Before I write this review, let me make it clear that Kingdom Hearts is
by far, one of the coolest things I have ever seen. They mixed JRPs
(which I hate), Final Fantasy (WHICH I REALLY HATE), and Disney (which
I get bored of easily) and made those three things into something
awesome.
That's the first game in the series.
Now this "second" (third, actually) game came to me as an enormous
"ergh". I mean, it's fun for like, 2 seconds but then I'm playing along
and I realize that they got rid of:
The Gummi ship parts. WHAT?
The Gummi ship WAS THE MOST AWESOME THING IN THIS SERIES AND THEY
"TURNED IT DOWN". Why?! I mean, it's still there, but it's missing that
"glow" that it used to have. It used to be... something. Not this bland
rail-shooter that it is now. I mean, the editing is messed up, there
are FEWER PARTS, the enemies are pretictable... Now it just makes me
sad...
The love.
The love! Where's the love?! Kairi and Sora?! Where are those tears?!
That little fuzzy feeling I had when I played through the Hollow
Bastion level?!
AND WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ROXAS AND AXEL GAY-THING DOING ON MY PLAYSTATION?!
The Coolness.
That epic tone that the story had by the end! Where is it? Now I walk
into this "doomfortress" as the final level (ooh, a castle. Now I'm
scared of those baddies). The final level on KH 1 was A DESTROYED
WORLD, TORN APART AND RAVAGED BY ANSEM. That was awesome.
Now, back to the doomfortress: I swear, when I was playing through it,
all I could think about was Kamino (trust me, IT'S EXACTLY LIKE IT).
Ripoff.
Traverse Town
WHERE IS IT?! IT'S GONE. Now they place in this cheap Hollow Bastion
crap for my "home base". THEY PLACED THE BEST 2 LEVELS IN THE GAME AND
SWTCHED THEM?!?!? How does that make any sense?! They thought it might
work, IT DIDN'T, bad thinking, morons. Use Traverse Town if you want a
decent place to shop, NOT THE FREAKIN' CASTLE.
Amazing Bosses
LAME. I swear, most of the bosses look like they were taken out from a
kiddy game. They were so EASY and BORING. Most of them have their weak
spot more obvious than the bald spot on my grandad's head (if any at
all, most bosses are just a button-mash fest)…. And that's pretty bad.
The worst one is that final boss, which looked like a Pokémon mated
with Metal Gear REX, I mean, who comes up with this stuff?
Now on to the things that REALLY annoyed me:
Gameplay: Less strategy, more button mashing. Just hit the "x" button repeatedly and you win! SNORE.
The graphics weren't a big jump. They were actually the same, but they
added some stupid "special effects" gimmicks that made the game just
look… like some cheap movie.
Speaking of gimmicks, you know when they placed Pirates of the
Caribbean and promoted it? That's because it's the only decent level.
They even placed "Tron" in the game (Which should be an obvious clue on
how BAD the game is).
Voice acting was pretty cheesy, which leads me to my next point:
Giving the Final Fantasy characters plot relevance was stupid. Sure,
they HAD them on the first few games, but that was just for the sake of
reference. They had a shop, but they really didn't do anything else
when it came to the story.
Now, in KHG2, they're all over it. Their greasy fingerprints can be
found all over the plot… turning it into a blob of confusion, I mean,
WHY DOES CLOUD STILL HATE SEPHIROTH? I know he killed Aeris (by the
way, I thought that FF7 was utter b.s.), but wouldn't they have fixed
their problems by now? Stop placing your stupid problems on a decent
(NOT!) game just to make the players remember how "sad" your past
adventures were. Hold on… Aeris is still alive in Kingdom Hearts… but
how the hell don't they know?! Ergh, I don't care. All I want to see is
Donald Duck kill the Heartless! Now, with Heartless being the key word
here, let's move on to the next point:
WHERE WERE THEY?! They didn't have any interesting place in the game!
Plus, remember Maleficent, the "queen of the Heartless"? Sweet
mother--- she was probably the toughest boss in KH, but now… ergh…
she's not even a decent character. Now they have these idiots called
the "Nobody". Sure, that's what they should have been: Nobody, because
they SUCK. They act like ballerinas on acid.
So, the Heartless are gone, the Nobody suck, so it makes you
wonder… who's the bad guy? Organization XIII? Trust me; they don't act
like bad guys. In fact, there are no bad guys, except for the last boss
(I've already stated that he sucked). Heck, I don't think there are any
good guys either. Here's the plot for you to understand:
Roxas wakes up, does some stuff, fights, and walks into a haunted
mansion. He wakes up Sora, who eventually gets a crystal ball and
starts looking at it, and figures out that Roxas is his Nobody (they
explain that the Nobody are the "shell" of a persons heart. Kinda like
this game is the empty shell of the series!). Sora goes out and defeats
evil. The end. That's it, nothing else, nothing more. Just stick in
some random fights and mini-plots and you have KH2.
Ohh! I didn't even mention Sora's outfit! Well, it was the first thing
that made me doubtful about the game. Black? Come on. All this game
needs now is a MCR soundtrack. This smells like fanservice.
And now, the final blow:
The game sucks. It just does. I don't like it, yet I like the first
one. When I first played this game, I had no idea what was happening
because I DIDN'T BUY "CHAIN OF MEMORIES" FOR THE GBA. So this game
expects me to spend about 430 euros, just to understand the plot? No
thanks. This game is horrible; if you liked the first one, don't expect
this to be any better.
So, I'm basically saying is: this game is for fans, nothing else, and nothing more. Don't play it.
