Top 5 Games That Are Brand Safety Risks!

Well darn, it looks like some folks around here are acting foolishly and need some reminders. That's all good and swell, because that means that we get to, once again, perform my favorite activity: making a list. Huzzah!

We should look at some games that have, also, lost their way and caused a real concern for the nice people who worked so hard on it, just for you. It's such a shame that there are some bad apples out there that ruin it for the rest of us who just want to have some good, clean fun. Here are the top 5 games that you should avoid, in all good conscience, because they are a brand safety risk!

5. Pokémon GO

The augmented reality app that lets you find and collect monsters had such appeal that, for one brief summer, we almost achieved world peace. That said, the game was not without its sinister secrets. No, I don't mean the shop with all the different items that you can buy at a premium, because how can monetization be bad? That's just the cost of business, baby! Moreso, the game was too good, which led to some people forgetting their place in the world. Right after that magical summer, an Asian man in Virginia, who was playing Pokémon GO in their van, didn't hear a security guard yelling at them. Moments later, that guard opened fire with their handgun and killed the 60-year old, defenseless senior. Subsequently, the shooter received 30 years in prison. Now both of their lives are ruined, because of these damned, unsafe video games. It's no wonder that the app now excessively plasters warnings on the screen, to ensure you are aware of your murderous surroundings. Be safe!

4. Dance Dance Revolution Solo

I'm sure you're wondering how a rhythm game could be unsafe? Well, that's exactly how they lull you into a false sense of security. Before you could even realize it, this iteration had references to drugs and alcohol; pills flying across the screen and even scantily clad nurses. Heavens have mercy. Such filth is rotting our children's brands, I mean, brains. Luckily, a group of San Diego watchdogs was there to uphold our purity and their complaints led to the removal of this smut. They even involved Konami in it, who had to take out ad space, to ask people not to buy their naughty machines. Selling ads is always morally good, as well all know. Why else would they do it?

3.SimCopter

This was the first Sim game to feature the Simlish language. How can something like flying your helicopter around a city even be controversial? Unfortunately, a rogue developer snuck in some code at the end of production that would make half-naked men appear and even kiss each other. That's so unsightly. This rebel did so as revenge for being told to crunch 60 hours a week; a commentary on toxic work culture, all the way back in 1996. Additionally, he wanted to make a statement against his aggressively heterosexual peers that wanted to implement “bimbos.” This sneaky act was a message against the implicit heterosexuality of video games. A patch had to be rushed out after release, to save us from such ideations. Let that be a lesson to always be a good, diligent worker.

2. Mario Party 8

It's a sad, somber world when we can't even trust Mario to be shielding us from harm. Historically, Mario Party has always been a great time and this site can attest to that. Hours of good times have come from this franchise, but the Nintendo Wii changed all that. Upon release, United Kingdom customers noticed that the game had a slur written in there. Those poor children had to read that. Nintendo recalled its launch version as quickly as possible and eventually replaced it with an altered text. We can only hope that those affected were able to heal from this traumatic event, so that they could continue playing a wholesome round of Mario Party.

1. The Guy Game

Here at Giant Bomb, we aren't a bunch of squares. We like to have fun and really let loose. We get a little wild sometimes, you know? The Guy Game would fit right in with that casual attitude, for cool dudes like you and me. You play a quiz game, answer some questions and then maybe some hot babes flash you a little something. You know what I mean. Let's party, baby! That was the plan of this thing, at least. Unfortunately, because the producers were not thinking with their brains, one of the participants of the nudey game ended up having the game completely banned. It turns out that one of the girls they solicited wasn't 18 yet. Whoops, you were accidently selling pedophilic pornography! Yowzers!

Hopefully, this list will help you prevent the mistakes you need to watch out for, in order to ensure proper brand safety. Don't forget to keep your head down and never rock the boat. Now, I've been instructed that I can still maintain a PG-13 guidance rating if I only use a bad word once. So, let me just say this, safely:

Fuck Fandom.