Now I know what you’re thinking. Jeff, with someone of your extreme sexiness, how do you deal with not having any flaws?
Well...what do you mean you’re not saying that? Oh it’s the voices in my head again. WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME--
Anyway, I’ve recently been told that I have quite a massive flaw. I just seem to hate apparently great games. For example, I thought Deus Ex: Human Revolution was about as fun as having your anal virginity removed forcibly by an angry gypsy.
On the other hand, I was part of that minority of gamers who actually enjoyed Duke Nukem Forever And that makes me about as popular as if Hitler had come back to life to start a Tumblr blog where he writes mainly feminist articles.
This puts me in an awkward position when I try and give my opinion on games that the majority of people do actually like. I realised it became a problem when somebody mentioned how good Wolfenstein: The New Order was and my first reaction was that of an Apple fanboy when someone merely comments that the last 4 iPhones were suspiciously similar.
At that exact moment he told me how good it was I thought “well we’ll fucking see about that”. I realised with absolute horror that I had become a... a gaming hipster. I could feel big, black rimmed glasses, beard and a flannel shirt growing and it freaked me the fuck out.
I have to admit though, when I started playing The New Order my inner-hipster was very disappointed. It was actually quite good, no scrap that. This game is like having an upper-thigh massage by an italian model that is 100% happy endings.
The shooting feels tighter than your mum before a particularly strenuous yoga workout and especially compared to other games that I’m definitely going to mention Battlefield 1 and Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare.
The game is fun to play, which, yes is actually a thing I’ll mention, because it seems these days that every review contains a phrase similar to “if you can get past the gameplay” or “behind the gameplay”. Sorry to sound like a grandad but “being fun to play” seems to have been forgotten by quite a lot of single player games these days.
The story is full and interesting without being overly intrusive and I genuinely started caring about the characters while playing. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t going to win any writing awards. The main villain might as well be called Dr Fritzler Von Adolf but that adds more character and charm to the game, without seeming forced like a hopeful X Factor contestant who's just regaled stories of how their entire family has been wiped out by the bubonic plague.
But if you’re going into this game just for the story then there’s something very wrong with you.
This game even seems to do FPS boss battles kinda-well, well, kinda. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re not what makes this game great by themselves but all of the components together like some sort of weird scooby snack, making it one of my favourite games of 2015 and yes I know it came out it 2014 but fuck off!