Octurbo: J.J. and Jeff (Kato-chan and Ken-chan)

I've Covered Some Crap Games, But This Takes the Urinal Cake

So let's just get things started here, and... wait, what the hell am I doing?That's better. What's the point of playing a version of this with less poop?Of course, there's something to be said about playing a game in a language you can read. All the same, I don't think I'm missing much with this intro cutscene.So yeah, this is the first thing you see. This is how the game chooses to introduce itself. Kudos.You can kick pretty much anything in this game, including your partner. The kick has a short range, though, and you have a decent jump so it's a better option to hop over anything hostile than try to punt it.Tried to demonstrate his ranged attack, but I didn't quite capture the little fart cloud in time. I know you're all torn up about that. Since you have to turn around to use it, it's not a particularly convenient attack.So the one non-gastrointestinal quirk of this game is that almost everything is hidden. You reveal things by kicking them, from random items to secret bonus levels.For instance, the water spout that appears after kicking the hydrant carries you to this little non-sequitur sequence. These secret areas usually replenish all your health, though, so they're worth seeking out and memorizing.Bathrooms replenish health too. Not sure why they exist in a world where everything relieves itself wherever it happens to be standing.Perfect example. These birds are tenacious with their incongruously coiled leavings. (It might look like I'm about to kick a dog here, but actually I'm petting it.) (Not really. I kicked it.) (Sorry Rorie.)Well... maybe he's not doing what we think he's doing. Maybe he's just thinking really hard.Nope. Also, did I really need to put my shoe there?So the coins I keep collecting from kicking everything can be used with these secret fruit machine rooms. It's rare to get anything useful, but what else am I going to spend money on? A gun of some kind?So that's the end of World 1-1. I did say I'd stick with something until the end of its first world, so let's keep going.I neglected to mention: The game takes a page from Adventure Island's book in that your health constantly drops from huner, though not at an unmanageable rate. Eating food recovers health a little, but it vanishes quickly once you spot it.Ow, ow, ow! What the hell man? Is this because I kicked you so many times when you were trying to take a whizz? I guess an apology is due.Apology accepted, asshole. *kick, kick*After so many cheap deaths, though, I'm not sure I have it in me to see this through to the end of the first world even. We're all familiar with this one, right? I can stop playing?

Kato-chan and Ken-chan isn't quite as awful as I'm letting on. It's a game that rewards experimentation and memorization and I can respect that aspect of it at least, if very few of its other prominent facets. You know, the ones involving butts.