Video Game Blotter: Crimes Inspired by Video Games: 80's Edition

  
    This is an incomplete list. The author may have an incomplete brain. New entries are always welcome.

    You may be looking for Video Game Violence and not even know it!

 

Timeline

1980

   
   * January 29th - A man heavily affected by a "power pellet" (slang for crack) ate four people within ten seconds. He then proceeded to eat a pretzel and a massive amount of fruit without paying.
  
   * April 6th - A man was eaten by an alligator whole as he tried to swing across a swamp with a vine outside his rural Florida home. Found on the scene were only his skeletal remains and a whip.
 
    * April 24th - An exterminator using lasers to kill insects destroyed several gardens. The exterminator was forced to pay to fix all damage done, and lost his exterminator's license.
 
    * June 10th - Large numbers of ICBMs were launched at the moon. The combined blast radius of the missiles was large enough to fully destroy six cities.
 
    * Also June 10th - A firefighter was arrested for extreme carelessness and negligence when he failed to rescue trapped citizens in a burning building. The firefighter moved his trampoline randomly because he didn't know how far the victims were going to jump out of the window.
 

1981
YEAR OWNED BY Dethfish77 

 
    * June 13th - 34 year old man found beaten to death in an alleyway. Eyewitness claims that the ghosts did it. The only piece of evidence collected was a pink bow.
 
    * October 29th - An eight-year-old child in Brooklyn kidnapped a woman and crushed three rescue workers to death with barrels.
 
    * November 18th - Three men were arrested for cruelty to animals after running over dozens of frogs with a car.
 

1982

 
    * January 8th - An explosion heard coming from underneath Flagstaff turned out to be caused by an attacker pumping explosive gases into a victim's stomach. The man was identified as Doug Digg, and the one that got killed wasn't identified. Doug was charged with voluntary manslaughter and was sentenced to five years in Riker's Island.
 
    * January 14th - A man riding atop an ostrich used a lance to kill two people and injure ten more.
 
    * February 29th - A young orange man was arrested for vandalism for changing the color of a nearby pyramid from blue to yellow. He avoided the pyramid's security guard, known to family and friends as "Coily." He was later turned into the police by his best friends, Slick and Sam, and when questioned, his only response was "@!#?@!"
 
    * October 13th - On Columbus Day, a white man, who was entirely nude except for a giant blue cowboy hat, trespassed into the Lakota Reservation in North Dakota and attempted rape on a young Native American woman. Before he could rape her, however, he was neutralized by the tribal police with hails of arrows as he was walking towards her.
 

1983

   
   * December 2 - A man in Isle of Woman shoots people in an elevator.
 

1984

 
    * April 23rd - A man equips his dune buggy with horizontal and vertical rocket launchers and proceeds to shoot down light aircraft and large boulders before crashing into a giant pothole.
 
    * May 5 - 55 people at the EPCOT Center's Japanese pavilion are kicked to their deaths as a distraught kung fu master attempt to find his girlfriend.
 
    * August 3rd - Vandals caused damage to Mount Fuji by striking portions of the mountain with a hammer. Several polar bear and seal corpses were found lying about on the mountain.
 
    * December 20th - Anyone who wasn't subscribed to a popular newspaper found their home marked with comments such as "Get lost". This was the beginning of the Non-subscriber genocide of 1984
 

1985

   
    * May 5th - Several vandals played a game of Tetris on the wall of a grocery store. The game, represented by graffiti, was modified rapidly using the expertise of the long-time artists. At the end of the game, the vandals left a note stating "Fuck the L piece".
 
    * August 5th - An Italian man, believed to be a habitual user of hallucinogenic mushrooms, crushed several people and turtles to death by jumping on them.
 
    * September 8th - The first video game related shooting occurred when a hunter, embarrassed that he missed with several consecutive shots, drove around town shooting any dog that he saw. The obviously insane man swore that he heard the dogs laughing at him. Fortunately the dogs, being utterly impervious to damage, were not harmed.
 
    * November 12th - A man who was frustrated by a maze he could not complete destroyed various walls of the maze using bombs.
 
    * November 23rd - A kidnapper who starved his victims confessed by announcing, "Wizard needs food badly!"
 
    * November 25th - A plumber (aged 35) is found dead in his apartment by his younger brother, also a plumber (aged 32). The victim seemed to have somehow wedged his head in the opening of a green pipe that had been protruding from the floor in said victim's bathroom. His girlfriend, a princess, was devastated. She's since taken up with the victim's brother.
 

1986

    
    * January 5th - A man dressed in a green suit, bearing a striking resemblance to the man arrested the previous year, begins a crime spree by breaking into various houses and inexplicably leaving without taking anything. He was said to have been followed by a midget who exclaimed "..but our princess is in another castle."
 
    * February 3rd - A woman who was being robbed by pirates defended herself by killing the pirates with missiles. The use of missiles was deemed excessive by the courts, but before her imprisonment she received a large bounty for killing the infamous pirates. The woman was found dead several weeks later after apparently attempting to blow a hole in the prison wall with an energy bomb.
 
    * March 1st - An arsonist burned down several trees inhabited by old men. While forced to pay for most of the burned trees, the arsonist profited from his crimes due to a few of the victims giving him money.
 
    * June 2nd - Two men start to fight endlessly in the street, giving each others blows to the head or to the stomach. Mrs. Smith, who lived in an apartment on the same block of the two fighters, said: "I couldn't stand anymore their endless fighting. So I got mad and started to throw flowerpots at them". When the police arrived on the scene, the two men claimed to be innocent. But as we all know, the police only arrests the guy who has received the most beating.
 
    * October 28th - A man with a shotgun enters a haunted house carnival ride and begins shooting at everything inside. When apprehended, he explained that he was trying to "empty the monster meter".
 
    * November 5th - A teenager opens fire killing several workers at a rodeo. After waiting a half an hour, he asks the arresting officers if he scored a "crack shot". A similar incident in Chicago, which authorities attribute to a copy cat crime, is supposedly linked to this incident in which a young teenager, who identified himself as "Hogan", opens fire on several homeless men in an alleyway.
 

1987

   
    * April 19th - Two men were arrested in New York on various assault charges, linked to illegal vigilante action. The assailants were beating people in Chinatown at random with bare hands. During interrogation, they claimed to be on a mission "to rescue Marian", who remains unidentified.
 
    * June 13th - A man was beaten to death by three men: one thief, one black belt, and one fighter. The victim fought back, but the three assailants were healed by a fourth accomplice known as a white mage.
 
    * August 17th - Several factories using robots as labor were shut down when the robots were stolen. The burglaries were rumored to be caused by a disgruntled employee who was laid off in favor of robots, but they were actually caused by another robot simply stealing parts from the robots and attaching them to itself.
 
    * June 11th - Cpl. Lance Bean, a special forces soldier operating off the New Zealand coast, was lucky to survive being shot to death 29 times by an illegal alien know only as "The Red Falcon"
 
    * July 9th - A soldier snuck into a police station with intent to kill every officer. However, he was arrested before harming anyone, because he assumed that nobody noticed him since there were no exclamation points above their heads.
 
    * August 13th - Maracaibo, Venezuela is sacked by an unidentified ENGLISH BUCCANEER and several dozen PLEASED accomplices. Reports that "The Silver Train is in town!!!" are unconfirmed.
 

1988

 
    * March 27th - A farmer who was enraged that he lost a giant vegetable competition threw the large radish he grew at the judge, crushing him to death. He then picked up the contest's winner and threw him at a spectator, seriously injuring both.
 
    * May 4th - A man dressed as a ninja was arrested for vandalism after cutting down several light posts, claiming they contained magic potions. When his home was searched, several exploded dogs were found.
 
    * November 8th - Hundreds of midgets die after they are forced to jump off a cliff with nothing but five umbrellas. The survivors are later crushed by shovels.
 

1989
YEAR OWNED BY Chaser324 

 
    * January 4th - A teen uses a trash can to murder several classmates and took their money. Before being bludgeoned, one victim asks if they're having fun yet. Another barfs.
 
    * January 23rd - A series of mines were planted in a corn field in Iowa. The amount of corn planted in an acre indicated how many mines were in adjacent acres.
 
    * March 13th - Several die after somebody set up them the bomb. They had no chance to survive, and as such were instructed to make their time.
 
    * March 20th - Several mayors are busted in corruption rings for rampant and indiscriminant use of demolition tools for urban planning purposes. Many more were 
released for incompetence when they complained that zones only came in 3x3 blocks. Researchers found high correlations between cities' financial success and occurrence of earthquakes, but scientific theories failed to explain this.
 
    * May 9th - A man was charged with homicide after beating over a dozen men wearing identical clothing to death, later claiming that they worked for a "mad gear." He also admitted to eating food out of garbage cans in the hopes of "restoring his health."
 
    * July 7th - The President is kidnapped by ninja, though he is quickly recovered by a government faction codenamed "Bad Dudes."