sparky_buzzsaw's Articles

EDIT - Rarely have I ever been so glad as to say NEVER MIND! But I'll keep this blog intact so you can get in touch with me elsewhere if you so choose. Heya folks. Not much to say that hasn't already been said about the site, but this isn't a goodbye - it's a "here's my contact info and you damn well better get in touch" post. First, the best place to find me is probably Facebook here . If that...

Hey, hey, you, you, you could be GOTY, hey, hey, you, you, I think you were pretty awesome. All right, folks, you know how this goes. I, Sparky_Buzzsaw, light of your life, keystone of your heart, irritant to your bowels, master of my domain, tell you the games you should rush out and play while also talking about some gaming misfires. Please bear in mind with my end-of-the-year things I never...

I hit 10,000 forum posts here on Giant Bomb today, a fun number to stop and say, hey, thanks again to one of the best communities on the Internet. I hope forums regain their popularity. I dislike the impermanence of things like Discord and Slack, but I understand the functionality is better on those apps than it is a website whose forum tools have been broken so long now it's become the most de...

I did it. I saw credits roll on Trails of Cold Steel IV - twice, since I saw the Normal and Not-So-Secret ending. I finished off the last of the Cold Steel games. I pulled down the series' shorts, bent it over my knee, and made it call me Daddy. I'm finally free of that fucking series - at least until I pick up whatever the canonical next game in the series is, because as much as I hated my las...

Well well well. It's been a minute, you sexy thing, you. How you doin'? You ready to get your mental guts churned by my sweet, sweet word lovin'? You'd better be, because I'm Sparky_Buzzsaw and you're about to cram a whole bunch of me into your brain cavity. While Giant Bomb's community-focused side of things is slowly atrophying, I still have a lot of love for this place and the many, many fri...

I think by now it's safe to say Marvel Snap is going to be one of my most obsessed-over games of the year. I'm not usually into deck builders or lane-based games, but for whatever reason, I'm both wildly entertained and actually pretty okay at Snappin'. I think it's mostly that you can build and play a viable deck from the get-go throughout the game's highest tiers that really appeals to me. Su...

EDIT: Ah, I can't quit you, Giant Bomb. You're like my toe fungus. I can try to leave you behind, but we both know I'm stuck with you for life.

Get on the funk pants, because it's time to groove to the sweet music my words are going to make in your brain. No. No, Gertrude, I said FUNK pants. Goddamn it, that's going to burn into my retinas forever and ever. Disgaea 6! I planned on writing a big fun series on it the same way I did Disgaea 4 (and maybe other Disgaea games? I don't remember. Look, I've been on this site a minute and I for...

Oh hey there. Are you tired? Because you've been Ghostrunnin' through my mind. Motherfuckers, it is time. Time to get yourself a Yoo-hoo and a frozen burrito. Time to unbuckle that belt and lay back on your favorite filthy anime full-body pillow. Hold your breath, make a wish, count to three, then come with me to a world of puerile imagination. I'm gonna take your mind out the same way I did yo...

Yeah. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Or just a "have a nice Friday," if you prefer. Raise a glass or a bottle or a can of whatever you got. Here's to a moment of peace and friendship. We made it through the fire. Fuck 2020, bring on 2021. Love to you all. From your pal, my pal, everybody's pal, Cam

Hello, and welcome to the Sparky Buzzsaw Blog of Yearly Bullshittery. It's pretty typical at the start of these things for everyone, myself included, to say, "Ugh, that sure was a year, huh? Well, video games." We don't like to get into the specifics of why the year sucked. We don't want that kind of confrontation. Well, motherfuckers, dig out that tin of popcorn you got for Christmas. Because...

Hey there! My name's Cameron Lowe, and I'm about to throw myself under a bus. This is me: Ugh, I know, right? Jeez, what a loser. Right! I'm four hundred pounds. Sometimes it's a lot less depending on the year I'm having, sometimes it's more, but it usually winds up being around that mark. I used to be six foot even, now I'm five eight. I have glasses thicker than just about anyone you'll ever...

It's that most magical time of the year. No, it's not your bimonthly call from your STD doctor giving you an all-clear. No, it's not the birthday you'll spend alone smashing discounted storebought cake into your mouth because it's the only thing left that gives you feeling on a day that means absolutely nothing to you anymore. No, it's not new underwear day, although hey, it could be both - tre...

It's easy to buy into a game's hype. After all, publishers pay employees quite a bit of money to make you so anxious to play a game you'll line up for hours outside a Game Crazy at your local mall, your bag of Naugles tacos in hand while you talk about whether or not Seal could beat up all the Boyz II Men. Which he totally could, b-dubs. Fuck, I'm old. The point is, someone's always trying to s...

I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret. That newest Assassin's Creed game? It's great! That take is hotter than 50 Shades of Sparky, I know, but I'm wildly happy with this game. I should be - I've been playing it off and on for a damn month pretty much exclusively, and with over seventy hours in, I'm barely past the 60% storyline mark. That's partly on me, because I like monkeying around i...

Folks, this has been a year . Let me just say this first - thank you. From the bottom of my battered and bruised heart, thank you. When I went through diastolic heart failure in June, my brother @upperdecker made a post in the forums to ask for thoughts and prayers. At the time, I was surly and downright angry from days spent in a brutally uncomfortable hospital bed waiting for any sort of pers...

Hey folks! I have a copy of Dark Souls III (and some piece of DLC I can't be bothered to go look up) I'm looking to give away to one lucky member of the Giant Bomb community. But I'm not just interested in doing a random drawing. Oh no. You're going to entertain me. Dance for my entertainment! DANCE! Actually, no, don't dance. Write. Stop with the groaning already, it's simple. Assuming you hav...

Goddamn it, @zombiepie . Those were the words I kept muttering to myself throughout the first hour or two of Doki Doki Literature Club, a visual novel developed and published by Team Salvato. There are anime girls. There's a hapless guy (you) who joins a club just to ogle said anime girls and maybe get a little thigh-fiving action with those girls by manipulating one of them into thinking he li...

I can't really talk about the effectiveness of Bear with Me's storytelling (and its problems) without delving deep into spoilers, so up front, I'd say if you have an interest in story-driven point-and-click adventure games of a more traditional nature, give Bear with Me a chance. It's charming, makes the best out of a limited scope, and the storytelling winds up outshining a lot of eyerolling c...

Ever since I went legally blind, I have to be choosy about the games I play. With modern HD televisions and gaming graphics came an unfortunate byproduct – fonts so tiny that they’re completely unreadable by me. While developers are slowly learning how to implement things like color blind modes, there’s still no great solution to the font size problem, even nearly a decade after it first starte...

Welcome to Indie Gaming Theater, where I buy a discounted, barely-reviewed indie game from Steam's stacks and take a close, honest look at it. For more details on what this feature aims to do, go here to check out my lengthy preamble. Otherwise, enjoy! The Hunt Yeeeeeeeeeehawwwwwww y'all, we got us a ten point big bull this week in The Hunt, developed by Bass Pro Shops (yes, really, and yes, I...

Welcome to Indie Gaming Theater, where I buy a discounted, barely-reviewed indie game from Steam's stacks and take a close, honest look at it. For more details on what this feature aims to do, go here to check out my lengthy preamble. Otherwise, enjoy! Cosplay Maker You're never going to find me in a costume outside of Halloween or Christmas. You're just not. Don't try to convince me otherwise....

Every year, I make it a habit to write a wildly wrong blog about what I hope to see from each E3. Well... usually. Last year, I was a little busy with the writing end of things and didn't cook up one of these. Let's just assume I got everything right and am the greatest mind in gaming predictions. What? You thought that already? Aw, thanks, random Internet person! And I just want to say, you, s...

Welcome to Indie Gaming Theater, where I buy a discounted, barely-reviewed indie game from Steam's stacks and take a close, honest look at it. For more details on what this feature aims to do, go here to check out my lengthy preamble. Otherwise, enjoy! Cucumber Blues Cucumber Blues has the dubious distinction of being the first game in this blog series I've returned due to sheer brokenness. It'...

Welcome to Indie Gaming Theater, where I buy a discounted, barely-reviewed indie game from Steam's stacks and take a close, honest look at it. For more details on what this feature aims to do, go here to check out my lengthy preamble. Otherwise, enjoy! Halloween Mysteries Look, I'm not a fan of difficult games. I find zero pleasure in memorizing the Lord of Apple Cider's three-frame weak spots...

Welcome to Indie Gaming Theater, where I take a discounted, barely-reviewed indie game from Steam's stacks and take a close, honest look at it. For more details on what this feature aims to do, go here to check out my lengthy preamble. Otherwise, enjoy! MOAI: Build Your Dream Let's get this out of the way. Build Your Dream is a royal bastard of a misleading subtitle. If I could build my dream i...

Welcome to Indie Gaming Theater, where I take a discounted, barely-reviewed indie game from Steam's stacks and take a close, honest look at it. For more details on what this feature aims to do, go here to check out my lengthy preamble. Otherwise, enjoy! Krampus It might not be Christmas, but here at Sparky's Indie Game Theater laboratories, we're always up for some holiday cheer, especially whe...

Welcome to the setup for what will be my first new blog feature on the site in quite some time. It's been too long, but now that I have a shiny new computer and a little extra disposable income, I thought this would be a great way to start to dip my stinky, calloused toes back into the filth of the community forums. I kid. I'm sure you all take baths. Except ZombiePie. He probably lathers himse...

Games! I play 'em! Occasionally. Sometimes. I need a break from editing, so I figured I'd ramble a bit about what I'm playing at the moment and what's in store for the future. My big news is that I'll soon own a modest computer, probably within the next month and a half or so. This will be my first self-purchased computer since 2008 or so. While I love the laptop my brother gave me, it's starti...

Games! I played 'em! This is probably the least number of games I've played in years, and as such, my GOTY list will be pretty cut and dry this year. The top three are pretty well locked in, but I've got a few games in my stack I'd like to look at before I finalize things probably around the first. As it stands, though, I think it's time to hand out some awards to the games I've played so far,...

From a gaming perspective, I don't have much to comment on when it comes to 2016. I'm only just now getting around to a lot of this year's best games, and I'm not quite ready yet to throw down a GOTY gauntlet or do up any sort of an awards blog. This is kind of more of a rumination on a few great experiences and a year in general when I grew further and further apart from games, and not necessa...

Every now and then, I get it in my head to do up a movie marathon. I'm not talking about your usual Evil Deads or your Indiana Joneses. It has to be bizarre, sometimes loosely related movies that no sane person would ever watch one of, let alone multiple films in order. A decade ago, it was all the Police Academy movies. All of them. Mission to Moscow? Yup. Citizens on Patrol? You bet. I watche...

That's a dreadful title, isn't it? I love it. Anyways, the long and short of it is that I've handed in my moderating badge. That's right, the people's moderator is no more. There's really no drama behind it all, so before Internet tongues start a-wagging, I want to get out in front and tell you it's just simply because I need to focus on my writing and my personal health. I'm already sitting in...

I wasn't sure I was even going to write this blog. It feels vain, a bit like I'm patting myself on the back and looking for attention. If that title and the first sentence or two makes you feel that way, go ahead and move on. I sure can't blame you - I think I would too. But the reality is that I don't want to write this for me. We've had a number of amazing bloggers and writers here on Giant B...

I haven't blogged very much about games this year for two very good reasons. The first is that I've been working on a novel since February or so, which is incredibly, tantalizingly close to being done. It's at the formatter now, and once I've put it in the hands of my test readers, it should be ready to be sold on the Internet for all the monies. That's pretty crazy, but it's an experience I wa...

Books in 2016. Crazy talk, right? Well, I read 'em, and I've got opinions on 'em. So let's talk about books. I'll warn you right up front that while I'll keep major spoilers to a minimum, I'm not shy about spoiling books if it benefits a potential conversation about them. That includes discussing characters, some light plot points, and overarching ideas to books. If you already have plans to re...

I decided a couple of days ago I wanted to have a little bit of fun this New Year's by replaying the entirety of one of my top two games of the year - Tales from the Borderlands. I finished the first episode on the thirtieth, probably a smart decision considering I'd both played it and watched @austin_walker 's pleasant playthrough during Extra Life , a stream I'd definitely recommend watching...

I've been mulling over whether or not to write an awards blog this year, and the conclusion I keep coming to is that there's nothing I could write that hasn't been said about numerous games before, particularly by great bloggers on this very website. I would, however, like to put my own little stamp on what has to be one of the bigger years in gaming. I'm not sure what this blog will be about s...

Hey there, folks, and welcome to my undoubtedly laughably wrong predictions for the New Year. I plan on examining each of the Big Three, taking a look at what the last year brought for us and what I think is in store for the future. I'll also throw down a few random game predictions. Please feel free to poke holes in any of my predictions or tell me what clues I've missed. And feel free to play...

Fair warning - I'm going to be liberal in my use of spoilers in discussing all things Game of Thrones. I haven't watched the latest season or read the latest book, but please feel free to go nuts in the comments below (preferably with spoiler tags for the rest of the readers, but whatever, they've been warned). OK, on with it, then. I love a great deal of fantasy literature. It's not all I read...

Heya folks! Here at the end of October, I've finished three fantastic games, and felt the need to blog about them. I think a lot of what I have to say about each requires that I discuss the story, so be warned - I will thoroughly discuss lots of content that won't shy away from endings or twists. You have been warned! But first, let's get a little music going, shall we? Disgaea 5 Stay! Please!...

Heya folks! Just a quick blog entry today. I think it's time to admit maybe this month wasn't the best time of the year to attempt a backlog clearing blog series. I've been doing nothing but playing Disgaea 5 and MGS this past week, aside from a few more hours in Dragon Quest V, and I just don't see that changing much. I'd like to be able to devote the time each game in the backlog deserves (or...

Heya folks, and welcome once again to another award-winning Backlogtoberganza, wherein I play a lot of the games in my back catalog and pretend like I'm not trying desperately to get back to Disgaea 5 or Metal Gear Solid 5. We've got an interesting batch of games this week to cover, running the gamut from RPG-for-babies to storybook snoozer to hardcore masochistic platforming. And then there's...

Well, shit. As happens with damn near every blog series I write, something went hilariously off the rails. Fortunately, this time, that's a good thing - an amazing thing, because my brother gifted me a digital copy of MGSV. For those not familiar, that game's kind of popular at the moment. I fully intended on buying MGS either during Black Friday or early next year. I didn't think it would appe...

Hey there! Hi! Hey, you! Heyo! Howdy! Hola! When @dankempster put forth the idea of a Backlogtober blog, I immediately jumped in and said, "Oooh! Me too! Me me me!" I'm a dick like that and I love stealing good blog ideas. Dan's structure is a thing of beauty. He has games planned out, an estimation on how long each game will take, and a short description of how each game My approach is similar...

Hey, two blogs in less than six months. This is a good trend, I suppose. Heya folks! Have you been craving more bullshit about the Witcher? Have you not been inundated by countless articles, videos, podcasts, emails, letters, and faxes about Jerry of Revlon? You have? Wait! Come back! Don't go to that other person's blog. I have... uhhhh... GIFs? Wait. No GIFs this time. I can only promise bore...

Heya folks, and welcome one and all to the freshest, hottest Sparky's Update! I've fallen off the blogging bandwagon lately. I've got no excuses, but let's do some catching up today. Hey there! E3! Wow, it hasn't even started yet and I'm pumped. Fallout 4! XCOM 2! Doom! A Gears of War remake... okay, so I'm not at all excited about that last one, but still, stuff has been announced and I'm stok...

For those of you who haven't heard it a billion times from me by now, I'm a legally blind gamer. Being legally blind doesn't mean I'm without sight - I still have some in my left eye, while my right eye is kind of a mess. I suffered a detached retina over a decade ago and it never quite healed right, despite the wonderful work done by my surgeon. On top of my already severe myopia, I wasn't abl...

Let's do away with any preamble this week because guys and gals, I am here to tell you the news. The news is Z Nation. Let me be the first to welcome you to the Z Nation Nation. Trust me, you get a little taste of this show, and you're gonna become a member for life. Let's get something absolutely clear right up front - Z Nation is terrible . There's not a single moment in this show that's well...

Heya folks, and welcome to the blog I intended to push out a week ago. I know, you were all super concerned, but never fear, dearest of readers, your "once in a blue moon" fix of Sparkiness has arrived. Tetherball will be huge in 2015, mark my words. 2014 didn't exactly inspire a lot of award touchy-feeliness in me, so let's jump straight in to my absurd demands for the new year. Is it still ne...

Heya folks! Boy oh boy, what a couple of weeks. Months, really. I just want to say how proud I am of the majority of this amazing forum we call THE Giant Bomb dot com. Moderating these discussions with the gang has been nothing short of exhausting, but thankfully, you've made this bearable. That said, though, Rorie and us moderators, we're human. I know, I know, at times we seem like RoboCops,...

Heya folks! Boy oh boy, what a couple of weeks. Months, really. I just want to say how proud I am of the majority of this amazing forum we call THE Giant Bomb dot com. Moderating these discussions with the gang has been nothing short of exhausting, but thankfully, you've made this bearable. That said, though, Rorie and us moderators, we're human. I know, I know, at times we seem like RoboCops,...

Edited - Somewhere along the way, the headings went back to a regular sized font. Apologies. Should be fixed now. Hi there! I'm Sparky. You might remember me from such Giant Bomb classic blogs like the dead-on-arrival Doctor Whoganza or the critically acclaimed (but commercially floptastic) Disgaea series. I'm here to tell you today about a new blog, a three for one special. And if you read in...

My brother and I threw down the gauntlet last night in what has been called the greatest battle since Captain Crunch and Count Chocula duked it out for America's heart. We decided on a fight to the finish, a gaming challenge so devious, so devastating that neither of us would ever recover entirely. That challenge? Buy each other the shittiest game humanly possible for under a buck. Each person...

Heya folks! This is lifted directly from a FB conversation with friends about E3. Since I'm lazy and don't want to rewrite anything ever again after this week, I've just gone ahead and copied it verbatim. No, "verbatim" isn't slang for a sexual act involving a donkey, a banana, and a monkey wrench. It means... oh, forget it. Don't let me catch a bazillionty of these posted to the forums. Not be...

Heya, folks, and welcome to my third blog on the modern incarnations of Doctor Who's, uh, Doctor. I wrote a great big fat blog about Christopher Eccleston, David Tennant, Matt Smith, John Hurt, and the fiftieth anniversary special of Doctor Who (which looks to set the tone for the show's future). Truthfully, it was too long by half, and got way too deep into the specifics of a lot of unnecessar...

I lost my seven thousand word blog on the Doctors. So here it is in a handful of sentences. Because I'm super pissed. I'm going to rewrite what I can remember sometime soon, but not today. Probably not for years. Because FUCK. Eccleston's a good actor, did a decent job as Doctor Who, but left too early to make a real impact. Deserves props for bringing the Doctor to modern audiences in a good w...

Copy and paste your blogs before you post them to Giant Bomb, says the man who just wrote a blog upwards of about seven thousand words on the Doctors. FUCK!

Today's Doctor Who blog brings us to the latest companion, Clara Oswald, played by the ridiculously attractive and talented Jenna Coleman. Since Clara's entry is short (I really ought to have tagged this on to last night's entry), I thought I'd discuss a bit of random stuff related to the show before we close the blog out tomorrow with a look at the five (yes, five) modern Doctors. Clara Right...

Today's entry in my Doctor Who bloganza covers two of the more complex companions of the modern Doctor Who universe. With David Tennant leaving the show and the showrunner torch being passed to Steven Moffat, the potential was there for some rough seas as Matt Smith took over and the show sort of re-rebooted itself. Gone were all the prior companions, the supporting cast, and much of the UNIT/T...

Welcome, one and all, to the second part of my Doctor Who bloganza. Yesterday, I talked a little bit about the Doctor's return to television and his first companion, Rose Tyler. Today's blog is going to cover his second and third modern companions, Freema Agyeman's Martha Jones and Catherine Tate's Donna Noble. It should be noted that while Martha Jones would join the cast full-time first, Donn...

This year's been a bit odd for me in terms of games. I've certainly been playing them, as evidenced by my incredibly original and charming What I've Played in '14 list, but nothing's yet grabbed me in terms of games I really want to talk about. But for my long-time readers who have been vociferously clamoring for (in my head, at least) a return of Sparky's Update, here's three months for you. B...

Heya gang. Due to the awesome low cost of my recliner and my even more awesome parents chipping in, I was able to buy this Vizio TV today. I have some basic questions for all of you, and since this is my first HDTV, these are going to be kind of dumb. First, I'm going to want to hook up my PS3, Xbox 360, Wii, PS2, and satellite box to this thing. I reckon I can hook up my PS3, 360, and satellit...

Holy mother of God. Fellow mod @mb and I have been discussing hot sauce off and on for several months now, and he very generously offered recently to mail me a bottle of sriracha and Hoy Fong garlic chili sauce. I got the package today, courtesy of Momma Sparky (it's severely icy out and I don't drive, so... yeah, grown ass man getting his mail delivered to him by his mom. Laugh all you want)....

As I prepare to drop trou and wave my king-sized derriere in the general vicinity of 2013, I'm reading up on a few blogs and GOTY lists I've missed out on from the bajillionty users I follow here on Dat Giant Bomb Dot Com. Amongst them was a blog by @mento (the freshmaker, if you were unaware) reflecting on his gaming resolutions from last year as well as a few resolutions for this coming year....

Welcome, one and all, to this year's installment of the newly redubbed Sparkiest Buzzsaw Awards, wherein I assign a bunch of games and non-game stuff (and things, can't forget the things) random and not-so-random arbitrary awards that absolutely no one cares about. Who will win the not-at-all coveted Best Use of Chinchillas? How about the even-less-desirable Sparky's Choice of Hot Sauce? Throw...

Heya folks, and welcome to a brief Thanksgiving-ish Sparky's Update, where everyone's a jive turkey and you can get your berries cranned any time. I have no idea what that even means, so let's move on, shall we? I haven't been doing very much in terms of interesting gaming tidbits lately. I've mostly been revisiting Skyrim and playing far too much Borderlands 2, which I keep thinking I've finis...

Well... shit. Sometime between writing my last blog post on introducing new players to Disgaea and now, I've tried to post two seperate blogs detailing Geo Blocks, Geo Panels, the fun of the Item World, and how you can learn different skills and traits throughout the last few Disgaea games. Obviously, neither of those worked. I'm in the bad habit of rarely copying or pasting my blogs from elsew...

Heya folks, and welcome to a special edition of Sparky's Update! I'm guts deep in the middle of a brand new Disgaea game (the so-far-spectacular Disgaea D2), but I thought atter this week's positive feeedback to the idea of a new Disgaea blog series, I'd take some time to introduce some of you to what Disgaea is and how you can dip your toes into its universe. What follows here isn't necessaril...

There likely won't be a regular Sparky's Update this week since I've been crazy busy this last week. However, with Disgaea D2 on its way probably Wednesday or Thursday, I wanted to gauge interest from my regular readers on whether or not they'd like to see a blog series on Disgaea D2 similar to what I did with Disgaea 4. I might just do it anyways, because I'm a crazy bastard and I really feel...

Well, that was shorter than I expected. I decided to take a vacation from my troubles a week or two ago, thinking I'd take a sabbatical of sorts from all the things stressing me out. It's been a tough year, but sitting around and whining about it isn't going to do me much good, so I'm back on the site full-time (well, as full time as I've ever been, anyways) and ready to crack down on you forum...

Welcome, one and all, to the latest, greatest Sparky's Update since... well... the last Sparky's Update! I'm all hopped up on a pumpkin spice cappuccino, so before the caffeine and sugar rush gives me a heart attack, let's jump in and bullshit about dem games, huh? Huh?!? I can't hear you! Sound off like you've got a pair! That's more like it. OK, for the last couple of weeks, I've been dividin...

It's been a ridiculously long time since I wrote one of these RPG Retrospectives. I had originally intended on writing one of these every week or two for various old-school RPGs to beef up Giant Bomb's lack of RPG coverage, and as I always do with my planned blog features, I failed miserably. However, I did write a few, namely for Quest for Glory , Star Ocean: First Departure , Tales of the Aby...

Welcome, one and all, to Sparky's Update, where the points don't matter and everybody wins! Or loses, probably. Well, that's just depressing. Let's soldier forward, shall we? I didn't actually play many video games this week besides Xillia, which I beat Friday or Saturday. I delved a little bit into the post-game, alternate storyline stuff, and it seems pretty rad. But I'm going to hold off on...

Welcome to the single most caffeinated issue of Sparky's Update yet! Why am I so wired, you didn't ask? Well, let me tell you, Imaginary Person - and might I add you look particularly handsome today? Ya see, this week, I've been almost slavishly devoted to one game and one game only, the fantastic Tales of Xillia. Now, I know mentioning a JRPG might be nigh taboo here on Giant Bomb (I'm sure mi...

Welcome to Sparky's Update, the happiest little whorehouse this side of Texas! Yeeeeeeehaw! Wait... I did a "yeehaw" bit a few blogs ago. And probably a few blogs before that. Eh, screw it. How about a joke about me being a pimp? No? Did that roughly a dozen times? I, uh, I got nothing, folks. Let's just pretend I said something witty, have ourselves a little giggle, and get started with this d...

Heyo, folks, and welcome to another pipin' hot edition of Sparky's Update, the only blog on the Internet guaranteed to rid you of those nasty warts, that unwanted morning breath, and that bad yeast infection you've been telling your mother about. Remember, kids, talk to your physician first! This week, I've been playing Blackwell Legacy, a fun little throwback of an adventure game that reminds...

Get your headsets plugged in, crank up your speaker volume, and prepare for the total non-stop disco-rockathon that is... Sparky's Update. Now with 50% less shrink wrap for you and the environment! This last week has flown by, unfortunately for all the wrong reasons - and a few right ones. I've got an ill family member who has been in the hospital since Friday evening. I've been up there off an...

" Sparky's Update is a travesty, a war crime upon humanity. We must destroy it. If it reaches critical mass, well, then God save us all. " -One of the Backstreet Boys. Don't ask me which one. Wow. It's been a stupidly long time since I've sat down to write one of these. With the initial site redesign problems, specifically the lack of an ability to track followed blogs, it seemed relatively poi...

I wish I had a Youtube clip of Jeremy Clarkson saying, "Good news!" Because if anything I've ever announced deserves it, it's this. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls... I am now the proud owner of a Aperture Science shower curtain. It classes the place up 3,824 percent. You may proceed to be green with jealousy.

Heya, folks! Welcome to the first Sparky's Update of the site redesign. How's the website treating you? Will you actually find this blog? When's lunch? It was a long week for me personally, so I didn't get a lot of gaming done. I did find time to beat Ni no Kuni's last boss, which was appropriately difficult without being too ridiculous. It was certainly not a boss battle on the level of Vagran...

Calling this week's blog a full-on Sparky's Update would be unfair since I haven't played anything new this week of particular note. I've been devoting most of my time to Borderlands 2, Ni no Kuni, and WWE '13, most of which you've read about from me before. Borderlands 2 continues to put out pretty great DLC, and I'm still madly in love with badass ranks. WWE '13 has been a continued mixed bag...

" I liken Sparky's Update to Ben and Jerry's ice cream. It's chunky, completely unhealthy for you, and everyone craves it ." -Ben Hur Damn it, now I want ice cream. Uh, welcome back to Sparky's Update. It's a few days late, but hey, it's not like I'm getting paid to write this big ol' bastard, right? I'm going to try to keep this update to the weekends, but I can't always promise that. I'm sure...

" I don't rightly recall the first time I read Sparky's Update, or about the month or so surrounding it. Because that blog blew my mind, compadre ." -Adam West, The Huffington Post, 1835-ish Are you ready to have the insides of your mind licked? Your mental taste buds are about to taste the rainbow, because I'm finallygetting around to writing another Sparky's Update. This week, we're gonna sho...

" Sparky's Update? Did you say Sparky's Update? Cheese and crackers, that blog is like a big, endless bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch! It's amazing! " - The 'Noid in an interview with Men's Fitness, circa 1995. I'm sitting here wrapped up in a blanket and sipping from a mug of tea hot enough to burn my throat. Ugh. Colds suck. I also haven't done a bit of "real" gaming all week, save for some bri...

"When I think back to 2012, what I remember most is Sparky's Update. That, and stacks of Benjamins. No, really, stacks of guys named Benjamin. I did a lot of acid back then." -Darth Vader "Sparky's Update? That blog still owes me ten bucks!" -An unreliable, lying hobo "Cheddar. It's definitely my favorite. Wait. No. Maybe mozzarella? Hell, I don't know. Ask me again on Tuesday. What? Sparky's U...

It's been a hell of a bad week, folks, and so I'm not going to open this with some goofy preamble. Between a personal loss and the horrors that Friday brought us, I'm instead going to make a plea to you. This year, for Christmas, use a little bit of your money to brighten a child's day. If your town is anything like mine, there are all sorts of opportunities to make a needy local child's Christ...

"I've read a lot of blogs. Sparky's Update is lyrical honey. Oh, hey, toss me a roll of toilet paper, would you?" -Ernest Hemingway, circa 3012. I really devoted myself to playing only one game this week. Judging from the title of this blog, you've probably guessed I played Legend of the Mystical Ninja. Well, you're wrong, you foolish, foolish person, you. Sleeping Dogs is yet another good open...

"It's not the size of your blog, it's how you use it!" -The Hamburglar After finally escaping the clutches of my post-Thanksgiving food coma, I'm back and ready to write. This week's blog is gonna be just a short, sweet whispered little nothing in your ear. I've mostly been finishing up XCOM and Walking Dead, but I'll also briefly touch upon Rock Band Blitz and the adventure game Jack Keane. Le...

"Folks, I shit you not. Sparky's Update is like crack-laced Kool-Aid. I can't get enough of it!" -Thomas Jefferson, circa 1695. If you want a quick synopsis of this week's updatery, here it is - play Forza Horizon and XCOM. Also? You absolutely must read John Dies At The End. That's a moral imperative, almost a law passed down from me unto you, my loyal subjects guinea pigs lab monkeys readers....

Grab a can of compressed air, quick-like. You feel that heat coming from your computer? That's not from you watching eighty-seven porno videos while designing some 3D image of Pauly Shore putting boots to asses in your dream sequel to In the Army (tentatively called In the Army: Even Armier). Nope. That's the power of this blog, honey dumplin', and it's about to make your shit 'splode! OK, prob...

Why, hellllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! This is your captain speaking! Please, ignore your seatbelts, grab a drink from the waiter and/or waitress nearest you, and feel free to use the sick bags as needed. This... is Sparky's Update, and odds are, it's gonna get you higher than that oxygen mask! This week, ladies and gents, I slayed beasties. Lots of them. Specifically, I killed a ton of orcs...

This is where Sparky's Update lives! Get you some! Welcome back, one and all, to my inane weekly blog about what I'm playing, watching, and reading. This week's biggest news for me is that I'm now a PS+ subscriber thanks to a very generous friend. I've taken advantage of their free monthly games as well as bought a couple of cheapo PS+ deals, so we'll be covering those briefly. I've also finall...

Did your girlfriend just give an involuntary gasp of pleasure? Did your wife suddenly look at the door with a sense of longing and distance? Did the electrical outlets in your house just surge and crackle? There's a reason, honey chile. Sparky's Update is back, ready and willing, and now with 80% more beard! It's been a long, long while since I've written a real blog here on GB, so let me expla...

Gentlemen. Ladies. Things of an indiscriminate sexual nature. Today's blog isn't going to tease the pleasure centers of your brain. it's not gonna make you coo or see God or anything like I usually boast, because this is going to be brief. Really brief. Borderlands 2 is fucking awesome. If you don't like it or don't want to play it for genuinely good reasons, that's fine. If you're one of the s...

Quest for Glory - RPG Retrospective The Basics Oh man. When I was about six or seven years old, my parents bought a used Tandy 1000 along with a handful of games on these crazy things called disks. Old timey, right? I was fascinated by them. F-19 Stealth Fighter. Leisure Suit Larry 2. Sid Meier's Pirates! All of these would help gaming become a part of my life in a huge way, but none of them he...

Star Ocean: First Departure - RPG Retrospective The Basics Star Ocean: First Departure intrigued me. It was the first time a version of the original Star Ocean had been made available in the West. More importantly? I had to get my hands on it to see if there were any characters even remotely as irritating as Lymle from its far-flung descendant Star Ocean: The Last Hope. Well, I say descendant,...

Hey folks! Welcome back to the second and final part of my look at Grandia. Thanks for all the comments last week - that was certainly an unexpected and pleasant surprise. When I left off last week, I said that Grandia was hit-and-miss. I've since finished the game in a couple of marathon sessions. According to the save file, I played for approximately 52 hours, though that's admittedly not a v...

Grandia - RPG Retrospective The Basics When it was announced that Grandia was on PSN's PS classics, I was pretty stoked. I had never played the game, but I remembered it getting fairly great reviews from gaming magazines. I bought it and put it on the back burner for quite some time, and I'm sort of glad I did, as it's the perfect sort of game for this series of blogs. Though there have been mu...

This one's been a long time coming, but here are my final thoughts on Tales of the Abyss 3DS. For those who might be new to the blog and this series, my RPG Retrospective is a look at RPG's of prior generations (or, as in this case, ported over to newer consoles/handhelds) to see how well they hold up today. When we left off, things weren't looking great for Tales of the Abyss. Despite some pre...

Hey gang, just letting you know that my laptop has been out of commission and in for repairs over the last few weeks. I will be online over the next few days, but will be lurking only. I expect to be fully back and blogging/commenting/creating general mayhem in a few weeks. Until then, keep it classy.

Tales of the Abyss - RPG Retrospective The Basics I don't have much of a history with the Tales series. I originally played Tales of Symphonia during a brief period of time when I owned a Gamecube, but didn't play it to completion. I have thoroughly played and enjoyed Tales of Vesperia on the 360, but I wouldn't exactly say I was an expert at it. They were both enjoyable action-RPG's, with some...

After a week's hiatus, it's the return of the only gaming update ribbed for her pleasure. Yeah, you know it and you love it. It's Sparky's Update. I'm super exhausted and frazzled this week. I'm running on about two hours of sleep and several cups of tea, so this update is going to be relatively short and probably incoherent. Er... more incoherent than normal, I suppose. The Retrospective is on...

After last week's relatively quiet Update, I've come to some preliminary ideas and conclusions about the RPG Retrospective moving forward. From now on out, each game will be covered in two different parts. I won't be covering the story elements beyond what I feel is necessary for a basic introduction of each game. That said, I'd still like to complete each game, and will throw in some posthumou...

"Is this heaven?" "No. It's Sparky's Update." - Field of Dreams Not gonna lie, folks. I'm pretty stoked about this week's update. The mirth! The merriment! The lamentations of the women! Good times, broskies and sisterlies. Good times. This week, I'm gonna talk a smidgen more about Vagrant Story. Quick housekeeping note - last week, I said I was at about thirty percent, I was reading the number...

Hey folks! Welcome to the latest Sparky's Update, wherein I try to stuff your mind full of nonsense and hullabaloo. And possibly sweet, delicious Starburst jelly beans. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh baby, that's the shit. This week's going to see the implementation of a new feature here on Sparky's Update, called the RPG Retrospective. I'm essentially going to be taking a good, long look at various RPGs of a...

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, bitches. It's Sparky's Update! Today, I'll be shootin' the shit about only a couple of games. Gaming on the 360 was a bit light as I waited on a new controller (which is cool, by the way - I bought a corded one which won't require anything to also play on the PC). And since I'm feeling a bit over-Tomb Raided, I decided to hop back into some games that really hit the sp...

"You don't have to front on me, dear, so why don't you just give that bloggie here?" -The N.W.A. when asked about the latest Sparky's Update Why, hello! I didn't see you standing there. Grab yourself some pickled pig's feet, a cold 40 ouncer, and some chaw, son. We're about to talk a little bit business. Yeah, that's right - it's the weekly Sparky's Update, brought to you this week by Golden Gr...

OK, I said no Sparky's Update earlier today, but I find myself with half an hour to kill while I boil the everloving shit out of these delicious looking brats. Living in the country does have its advantages, one of which is deer and elk meat made into jerky and brats. So freakin' good. Anyways, today's update will be ever so brief. Think of it as a loving caress from your pimp for bringing in a...

By gum and by golly, it's that time of the week again when I rock your eyeballs with some talk of gaming nonsense. No clever opening today, I'm afraid. I'm running a mile a minute around here, and I'm too exhausted to even try to be clever. Or whatever passes for "clever" in my Updates. Anywho, this week, we're going to talk about my 2nd proudest achievement to date, Gears of War 3, and cat pis...

Howdy doody, el cowpoke-erinos (if you're not into the whole brevity thing). Gird your loins, says I, because... well... I'm about to do the writing equivalent of whatever would cause you to gird said loins. That's right, sugar dumpling, it's the weekly Sparky's Update. This week isn't going to center around one or two games per usual. I've really been playing more bits and bobs of games I've p...

It's the blog your mothers warn your of-age sisters about. That's right, babycakes, it's Sparky's Update. This week, I'm going to give Divinity II all the time I think it deserves in my final thoughts on the game, as well as talk your ear (eyes?) off about Crisis Core. While my experience with Tomb Raider Legend has been brief, I'll try to sum up some early thoughts. I'll also be covering my br...

Sparky here, with your usual weekly update of all things inane. I'm going to be filling you in on my thoughts on Jagged Alliance: Back in Action, and since I still haven't gotten around to doing any significant reading of any sort, I've decided to use that section as a random catch-all. I'll also be talking a little bit more about my progress in Divinity II. Grab some Tylenol for that Valentine...

Hey, folks! This week's gaming content is probably going to be a little light, but I'll be talking a little bit about Divinity II: The Dragon Knight Saga as well as my reasons for deciding to re-subscribe to Whiskey Media. Better call up Kenny Loggins, because you're in the danger zone. Thanks, Archer. A Half Full Cup I didn't come into Divinity expecting much. I'd played Divine Divinity six or...

Hey gang! I'm afraid this will probably be a bit of a dull update this week, as I've really been dedicating a lot of time to Forza 4. I did manage to get very close to the ending of War in the North, so I feel like I should talk some more about that game. I didn't go over its strengths very well, so I thought I'd dedicate a little more time to that and to what in particular I'd like to see out...

Hey gang! It's probably going to be a quick update this week. I've only been playing two games over the last week: War in the North and Crisis Core. I've barely scratched the surface of Crisis Core, so I will say little of it for right now save that I'm enjoying its mechanics and not at all enjoying its bland story. That might change, as I do dearly love the trappings of Final Fantasy VII and t...

Last week, I discussed how I'd like to see Saints Row evolve, and what needs to be addressed. This week, I'm going to examine Assassin's Creed II as compared to Brotherhood and Revelations. I'll also be discussing my thoughts on Jonathan Mayberry's novel Dead Man's Song. Slowing Down When You're Ahead I started playing the Assassin's Creed series with the release of Brotherhood, and was pretty...

Hey gang, welcome to the first normal Sparky's Update in quite some time. It's been a few months, so just as a reminder so you know to click away from this page, this is just another one of those blogs where a random faceless dude blogs about his thoughts on games he's played, thoughts on the industry that everyone and their mother shares, and the occasional thought on books and movies. If you...

To be honest, saying that this is the end of Disgaea 4 would be misleading. There is an absolute ton of post-game content, including some goofy side missions, the Cave of Ordeals, pirate hunting (and reverse pirating!), and so much more that it's bananas to even think about finishing all of it. But this, readers, marks the end of the main story of Disgaea, and for a time, it'll mark the end of...

I've got my PS3 on and am downloading a patch for Disgaea 4 as we speak. Hopefully when that's done, I will be able to dive in and finish up this blog series tonight with Episode 10 sending us home. In the meantime, kick back, drink a Pepsi Max (so damn good with rum), and dive in. Oh, and happy New Year's to everyone. Whether your year was good, bad, or somewhere in between, here's hoping 2012...

I didn't include non-game related stuff in my Awards Extravaganza, so I thought I'd include my other favorite hobby here. I didn't read a great many releases from 2011, but I did go through a great many quality books this year and I feel they should be mentioned. Just like with my games, there is a clear-cut winner for my Book of the Year, but by no means should that be taken that the others we...

Since I needed to kill some time and had writer's block, I decided to get another one of these out to you all. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish up the last two episodes remaining sometime soon. Like... errr... before 2013? Hopefully? Bear with me on this one. A lot of plot points are addressed rapidly in the game, so I'm going to try to make it as readable as possible. Judge Nemo, Ahoy! This e...

Just in time for Christmas, here's another episode from Disgaea 4, brought to you from the guy who looks like he ate Santa Claus. Hope you all have a very merry Christmas and a great New Year. The Tyrant of Sardines vs. El Presidente This can be a rough series of battles if you haven't leveled up a diverse team. I found that out the hard way during my first playthrough, as I had concentrated on...

Here at Sparky Industries, we've decided that merely producing a GOTY list would be just too normal. After reviewing all the games on my Games I've Played in 2011 List, I've decided to give each of them an award, possibly with runner-ups, possibly not. This list will be chock full of games from other years as well, as it's not just limited to 2011 games, but all the games I've played this year....

Today's update will be brief, as Episode 6 really has very little plot but some very creative ideas. A-Virus Walks Into a Bar One Day... Episode 6 starts off with Vulcanus revived and in good health. Emizel, Fuka, and Desco explain that they never really wished any harm on Vulcanus, that it was all Fenrich's doing (which it was). When discussion turns to Axel and his mysterious return to health...

Sorry it's taken me so long to get a new one of these posted, but between Dead Island and Forza 4, I've been a zombie-killin', Nova SS drivin' fool. Anyways, let's jump in. Today we're talking about the fifth episode of Disgaea 4, as well as the wonders and joys of level 5-2. Wherein Women and Children Are Shit Upon By a Grumpy Werewolf Let's get something clear right off the bat. I don't like...

This week, Val and his friends take on... the newspaper? Only in Disgaea, folks. A Boy and His Death's Head Mantle Episode 4 is pretty much all Emizel, all the time. This is probably the weakest part of the story to this point, which really says something, considering that the story in Disgaea games (and NIS games in general) are godawful. However, as your humble Disgaea guide, I am here to com...

Heya gang! I know I'm a week off on this thing, so expect another update sometime over the weekend. Let's dig in. Week 3 - Foreshadowing, Ahoy! This episode is all about long-term payoffs. Right off the bat, Val and his motley crew square off with a bunch of snarling monster ruffians, straight out of Hades' prison. Axel cheers them on, promising a grand reward if the prisoners can defeat Val. T...

I'm already missing deadlines on this thing, and it's only two weeks into my thoughts on Disgaea 4. My English degree is frowning down upon me with shame. I've been out with a cold, but you can't keep a good man down. Well, okay, you can't keep a halfway decent guy down. All right, all right, you can't keep a selfish narcissist with self-destructive qualities down. You happy? Good. Before we ju...

I'm hoping to update this and eventually turn it into a FAQ here on Giant Bomb, so if anyone has any tips or advice, please feel free to chime in. General Combat Tips Concentrate on weapon specialties at first If you go into your status screen and press the right analog stick to the right, you'll get all sorts of useful and useless information about each character. One thing you'll want to pay...

I'm cashin' checks and breakin' necks in a nearly all-Disgaea 4 week of gaming here, folks. In honor of the football season starting up, I implore you to ignore the TV completely, grab those pork rinds and beer, and settle in for a long fall's read on what might be the most tragically ignored game of the week here on Giant Bomb. The format of my adventures in Disgaea 4 is blatantly stolen from...

This week's Sparky Buzzsaw gaming blog is going to revolve around primarily two games - Hector Episode 2 and the immensely enjoyable Donkey Kong Country Returns, but I'll also wax a little poetic about the simple joys of Monster Hunter 3. Grab your beer caps and your Slim Jims! DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL ...and I'll tell you why. I've been thinking a lot about video games lat...

Worst. Title. Ever. Brief update today, because I haven't been playing a ton of games outside of the abysmal Record of Agarest War, which I've given up on for now. Here's a brief look at some game and book related stuff. -Joe Abercrombie's novels turn out to be absolutely fantastic. Stick with 'em, as The Blade Itself doesn't get off to a great start. The Last Argument of Kings is one of the be...

Hi diddly ho, el Giant Bomberinos! It's your favorite neighbor, Neddiddl.... errrrr.... Sparky! It's a lovely day - for beatin' down some fools digitally! This week, I played a whole bunch of games, which I'll briefly be covering here, along with my thoughts on LOTRO's free-to-play system. Grab your butts! ALPHA PROTOCOL Sigh...OK. Alpha Protocol is a mess. There are two great ideas - the conve...

Truth be told, I haven't been playing many games over the last couple of weeks, due to a problem with my glasses. That problem was resolved yesterday, so hopefully I should have more progress in individual games for next week. On with the update. THE MOST APOLOGETIC BAD GUYS YOU'LL EVER MEET A numbered rating system of any sort just sort of falls flat when it comes time to write a review about...

Oh, you startled me. I didn't see you standing there! Well, I'm Professor Sparky_Buzzsaw, and today, we've got three games to discuss, albeit probably a bit more briefly this week. Take a load off, and sit back for a spell. Shit's about to go down! CLASSIC VANILLA FLAVOR There's not a whole lot that will make Trails in the Sky for the PSP stand out to long-term RPG gamers. It only really does o...

Pssst.... you. Yeah, you. Come over here a sec. You wanna read a blog, man? It's real good, too. Oh, just ignore that "Written in Japan" label. That's nothin', baby! This is 100% authentic genuine Sparky_Buzzsaw gold! You read this blog, I guarantee you, you won't be sorry. Only $20, man. Well, okay, it's free today only, because I like you. And, well, because I can't technically charge you. Ju...

Welcome one and all (probably emphasis on that "one," eh, you lone reader, you?) to the revamped, revitalized, reinvigorated, and reincarnated Sparky's Update. Yep, I'm bringing back an age-old boring format where I blather on about games I've played and my thoughts on the industry as a whole. You read a thousand of these a week, but guess what? I don't care! I like writing, I like the sound of...

Thanks to Dalai for the inspiration on this one. Only one of my predictions really came true. I suck. Halo 4 was announced! Booyah, son. Booyah. As for the rest, I should have remembered Star Fox was in the works for 3DS. Don't know if Paper Mario had been announced prior to this E3, so I'm chalking that one up as a half-win for myself if it hadn't. If it had... for shame, Sparkster, for shame....

Borderlands 2 - Perhaps more than any other franchise, I want to see a new Borderlands be announced. F-Zero Wii2: It's high time for this and a new... Star Fox Wii2: Give me an old-school Star Fox blaster with no adventure nonsense. Or at the very least, combine the two in a better fashion. Halo 4: I think we can still have the Halo universe center around the fight between the Covenant and huma...

Just a quick update tonight, folks. Expect more later this week, but for now, consider this my "welcome back, Giant Bomb" blog of sorts. MYSTERY SCIENCE THEAT.............. UHHHHH, PSP 3000 Oh, damn, now I have an idea for my first Screened blog - my favorites of MST3K. Jesus, that's a daunting proposition. So I ended up buying the PSP 3000 along with a few games. Among those are ZHP, Final Fan...

Short and sweet update from your ol' pal Sparky this week. I've only really been playing one game of particular note (hint, hint - it's Torchlight), so I'll discuss some of the major changes from the PC version. Other than that, it's pretty much a books n' movies sort of week. Grab a slice, crack a beer, and plug yourselves in for what I'm tentatively calling Captain Sexypants's Ballin' Update...

Well, howdy there, lil' cowpokes, and welcome to the return of a semi-regular update thingamajig I used to do here on Giant Bomb. Now, I know most of you pardners have some going-ons of your own, so let's giddy-up and get on with some quick thoughts, shall we? Today, I'm gonna be shootin' rounds at Dragon Age 2, Back to the Future (the Telltale game), Brandon Sanderson's latest in the Wheel of...

I don't know if this is actually going to be a return of my blog or if it's just a one-time thing. Over the last year, I've come to view my blogs as pretty pointless meanderings. At best, they're a way for me to get some creative writing done, but at worst, they are nonsense that no one and their mother could care about. It's not a self-pitying thing. It's just the slow realization that some of...

It's been a long time since I've enjoyed a JRPG on consoles. While I love the great games to be found on the DS and the PSP, my real wish for the genre is to see it return to form on the console. With the exception of the lone game like Disgaea 3 here and there, the traditional turn-based RPG is a rarity in today's market. There's something ironic in the fact that as the Japanese push more and...

I missed one crucial game in my top games of 2010 list - yes, those of you who told me I was posting the list a mite early were right. I did wind up playing one more game - Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood for those of you click-happy jackanapes who didn't read the title of the blog - that deserves to be on that list as an honorable mention along with the other games I noted. AC: Brotherhood (and...

...which, by the way, is a superb film. Go watch it if you haven't seen it. Gang, I can't quanitfy this year's games. I have written and edited this blog three or four times now, and each time, the list swelled, numbers changed, and I could never quite make up my mind as to a numbered order of things. I know what my absolute favorite game of the year was (Fallout: New Vegas), but the year was f...

Shit, it's been a while since I wrote an honest blog. Thanks to a change in my personal situation, I was able to procure a few games during Amazon's Black Friday/Cyber Monday sales. And while I haven't had a chance to get really in-depth with all of them, I've played enough of a few to give you some brief thoughts. I know, you're slathering at the bit to read my thoughts on cheap ass games that...

Like with all popular games, movies, TV shows, and all things nerd-tacular, Fallout: New Vegas has become the latest game for Giant Bombers and the Internet in general to rip on, even if they haven't played it or haven't given it a fair shake. The Giant Bomb crew ripped on it a bit in the Bombcast, the review pointed out in great detail the many technical flaws of the game, and the Giant Bomb f...

The following story was my submission for a Fallout New Vegas writing competition. It took first place, and my brother's took second. I have no idea how many actual entries there were, but when I find out what kind of Fallout shwag I've won, I'll post it in the comments section below. In any case, this was the first piece of fan-fiction I've ever written, and it's more flash-fiction than an act...

Rumor mills are churning at full force over on CAG this last week over the specifics of the seemingly inevitable B2G1 free sale from Toys R Us and other places. This was a fantastic sale last year, and it should be again this year. So hit me up. What would you pick up? Any oddball titles you missed out the first time? Or are there some big name releases that you've been holding back on and woul...

Readers, let me tell you something slightly personal. For over two years, I had some of the worst luck a guy can have without losing his immediate family. I can't go into details here, but this week, I found out the first bit of wonderful news in a long, long time. I have something to hope for again, something real this time, and it's lifted my spirits like you wouldn't believe. I've been kept...

...I was flipping through the Netflix streaming movies on my 360 tonight, looking for something sort of dumb and entertaining. I found a movie called Supernova. It looked eerily familiar, and for some reason, it stuck out like a sore thumb. I read the synopsis and thought, "Oh, OK, I probably have deja vu confused with Event Horizon." No big deal. So I started it up. Flash back ten years or so...

Hey folks, I know this is a bit of a stupid question, especially for a guy who's been PC gaming for over 20 years, but I was wondering if anyone could walk me through the basics of taking PC screenshots and saving them to my computer for possible uploading to Giant Bomb? I've got a huge back catalogue of PC games, and I feel like I could contribute quite a bit, but I just don't get the basics....

...briefs and shorts about games and movies, that is. Ohhhh, I've got jokes. -I played through a bit of Heroes of Might and Magic V this last week. Still not a good game, despite my love for the series. There's a sudden jump in difficulty towards the end of the Queen's missions that still has me shaking my head, as everything up until that mission feels right. But the storyline is as bland as a...

The title should say it all. Or most of it. OK, I'll settle for some of it. This is going to be a semi-regular (insofar as "regular" meaning whenever I damn well feel like writing) thingamajig. Feel free to join in, create your own, do whatever. I'm going to limit myself to listing ten songs of the moment, so here you go, in no particular order: 1) Rockafeller Skank - Fatboy Slim This song make...

Tonight, I felt a little like Tom Green's character in Freddy Got Fingered. No, I didn't do the Backwards Man or shtup Drew Barrymore, but I did find some treasure. Quite a bit, actually. As I've mentioned on here once or twice, one of the ways I keep myself entertained while living at the folks' house until I find a job is to dig through our old boxes and storage in a vain effort to introduce...

Put on your beer caps, crank the switch to eleven, and prepare to have your very soul rocked, ladies and gentlemen, because Sparky_Buzzsaw (hey, that's me!) is bringing you the greatest and best write-up of Red Dead Redemption in the world. Tribute. A long time ago, me and my brothers Rockstar here, we was playing and developing a long and lonesome game, when all of a sudden, there shined a shi...

Here, in no particular order, are the cars I want to see featured in Forza 3's future DLC. Developers, get on this shit pronto, or I'll level Toronto... with mind bullets! That's telekinesis, Giant Bomb! 1. Yugo Also known as the Zastava Koral by the wine-sniffing fancy-pants bunch, the Yugo is a timeless classic. I'm ready for it to make a comeback in a big way. My guess as to why it's not alr...

Let's do this, fools! --You know why I like the Starcraft 2 coverage last week, even if I never pick up that game? It was fantastic to see some genuine enthusiasm and good spirits about a game around these parts again. In a time when all I see (and feel) is cynicism, Brad's happiness over a game gone terrifically right is a breath of fresh air. We should all be so lucky to have a game in the ne...

People, if you're on this site and reading this, no Vegas bookie would take the odds that you don't do your homework on games, be that a review, preview, demo, or a variant on Giant Bomb's own Quick Looks. You're also probably smart enough to tell people, "Hey, you really should check that game out before you buy it, you know?" Friends, I made a horrible mistake today by not emphasizing that po...

-The Book of Eli was a fantastic movie. I just watched it today, finally, and I'm incredibly pleased by it. The cinematography was excellent, and it had a surprising amount of inspiration to its story, especially in its final moments. The only part I didn't like was the George and Martha sequence, which felt a bit too zany and not creepy enough. It really could have been inserted much earlier i...

My brother and I agreed upon a bet last night. I have until the end of July to beat his Gamerscore (about 2,000 more points than mine). It should be easy for me to make up the initial 2,000 points, but here's the kicker. He lives in a town with game rental stores, whereas I live in the buttcrack of nowhere. But I've got several advantages of my own, in that I have a few "rainy day" games I've h...

Banjo & Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts is a bit of a strange game to play. In a lot of ways, it's easily one of the most brilliantly designed games I've ever played. If game development theory is a topic in any college classes, this should be a prime example of how wonderful the idea of "do it yourself" gaming can be. However, it doesn't come without a great many flaws, most of which appear to have be...

I really like Nuts and Bolts, but several little issues keep it from being a perfect game. One of those issues is combat, especially of the vehicular manslaughter kind. Aiming is damn near impossible, especially when moving. That's why I normally hate combat missions with a passion. But last night, I was a man on a quest for Jiggies, and I was not to be denied by anything in my way. Yes, I was...

Yahoo News has an interesting article on the downfall of Dell. In a way, their faulty craptacular parts affected me last year, when my video card decided to blow its own brains out. It has me thinking, though - what companies, if any, offer similar custom PC's you can adjust and buy as a whole? Or is this a dying trend? If so, I'm not enthused. I hate trying to put together parts in PC's due to...

After playing LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga (which, if you're still out there, GamerGeek360, has some awesomely easy achievements), I've decided to chime in on my top franchises that deserve a LEGO video game. Yes, I know, property rights will make practically all of these impossible - this blog is merely for fun and speculation. EDIT - Thanks to bigandtasty for pointing out that the develo...

I'm back from vacation, so here are my belated E3 awards, fresh out of the oven and ready for your consumption. Play on, players! Most Disappointing Use of a Franchise Name XCOM It's not so much that XCOM looks like a terrible game (it does). It's not even so much that it's ripping its style directly from Bioshock (it is). It's the fact that they've turned a goddamned turn-based strategy game i...

While I usually hold off on blogging about E3, I've decided to go ahead and post some quick thoughts on all three major conferences. Next week, once I've come back from a short vacation to South Dakota, I'll have had time to read through most of the game announcements and details to give out some Sparky-flavored awards. They'll taste of victory and tears. Oh, and please bear in mind that I try...

You may remember me. I'm the guy that kept promising orgasmically entertaining weekly blogs with the ever-clever title of Sparky's Updates. Well, I think we can all agree my idea of a semi-formal weekly blog is deader than Jim Morrison. And folks, lemme tell you, that duder is one rotting corpse. So long, Sparky's Update, and thanks for all the fish. Now then... I'll be hitting you all up with...

Come on. You know you like it quick and dirty. On to the list. --New console based Suikodens and Wild ARMs: Two of my favorite RPG's from the PS1 and PS2 era have practically disappeared. I wouldn't mind seeing new handheld versions of each, but please, if another Suikoden is brought to the handhelds, give us some interesting characters and castle-based mini-games and activities. I really misse...

OK, if you get that title reference, I want you to go out and get yourself a cookie. But not just any cookie - the biggest damned cookie in the universe. Oh, yeah, that's right, hotpants McGee, I'm back and I've got a lot to talk about. Sorry for the absence (like you really care, right?). I had all sorts of personal issues to work out over the last two weeks, including a fun bout with the noro...

Snarky here with your weekly dosage of coma-inducing funtasms, bringing it to you raw and dirty! This week I tell like it is, fool, with my look at the latest game to storm the nation - Let's Ballet, as well as my 11 Favorites of Everything Super-Omega Grand Poobah List. I'll Ballet You Into the Grave, Mofo! I'll be the first to admit, I hate ballet except when it's performed by hookers and por...

Who's that video game blogger that makes sweet, sweet love to the English language like it was a thousand dollar hooker? Who makes every word his undulating biznatch, with flair and swagger like the original gangster that he is? Oh, that's right, it's me, Sparky, here with another update for you to feast your eyes on. This week, I'm covering my thoughts on the traditional JRPG in today's market...

Trumpeteers, sound your horns. Bartender, get out the cognac and serve 'em up. Sparky's Update is back, baby, and I'm ready to teabag the minds of all my readers once again. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, bloggin' time is here. Just Dropped in to See What Condition My Condition Was In Here's the skinny. Last we spoke, I was lamenting the fact that my 360 was broken and I couldn't repair...

After mulling it over for a couple of months (well, sporadically), I've decided that the basic format of Sparky's Update will basically remain unchanged, but with some small changes. I'm probably going to concentrate less on describing in detail what I'm playing and instead go with a few topics of conversation related to what I'm playing and possible relevance today. So, for example, if I'm pla...

OK, strange, the unordered and ordered lists aren't working all of a sudden, so this is going to look kind of ugly. -- Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3 is unusually difficult for me. I've been able to worm my way through all the C&C and Red Alert games without too much trouble, so it genuinely surprises and annoys me to find that I'm having such a difficult time with this one. Part of it is the...

Hey gang! Been really kind of busy here. I had to move back into my parents' house due to my job situation, and so have been sporadic in keeping up with things. My move is now over, so you should see some sort of return of the Sparky's Update - but it won't be under that name, and it'll be in a different format. I really haven't decided what form it will take yet, so if you have anything you pa...

Fans of Arcanum and Gabriel Knight will be pleased to know that GOG now has those games available. This is an amazing time to be a gamer, and a terrible time to be flat broke.

Come on, feel the noise. Gamers, rock your toys. Cause I want more, more, more... of my blog writing! Yessir, bad puns in tow, it's me, Sparky, bringing you the Macho Bloggo Combo Burrito special, baby, and I'm servin' it up all day, every day. Well, okay, how about once a week or so, just like usual? This week, I talk about the awesome Dragon Age Origins, and discuss my one caveat with the gam...

No updatery this week, folks. Just want to wish you all a very merry Christmas! Please feel free to post what your plans are, if you get anything fun, or if you're doing any gaming over the holidays. Have a blast, be kind to one another, and God bless!

It's time to crank up the tuneage to 11, throw on One Night in Bangkok, and ready your mind to be stunned once again by the sheer magnificence of the words I lay down. After last week's soul-draining 50 game rundown, I've got one correction and addition to make to that list, as well as some quick updates on what exactly I've actually been playing and watching. Crap, another one? I left off a ga...

Keep in mind that this list is games I've played. It is not my comprehensive list of what everyone and the world should view as the top games of the last decade - this is only my personal favorites. 50. Titan Quest (PC) - Titan Quest took the Diablo 2 formula, upgraded it with better graphics, and then promptly dropped off the radar. Sadly, support for this game only lasted through one expansio...

Here's hoping you all are still feeling as stuffed and full as I am after a wonderful Thanksgiving. The dreaded Black Friday has come and gone, and with it, many a great deal was to be found - and lost, for that matter. This week, I'm suiting up in my tights and spandex once again for Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, Black Friday deals, and my thoughts on the superb Where the Wild Things Are. The fi...

Grab yourself a turkey leg, some yams, a slice of pie, and a bottle of 'shine. It's time again for Sparky's Update, brought to you this week by Weird Al Yankovic! Remember, folks, this holiday season, just eat it! This week, I'm examining three superb games - Civilization Revolution, Forza 3, and Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia. I'll also give my thoughts on the movies The Goods: Live Hard, Sell...

I haven't played many games released this year that I'd call terrible or even bad. But as far as games I've picked up, Dynasty Warriors 5 Empires is just awful. It's incomprehensible without extensive online guides, buggy, plays terribly, and looks awful. I'd rather have paid someone the ten bucks and had them punch me in the face repeatedly while humming The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Roun...

Spread the holiday cheer! Get out the rolls, the stuffing, the turkey, and the gravy, baby, because Sparky's in yo' house. This week, Gaming Update is one sad little puppy, because I've been playing Modern Warfare 2 and, well, I suck. I also talk about Smackdown vs. Raw 2010, my new 120 gig hard drive (so many dirty jokes involving the term "hard drive" that I don't even bother anymore), and I'...

When there's panic in the streets, who're you gonna rely on, babycakes? That's right - the Sleazy One, the Godzilla Killa, your eternal hero Sparky! This week brings us some thoughts on Tony Hawk Proving Grounds and the state of the Tony Hawk franchise in general. I also will bring you thoughts on The Gathering Storm, a more in-depth look at Diana Francis's Bitter Night, and my thoughts on the...

Put on your blue suede shoes and board the plane, boys and girls, because your sideburned, peanut-butter-and-banana-sandwich eating hero Sparky has returned with yet another Gaming Update. No, I'm not the ghost of Elvis. I just rock, and I rock hard! Dancin' Robots, Rednecks Galore, and a Fistful of Boomstick It's fair to say that Borderlands is my new flavor of the moment. I just finished up m...

Hey folks- I'm going to be traveling to St. Louis tomorrow. Although my business there is a funeral, unfortunately, I'll be spending a few extra days there to visit friends and take in the city. If any of you are St. Louis-ites and know of some excellent areas to visit, I'd greatly appreciate the tips. I'm looking for just about anything - tourist spots, great restaurants unique to the area, sh...

Sorry, guys. Gaming Update is going to be brief today. I lost one of my best friends on Sunday, and I'm just not all that enthused about games right now. BORDERLANDS Awesome game, slick multiplayer, and a hell of a start for what I hope will be a series of games. Gearbox knocked this one out of the park. Color me addicted. Other games I picked up during the Amazon/Toys R Us sale Lego Star Wars...

Welcome, you hooligans, once again to the man-god Sparky_Buzzsaw's (hopefully) weekly blog, where I discuss all the games I've been playing and any gaming related topics that spring to mind. Readers of my last post know that I've been purchasing up a mad, mad storm of games. Let's take a look at the first batch to arrive today, courtesy of Amazon's 3 for 2 sale. First up is Ratchet and Clank Fu...

You can breathe a sigh of relief. Good ol' Sparky's back, and guess what? My laptop has returned to the land of the living with me. It's been a long couple of months, but I'm not here to bore you with the details of my personal life. Look for new entries in my weekly blog, starting sometime this week with what I've purchased from sales at Toys R' Us and Amazon. Suffice it to say that I won't be...

Still without a laptop, and will only have decent access to Giant Bomb for the next five or so minutes. Wanted to let you all know my XBL and PSN account names in case you wanted to add me - meant to do that in my last few blogs. XBL - big bad sleazy PSN - bigbadsleazy Hit me up. Haven't been playing many multiplayer games lately, but give me a holler and maybe you'll get the dubious honor of s...

OK, that's the worst Gaming Update title to date. Eh, what can you do, Scooby Doo? CRAB BATTLE! I hate when games include ridiculously cheap bosses without a countering cheap method of getting around them. Take my latest grievance, The Last Remnant. There is a boss that has become essentially impossible for me to beat, the appropriately named Hell's Gate. Now, Last Remnant is something of a gui...

Scalpel? Check. 10 blade? Check. Surgical mask? Got it. Rubber ducky? Yep. Ball bearings? Sure. A leather glove? All there. OK, kids, prepare for the operation, because we're going into... another Gaming Update! Only really focusing on one thought today, though I'll briefly talk about what I've been playing. A Hero's Quest I'd like to think I'm not one of the old men around Giant Bomb, but the...

Stop the crying. Quiet down with that whining. Sparky's back, baby, and what an update do I have for you. You and me, we're gonna laugh. We're gonna cry. We're going to crush those Soviet scum! New Dashboard Update Woke up early this morning (well, early for me - hey, no one should ever have to wake up before 10), and downloaded the new dashboard update for the 360. Most of the changes under th...

Ladies and gents, boys and girls, and small flurglebeasts from Betelgeuse 3 (don't judge them!), I'm here to give you your weekly dose of all things insanely awesome and awesomely insane. In this weeks profoundly wonderful and wonderfully profound epi-epi-episode (that's the sound of a turn-table, son!), Gaming Update does a little street ballin', a little thuggin', and a little cell phone acti...

Ninja, ninja rap! Ninja, ninja rap! Go ninja go ninja go! Uhhh.... hello, and welcome to yet another Vanilla Ice flavored, kid-tested, mother-approved Sparky_Buzzsaw Gaming Update, with your host, the sleaziest of them all. Remember kids, it ain't easy bein' sleazy. Anyhowzas, let's get to crackle dackling, shall we? We shall. So a bird and a bear walk into a bar... ...and the third guy ducks....

The focus of the Gaming Update is like ly to shift for a bit, as I've been concentrating mostly on the same games you've been reading about here for weeks, and that's unlikely to change until I can find steady work. I just found out I'm being released from my current contract, and will be looking for gainful employment elsewhere. I'm sure I'll find something soon, but in the short term, it's a...

Sorry, gang, not much of an update this week. I've got bronchitis. Or is that brontosaur? Whichever one is meatier and trims my neighbor's hedges from forty feet. WHAT I"M PLAYING My faithful monster of a laptop crashed but good last Thursday, leaving me to do a factory image scan. So far, the only game I've re-installed is The Sims 3, but I'll be downloading Lord of the Rings Online as soon as...

I want to get something crystal clear about my reviews. Someone recently wrote and asked me if I value graphics and sound over gameplay mechanics, since the basic layout of almost all my reviews is: Intro Graphics and Sound Gameplay Conclusions Actually, I value gameplay far more than I've ever valued graphics and sound. There was absolutely no thought, rhyme, or reason in putting graphics and...

Quick update this week, ladies, gentlemen, and things of a vague sexual nature. Today brings us thoughts on two DS games and Worms 2: Armageddon. Read on, oh patron of Sparky, and be entertained. Or bored. What I'm Playing: I talked a bit about Devil Survivor last we ek. I'm still hooked on it this week. I still think one certain boss battle is a royal pain, but the New Game+ option makes level...

Imagine this gaming update as one giant, delicious, freshly baked cookie that you can take your sweet, sweet time devouring. Maybe it has chocolate chips. Maybe white chocolate. Maybe M&M's. Just no damned raisins, thank you. Now go ahead. Take a bite. You know you want to. What I'm Playing: Tiger Woods 10 is all-consuming, all-knowing, and all-powerful. Yes, it's light on a whole lot of featur...

06/23/2009- One game, and one game only, dominated ol' Sparky's play time this last week. Pop it, lock it, and drop it. It's update time. I received a copy of Tiger Woods 10 this weekend as a b-day gift from my numero uno homie, my brother. I got the 360 version, which was by design so that we could compete against each other (read: so he can kick my ass royally). It's just as crazy addictive a...

06/18/2009- Welcome, one and all, all and one, to the latest nonsensical update from your favorite sleazebag, Sparky. Have not been able to do much gaming this past week, but let's jump in, shall we? We shall. Really been concentrati ng mostly on Forza 2 this week. I've got almost all the career races finished, and should have those knocked out in the next few days. I don't know how many damn r...

Howdy little cowpokes! Grab some chaw , pull up a stool, and park your bottom while Big Daddy Sparky tells you all about his latest gaming exploits and shenanigans. Not with 100% more bean flavor! Also, if anyone has any tips on the "Create an Unordered List" button, specifically how and if I can go to the next button without having to tinker with backspace and enter, let me know. Thanks! Went...

You're getting the update a day early, since I'm not entirely sure I'll have a connection to the 'net tomorrow. I'm also withholding any E3 comments until next week (if at all -I've already posted a few thoughts on Giant Bomb's forums specific to the MS and EA conference). Let's dive in. To know inFamous is to know addiction. If you played Crackdown and, like me, thought it had a lot of untappe...

I'm going to stop posting these on the forums, unless I have an update that really addresses something I think people will want to hear about. If anybody does read this, comments are appreciated just to let me know it posted or if there are any thoughts. After a week and a half without my Xbox 360, it arrived via UPS yesterday. Microsoft must have replaced the entire console, as there were a co...

Sometimes there's just not enough manpower to cover some of the niche games I'm interested in.

Short list this week, as I'm still waiting on the 360 to get back and haven't been gaming all that much since the weather finally turned decent. Let's get this done with so you can go make a sandwich, wax the car, take a nap, do a drive-by... the usual. Still playing a ton of Mario Kart. I'm mostly using Luigi and Waluigi for solo, and mixing it up online. Haven't unlocked everything, but I'm w...

I'm stealing the format and style of this blog blatantly from Brandy, who writes one hell of a good read if you ever feel like browsing. This will hopefully be a semi-regular update on games I'm playing and quick thoughts, as well as provide you with random information relating to Giant Bomb and games. After three years, my Xbox 360 finally is giving out on me. Last week, it began to make a gri...

I turned on my Xbox 360 the other night, hoping to download the new Fallout 3 DLC. Instead, I was greeted with a grinding sound as everything came up. I don't entirely know what the problem is, as there's no flashing lights or any real indication of what it is exactly that's grinding inside the 360. It almost sounds like a loose or broken fan, but that's judging from my old PC repair experience...

...are my picks. Of all of them, I've really got to say Full Throttle. No game before or after has really nailed the great writing and humor quite like it.

I've been going home and playing MGS4 and Valkyria Chronicles for the last few days, and let me tell you what... I'm addicted. If you could somehow blend up those two games and mainline them into my system, I'd be a junkie for life. The graphics look crisp, even on my older standard-def TV. I can't wait to purchase a new TV sometime this year (hopefully May or June) so I can test out the graphi...

It's here - again! My PS3 arrived at my house just a few minutes ago. If I hadn't already taken a sick day this month, I'd fake the black lung and head home right now. At least it arrived on a Friday, which means I have the entire glorious weekend to play Valkyria Chronicles, MGS4, and/or Disgaea 3. And thanks to generous Christmas gift cards from family, I should have copies of World at War an...

Those who've read up on my blogs know my recent frustration with purchasing a PS3. I decided to buy a new PS3, backwards-compatibility be damned, and I'll pick up a PS2 when I buy a new HDTV sometime this year. Why buy the PS3 first and the PS2 later? Good question, and damned if I know the answer. I just know I'm really stoked to play games like MGS4 and Valkyria Chronicles, not to mention the...

I'm going to throw something out that I mentioned briefly in another post, and maybe this is something a gaming magazine or website already does. I think a new category should be added to the fold for the end of the year considerations - 2008's Most Important Game or Innovation. There are a few games that come to mind. The most obvious, and my personal choice, is Wii Fit for melding innovation,...

Whew... talk about impulse shopping. On Sunday, I gave away my old PS2 to my cousins. I used it as an excuse to finally purchase a 20 gig PS3. I specifically wanted the 20 gig for its backwards compatibility, as there are a ton of games for the PS2 I've yet to play or games I want to revisit (never did finish FFXII). This will bring me up to speed on all the current consoles. I love having the...

I'm not entirely new to blogging, but I am new to blogging about games. If anyone at any point has suggestions or things they'd like to see, please feel free to leave comments. By nature, I'm a gamer. I'll comment on any and all consoles, cell phone games, PC games, and anything else I get my hands on. Don't come here looking for someone to start a flame war - I like all the consoles for differ...

Sonic and the Secret Rings for the Wii was a step in the right direction. It's too bad we're not seeing anything like it being developed. The DS games were also surprisingly decent, but they didn't feel like major outings for the character. As far as runner-ups, Bomberman, Mega Man, and Leisure Suit Larry all took nose dives.