High Res NTSC-J TG16 Cover
Wait, isn't this a dating sim? When did this become a grotesque JRPG?
Hey, I've gotta piss off those guys in the wrestling thread SOMEHOW.
This is the birthday present I got my older sister: a repetitive girl.
My latest date took a real nosedive once my girlfriend went on another of her Neo-Nazi tirades.
Apparently, that koala is beautiful.
Damn it, Nixon! Why couldn't YOU be this awesome?
No, seriously, why is this a JRPG?
With obscure Capcom fighting game influences, apparently?
I don't even know anymore.
"So THAT'S what a penis looks like!"
I know what you guys are thinking. No. It isn't porn.
She's disgusted that you would even think that it's porn.
My, you're looking Marliyn Monroe today. Any particular reason?
Man, Yuko seems really invested in this guy's story about how his wife doesn't give good BJs anymore
"And I'm proud of that, for some reason."
Well, this went dark fast.
Did Twin Peaks have frozen blonde girls anywhere in it? Or is this screenshot nonsensical?
Where the hell was this poorly drawn screenshot on my first playthrough?
Well, this translation makes no sense.
Seriously? A frickin' Doraemon reference?
I like to imagine that last sentence was just slapped in there at the last minute.
It's like the park owners knew I'd get completely shit-faced here.
"You know, you could've ironed that shirt before you decided to put it on. Just saying."
Well, this one's in Australia, so at least it makes sense.
"WE REALLY FUCKING LOVE KOALAS. DIDYA KNOW THAT?"
Just in case you don't understand what's going on in this screenshot, I don't, either.
Those Giger dicks sure are 素晴らしい.
I should mention that I came here to date a completely different girl.
I hope this pack includes Nozomi the Tormentor.
KNM isn't an actual thing. It's just a sly reference to Konami.
This isn't a porn game, you guys.
"What an adorable Hitler Youth."
....Tsukiko? Is that you? What's my baby girl doing at this place?
I don't know if calling them "little people" is culturally sensitive or insensitive.
I'm guessing that this poorly drawn face is supposed to be some type of reward.
Huh. A Guns & Roses reference. Isn't that more Capcom's game?
I have absolutely no goddamn clue what this means.
FUCKING EAT IT, SHIORI (AND OTHER GIRLS)!
Because luck follows clearly measured rules.
Those eyes...those fucking eyes...
Because all animes need a school rooftop.
Well animated, I must say.
I have to imagine this sounds a lot better in Japanese.
Not sure what that is, but alright.
I'm a man who loves his puns.
And then I get to decide somebody else's birthday, because...I have no goddamn clue.
(I didn't think I could get into a top school, but luckily, I made it in.)
That smile....that dumb, "I'm in on it, aren't I?" smile....it's gonna get to me.
"So, you.....".....I just can't look at that face without cracking up each time. DAMN YOU, KONAMI!
(Uh-huh. Let's both do our very best.) "Shiori, did you put a box of tacks on my seat?"
(Oh, the ceremonies are just starting. I'll meet you later. My mom's coming.)
For whatever reason, the most sinister "Konami action game" music plays as soon as this guy appears.
(Uh...well....(What an overly friendly guy...))Aw hell. He's "that guy".
(Well, is that right....Could you tell me what she's like?) "Cutest thing you'll ever see."
Or maybe he's gonna be my romantic rival. Who can say?
"....I just wanted to know what her personality's like, man. How did you even find out her bloodtype
(Mmhm, and her measurements?) OK, that settles it. He's the asshole friend from before.
And this guy....I don't know what's up with him. He reverse blinks.
(But there are a lot of cute girls at this school. Let's do our best.) "At which?"
AH! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE!? NEXT SCREENSHOT. NEXT SCREENSHOT.
(Sorry. Did I keep you waiting?) "How could you keep me waiting?"
(N, no. It's not like that. What are you doing here?) "It isn't safe here, Shiori."
She's explaining a rumor she heard. That rumor? That there's a giant tree in front of the school.
"I had not yet noticed this large tree on the campus. You were wise to alert me to it, Shiori."
And these are our gameplay options, folks. Let me run down the list on the far left:
Appreciate the futility of language.
Mock the preschoolers' art. Smug bastards.
I've got no fucking clue what THAT is.
Tell the skinheads that things just aren't working out anymore.
Make sure the skinheads will never be a problem for you ever again.
The skinheads know your home phone number. You'll have to leave the country.
You'll never escape them. They will find you, no matter what.
They have already dug your grave. Or maybe it's Options.
You have to do it after school...which is apparently mid day. How the hell do Japanese schools work?
Don't you dare try to date this girl's little sister. This girl whom we haven't physically met.
BULLSHIT. THIS GIRL IS NOTHING BUT SMILES AND IGNORANT POOPS.
(There's not much I can do. Looks like I'm heading home alone today.) *maniacal cackling*
(Golden Week begins today.) Ah, Constitution Memorial Day. The perfect day for love.
Night Parade? OK, that sounds less like a fun time for all and more like a time of ritual.
And for my first date, I propose the game center. Will my gaming knowledge win her over?
(Ummm.....Sorry. I've got plans that day.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ytCEuuW2_A
Why do I own a giant black dildo?
YOUR SMILE IS A PRETENDER SMILE. *runs down hall crying*
The hell's that music playing over this screenshot? Is there a Kingdom Hearts battle here?
All you really need to know is that it's one of THOSE annoying minigames.
Plus I'm pretty sure it's tied to your strength stat, anyway, making my previous efforts pointless.
"When she said 'Let's meet at the park', I didn't think she meant a children's playground."
Shiori! You look....different. I wasn't aware you had any emotion besides "childlike squee."
Because you were going to fucking asking for it, anyway. Don't deny it. We both know you were.
(I had fun today.) We had an excellent time standing in this 1 area, asking 1 question, and no more.
"Wait, what's there to be embarrassed about? We just went on a date yesterday. People are gonna know
Later that month, our resident demon "friend" tells us about his plan to cut the giants down to size
"Oh. Well, do you know when you're gonna be ava....She hung up on me."
Ouch. That probably explains why.
It's even worse than I imagined. He still can't tell the difference between rock and scissors.
Do not try to distract me from my goals, Tokimeki Memorial.
(What a weird hairstyle.) And that's all we're gonna know about her for the rest of this feature.
*cries a little bit, knowing I won't get love on that most special day*
"Somebody entering a public bathhouse? What kind of shady shit's going on in this city?"
What happened, Shiori? What happened between us? I remember a time when you were nothing but smiles.
Ah, yes, the famous "walking through the park" scene in every romance novel.
Hooray! Her smile's back! I mean, it's not her trademark smile, but it's a step closer.
IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!!!!!
(Today's my birthday.) I say at night, completely alone.
What sweet hell hath greeted mine eyes?
Sorry, but I don't date girls who look like they got out of strangely abusive relationships.
I really, REALLY hope you didn't just call her a guy.
I think the translation speaks for itself.
For a second, there, I thought Getsuki was implying that he thought this girl was an eel.
The hell is that music? I don't even really know how to describe it.
"I had trouble picking an outfit. What do you think of my jean jacket look?"
Yea, that's one 素敵 Goemon reference on display.
Apparently, she agrees with what she just said a second ago. And it's absolutely adorable.
They really can't get over how amazing that Goemon reference was.
As soon as she appears, the most anime music starts playing. I have no reason to distrust the music.
She manages to speak out each dot, because fuck your rules, man. Fuck 'em hard.
Oh sweet shit. A date at the public library? Am I REALLY that cheap?
(Everybody's quietly studying.) "Why did you think this would be a good place for a date, again?"
Cut to a few days later, when the game introduces me to the girl I'm already dating.
Water tribe building? What? Does that mean I'm living in the world of Avatar?
I have to imagine my character's saying that line through gushing tears.
"I have you to thank for that one. Somehow."
Really? I don't remember buying anything. I don't even remember having that option.
So....it's finally happened. I've lost her. She's gone. It's over.
A fitting present for demon spawn like yourself.
AND HOW DO I THINK I FEEL AFTER FINDING OUT THAT YOU GAVE YOUR BODY TO THE DEVIL!?
Again, pretty sure the translation is all the joke I need.
"No, not really. It's been hard to focus on....well, anything, really, what with the demons around."
You know what? I'm finally ready to move on.
Man, I feel bad for that guy on the left. The other two guys have "We're getting laid" faces.
You know that reverse blinking kid I mentioned a few updates ago? Turns out he's rich.
Or friends, if you want the saccharine answer.
BE GONE, HELL SPAWN. BE GONE ON THIS MOST HALLOWED OF DAYS.
OK, good. I get to pick one of these presents, feeding off Richy Rei's table scraps.
So of course, I go for the one with a bunch of inverted buttcheeks on it.
And am punished accordingly.
Chug down some tea and go crazy with the mikans? Which I guess is the Japanese New Year tradition?
Or I could go out with a girl, for once. A girl who speaks all of her first sentences in English.
That's right, Mr. Mouse. Target the youth. They are the cornerstone of your global conquest.
(Romantic success) It IS a dating sim, after all.
I MUST MOVE ON. I MUST KNOW.
.....I don't know. Something's being granted, probably, but that's the best I can make of it.
Perhaps the wisdom of the graphite gods will be clearer.
And then everything started moving REALLY fast.
And then....darkness. I think we can all infer why.
Oh, you guys are WAY late with this one. A little past a month late, in fact.
So far, I've been greeted with one ambiguous fortune, wide-sweeping darkness, and a girl laughing.
(Fortunately, I got "great luck".) Way to rub it in.
(Maan. I'm jealous.) WAY TO RUB IT IN.
(It's after school. I feel something strange.) Don't we all?
Really? Your face doesn't look sorry. Your face looks...like Shiori's....http://youtu.be/w5-xABFttRk
Perhaps here we can find the waterbending secrets we truly need.
Yep, those three (or four) fish sure do look absolutely gorgeous.
Wait a minute, "So fun" and "とても楽しかったわね" mean the exact same thing.
I'm only taking her here so I can learn what the English word for "horrible fashion sense" is.
Let's just say that it's taking a LOT of will-power not to scream in agony at what I'm seeing.
Hmmm, where do I go with the girl who speaks a lot of English?
Oh, you just KNOW that this girl is related to demons.
Way to miss half the point of Valentine's Day. How's this guy popular with the ladies, again?
Oh. I guess a truck full of yaoi will do the job.
I don't need to translate that laugh. Hatred knows no language.
(Just fucking die.) See? It knows no language.
.......I think she gave me a Chocobo?
GET THEE OUT OF THIS COUNTRY, DEMON SPAWN. OUR TIME TOGETHER IS NO MORE.
YOU DAMN WELL BETTER MEAN IT. (Explanation here: http://japanese.about.com/library/bllesson5.htm )
If you're gonna apologize for anything, apologize for that fashion sense. *snap snap SNAP*
Oh, they're probably just interested in cock. Because that's the only reason girls would ever play.
It's White Day! Pronounced with an H, because I guess life in Japan is a lot like Family Guy.
It's hard not to look at the guy and feeling a boiling rage deep inside your gut.
You can even feel it two hours after he's gone.
Did I have any other choices? (Especially after finding out that I couldn't poison the chocolate?)
The voices...they're coming for me. I can't escape them. They're going to find me, no matter where.
"Oh, you know, that place. Remember? You were....and then we...." ".........*slowly backs away*"
This game suddenly took a dark turn. And with demons still at large, that's saying something.
Against my better wishes, yes. We both occupied space close to each other.
Oh, she was calling THIS guy her big bro. THAT'S CERTAINLY MORE COMFORTING.
("The human female he was courting spoke in broken English. It's only a matter of time before I win.
Did my character just call her a noisy bitch? Yeesh. No wonder the universe hates him.
"The way they just slept in the trees, not moving, even when the handlers tried to move them..."
(But their eyes are scary.) You guys ever see a koala?
I've convinced women to yell "BUTT LOVE!" at the top of their lungs. I'm a glorious monster.
Oh, you thought I was dating Ayako, didn't you? Yet for some reason, Shiori refuses to leave.
"Maybe I should've called her BEFORE I decided to get lit up."
てる? As in fallING? Either Getsuki has been hiding a spider sense from us or time has decayed.
According to Jisho.Org, this name roughly translates to, "The Ultimate Nature of All Things: Moon".
.......She's still ultimate, guys.
Being a little forward with the girl you've just met, aren't you?
I've only just now noticed how disorganized those shelves in the back really are.
For some reason, starting IMMEDIATELY AFTER the day whose name translates to "Gold Day".
You know what I like about all these other girls? They're far more willing to walk home with me.
I have to admit, that IS in character for me.
At last, the Forg People reveal themselves.
Yea, that'd be my response, too.
Who is this lady? What's that square supposed to mean? Why's that person visibly restrained?
"I knew I should've waited until after school, but NOOOOO. I wanted to be unique."
I don't exactly like the use of 飽 in this screenshot. I'm pretty sure it means she's gonna remov
I think you mean 悪夢, not 夢. Unless....have the demons gotten to Getsuki?
Hey, remember the 100 meter dash from LONG ago? Well, this year, I'm choosing a different event.
What do I make of this? Do I love her for her Pokemon hat choice? Or scold her for her shirt?
"But all my other tops were just dirty with sweat and paint."
She says facing away from me.
She says, me facing away from her.
You guys are lucky that I was able to capture this screenshot. Few people see this and live to tell
Interesting that she introduces herself far after we've actually met her.
Oh, oh! This is a perfect chance to teach you guys about contextual learning.
THIS ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE.
Wouldn't want all two of those people to notice you talking. You'd never live it down.
Did she grow teeth just so she could grit them at me?
You know, for a girl so utterly desperate to go out with me, Yuko sure is indifferent toward me.
"Sensitive to fashion, loud. Likes action movies." All you need to know about a gal.
At least my academics improved...somewhat.
"Wait, how am I lucky? YOU'RE the one blackmailing me into this damn date."
Oh, so the girl watching you DOES change. So why has Shiori been hanging out with me so damn much?
"This is such a horrible mistake."
"So what do you want to play f...Why are you lying down on that bench?" "Let's go inside."
Oh, that explains it. She's the demon spawn of a succubus and a preta.
That's right. Play dumb. Maybe she'll lose interest in you and move onto another target.
Or maybe not. Good thing I got this holy water.
That woman in the jeans is five seconds away from bursting into sweaty flame.
Poor Ayako. She wouldn't be saying that if she knew even one thing about Snatcher.
I'm not making the same mistake I made last time. We're seeing naked ladies in this update!
Let's hope I didn't pick the door with the goat.
Why is the text emphasizing that she's alive?
About the response you'd expect. Not that it affects anything after this.
There's no need to feel embarrassed. Butt Love is a perfectly natural phenomenon.
And all I have to show for it is a collection of demons hungry for my blood. And a dream nurse.
OK, I can understand Ayako and Yuko, but Yumi? We only spoke to each other once and called it off.
THERE ARE NO OTHER CHOICES.
The goal of this game was to AVOID hitting that pirate koala (did I really just type that?).
I thought the exact opposite, and "won". With a sword to the dick. What a guy.
Oh, like YOU'VE never thought of stabbing a koala? Smug bastards.
"I would like to know why you have refused my presence for so long."
"I believe I just told you. Are you like this with all the women who hate themselves?"
"So what do you say? Do you want things to be like they were before?"
YOU SHALL NOT TAKE ME THIS DAY, SHE-DEMON.
"Remember this: there is no escape."
What's this? Girls are spreading strange rumors or something? Who cares anymore?
Of course! Why didn't I think of this before? Flee the country! It's so simple!
The further away I am from Yahtzee, the better. Smug bastard.
That's right. Carry me away from it all on glorious wings of steel.
I can finally put it all behind me. Just the rich and glorious history of the Middle Kingdom.
Wait, isn't this a dating sim? When did this become a grotesque JRPG?
Hey, I've gotta piss off those guys in the wrestling thread SOMEHOW.
This is the birthday present I got my older sister: a repetitive girl.
My latest date took a real nosedive once my girlfriend went on another of her Neo-Nazi tirades.
Apparently, that koala is beautiful.
Damn it, Nixon! Why couldn't YOU be this awesome?
No, seriously, why is this a JRPG?
With obscure Capcom fighting game influences, apparently?
I don't even know anymore.
"So THAT'S what a penis looks like!"
I know what you guys are thinking. No. It isn't porn.
She's disgusted that you would even think that it's porn.
My, you're looking Marliyn Monroe today. Any particular reason?
Man, Yuko seems really invested in this guy's story about how his wife doesn't give good BJs anymore
"And I'm proud of that, for some reason."
Well, this went dark fast.
Did Twin Peaks have frozen blonde girls anywhere in it? Or is this screenshot nonsensical?
Where the hell was this poorly drawn screenshot on my first playthrough?
Well, this translation makes no sense.
Seriously? A frickin' Doraemon reference?
I like to imagine that last sentence was just slapped in there at the last minute.
It's like the park owners knew I'd get completely shit-faced here.
"You know, you could've ironed that shirt before you decided to put it on. Just saying."
Well, this one's in Australia, so at least it makes sense.
"WE REALLY FUCKING LOVE KOALAS. DIDYA KNOW THAT?"
Just in case you don't understand what's going on in this screenshot, I don't, either.
Those Giger dicks sure are 素晴らしい.
I should mention that I came here to date a completely different girl.
I hope this pack includes Nozomi the Tormentor.
KNM isn't an actual thing. It's just a sly reference to Konami.
This isn't a porn game, you guys.
"What an adorable Hitler Youth."
....Tsukiko? Is that you? What's my baby girl doing at this place?
I don't know if calling them "little people" is culturally sensitive or insensitive.
I'm guessing that this poorly drawn face is supposed to be some type of reward.
Huh. A Guns & Roses reference. Isn't that more Capcom's game?
I have absolutely no goddamn clue what this means.
FUCKING EAT IT, SHIORI (AND OTHER GIRLS)!
Because luck follows clearly measured rules.
Those eyes...those fucking eyes...
Because all animes need a school rooftop.
Well animated, I must say.
I have to imagine this sounds a lot better in Japanese.
Not sure what that is, but alright.
I'm a man who loves his puns.
And then I get to decide somebody else's birthday, because...I have no goddamn clue.
(I didn't think I could get into a top school, but luckily, I made it in.)
That smile....that dumb, "I'm in on it, aren't I?" smile....it's gonna get to me.
"So, you.....".....I just can't look at that face without cracking up each time. DAMN YOU, KONAMI!
(Uh-huh. Let's both do our very best.) "Shiori, did you put a box of tacks on my seat?"
(Oh, the ceremonies are just starting. I'll meet you later. My mom's coming.)
For whatever reason, the most sinister "Konami action game" music plays as soon as this guy appears.
(Uh...well....(What an overly friendly guy...))Aw hell. He's "that guy".
(Well, is that right....Could you tell me what she's like?) "Cutest thing you'll ever see."
Or maybe he's gonna be my romantic rival. Who can say?
"....I just wanted to know what her personality's like, man. How did you even find out her bloodtype
(Mmhm, and her measurements?) OK, that settles it. He's the asshole friend from before.
And this guy....I don't know what's up with him. He reverse blinks.
(But there are a lot of cute girls at this school. Let's do our best.) "At which?"
AH! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE!? NEXT SCREENSHOT. NEXT SCREENSHOT.
(Sorry. Did I keep you waiting?) "How could you keep me waiting?"
(N, no. It's not like that. What are you doing here?) "It isn't safe here, Shiori."
She's explaining a rumor she heard. That rumor? That there's a giant tree in front of the school.
"I had not yet noticed this large tree on the campus. You were wise to alert me to it, Shiori."
And these are our gameplay options, folks. Let me run down the list on the far left:
Appreciate the futility of language.
Mock the preschoolers' art. Smug bastards.
I've got no fucking clue what THAT is.
Tell the skinheads that things just aren't working out anymore.
Make sure the skinheads will never be a problem for you ever again.
The skinheads know your home phone number. You'll have to leave the country.
You'll never escape them. They will find you, no matter what.
They have already dug your grave. Or maybe it's Options.
You have to do it after school...which is apparently mid day. How the hell do Japanese schools work?
Don't you dare try to date this girl's little sister. This girl whom we haven't physically met.
BULLSHIT. THIS GIRL IS NOTHING BUT SMILES AND IGNORANT POOPS.
(There's not much I can do. Looks like I'm heading home alone today.) *maniacal cackling*
(Golden Week begins today.) Ah, Constitution Memorial Day. The perfect day for love.
Night Parade? OK, that sounds less like a fun time for all and more like a time of ritual.
And for my first date, I propose the game center. Will my gaming knowledge win her over?
(Ummm.....Sorry. I've got plans that day.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ytCEuuW2_A
Why do I own a giant black dildo?
YOUR SMILE IS A PRETENDER SMILE. *runs down hall crying*
The hell's that music playing over this screenshot? Is there a Kingdom Hearts battle here?
All you really need to know is that it's one of THOSE annoying minigames.
Plus I'm pretty sure it's tied to your strength stat, anyway, making my previous efforts pointless.
"When she said 'Let's meet at the park', I didn't think she meant a children's playground."
Shiori! You look....different. I wasn't aware you had any emotion besides "childlike squee."
Because you were going to fucking asking for it, anyway. Don't deny it. We both know you were.
(I had fun today.) We had an excellent time standing in this 1 area, asking 1 question, and no more.
"Wait, what's there to be embarrassed about? We just went on a date yesterday. People are gonna know
Later that month, our resident demon "friend" tells us about his plan to cut the giants down to size
"Oh. Well, do you know when you're gonna be ava....She hung up on me."
Ouch. That probably explains why.
It's even worse than I imagined. He still can't tell the difference between rock and scissors.
Do not try to distract me from my goals, Tokimeki Memorial.
(What a weird hairstyle.) And that's all we're gonna know about her for the rest of this feature.
*cries a little bit, knowing I won't get love on that most special day*
"Somebody entering a public bathhouse? What kind of shady shit's going on in this city?"
What happened, Shiori? What happened between us? I remember a time when you were nothing but smiles.
Ah, yes, the famous "walking through the park" scene in every romance novel.
Hooray! Her smile's back! I mean, it's not her trademark smile, but it's a step closer.
IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!!!!!
(Today's my birthday.) I say at night, completely alone.
What sweet hell hath greeted mine eyes?
Sorry, but I don't date girls who look like they got out of strangely abusive relationships.
I really, REALLY hope you didn't just call her a guy.
I think the translation speaks for itself.
For a second, there, I thought Getsuki was implying that he thought this girl was an eel.
The hell is that music? I don't even really know how to describe it.
"I had trouble picking an outfit. What do you think of my jean jacket look?"
Yea, that's one 素敵 Goemon reference on display.
Apparently, she agrees with what she just said a second ago. And it's absolutely adorable.
They really can't get over how amazing that Goemon reference was.
As soon as she appears, the most anime music starts playing. I have no reason to distrust the music.
She manages to speak out each dot, because fuck your rules, man. Fuck 'em hard.
Oh sweet shit. A date at the public library? Am I REALLY that cheap?
(Everybody's quietly studying.) "Why did you think this would be a good place for a date, again?"
Cut to a few days later, when the game introduces me to the girl I'm already dating.
Water tribe building? What? Does that mean I'm living in the world of Avatar?
I have to imagine my character's saying that line through gushing tears.
"I have you to thank for that one. Somehow."
Really? I don't remember buying anything. I don't even remember having that option.
So....it's finally happened. I've lost her. She's gone. It's over.
A fitting present for demon spawn like yourself.
AND HOW DO I THINK I FEEL AFTER FINDING OUT THAT YOU GAVE YOUR BODY TO THE DEVIL!?
Again, pretty sure the translation is all the joke I need.
"No, not really. It's been hard to focus on....well, anything, really, what with the demons around."
You know what? I'm finally ready to move on.
Man, I feel bad for that guy on the left. The other two guys have "We're getting laid" faces.
You know that reverse blinking kid I mentioned a few updates ago? Turns out he's rich.
Or friends, if you want the saccharine answer.
BE GONE, HELL SPAWN. BE GONE ON THIS MOST HALLOWED OF DAYS.
OK, good. I get to pick one of these presents, feeding off Richy Rei's table scraps.
So of course, I go for the one with a bunch of inverted buttcheeks on it.
And am punished accordingly.
Chug down some tea and go crazy with the mikans? Which I guess is the Japanese New Year tradition?
Or I could go out with a girl, for once. A girl who speaks all of her first sentences in English.
That's right, Mr. Mouse. Target the youth. They are the cornerstone of your global conquest.
(Romantic success) It IS a dating sim, after all.
I MUST MOVE ON. I MUST KNOW.
.....I don't know. Something's being granted, probably, but that's the best I can make of it.
Perhaps the wisdom of the graphite gods will be clearer.
And then everything started moving REALLY fast.
And then....darkness. I think we can all infer why.
Oh, you guys are WAY late with this one. A little past a month late, in fact.
So far, I've been greeted with one ambiguous fortune, wide-sweeping darkness, and a girl laughing.
(Fortunately, I got "great luck".) Way to rub it in.
(Maan. I'm jealous.) WAY TO RUB IT IN.
(It's after school. I feel something strange.) Don't we all?
Really? Your face doesn't look sorry. Your face looks...like Shiori's....http://youtu.be/w5-xABFttRk
Perhaps here we can find the waterbending secrets we truly need.
Yep, those three (or four) fish sure do look absolutely gorgeous.
Wait a minute, "So fun" and "とても楽しかったわね" mean the exact same thing.
I'm only taking her here so I can learn what the English word for "horrible fashion sense" is.
Let's just say that it's taking a LOT of will-power not to scream in agony at what I'm seeing.
Hmmm, where do I go with the girl who speaks a lot of English?
Oh, you just KNOW that this girl is related to demons.
Way to miss half the point of Valentine's Day. How's this guy popular with the ladies, again?
Oh. I guess a truck full of yaoi will do the job.
I don't need to translate that laugh. Hatred knows no language.
(Just fucking die.) See? It knows no language.
.......I think she gave me a Chocobo?
GET THEE OUT OF THIS COUNTRY, DEMON SPAWN. OUR TIME TOGETHER IS NO MORE.
YOU DAMN WELL BETTER MEAN IT. (Explanation here: http://japanese.about.com/library/bllesson5.htm )
If you're gonna apologize for anything, apologize for that fashion sense. *snap snap SNAP*
Oh, they're probably just interested in cock. Because that's the only reason girls would ever play.
It's White Day! Pronounced with an H, because I guess life in Japan is a lot like Family Guy.
It's hard not to look at the guy and feeling a boiling rage deep inside your gut.
You can even feel it two hours after he's gone.
Did I have any other choices? (Especially after finding out that I couldn't poison the chocolate?)
The voices...they're coming for me. I can't escape them. They're going to find me, no matter where.
"Oh, you know, that place. Remember? You were....and then we...." ".........*slowly backs away*"
This game suddenly took a dark turn. And with demons still at large, that's saying something.
Against my better wishes, yes. We both occupied space close to each other.
Oh, she was calling THIS guy her big bro. THAT'S CERTAINLY MORE COMFORTING.
("The human female he was courting spoke in broken English. It's only a matter of time before I win.
Did my character just call her a noisy bitch? Yeesh. No wonder the universe hates him.
"The way they just slept in the trees, not moving, even when the handlers tried to move them..."
(But their eyes are scary.) You guys ever see a koala?
I've convinced women to yell "BUTT LOVE!" at the top of their lungs. I'm a glorious monster.
Oh, you thought I was dating Ayako, didn't you? Yet for some reason, Shiori refuses to leave.
"Maybe I should've called her BEFORE I decided to get lit up."
てる? As in fallING? Either Getsuki has been hiding a spider sense from us or time has decayed.
According to Jisho.Org, this name roughly translates to, "The Ultimate Nature of All Things: Moon".
.......She's still ultimate, guys.
Being a little forward with the girl you've just met, aren't you?
I've only just now noticed how disorganized those shelves in the back really are.
For some reason, starting IMMEDIATELY AFTER the day whose name translates to "Gold Day".
You know what I like about all these other girls? They're far more willing to walk home with me.
I have to admit, that IS in character for me.
At last, the Forg People reveal themselves.
Yea, that'd be my response, too.
Who is this lady? What's that square supposed to mean? Why's that person visibly restrained?
"I knew I should've waited until after school, but NOOOOO. I wanted to be unique."
I don't exactly like the use of 飽 in this screenshot. I'm pretty sure it means she's gonna remov
I think you mean 悪夢, not 夢. Unless....have the demons gotten to Getsuki?
Hey, remember the 100 meter dash from LONG ago? Well, this year, I'm choosing a different event.
What do I make of this? Do I love her for her Pokemon hat choice? Or scold her for her shirt?
"But all my other tops were just dirty with sweat and paint."
She says facing away from me.
She says, me facing away from her.
You guys are lucky that I was able to capture this screenshot. Few people see this and live to tell
Interesting that she introduces herself far after we've actually met her.
Oh, oh! This is a perfect chance to teach you guys about contextual learning.
THIS ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE.
Wouldn't want all two of those people to notice you talking. You'd never live it down.
Did she grow teeth just so she could grit them at me?
You know, for a girl so utterly desperate to go out with me, Yuko sure is indifferent toward me.
"Sensitive to fashion, loud. Likes action movies." All you need to know about a gal.
At least my academics improved...somewhat.
"Wait, how am I lucky? YOU'RE the one blackmailing me into this damn date."
Oh, so the girl watching you DOES change. So why has Shiori been hanging out with me so damn much?
"This is such a horrible mistake."
"So what do you want to play f...Why are you lying down on that bench?" "Let's go inside."
Oh, that explains it. She's the demon spawn of a succubus and a preta.
That's right. Play dumb. Maybe she'll lose interest in you and move onto another target.
Or maybe not. Good thing I got this holy water.
That woman in the jeans is five seconds away from bursting into sweaty flame.
Poor Ayako. She wouldn't be saying that if she knew even one thing about Snatcher.
I'm not making the same mistake I made last time. We're seeing naked ladies in this update!
Let's hope I didn't pick the door with the goat.
Why is the text emphasizing that she's alive?
About the response you'd expect. Not that it affects anything after this.
There's no need to feel embarrassed. Butt Love is a perfectly natural phenomenon.
And all I have to show for it is a collection of demons hungry for my blood. And a dream nurse.
OK, I can understand Ayako and Yuko, but Yumi? We only spoke to each other once and called it off.
THERE ARE NO OTHER CHOICES.
The goal of this game was to AVOID hitting that pirate koala (did I really just type that?).
I thought the exact opposite, and "won". With a sword to the dick. What a guy.
Oh, like YOU'VE never thought of stabbing a koala? Smug bastards.
"I would like to know why you have refused my presence for so long."
"I believe I just told you. Are you like this with all the women who hate themselves?"
"So what do you say? Do you want things to be like they were before?"
YOU SHALL NOT TAKE ME THIS DAY, SHE-DEMON.
"Remember this: there is no escape."
What's this? Girls are spreading strange rumors or something? Who cares anymore?
Of course! Why didn't I think of this before? Flee the country! It's so simple!
The further away I am from Yahtzee, the better. Smug bastard.
That's right. Carry me away from it all on glorious wings of steel.
I can finally put it all behind me. Just the rich and glorious history of the Middle Kingdom.
Wait, isn't this a dating sim? When did this become a grotesque JRPG?
Hey, I've gotta piss off those guys in the wrestling thread SOMEHOW.
This is the birthday present I got my older sister: a repetitive girl.
My latest date took a real nosedive once my girlfriend went on another of her Neo-Nazi tirades.
Apparently, that koala is beautiful.
Damn it, Nixon! Why couldn't YOU be this awesome?
No, seriously, why is this a JRPG?
With obscure Capcom fighting game influences, apparently?
I don't even know anymore.
"So THAT'S what a penis looks like!"
I know what you guys are thinking. No. It isn't porn.
She's disgusted that you would even think that it's porn.
My, you're looking Marliyn Monroe today. Any particular reason?
Man, Yuko seems really invested in this guy's story about how his wife doesn't give good BJs anymore
"And I'm proud of that, for some reason."
Well, this went dark fast.
Did Twin Peaks have frozen blonde girls anywhere in it? Or is this screenshot nonsensical?
Where the hell was this poorly drawn screenshot on my first playthrough?
Well, this translation makes no sense.
Seriously? A frickin' Doraemon reference?
I like to imagine that last sentence was just slapped in there at the last minute.
It's like the park owners knew I'd get completely shit-faced here.
"You know, you could've ironed that shirt before you decided to put it on. Just saying."
Well, this one's in Australia, so at least it makes sense.
"WE REALLY FUCKING LOVE KOALAS. DIDYA KNOW THAT?"
Just in case you don't understand what's going on in this screenshot, I don't, either.
Those Giger dicks sure are 素晴らしい.
I should mention that I came here to date a completely different girl.
I hope this pack includes Nozomi the Tormentor.
KNM isn't an actual thing. It's just a sly reference to Konami.
This isn't a porn game, you guys.
"What an adorable Hitler Youth."
....Tsukiko? Is that you? What's my baby girl doing at this place?
I don't know if calling them "little people" is culturally sensitive or insensitive.
I'm guessing that this poorly drawn face is supposed to be some type of reward.
Huh. A Guns & Roses reference. Isn't that more Capcom's game?
I have absolutely no goddamn clue what this means.
FUCKING EAT IT, SHIORI (AND OTHER GIRLS)!
Because luck follows clearly measured rules.
Those eyes...those fucking eyes...
Because all animes need a school rooftop.
Well animated, I must say.
I have to imagine this sounds a lot better in Japanese.
Not sure what that is, but alright.
I'm a man who loves his puns.
And then I get to decide somebody else's birthday, because...I have no goddamn clue.
(I didn't think I could get into a top school, but luckily, I made it in.)
That smile....that dumb, "I'm in on it, aren't I?" smile....it's gonna get to me.
"So, you.....".....I just can't look at that face without cracking up each time. DAMN YOU, KONAMI!
(Uh-huh. Let's both do our very best.) "Shiori, did you put a box of tacks on my seat?"
(Oh, the ceremonies are just starting. I'll meet you later. My mom's coming.)
For whatever reason, the most sinister "Konami action game" music plays as soon as this guy appears.
(Uh...well....(What an overly friendly guy...))Aw hell. He's "that guy".
(Well, is that right....Could you tell me what she's like?) "Cutest thing you'll ever see."
Or maybe he's gonna be my romantic rival. Who can say?
"....I just wanted to know what her personality's like, man. How did you even find out her bloodtype
(Mmhm, and her measurements?) OK, that settles it. He's the asshole friend from before.
And this guy....I don't know what's up with him. He reverse blinks.
(But there are a lot of cute girls at this school. Let's do our best.) "At which?"
AH! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE!? NEXT SCREENSHOT. NEXT SCREENSHOT.
(Sorry. Did I keep you waiting?) "How could you keep me waiting?"
(N, no. It's not like that. What are you doing here?) "It isn't safe here, Shiori."
She's explaining a rumor she heard. That rumor? That there's a giant tree in front of the school.
"I had not yet noticed this large tree on the campus. You were wise to alert me to it, Shiori."
And these are our gameplay options, folks. Let me run down the list on the far left:
Appreciate the futility of language.
Mock the preschoolers' art. Smug bastards.
I've got no fucking clue what THAT is.
Tell the skinheads that things just aren't working out anymore.
Make sure the skinheads will never be a problem for you ever again.
The skinheads know your home phone number. You'll have to leave the country.
You'll never escape them. They will find you, no matter what.
They have already dug your grave. Or maybe it's Options.
You have to do it after school...which is apparently mid day. How the hell do Japanese schools work?
Don't you dare try to date this girl's little sister. This girl whom we haven't physically met.
BULLSHIT. THIS GIRL IS NOTHING BUT SMILES AND IGNORANT POOPS.
(There's not much I can do. Looks like I'm heading home alone today.) *maniacal cackling*
(Golden Week begins today.) Ah, Constitution Memorial Day. The perfect day for love.
Night Parade? OK, that sounds less like a fun time for all and more like a time of ritual.
And for my first date, I propose the game center. Will my gaming knowledge win her over?
(Ummm.....Sorry. I've got plans that day.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ytCEuuW2_A
Why do I own a giant black dildo?
YOUR SMILE IS A PRETENDER SMILE. *runs down hall crying*
The hell's that music playing over this screenshot? Is there a Kingdom Hearts battle here?
All you really need to know is that it's one of THOSE annoying minigames.
Plus I'm pretty sure it's tied to your strength stat, anyway, making my previous efforts pointless.
"When she said 'Let's meet at the park', I didn't think she meant a children's playground."
Shiori! You look....different. I wasn't aware you had any emotion besides "childlike squee."
Because you were going to fucking asking for it, anyway. Don't deny it. We both know you were.
(I had fun today.) We had an excellent time standing in this 1 area, asking 1 question, and no more.
"Wait, what's there to be embarrassed about? We just went on a date yesterday. People are gonna know
Later that month, our resident demon "friend" tells us about his plan to cut the giants down to size
"Oh. Well, do you know when you're gonna be ava....She hung up on me."
Ouch. That probably explains why.
It's even worse than I imagined. He still can't tell the difference between rock and scissors.
Do not try to distract me from my goals, Tokimeki Memorial.
(What a weird hairstyle.) And that's all we're gonna know about her for the rest of this feature.
*cries a little bit, knowing I won't get love on that most special day*
"Somebody entering a public bathhouse? What kind of shady shit's going on in this city?"
What happened, Shiori? What happened between us? I remember a time when you were nothing but smiles.
Ah, yes, the famous "walking through the park" scene in every romance novel.
Hooray! Her smile's back! I mean, it's not her trademark smile, but it's a step closer.
IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!!!!!
(Today's my birthday.) I say at night, completely alone.
What sweet hell hath greeted mine eyes?
Sorry, but I don't date girls who look like they got out of strangely abusive relationships.
I really, REALLY hope you didn't just call her a guy.
I think the translation speaks for itself.
For a second, there, I thought Getsuki was implying that he thought this girl was an eel.
The hell is that music? I don't even really know how to describe it.
"I had trouble picking an outfit. What do you think of my jean jacket look?"
Yea, that's one 素敵 Goemon reference on display.
Apparently, she agrees with what she just said a second ago. And it's absolutely adorable.
They really can't get over how amazing that Goemon reference was.
As soon as she appears, the most anime music starts playing. I have no reason to distrust the music.
She manages to speak out each dot, because fuck your rules, man. Fuck 'em hard.
Oh sweet shit. A date at the public library? Am I REALLY that cheap?
(Everybody's quietly studying.) "Why did you think this would be a good place for a date, again?"
Cut to a few days later, when the game introduces me to the girl I'm already dating.
Water tribe building? What? Does that mean I'm living in the world of Avatar?
I have to imagine my character's saying that line through gushing tears.
"I have you to thank for that one. Somehow."
Really? I don't remember buying anything. I don't even remember having that option.
So....it's finally happened. I've lost her. She's gone. It's over.
A fitting present for demon spawn like yourself.
AND HOW DO I THINK I FEEL AFTER FINDING OUT THAT YOU GAVE YOUR BODY TO THE DEVIL!?
Again, pretty sure the translation is all the joke I need.
"No, not really. It's been hard to focus on....well, anything, really, what with the demons around."
You know what? I'm finally ready to move on.
Man, I feel bad for that guy on the left. The other two guys have "We're getting laid" faces.
You know that reverse blinking kid I mentioned a few updates ago? Turns out he's rich.
Or friends, if you want the saccharine answer.
BE GONE, HELL SPAWN. BE GONE ON THIS MOST HALLOWED OF DAYS.
OK, good. I get to pick one of these presents, feeding off Richy Rei's table scraps.
So of course, I go for the one with a bunch of inverted buttcheeks on it.
And am punished accordingly.
Chug down some tea and go crazy with the mikans? Which I guess is the Japanese New Year tradition?
Or I could go out with a girl, for once. A girl who speaks all of her first sentences in English.
That's right, Mr. Mouse. Target the youth. They are the cornerstone of your global conquest.
(Romantic success) It IS a dating sim, after all.
I MUST MOVE ON. I MUST KNOW.
.....I don't know. Something's being granted, probably, but that's the best I can make of it.
Perhaps the wisdom of the graphite gods will be clearer.
And then everything started moving REALLY fast.
And then....darkness. I think we can all infer why.
Oh, you guys are WAY late with this one. A little past a month late, in fact.
So far, I've been greeted with one ambiguous fortune, wide-sweeping darkness, and a girl laughing.
(Fortunately, I got "great luck".) Way to rub it in.
(Maan. I'm jealous.) WAY TO RUB IT IN.
(It's after school. I feel something strange.) Don't we all?
Really? Your face doesn't look sorry. Your face looks...like Shiori's....http://youtu.be/w5-xABFttRk
Perhaps here we can find the waterbending secrets we truly need.
Yep, those three (or four) fish sure do look absolutely gorgeous.
Wait a minute, "So fun" and "とても楽しかったわね" mean the exact same thing.
I'm only taking her here so I can learn what the English word for "horrible fashion sense" is.
Let's just say that it's taking a LOT of will-power not to scream in agony at what I'm seeing.
Hmmm, where do I go with the girl who speaks a lot of English?
Oh, you just KNOW that this girl is related to demons.
Way to miss half the point of Valentine's Day. How's this guy popular with the ladies, again?
Oh. I guess a truck full of yaoi will do the job.
I don't need to translate that laugh. Hatred knows no language.
(Just fucking die.) See? It knows no language.
.......I think she gave me a Chocobo?
GET THEE OUT OF THIS COUNTRY, DEMON SPAWN. OUR TIME TOGETHER IS NO MORE.
YOU DAMN WELL BETTER MEAN IT. (Explanation here: http://japanese.about.com/library/bllesson5.htm )
If you're gonna apologize for anything, apologize for that fashion sense. *snap snap SNAP*
Oh, they're probably just interested in cock. Because that's the only reason girls would ever play.
It's White Day! Pronounced with an H, because I guess life in Japan is a lot like Family Guy.
It's hard not to look at the guy and feeling a boiling rage deep inside your gut.
You can even feel it two hours after he's gone.
Did I have any other choices? (Especially after finding out that I couldn't poison the chocolate?)
The voices...they're coming for me. I can't escape them. They're going to find me, no matter where.
"Oh, you know, that place. Remember? You were....and then we...." ".........*slowly backs away*"
This game suddenly took a dark turn. And with demons still at large, that's saying something.
Against my better wishes, yes. We both occupied space close to each other.
Oh, she was calling THIS guy her big bro. THAT'S CERTAINLY MORE COMFORTING.
("The human female he was courting spoke in broken English. It's only a matter of time before I win.
Did my character just call her a noisy bitch? Yeesh. No wonder the universe hates him.
"The way they just slept in the trees, not moving, even when the handlers tried to move them..."
(But their eyes are scary.) You guys ever see a koala?
I've convinced women to yell "BUTT LOVE!" at the top of their lungs. I'm a glorious monster.
Oh, you thought I was dating Ayako, didn't you? Yet for some reason, Shiori refuses to leave.
"Maybe I should've called her BEFORE I decided to get lit up."
てる? As in fallING? Either Getsuki has been hiding a spider sense from us or time has decayed.
According to Jisho.Org, this name roughly translates to, "The Ultimate Nature of All Things: Moon".
.......She's still ultimate, guys.
Being a little forward with the girl you've just met, aren't you?
I've only just now noticed how disorganized those shelves in the back really are.
For some reason, starting IMMEDIATELY AFTER the day whose name translates to "Gold Day".
You know what I like about all these other girls? They're far more willing to walk home with me.
I have to admit, that IS in character for me.
At last, the Forg People reveal themselves.
Yea, that'd be my response, too.
Who is this lady? What's that square supposed to mean? Why's that person visibly restrained?
"I knew I should've waited until after school, but NOOOOO. I wanted to be unique."
I don't exactly like the use of 飽 in this screenshot. I'm pretty sure it means she's gonna remov
I think you mean 悪夢, not 夢. Unless....have the demons gotten to Getsuki?
Hey, remember the 100 meter dash from LONG ago? Well, this year, I'm choosing a different event.
What do I make of this? Do I love her for her Pokemon hat choice? Or scold her for her shirt?
"But all my other tops were just dirty with sweat and paint."
She says facing away from me.
She says, me facing away from her.
You guys are lucky that I was able to capture this screenshot. Few people see this and live to tell
Interesting that she introduces herself far after we've actually met her.
Oh, oh! This is a perfect chance to teach you guys about contextual learning.
THIS ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE.
Wouldn't want all two of those people to notice you talking. You'd never live it down.
Did she grow teeth just so she could grit them at me?
You know, for a girl so utterly desperate to go out with me, Yuko sure is indifferent toward me.
"Sensitive to fashion, loud. Likes action movies." All you need to know about a gal.
At least my academics improved...somewhat.
"Wait, how am I lucky? YOU'RE the one blackmailing me into this damn date."
Oh, so the girl watching you DOES change. So why has Shiori been hanging out with me so damn much?
"This is such a horrible mistake."
"So what do you want to play f...Why are you lying down on that bench?" "Let's go inside."
Oh, that explains it. She's the demon spawn of a succubus and a preta.
That's right. Play dumb. Maybe she'll lose interest in you and move onto another target.
Or maybe not. Good thing I got this holy water.
That woman in the jeans is five seconds away from bursting into sweaty flame.
Poor Ayako. She wouldn't be saying that if she knew even one thing about Snatcher.
I'm not making the same mistake I made last time. We're seeing naked ladies in this update!
Let's hope I didn't pick the door with the goat.
Why is the text emphasizing that she's alive?
About the response you'd expect. Not that it affects anything after this.
There's no need to feel embarrassed. Butt Love is a perfectly natural phenomenon.
And all I have to show for it is a collection of demons hungry for my blood. And a dream nurse.
OK, I can understand Ayako and Yuko, but Yumi? We only spoke to each other once and called it off.
THERE ARE NO OTHER CHOICES.
The goal of this game was to AVOID hitting that pirate koala (did I really just type that?).
I thought the exact opposite, and "won". With a sword to the dick. What a guy.
Oh, like YOU'VE never thought of stabbing a koala? Smug bastards.
"I would like to know why you have refused my presence for so long."
"I believe I just told you. Are you like this with all the women who hate themselves?"
"So what do you say? Do you want things to be like they were before?"
YOU SHALL NOT TAKE ME THIS DAY, SHE-DEMON.
"Remember this: there is no escape."
What's this? Girls are spreading strange rumors or something? Who cares anymore?
Of course! Why didn't I think of this before? Flee the country! It's so simple!
The further away I am from Yahtzee, the better. Smug bastard.
That's right. Carry me away from it all on glorious wings of steel.
I can finally put it all behind me. Just the rich and glorious history of the Middle Kingdom.
