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You're Not Alexander: 100% Manly Review

Published January 12, 2009
4 out of 5 starsScore: 80/100

God Hand is a game in which you play as manly man Gene, armed with the holy weapon known as the God Hand. The world is somewhere between Fucked Up and Hokuto No Ken, and you can tell. You are out to stop the 4 devas, comprised of 3 demons and a gay guy with another God Hand, from summoning the demon god, Andra. Why? He doesn't want the insane and hot female lead, Olivia, to chop off his new hand If your looking for a deep story, then you might as well get off here. God Hand is sort of a send up to the Beatem up games of old, but in no way is it as bland as some of those games.

As stated before, the story itself is not the main draw of the game. Its more of a combination of fun and infuriatingly difficult gameplay, and the completely absurb way the game presents itself. Also, as stated before this is a beatem up game, in that you go around level to level to beating the shit out of random enemies spouting lines from a Mike Tyson interview. You have an endless number of combinations for your regular combos as they are completely customizable. And from about level 2 the game gets extremely difficult, which my turn off some people, but I wouldn't have it anyother way. Most bosses can take more than 2 tries, but when you do defeat them it does give a feeling of accomplishment.

Artist's Rendition
Now on to the second major point of this game, complete absurdness. I mean you get to stake drive midget sentai members into the ground or, my personal favorite, fight a luchadore gorilla. No lets go back to that last one, thats right ladies and gentlefolk, YOU GET TO FIGHT A LUCHADORE GORILLA. So, you see this Gorilla just sitting at a bus stop minding his own business, and this is when our hero, Gene, come on the scene asking if he wants to fight. The Gorilla, just wanting to get on the damn bus, shakes his head and arms with a resounding no. This is where Gene, being the manly man that he is, translates this as, "Yes, and while your at it please punch me in the balls at anytime I leave an opening, make sure to suplex me afterward." Its at this point that I said this game is fucking awesome.

Now for the part where I give some of the games issues. Sometimes when you are fighting something or just opening a box, the auto-targeting system does like to target randomly switches targets sometimes. The movement controls like playing RE4 if made by retards.  And again the very high difficulty will turn off gamers who don't like an insane challenge. And it is for this that the game isn't worth a perfect score. That being said I do suggest this game, but make sure you keep these points in mind.

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