Winter Olympics are underway, and citizens of the world are indulged in the spirit of patriotism and hope for their nation’s athletes. Canadians from far and wide have been purchasing those snuggly red Olympic mittens to warm their hands and hearts with the excitement of hosting an event as prestigious as the games. But underneath the tradition and energy of the Olympic events lies a path of destruction.…
No More Heroes was Suda51’s love letter to himself. Here was a game starring a selfish and flawed hero with interests in pedophiliac anime, Mexican Lucha Libre, Star Wars and his pet cat. He engaged in a ranking war with assassins (that are never seen assassinating anyone but their fellow kind) and his motivations can best be summed up as “he is a male with a penis.” Call it self-indulgent but there was something…
Back in the 2002 action platformer Ratchet and Clank, it was revealed that the lovable dorkbot Clank was created in a robot war machine factory. Clank got ejected from that place and wound up becoming BFFs with the furry toughguy Ratchet, and later thwarted Clank’s robot mechanical brothers to neatly wrap up that story arc. But developers Insomniac were jonesing to create an origin story that could span three games,…
Read the full review Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time
Demon’s Souls is a game that pushes the boundaries of one’s patience. In fact, scratch that. It doesn’t push the boundaries, it pancakes the boundaries with a monster truck dressed in decal patterned after its box art. And the driver of the truck is the villain from ’s World; the one that envisions an arcade game where players cannot defeat the blob, but will invest hundreds of quarters to figure out how anyways.…
Retro Game Challenge is about the Game Master, a man who drowned his sorrows in 8-bit video games to suppress his self-esteem issues. The levels of his party in Final Fantasy would rise inversely with his dipping grades, and he had an anger problem pent up from a libido no woman would want to satisfy. Ultimately, his parents would delete his World of Warcraft account, and this leads the man taking his own life using…
Actraiser for the Super Nintendo is most notable in the annals of history in that if you were to rank every SNES game in alphabetical order, it would appear ninth. However, unless you watched AHHH Real Monsters back when Nickelodeon mattered, then it would be the first notable SNES game on the list. Ergo, Actraiser is alphabetically the most significant 16-bit release of all time. God fighting a pterodactyl In this…
There are certain games that, for whatever reason, I don’t foresee myself attempting to play, let alone review. I can’t touch the Madden games because I won’t settle for anything less than the Pittsburgh Steelers winning sever consecutive Super Bowls, then crossing over and winning the Stanley Cup at least twice. I won’t attempt Gran Turismo or Forza Motorsport because I’m about as confident in my ability to handle…
Forget the hubbub about next generation graphics and vehicle driving and 20 different kinds of physics engines per game. The reality of the matter is that the first person shooter genre hasn’t really evolved much since the early 90s. It doesn’t matter how much smarter the AI has gotten or how realistic the effects of wood shattering is nowadays, the major games still consist of military figures gunning either demons…
Momma always taught me not to speak ill of the dead. Besides being rather disrespectful, trash-talking the deceased could result in a poltergeist occupying your residence. The last thing I need is a ghost haunting my Playstation 3; slowing download speeds for the PSN Store moreso or attacking Solid Snake during the many Metal Gear Solid 4 installation screens. Part of the cruel aftermath of the economic recession,…
Bas Rutten is an ever-popular retired mixed martial arts known for his liver kicking, impassioned colour commentary tracks for Pride FC (emphasizing the word “colour”), and his immaculately awesome martial arts instruction videos. A walking onomatopoeia, Bas Rutten has become a Youtube arse-whooping sensation for his love of sound effects to accompany his brand of violence. Fans of El Guapo will be thrilled to know…
In The Lost and Damned, you’ll play as Johnny Klebitz, the vice-president of a once civil bike gang. All of his attempts at maintaining a peaceful, prosperous biker gang go to hell when the president, Billy Grey, is released from rehab and decides to throw a 40oz at common sense. If you thought it was weird that Grand Theft Auto 4 tried so hard to make you sympathize for the sociopath Niko Bellic, then you’re in…
So me and Nintendo have different ideas on what to do with this Zelda license. I tend to think that the franchise needs an overhaul, a desperate tweaking of its stagnant format. I say enough to tired gameplay ideas, like dungeons built around a bow and arrow, or Link saving a Princess with a Triforce. How radical would it be to play a Legend of Zelda game that doesn’t star Link? On the other hand, Nintendo believes…
A rotund, European blue-collar worker with both an obscenely low center of gravity and yet a shockingly high vertical leap teams with his lanky brother. Both are twins so therefore must dress identically in fashion but different in colour. Both have a strong resemblance to Ron Jeremy. They exist in a land paved and constructed almost entirely of bricks and sewage piping is used as transportation. These European…
Remember how we all thought Tiger Woods was this clean-cut sports role model so wholesome that even the thought of him having facial hair was appalling to people? Remember how that whole image evaporated when word let out that he had a mistress or twelve? And now how his prowess as a golfer was thrown into doubt because his trainer possessed growth hormone? That is almost somewhat kind of like my situation with…
Assassin’s Creed 1 starred a preachy, philosophical, emotionless, characterless unibomber-lookalike named Altair. Killing was his business, but business was not good. First he had to pickpocket, eavesdrop and stalk random targets to obtain “information”, or rather grind missions to extend play, time about his victims-to-be. He would then proceed to attempt an assassination on said targets, one that would involve…
Excitebike is one of those games that you either like or really like. There is no middle or alternative ground. Somewhere between its simplistic, rarely imitated gameplay and the fact that its an old game with a cheery, campy theme song is the reason why so many people have such fond memories of it. Like Ice Hockey or Punch-out, the gameplay is so distinctly…Nintendo Entertainment System-y that more people will care…
Having already sold more copies than most countries have citizens, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 has now transcended the video game industry to become a major player on the world stage. I feel as if Call of Duty should have its own representative at the UN, bullying countries into trading resources in exchange for Modern Warfare’s two top exports: flashbang grenades and anti-war quotes. Modern Warfare 2’s economy…
I could’ve sworn that the appetite for Halo was long ago sated. We already got not one but three very sizable shooters. All of which were very similar (albeit incrementally improving) titles that involve largely the same identical marines-hurting-aliens gameplay. Halo 3 was a sufficient finale, offering more of the same chunky levels, all co-op friendly, a strong online component and neatly closing up the story so…
I think Luigi’s Mansion may have traumatized longtime Nintendo fans. Imagine a group of kids that were raised by their parents to eat a hearty breakfast every morning. This breakfast would be nutritious and delicious; scrambled eggs with gourmet ketchup, French toast with sugar powder sprinkled on top and a hot chocolate with whipped cream and a cherry. Life is great, kids go to school happy. Now imagine one…
The situation with our annual wrestling video games seems to mirror the wrestling scene in reality. Every year, Yukes, THQ and the Fed pump out their annual Smackdown vs. Raw title, rudely telling the fans what features they want to see implemented (like last year’s tag team system, in spite of the WWE’s general lack of tag teams.) All the while, they ignore the existing flaws of the series and thus release a…
