The dream of a perfect space game has kept me from sleeping at night. Sitting back in your spaceship, cruising at ridiculous speeds and you suddenly see a planet out of the corner of your eye.
You fly down and you’re presented with a never before seen landscape filled with strange animals and weird plants.
And the day that I heard of No Man’s sky, I almost fell onto the floor rolling around in my own drool. However, you know the saying “there’s more than meets the eye”? Well this game is pretty much complete opposite to that.
The previously mentioned “hype train” is a dangerous piece of public transport to get onto. People seem to forget that the amount of hype does not have any correlation to the finished product.
Now, I’m not gonna sit here and say “eugh how did they fuck this up” because I totally understand how they did. But there is one thing I don’t understand. How the fuck people thought it was going to be a space RPG, with unlimited quests and so much stuff to do that your brain just hemorrhages and you just start having a fit because you can’t comprehend it.
As soon as I found out that it had only 20 people working on it, I kinda understood that the game would fall way short of the dream concept. It’s was pretty fucking clear that 20 gamers sitting in their flooded mum’s basement couldn’t make the perfect game.
I’d like to say that they really tried hard to make the promised game come to life, but, it seems they put almost no fucking effort in. You could make this game in a 7 day gamefest competition almost. This is how the game works, make 5 different planets, add 75 animal parts and draw 100 plants then just say FUCK IT and randomise it all together like a giant fucking game blender.
This really fucking hurts because there are so many promised features, that you can check out here, that are not in the fucking game at all. I didn’t realise it was that easy to market a game. Apparently, this is how it goes. Make an average game and then just lie about it to everyone. I don’t know what game Sean Murray was working on because it certainly it wasn’t this fucking game.
The difference between the described product and what was actually released comes into perfect clarity when you watch the Sean Murray interviews now.
The interviewer could have asked any question and he just would have answered “yes”.
(applause)
“Hey Sean, few questions for you. You say that anything can happen and you can do anything”
“Yes literally anything. You could be a pirate space monkey who has to sexually assault his way through the universe to survive.”
“Wow, so can you be an international rock star with every planet loving you and you can play concerts?”
“Why of course you can, that is the nature of anything can happen”
Whenever a gamer buys this, it’s the equivalent of Sean Murray just taking a massive dump on your face which gives him enough time to steal your fucking wallet.
And I think it’s been made perfectly clear to the industry that we, as gamers, don’t tolerate this “Artiful Dodger” style of game marketing with the amount of player refunding the game worldwide.
Maybe they’ll patch it and add all of the promised features soon, maybe it’ll be too late. Whatever the case, they royally fucked this one up.
And I haven’t even talked about what you do in the game, do you know why? I’m not going be the condescending twat who assumes you are completely oblivious to the millions of let’s plays of this game online. But, one thing I will mention is how poorly fucking optimized this game is.
It was clear from the get go that PC would be the biggest market for this game and yet it runs as if I’ve just jammed a piece of toast into the disk drive and repeatedly headbutted the monitor while praying to Allah.
It seems like they just don’t care, Hello Games have basically ignored almost all negative reviews and criticisms of the game and it’s the equivalent of running down the street naked, with your fingers in your ears and assuming nobody minded.