They're Taking Over #02 - More Than A Little Unsettling

As noted in the previous blog, Kidz Bop was explicitly created to be the next mega-hit in the vein of Monster Ballads. While the exact number of sales is unknown (where is the Mat Piscatella of Kidz Bop?!?), the original album is certified Gold, meaning it has sold over half a million copies in its lifetime. Considering it sounds like the entire thing was recorded for $20 and the destruction of six adults' compromising pictures, it must have been immensely profitable for Razor & Tie. According to Parade magazine earlier this year, only three artists have more Top 10 albums than the Kidz Bop Kids: The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, and Barbra Streisand. While this particular star has lost its luster in the streaming era, it's a mind-boggling accomplishment in the commercial space. Which begs the question: how did Kidz Bop (2001) fare from a critical perspective at the time it was released?

If you thought this would end up one of those critical dogpilings like the Kevin Federline album or Katy Perry's recent work, then you might be surprised that Kidz Bop (2001) was met almost exclusively with silence. I checked most of the prominent publications of the day, and the only contemporary review that I could find is from AllMusic. Author Heather Phares, whose review credits include albums by Deerhoof, LCD Soundsystem, Queens of the Stone Age, The White Stripes, and Pillows (one of their FLCL soundtrack albums), was tasked with Kidz Bop (2001). Based on the description, she was mercifully provided the 18-track store release version of the album, rather than the 30-track, 2-cd set. She wrote, "[depending] on the song, the effect is either fun or creepy", complimenting the covers of "Summer Girls" and "One Week" to immediately undercut her judgment on what qualifies as fun. She labeled the cover of "That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shania Twain as "downright annoying", and she noted that it was "more than a little unsettling to hear children singing along to the chorus of... 'Oops! ... I Did It Again'." She concluded that the endeavor was altogether kind of pointless ("a similar collection that didn't feature children singing along would probably make for a more consistent listening experience - for kids and parent alike"). The rating: 2.5 stars out of 5, aka half as good as Metroid Prime 4.

There will be more time to belabor the critical reception to the concept of Kidz Bop later, when it emerges as a punchline. For now, let's move on to Kidz Bop 2. Razor & Tie seems to have waited until the first album was released to start recording this one, which is a prudent move for certain but wild in hindsight given the future release schedule. As such, the album was recorded in late 2001, pulling mostly from hits of the prior 1-2 years, before its release in August 2002. While the producers still hadn't figured out that the overreliance on adult singers lowered the overall quality of the songs, I have to admit it sounds a little more competently put together than its predecessor. This is handicapped by its pathetic instrumentation, which are particularly on display in covers of Santana's "Smooth" and Creed's "Higher". There are attempts made to play around with all that fancy studio equipment, as a bizarre robot voice in a cover "He Loves U Not" by Dream can attest. But the adult singing is at times irritating to the point of distraction; the woman tasked with Michelle Branch's "Everywhere" simply doesn't have the pipes to carry the song, and Razor & Tie certainly didn't apply any pitch correction (and god save us all if they did). I asked a musician friend of mine about this song and why it hurt my ears so bad. His take was that it sounded like the KB version of songs is generally "on top of" the mix as opposed to "in" it, leading to a "disembodied" feel. He posited that they played the instrumental tracks for the singers (see above on how those went), told everyone to just do their best to match the music, then stacked it all together with no effort to make the track more coherent. My opinion is that this may explain why some songs are randomly pitch-shifted throughout the run of Kidz Bop, but that could also be a conscious effort to make songs sound more cheerful. Regardless, "good enough" thought Razor & Tie, and they pushed the album out for sale.

[Album Link]

The Songs: The biggest difference between this album and the previous one is that Kidz Bop 2 has a pair of bangers. The cover of a Smash Mouth cover of The Monkees' "I'm A Believer" was the #1 KB song in my rankings all the way up to Kidz Bop 52, which released in 2026. Their cover of "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by Baha Men makes so much sense that you probably thought they already did it in the first album. There are even okayish versions of "I Try" by Macy Gray and "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon (though good luck explaining that band name to your kids). All-timer lowlights balance these out, including the "Smooth" and "Higher" covers mentioned above; these are so poorly performed that I felt bad for Scott Stapp. If you thought they learned more about censorship, the cover of "Can't Get You Out of My Head" by Kylie Minogue should disabuse you of that notion, as should an awful rendition of "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias. I don't think any level of sanitization would have made these two acceptable, and Razor & Tie certainly didn't try. Kidz Bop 2 does introduce an important segment of my rankings that would eventually fall out of favor: the Butt Rock Bloc. The album leads off with "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down, takes you "Higher" as I won't stop reminding you, and subjects you to a version of "Hanging By A Moment" by Lifehouse that is simultaneously terrible and not all that different from the original. But we get the crowning jewel of Kidz Bop 2 in the cover of "I'm Real" by Jennifer Lopez. What could make this so bad, you wonder? The adult impersonating Ja Rule, of course! I truly mean it when I say that if you only ever listen to one KB track in your life, it has to be this one. The man (personal nemesis Arthur Jefferson, I think) sounds like a car crash happening in slow motion. I think the only attempt at censorship is removing the word "motherfucking". It's so bad that it occupied the bottom of my rankings until I found the lost cover of "Slide" that I decried last time. Seriously, go listen to it!

Most Apathetic: I laid out the two typical use cases for a high Apathy rating last time. On this album, the biggest offender is how badly a song sidelined the child singers. Only one song rates a 9 or higher, and that would be the cover of "Breathe" by Faith Hill. The kids are inaudible 99% of the time so you can hear new adult singer Barney Martinez's karaoke rendition of the song. The version of Incubus' "Drive" rates as an 8 for similar reasons, relegating the kids to the chorus while the singer harmonizes with himself. The album is overall low-mid tier for Apathy, and even some of the worse songs were clearly trying harder than the first album. That's worth something, I suppose.

Most Deranged: It's Ja Rule. "I'm Real" is the easiest 10 I ever gave for any Kidz Bop cover, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. The deeply annoying noises in "He Loves U Not" by Dream rated a 9, and the sheer horniness of "Can't Get You Out of My Head" was worth at least an 8. I was tickled by the adult and kids enunciating the word "me" in NSYNC's "It's Gonna Be Me" in light of how that song is used on the modern internet. Overall, a low-mid tier album for Derangement as well.

Censorship Report: Aside from blocking Ja Rule's f-bombs, they changed the line "kissing my ends" (nee "ass") of the radio edit of P!nk's "Get The Party Started" into "watching me pass" on this album. When the song was redone in KIDZ BOP All-Time Greatest Hits many years later, they once again changed the lyric to "hitting the gas", which is the opposite of any original lyrical intent. I believe this makes this the most chopped-up lyric in KB history, though there would certainly be funnier ones later.

Wiki Fact You Should Know: You know how I complimented this album for containing a cover of "Who Let the Dogs Out?" Well, if you bought the album in a store, you would never know because "Get The Party Started" replaced it. Neither that song nor "Can't Get You Out of My Head" were present in the 2-CD version, but they both replaced songs that were (the latter bumping "Lucky" by Britney Spears to nobody's chagrin). Considering the subject matter of both of them, and the fact they went out of their way to censor a line from P!nk's hit, this qualifies as the strangest fact about Kidz Bop 2.

Best Song / Worst Song: There's no suspense here; they're "I'm A Believer" and "I'm Real", respectively. The fun thing about "I'm A Believer" is how completely pointless it renders this entire exercise. The Smash Mouth cover is perfectly child-friendly as it is, what with it being prominently featured in a Shrek movie. Now parents and kids are just listening to a cover of a cover, much more poorly sung and feebly played than either base version. And if the children who listened to it on Kidz Bop 2 recognize it in public, they'll look like complete freaks to their peers (or immediately ask mom and dad why they don't play the "good" version).

Next Time: Hoo boy, they covered P. Diddy! And the song is titled "I Need A Girl (Part 1)"?!? At least I have an excuse to listen to Albummer again.

Previous Entries: [Introduction] [KB01]