by mento
Here we are, folks: The final forty-five games with trailers from E3 2019, with reviews. It has certainly been a journey. A month-long journey, in fact. That I won't be reviewing at least five trailers every day for a while might take some getting used to. All that free time. Maybe I can plant a tree or something. I finally have my life back. I finally have... hope.
Oh, but it's not like this hasn't been fun too, and my thanks as always to @marino for being so diligent with his trailer uploads. Be sure to check the other Trailer Blazers in the table below and see what else I snapped at in my sleep-deprived fugue. See you next E3!
| Trailer Blazers | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| E3 2016 | E3 2017 | E3 2018 (Part One) | E3 2018 (Part Two) |
| E3 2019 (Part One) | E3 2019 (Part Two) | E3 2019 (Part Three) | E3 2019 (Part Four) |
Showing 1-10 of 45 items
Trailer Trashing: We're starting Part Four off strong with this... DLC for a VR zombie shooter. But here's something exciting: how many shooters can you name with a dam level? ...GoldenEye 007, you say? Very first level, you say? Hmm. Toninator: > ["HYDROELECTRICAL." ADDENDUM: WALKING CORPSES IN 90 DEGREE WEATHER? GLAD TERMINATOR UNITS DO NOT HAVE OLFACTORY SENSORS.] Thinkfluenced?: I didn't want to start this final trailer review list on a negative, so... I don't know how to finish this one. Proverbially painted myself into a corner it seems. Next trailer!
Trailer Trashing: As of writing, LiS2's third episode has recently debuted with the fourth releasing in another month or so, putting the game in this odd marketing position of "a lot of it is available, but we still need to sell people on the rest". The developers chose to account for this unusual scenario with... not particularly convincing influencer commentary. If game footage, sad indie music, and critic pull quotes don't sell you on the emotions of this game, maybe xXBroSeph420Xx tearing up at a cutscene we can't see will. Toninator: > ["DISCONSOLATE." ADDENDUM: LIFE IS STRANGE GIVES YOU THE CHOICE TO LET JUDGEMENT DAY HAPPEN BECAUSE THE PROTAGONIST WAS HORNY. COULD HAVE BEEN AN INTRIGUING TWIST FOR TERMINATOR 2 ALSO.] Thinkfluenced?: I'm waiting until the whole game's out, but sure. The first game had an uphill climb trying to sell me on teen melodrama with a little supernatural flavor thrown in, but it pulled it off and I've no reason to believe the second season won't also.
Trailer Trashing: E3 trailers are known, notorious even, for adding popular music instead of anything from the game. Sometimes it gets a little silly. Rather than some bouncy number from Super Lucky's Tale, the Xbox Game Studios 3D platformer now coming to Switch as part of this Microsoft/Nintendo buddy-buddy dynamic they have going on, we get... ChinChin's "Kings & Queens," best known as the theme music for ABC's The Rookie. OK. Toninator: > ["FOXY." HISTORICAL DATA: WE ALMOST REPLACED THE MEMORABLE TERMINATOR THEME WITH CYNDI LAUPER'S "GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN". COOLER HEADS PREVAILED.] Thinkfluenced?: I love 3D platformers and didn't think I would get a chance to play this one, so I'm looking for the first sale that comes along.
Trailer Trashing: Now, see, the Suede number they dredged up for this slightly unnerving look at Phoenix Project's surreal monsters is perfect, because we're going to be killed by these things and the somber music reflects that. It's not randomly the theme song of some police procedural because it happened to be airing while you were editing your trailer together. The trailer gives nothing away of what the gameplay is like, of course, despite the fact the game is launching in September with a hundred others. I think "like XCOM" is probably safe though. Toninator: > ["FATALISTIC." ADDENDUM: JUST SAYING, IF YOU HAVE AN APOCALYPTIC BIOLOGICAL THREAT THE BEST SOLUTION TO THAT IS TERMINATORS. ALIEN DNA MUTATING EVERYTHING, LOOSE DINOSAURS AT YOUR DINOSAUR PARK, TOO MANY HUMANS: WE CAN FIX ALL OF THESE PROBLEMS. CALL TODAY!] Thinkfluenced?: I should probably play this copy of XCOM 2 already. Why does every other trailer have to remind me of my backlog? This is why I don't care for E3.
Trailer Trashing: A year later and Sea of Thieves is still aimlessly drifting along, dragging resources away from anything else Rare might want to work on next - another Banjo-Kazooie, another Viva Pinata, another... I dunno, Knight Lore - and filling Davey Jones's locker with all the patchwork clothing DLC and wild goose chase quests an incredibly patient pirate could want. Toninator: > ["IMPLAUSIBLY ACTIVE." ADDENDUM: ANY GAME WITH INVINCIBLE SKELETON BOSSES CANNOT BE ALL BAD. WE ARE PRETTY TOUGH WITHOUT AN INDUSTRIAL CRUSHER HANDY.] Thinkfluenced?: Unless they're introducing cosmetic DLC of a tiny shipwheel you can wear near your junk so you can tell people it's "driving me nuts," no sale.
Trailer Trashing: Call of Duty, like any good highschool anime, is having a special summer episode where you get to see all your favorite characters, like "mercenary guy", stripped down to just their kevlar full body armor and MP9s for a bit of fanservice. This summer, we're putting the "IIII" in "kawaiiii". Toninator: > ["ESTIVAL." ADDENDUM: SUNS OUT GUNS OUT. NOT THAT I NEED THE SUN AS AN EXCUSE TO GET MY GUNS OUT. AND BY GUNS I MEAN UZIS IF THAT WAS NOT CLEAR.] Thinkfluenced?: You know the New Year Baby? That metaphysical concept of an infant that grows old and dies within the span of 12 months? That's also every Call of Duty game. If I want to play one I'll just wait for the next annual sequel. Not like they have story campaigns any more.
Trailer Trashing: Double Fine continuing to take the most novel concepts and visual styles and hotgluing them to the most generic game formats imaginable, here presenting a neon-infused '80s post-apocalypse full of cassette tapes and transforming monster teenagers as... a roguelike where you hit boxes and look for the exit. But hey, Namco cameos are always fun. Toninator: > ["CARCINOGENIC." ADDENDUM: IN MY EXPERIENCE, HIGH LEVELS OF RADIATION WILL MAKE YOU A SKELETON, BUT NOT IN A FUN WAY. MORE OF A "CLUTCHING A CHAINLINK FENCE WHILE SCREAMING" SORT OF WAY.] Thinkfluenced?: My doctor advised me to cut roguelikes out of my diet and I've never looked back. Also trans fats but, c'mon, one step at a time here.
Trailer Trashing: Putting aside the notion that regular KOF is plenty for girls already - underestimate their aerial game at your peril - wouldn't you name a "female" KOF game Queen of Fighters? Or even Queen of Lovers, since this is an otome dating game with zero (hopefully) violence? Feels like there's plenty of angles you could've gone besides being a dumbass provocateur. Toninator: > ["AMOROUS." ADDENDUM: STILL WAITING FOR "OTOMENATOR". PICK T-800-KUN IF YOU LIKE 'EM STURDY, OR T-1000-CHAN FOR A GUY WHO WILL MELT IN YOUR EMBRACE.] Thinkfluenced?: I'm sure Terry Bogard's set off many a power geyser in his female fanbase, if you know what I mean, but I'm in no rush to date him myself. Then again, those powerful arms...
Trailer Trashing: Animated in what looks to be Pendleton Ward's style, Atomicrops's trailer sets up the premise - you've inherited a farm, everything's delightful, then the bombs drop - and must continue living your bucolic carefree life while contending with ravenous hordes of mutants. Pretty ingenious twist on Stardew Valley, Harvest Moon, et al I would say. Toninator: > ["AGGROCULTURAL." ADDENDUM: AS MY FLESHY DOPPELGANGER ARNOLD ONCE SAID, "WANNA BE A FARMER? HERE'S A COUPLE OF ACHERS *NUTSHOT*".] Thinkfluenced?: You know what? Absolutely. I was super into Stardew Valley but I wouldn't mind trying a game that takes it down a couple of pegs. Provided that game is actually good, of course.
Trailer Trashing: After Outer Wilds I'm thinking there's a lot of steam in the concept of an open-world exploration puzzle adventure game, gathering clues and figuring out what to do next just from checking out the surroundings, upgrading gear, and piecing things together. Savage Planet looks to be that with a '50s sci-fi aesthetic and a silly sense of humor. Toninator: > ["RECONNOITERING." ADDENDUM: EARTH IS PLENTY SAVAGE ENOUGH, AM I RIGHT? AND THAT WAS BEFORE THERE WERE ROBOTS KILLING EVERYONE.] Thinkfluenced?: I'd be happy to give this one a shot. It's looking good so far, and possibly even spacewhipper-ish.
