Hey, it's better than most games.
She must carry on my legacy.
What bullshit. It was a 土曜日! Get your facts straight, whoever the hell made this game.
But I find the appropriate day nonetheless.
It's a special year for me.
Plus I get to work in my Lunar lineage and all.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_types_in_Japanese_culture
I'm kind of hoping I get light arrows out of this. Tsukiko could use 'em.
"She holds within her a tranquil fury I've ne'er seen in my days."
You know, you may want to go with something other than pithy disapproval.
YOU ASSHOLE. YOU GET OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no idea where that dog came from.
And it just disappears just as quickly.
All's that left of her is that completely useless doll in the back.
Where was this face when that dickhead oracle was loitering outside the house?
SHE'S BEEN MISSING FOR A FUCKING MONTH!? And the worst part is that this happens regularly.
"Daddy, can I have what those men are drinking?" "OH HELL NO, GIRL."
Why are the officials letting a ten year old girl fight a goddamn wolf woman?
It's OK, Tsukiko. I'll "slash her tires" later tonight.
The lesson behind Princess Maker? Ballet makes you a whore.
Your eyes say no, but your words say yes.......That...sounded very rapist, didn't it?
KEEP MOVING, CAT ELF WOMAN THING.
You don't need to know, honey.
Look, I'd have bought her a present if this town hired anybody other than little girls.
Well, of course she's gonna fail if you don't have confidence in her, narrator.
"Daddy, why's my belt from your bathrobe?" "Because apparently the job market sucks."
The hell happened to her waist (and just her waist) over this month?
BRA CUP!? SHE'S ELEVEN!....So of course I buy it.
What's worse: that my baby girl's competing against adults, or that she won?
"Your reward for your cooking skills? This priceless relic from Greek lore!"
I WILL ALLOW NO SUCH THING, YOU SICK FREAK.
Trust me: it's worth it not to eat this thing.
I....I have no idea what this shop is. I think it's a random event.
You thought you could sneak that shit past me, didn't you?
OK, maybe it wasn't worth it to let this thing survive.
My Little Napoleony: Empires are Magic.
Oh, you don't want to know what this bad boy is.
"You bought WHAT!? Do you know how old I am!?"
And yet she still stays pissed at me for, like, a month. Girl knows how to hold a grudge.
What the fuck is that thing on the far right? I honestly have no clue what that is.
And she's also grown slightly older, apparently. (Or maybe she just changed posture.)
Just in case you can't tell, she's supposed to be a scarecrow.
After all these...twos of years, you still know it. Brings a tear to your eye.
Where's the "You're Challenging Pre-Teens to Fights so You Can Feel Good About Yourself" card?
I.......I'm not ready for these types of questions.
Tsukiko, what did I tell you about playing with the phantom dog?
Trust me: you could be wearing something far worse. (And knowing this thread, you probably will.)
I guess puberty turned my girl into an alien child. Go figure.
ANOTHER YEAR! Eat it, other people! And then cry in shame, knowing that your cooking can't compare!
Wait a minute. Shrimp/Fruit-Sauce Stew? How much LSD did Tsukiko use?
The smoked, juicy taste of extinction.
"And I have to eat this every month?"
Tsukiko Kinian: a sensitive little flower who will have no problems punching your teeth out.
The hell are YOU worried about? She's got, like, two weeks of vacation. I think she's gonna be fine.
Mind telling me where her chair is, Teach?
That's better. Only took you four days.
Oh, trust me, you don't WANT to know what this is. Nobody does.
.........You have my attention.
You've gotta learn to telegraph your emotions better, Tsukiko.
Probably through a reality TV show on VH1. I'm not takin' it.
Which one of you dickheads sent her this thread? I don't want her getting any funny ideas from you.
I think the translation can speak for itself.
All from talking to whatever the fuck that was. I don't pretend to understand parenthood.
"So....that was something, huh?"
Keep it packing, asshole.
I have to imagine the fun was in tracking down her visitors and punching them silly.
Here's what a birthday looks like in Princess Maker. Apparently, it's all winking and racist cakes.
Is she....she's taking a dump behind that partition, isn't she?
Busy with what? I haven't even scheduled anything yet....This....this can't be good. Like, at all.
You know, a safe summer job for kids.
Before she can master magic, she must first master the hoops.
How would you even know that? You've never stepped in a church in your life."
You're 13, Tsukiko. This is too old to be forgetting when your birthday is.
"And tomorrow, the hammer...comes down. And all shall know my fury."
I love how each one is progressively more demented.
Uh, she's right there. Maybe you'd know that if you opened your eyes.
ANOTHER FUCKING YEAR. EAT IT, OTHER PEOPLE.
"I just can't handle all that stress. Choosing a magic card over an attack card....it's too much."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOBWKXRcCdQ
I don't know what that says, but I don't like what I THINK it says.
She just holds that dog in her arms, staring at the ocean the whole time, waiting for the end.
It's like this game just barely encourages parental neglect.
I'm kind of in the dark as to how "道を行く" factors into this.
And you must be.....I don't know what you are. A Shining Force character, I take it?
I've read about you. Keep it moving, sister. http://bit.ly/1adAtok
Don't forget deadlifting tractors.
Yea, I'm just as confused as you are. "*knocks on door* I SHALL BE THE SUPREME COOK IN THIS TOWN."
Oh, hell. You know what, Tsukiko? Let's let her have this one. At least you have other talents.
And it's just now that I realized I probably should've sent her to some more etiquette classes.
"I've just met my life-long bitter enemy. This sure is relaxing."
How the hell would you know? I don't recall sending you to any art classes in your life.
No. My daughter must carry on the weeaboo legacy. Hell, she's already got the Japanese part down.
I'm with you on this one. You're far too old to still be using dolls.
I was hoping to avoid any and all comments about her clearly-on-display bust size.
She insisted. Something about putting that Lilly girl in her place? I don't know.
"Tsukiko, have you been making a deal with the devil to crush Lilly?"
Let my daughter's demonic strength decimate this middle-aged librarian teen.
I guess that's supposed to be her on the far left.
"And accepting an honorary award for achievements in racism is Rajah."
I think that says "Pumpkin Fruit-Sauce Pie"? How the hell do these people win with such concoctions?
"That dish you.....it tasted really g..." "Are you crying, Lilly? It's OK if you are."
She's still trying to process that whole "absolutely destroyed a young girl's life" thing.
Or maybe she's trying to figure out why our house has such increasingly anime guests. Who can say?
Oh, you know it. We haven't even tried out the "wander out into the wilderness" option.
Because these strangers never pay any dividends.
What is it? You know you can tell me anything, honey.
Oh. Ouch. I see how it is. WELL WHY DON'T YOU GO LIVE WITH HIM IF YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH!?
I've known about this screen for some time, but I've only just now discovered this guardian part.
Wait, WHAT!? 力!? This girl can lift frigging mountains, and you see it fit to give her MORE power!
"Her disposition went up five points"? Mind giving me some context so I can understand that?
How long until I force her to take this badass job?
Not very long, as it turns out. Then again, it might've been a mistake to let her near Pig Mario.
I can only really describe this job as "bad" OR "ass".
You're old enough to kill people for a living, and your next job is one of the worst in the game.
A fairy princess outfit? Am I reading that right? Sure? Why the fuck not?
Or maybe something straight out of Cinderella. Seems fitting, what with all the menial labor.
This picture has absolutely no relevance to the thread or your opinion on it.
"No, no, you don't understand. The kid was choking on his own stupidity."
You're wearing the lightest dress in the game. I'm drawing the line here.
This is what happens if you try to get your daughter competing in anything other than cooking.
I'm gonna be honest with you: this dish is making no sense to me.
Because apparently, it wasn't THAT Lilly.
Grilled Pie with Tomato and Calvados Sauce? Fucking fuck, man. Do cooks just throw shit together?
"Hey, listen, sorry about that other Lilly woman winning second place over you."
This has to be the fourth or fifth year in a row that you've been given this choice.
It's apparently part of the Queen's schedule each month: sit with random village girl and have tea.
"Strength and beauty"......yea, that sounds like an apt way to describe Tsukiko.
And by that, I mean my girl could drop kick a fucking elephant and then feel bad about it.
Oh, you know it. You all know it.
Of course it is. Neither your portrait nor your sprites ever change to reflect your stats.
And just when you thought you would see him no more, Phantom Dog returns once more.
It was probably a bad idea to let Tsukiko work with swords so much without teaching her how first.
Now that she's reached the age of consent, she's legally allowed to work the worst job in the game.
Oh, it's nothing, Tsukiko. That's just how you know you're becoming a woman. A crazy, crazy woman.
The call of the Wind Spirit beckons her to the wilds. The dull, uneventful wilds.
"HOW CAN SOMEBODY'S SKIN STRETCH THAT FAR!?"
After all this time with the game, I still have no idea what was in that damn chest.
Behold, the fruits of my arborial labor: a confusing raise in morals and sin.
Now when you say "さっそく"....
What are you talking about? That clown at the Coliseum seemed to think you were alright.
I was hoping you wouldn't.
Now all she needs are roller-skates.
"Tomato and Oyster-Flavored Natto". Damn it, Lilly.
Roast Oyster Stew Natto. That's the closest thing in this game I've seen to an even remotely yummy.
"For somebody with such a beautiful heart, I brought you a heart from a beautiful creature."
Or maybe it's a....whatever the hell this is. It doesn't show up in the inventory.
And upon her seventh birthday, she finally learned the arcane art of "spunk".
"I have come to train you in the way of the Valkyrie."
Oh, you thought I was kidding, didn't you? Nope; turns out she was actually visited by a war god.
And Tsukiko just takes it all in stride. I've done a good job raising this girl.
Well, maybe not in the analogy department. I'm working on it, though. Promise!
"Nothing can stand in the way of her awesome fury, and I am A-OK with that."
And just in case you doubted me on the last screenshot, here's a screenshot of her strength maxed.
Somehow, this is MORE disturbing than what I Photoshopped in.
RECORD SETTING CURRY STEW WHATEVER! NONE CAN MATCH TSUKIKO'S COOKING PROWESS!
A whole slew of previously established characters suddenly returning to thank Tsukiko?
OK, so according to this game, her name isn't Tsukiko Kinian. It's Tsukiko Videogameking.
"Hey! Guard duty's a fine job! How dare you talk about it like that!"
Don't you blame me, girl. That random outburst is all on you.
Recognize, motherfuckers.
W...wait a minute. Why's the calendar ending prematurely? What's going on?
If this is going to end, I at least want to send her off on a happy note.
You hug that dog. You hug that ghost dog to your heart's content, my little princess.
The ominous nomenclature certainly isn't making this any easier.
And neither is the busted nomenclature.
But of course, I must tutor her in the finer arts.
Why are you asking what job she wants to go into? I believe we already have our answer.
Hopefully for a prince. You know, given that title and everything.
DON'T YOU SAY THAT, TSUKIKO. I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS.
Oh, let me guess: this whistling asshole is your husband now, isn't he? FUCK!
Well, you've already botched it with me.
Tsukiko, you could've made me feel A LOT better if you'd gotten a job ON TOP OF being a wife.
"They live off the money he grifts from children and streetgoers."
"Knowing that poor Lilly girl couldn't even get a job at Taco Bell....so joyous."
What, pray tell, does Superman have against bodhisattvas?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND, TSUKIKO? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE DARK PATH YOU HAVE SUBJECTED YOURSELF TO?
Just in case I forgot all the stats that I determined myself.
And just in case you forgot how little her waist has grown.
See, Tsukiko? This is what happens when you become a house wife.
Titan-esque strength + Fragile Dreams levels of emotional sensitivity = kinda mediocre fighting stat
Her magic and social skills, on the other hand, are alright. Probably explains how she ended up here
"Here's your reward for completing our game: naked teenagers covering themselves with bedsheets."
Everything else was ripped from Darius +, if you can believe it.
Did Gainax kidnap an entire family and force them to work on this game for meager scraps?
What's stranger: the one graphic, or that there's somebody named Chibi Person?
Well, that certainly explains the sardonic, anti-religious attitude to this game.
Just a flower. That is all.
If you can believe it, things get weirder from here.
Like when the credits start writing out Japanese using Latin letters, for some weird reason.
No, you don't understand. That's actually a really obscure jinmeiyou kanji and not sloppiness.
I don't even know anymore.
"Bowl to Win"? I'd agree with that statement if there were any bowls in this game. Like, at all.
That explains all the bouncing titties.
That explains.....wait, Takara? OH, FUCK. NEXT.
What have you got for me?
Hey, it's better than most games.
She must carry on my legacy.
What bullshit. It was a 土曜日! Get your facts straight, whoever the hell made this game.
But I find the appropriate day nonetheless.
It's a special year for me.
Plus I get to work in my Lunar lineage and all.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_types_in_Japanese_culture
I'm kind of hoping I get light arrows out of this. Tsukiko could use 'em.
"She holds within her a tranquil fury I've ne'er seen in my days."
You know, you may want to go with something other than pithy disapproval.
YOU ASSHOLE. YOU GET OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no idea where that dog came from.
And it just disappears just as quickly.
All's that left of her is that completely useless doll in the back.
Where was this face when that dickhead oracle was loitering outside the house?
SHE'S BEEN MISSING FOR A FUCKING MONTH!? And the worst part is that this happens regularly.
"Daddy, can I have what those men are drinking?" "OH HELL NO, GIRL."
Why are the officials letting a ten year old girl fight a goddamn wolf woman?
It's OK, Tsukiko. I'll "slash her tires" later tonight.
The lesson behind Princess Maker? Ballet makes you a whore.
Your eyes say no, but your words say yes.......That...sounded very rapist, didn't it?
KEEP MOVING, CAT ELF WOMAN THING.
You don't need to know, honey.
Look, I'd have bought her a present if this town hired anybody other than little girls.
Well, of course she's gonna fail if you don't have confidence in her, narrator.
"Daddy, why's my belt from your bathrobe?" "Because apparently the job market sucks."
The hell happened to her waist (and just her waist) over this month?
BRA CUP!? SHE'S ELEVEN!....So of course I buy it.
What's worse: that my baby girl's competing against adults, or that she won?
"Your reward for your cooking skills? This priceless relic from Greek lore!"
I WILL ALLOW NO SUCH THING, YOU SICK FREAK.
Trust me: it's worth it not to eat this thing.
I....I have no idea what this shop is. I think it's a random event.
You thought you could sneak that shit past me, didn't you?
OK, maybe it wasn't worth it to let this thing survive.
My Little Napoleony: Empires are Magic.
Oh, you don't want to know what this bad boy is.
"You bought WHAT!? Do you know how old I am!?"
And yet she still stays pissed at me for, like, a month. Girl knows how to hold a grudge.
What the fuck is that thing on the far right? I honestly have no clue what that is.
And she's also grown slightly older, apparently. (Or maybe she just changed posture.)
Just in case you can't tell, she's supposed to be a scarecrow.
After all these...twos of years, you still know it. Brings a tear to your eye.
Where's the "You're Challenging Pre-Teens to Fights so You Can Feel Good About Yourself" card?
I.......I'm not ready for these types of questions.
Tsukiko, what did I tell you about playing with the phantom dog?
Trust me: you could be wearing something far worse. (And knowing this thread, you probably will.)
I guess puberty turned my girl into an alien child. Go figure.
ANOTHER YEAR! Eat it, other people! And then cry in shame, knowing that your cooking can't compare!
Wait a minute. Shrimp/Fruit-Sauce Stew? How much LSD did Tsukiko use?
The smoked, juicy taste of extinction.
"And I have to eat this every month?"
Tsukiko Kinian: a sensitive little flower who will have no problems punching your teeth out.
The hell are YOU worried about? She's got, like, two weeks of vacation. I think she's gonna be fine.
Mind telling me where her chair is, Teach?
That's better. Only took you four days.
Oh, trust me, you don't WANT to know what this is. Nobody does.
.........You have my attention.
You've gotta learn to telegraph your emotions better, Tsukiko.
Probably through a reality TV show on VH1. I'm not takin' it.
Which one of you dickheads sent her this thread? I don't want her getting any funny ideas from you.
I think the translation can speak for itself.
All from talking to whatever the fuck that was. I don't pretend to understand parenthood.
"So....that was something, huh?"
Keep it packing, asshole.
I have to imagine the fun was in tracking down her visitors and punching them silly.
Here's what a birthday looks like in Princess Maker. Apparently, it's all winking and racist cakes.
Is she....she's taking a dump behind that partition, isn't she?
Busy with what? I haven't even scheduled anything yet....This....this can't be good. Like, at all.
You know, a safe summer job for kids.
Before she can master magic, she must first master the hoops.
How would you even know that? You've never stepped in a church in your life."
You're 13, Tsukiko. This is too old to be forgetting when your birthday is.
"And tomorrow, the hammer...comes down. And all shall know my fury."
I love how each one is progressively more demented.
Uh, she's right there. Maybe you'd know that if you opened your eyes.
ANOTHER FUCKING YEAR. EAT IT, OTHER PEOPLE.
"I just can't handle all that stress. Choosing a magic card over an attack card....it's too much."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOBWKXRcCdQ
I don't know what that says, but I don't like what I THINK it says.
She just holds that dog in her arms, staring at the ocean the whole time, waiting for the end.
It's like this game just barely encourages parental neglect.
I'm kind of in the dark as to how "道を行く" factors into this.
And you must be.....I don't know what you are. A Shining Force character, I take it?
I've read about you. Keep it moving, sister. http://bit.ly/1adAtok
Don't forget deadlifting tractors.
Yea, I'm just as confused as you are. "*knocks on door* I SHALL BE THE SUPREME COOK IN THIS TOWN."
Oh, hell. You know what, Tsukiko? Let's let her have this one. At least you have other talents.
And it's just now that I realized I probably should've sent her to some more etiquette classes.
"I've just met my life-long bitter enemy. This sure is relaxing."
How the hell would you know? I don't recall sending you to any art classes in your life.
No. My daughter must carry on the weeaboo legacy. Hell, she's already got the Japanese part down.
I'm with you on this one. You're far too old to still be using dolls.
I was hoping to avoid any and all comments about her clearly-on-display bust size.
She insisted. Something about putting that Lilly girl in her place? I don't know.
"Tsukiko, have you been making a deal with the devil to crush Lilly?"
Let my daughter's demonic strength decimate this middle-aged librarian teen.
I guess that's supposed to be her on the far left.
"And accepting an honorary award for achievements in racism is Rajah."
I think that says "Pumpkin Fruit-Sauce Pie"? How the hell do these people win with such concoctions?
"That dish you.....it tasted really g..." "Are you crying, Lilly? It's OK if you are."
She's still trying to process that whole "absolutely destroyed a young girl's life" thing.
Or maybe she's trying to figure out why our house has such increasingly anime guests. Who can say?
Oh, you know it. We haven't even tried out the "wander out into the wilderness" option.
Because these strangers never pay any dividends.
What is it? You know you can tell me anything, honey.
Oh. Ouch. I see how it is. WELL WHY DON'T YOU GO LIVE WITH HIM IF YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH!?
I've known about this screen for some time, but I've only just now discovered this guardian part.
Wait, WHAT!? 力!? This girl can lift frigging mountains, and you see it fit to give her MORE power!
"Her disposition went up five points"? Mind giving me some context so I can understand that?
How long until I force her to take this badass job?
Not very long, as it turns out. Then again, it might've been a mistake to let her near Pig Mario.
I can only really describe this job as "bad" OR "ass".
You're old enough to kill people for a living, and your next job is one of the worst in the game.
A fairy princess outfit? Am I reading that right? Sure? Why the fuck not?
Or maybe something straight out of Cinderella. Seems fitting, what with all the menial labor.
This picture has absolutely no relevance to the thread or your opinion on it.
"No, no, you don't understand. The kid was choking on his own stupidity."
You're wearing the lightest dress in the game. I'm drawing the line here.
This is what happens if you try to get your daughter competing in anything other than cooking.
I'm gonna be honest with you: this dish is making no sense to me.
Because apparently, it wasn't THAT Lilly.
Grilled Pie with Tomato and Calvados Sauce? Fucking fuck, man. Do cooks just throw shit together?
"Hey, listen, sorry about that other Lilly woman winning second place over you."
This has to be the fourth or fifth year in a row that you've been given this choice.
It's apparently part of the Queen's schedule each month: sit with random village girl and have tea.
"Strength and beauty"......yea, that sounds like an apt way to describe Tsukiko.
And by that, I mean my girl could drop kick a fucking elephant and then feel bad about it.
Oh, you know it. You all know it.
Of course it is. Neither your portrait nor your sprites ever change to reflect your stats.
And just when you thought you would see him no more, Phantom Dog returns once more.
It was probably a bad idea to let Tsukiko work with swords so much without teaching her how first.
Now that she's reached the age of consent, she's legally allowed to work the worst job in the game.
Oh, it's nothing, Tsukiko. That's just how you know you're becoming a woman. A crazy, crazy woman.
The call of the Wind Spirit beckons her to the wilds. The dull, uneventful wilds.
"HOW CAN SOMEBODY'S SKIN STRETCH THAT FAR!?"
After all this time with the game, I still have no idea what was in that damn chest.
Behold, the fruits of my arborial labor: a confusing raise in morals and sin.
Now when you say "さっそく"....
What are you talking about? That clown at the Coliseum seemed to think you were alright.
I was hoping you wouldn't.
Now all she needs are roller-skates.
"Tomato and Oyster-Flavored Natto". Damn it, Lilly.
Roast Oyster Stew Natto. That's the closest thing in this game I've seen to an even remotely yummy.
"For somebody with such a beautiful heart, I brought you a heart from a beautiful creature."
Or maybe it's a....whatever the hell this is. It doesn't show up in the inventory.
And upon her seventh birthday, she finally learned the arcane art of "spunk".
"I have come to train you in the way of the Valkyrie."
Oh, you thought I was kidding, didn't you? Nope; turns out she was actually visited by a war god.
And Tsukiko just takes it all in stride. I've done a good job raising this girl.
Well, maybe not in the analogy department. I'm working on it, though. Promise!
"Nothing can stand in the way of her awesome fury, and I am A-OK with that."
And just in case you doubted me on the last screenshot, here's a screenshot of her strength maxed.
Somehow, this is MORE disturbing than what I Photoshopped in.
RECORD SETTING CURRY STEW WHATEVER! NONE CAN MATCH TSUKIKO'S COOKING PROWESS!
A whole slew of previously established characters suddenly returning to thank Tsukiko?
OK, so according to this game, her name isn't Tsukiko Kinian. It's Tsukiko Videogameking.
"Hey! Guard duty's a fine job! How dare you talk about it like that!"
Don't you blame me, girl. That random outburst is all on you.
Recognize, motherfuckers.
W...wait a minute. Why's the calendar ending prematurely? What's going on?
If this is going to end, I at least want to send her off on a happy note.
You hug that dog. You hug that ghost dog to your heart's content, my little princess.
The ominous nomenclature certainly isn't making this any easier.
And neither is the busted nomenclature.
But of course, I must tutor her in the finer arts.
Why are you asking what job she wants to go into? I believe we already have our answer.
Hopefully for a prince. You know, given that title and everything.
DON'T YOU SAY THAT, TSUKIKO. I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS.
Oh, let me guess: this whistling asshole is your husband now, isn't he? FUCK!
Well, you've already botched it with me.
Tsukiko, you could've made me feel A LOT better if you'd gotten a job ON TOP OF being a wife.
"They live off the money he grifts from children and streetgoers."
"Knowing that poor Lilly girl couldn't even get a job at Taco Bell....so joyous."
What, pray tell, does Superman have against bodhisattvas?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND, TSUKIKO? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE DARK PATH YOU HAVE SUBJECTED YOURSELF TO?
Just in case I forgot all the stats that I determined myself.
And just in case you forgot how little her waist has grown.
See, Tsukiko? This is what happens when you become a house wife.
Titan-esque strength + Fragile Dreams levels of emotional sensitivity = kinda mediocre fighting stat
Her magic and social skills, on the other hand, are alright. Probably explains how she ended up here
"Here's your reward for completing our game: naked teenagers covering themselves with bedsheets."
Everything else was ripped from Darius +, if you can believe it.
Did Gainax kidnap an entire family and force them to work on this game for meager scraps?
What's stranger: the one graphic, or that there's somebody named Chibi Person?
Well, that certainly explains the sardonic, anti-religious attitude to this game.
Just a flower. That is all.
If you can believe it, things get weirder from here.
Like when the credits start writing out Japanese using Latin letters, for some weird reason.
No, you don't understand. That's actually a really obscure jinmeiyou kanji and not sloppiness.
I don't even know anymore.
"Bowl to Win"? I'd agree with that statement if there were any bowls in this game. Like, at all.
That explains all the bouncing titties.
That explains.....wait, Takara? OH, FUCK. NEXT.
What have you got for me?
Hey, it's better than most games.
She must carry on my legacy.
What bullshit. It was a 土曜日! Get your facts straight, whoever the hell made this game.
But I find the appropriate day nonetheless.
It's a special year for me.
Plus I get to work in my Lunar lineage and all.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_types_in_Japanese_culture
I'm kind of hoping I get light arrows out of this. Tsukiko could use 'em.
"She holds within her a tranquil fury I've ne'er seen in my days."
You know, you may want to go with something other than pithy disapproval.
YOU ASSHOLE. YOU GET OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no idea where that dog came from.
And it just disappears just as quickly.
All's that left of her is that completely useless doll in the back.
Where was this face when that dickhead oracle was loitering outside the house?
SHE'S BEEN MISSING FOR A FUCKING MONTH!? And the worst part is that this happens regularly.
"Daddy, can I have what those men are drinking?" "OH HELL NO, GIRL."
Why are the officials letting a ten year old girl fight a goddamn wolf woman?
It's OK, Tsukiko. I'll "slash her tires" later tonight.
The lesson behind Princess Maker? Ballet makes you a whore.
Your eyes say no, but your words say yes.......That...sounded very rapist, didn't it?
KEEP MOVING, CAT ELF WOMAN THING.
You don't need to know, honey.
Look, I'd have bought her a present if this town hired anybody other than little girls.
Well, of course she's gonna fail if you don't have confidence in her, narrator.
"Daddy, why's my belt from your bathrobe?" "Because apparently the job market sucks."
The hell happened to her waist (and just her waist) over this month?
BRA CUP!? SHE'S ELEVEN!....So of course I buy it.
What's worse: that my baby girl's competing against adults, or that she won?
"Your reward for your cooking skills? This priceless relic from Greek lore!"
I WILL ALLOW NO SUCH THING, YOU SICK FREAK.
Trust me: it's worth it not to eat this thing.
I....I have no idea what this shop is. I think it's a random event.
You thought you could sneak that shit past me, didn't you?
OK, maybe it wasn't worth it to let this thing survive.
My Little Napoleony: Empires are Magic.
Oh, you don't want to know what this bad boy is.
"You bought WHAT!? Do you know how old I am!?"
And yet she still stays pissed at me for, like, a month. Girl knows how to hold a grudge.
What the fuck is that thing on the far right? I honestly have no clue what that is.
And she's also grown slightly older, apparently. (Or maybe she just changed posture.)
Just in case you can't tell, she's supposed to be a scarecrow.
After all these...twos of years, you still know it. Brings a tear to your eye.
Where's the "You're Challenging Pre-Teens to Fights so You Can Feel Good About Yourself" card?
I.......I'm not ready for these types of questions.
Tsukiko, what did I tell you about playing with the phantom dog?
Trust me: you could be wearing something far worse. (And knowing this thread, you probably will.)
I guess puberty turned my girl into an alien child. Go figure.
ANOTHER YEAR! Eat it, other people! And then cry in shame, knowing that your cooking can't compare!
Wait a minute. Shrimp/Fruit-Sauce Stew? How much LSD did Tsukiko use?
The smoked, juicy taste of extinction.
"And I have to eat this every month?"
Tsukiko Kinian: a sensitive little flower who will have no problems punching your teeth out.
The hell are YOU worried about? She's got, like, two weeks of vacation. I think she's gonna be fine.
Mind telling me where her chair is, Teach?
That's better. Only took you four days.
Oh, trust me, you don't WANT to know what this is. Nobody does.
.........You have my attention.
You've gotta learn to telegraph your emotions better, Tsukiko.
Probably through a reality TV show on VH1. I'm not takin' it.
Which one of you dickheads sent her this thread? I don't want her getting any funny ideas from you.
I think the translation can speak for itself.
All from talking to whatever the fuck that was. I don't pretend to understand parenthood.
"So....that was something, huh?"
Keep it packing, asshole.
I have to imagine the fun was in tracking down her visitors and punching them silly.
Here's what a birthday looks like in Princess Maker. Apparently, it's all winking and racist cakes.
Is she....she's taking a dump behind that partition, isn't she?
Busy with what? I haven't even scheduled anything yet....This....this can't be good. Like, at all.
You know, a safe summer job for kids.
Before she can master magic, she must first master the hoops.
How would you even know that? You've never stepped in a church in your life."
You're 13, Tsukiko. This is too old to be forgetting when your birthday is.
"And tomorrow, the hammer...comes down. And all shall know my fury."
I love how each one is progressively more demented.
Uh, she's right there. Maybe you'd know that if you opened your eyes.
ANOTHER FUCKING YEAR. EAT IT, OTHER PEOPLE.
"I just can't handle all that stress. Choosing a magic card over an attack card....it's too much."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOBWKXRcCdQ
I don't know what that says, but I don't like what I THINK it says.
She just holds that dog in her arms, staring at the ocean the whole time, waiting for the end.
It's like this game just barely encourages parental neglect.
I'm kind of in the dark as to how "道を行く" factors into this.
And you must be.....I don't know what you are. A Shining Force character, I take it?
I've read about you. Keep it moving, sister. http://bit.ly/1adAtok
Don't forget deadlifting tractors.
Yea, I'm just as confused as you are. "*knocks on door* I SHALL BE THE SUPREME COOK IN THIS TOWN."
Oh, hell. You know what, Tsukiko? Let's let her have this one. At least you have other talents.
And it's just now that I realized I probably should've sent her to some more etiquette classes.
"I've just met my life-long bitter enemy. This sure is relaxing."
How the hell would you know? I don't recall sending you to any art classes in your life.
No. My daughter must carry on the weeaboo legacy. Hell, she's already got the Japanese part down.
I'm with you on this one. You're far too old to still be using dolls.
I was hoping to avoid any and all comments about her clearly-on-display bust size.
She insisted. Something about putting that Lilly girl in her place? I don't know.
"Tsukiko, have you been making a deal with the devil to crush Lilly?"
Let my daughter's demonic strength decimate this middle-aged librarian teen.
I guess that's supposed to be her on the far left.
"And accepting an honorary award for achievements in racism is Rajah."
I think that says "Pumpkin Fruit-Sauce Pie"? How the hell do these people win with such concoctions?
"That dish you.....it tasted really g..." "Are you crying, Lilly? It's OK if you are."
She's still trying to process that whole "absolutely destroyed a young girl's life" thing.
Or maybe she's trying to figure out why our house has such increasingly anime guests. Who can say?
Oh, you know it. We haven't even tried out the "wander out into the wilderness" option.
Because these strangers never pay any dividends.
What is it? You know you can tell me anything, honey.
Oh. Ouch. I see how it is. WELL WHY DON'T YOU GO LIVE WITH HIM IF YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH!?
I've known about this screen for some time, but I've only just now discovered this guardian part.
Wait, WHAT!? 力!? This girl can lift frigging mountains, and you see it fit to give her MORE power!
"Her disposition went up five points"? Mind giving me some context so I can understand that?
How long until I force her to take this badass job?
Not very long, as it turns out. Then again, it might've been a mistake to let her near Pig Mario.
I can only really describe this job as "bad" OR "ass".
You're old enough to kill people for a living, and your next job is one of the worst in the game.
A fairy princess outfit? Am I reading that right? Sure? Why the fuck not?
Or maybe something straight out of Cinderella. Seems fitting, what with all the menial labor.
This picture has absolutely no relevance to the thread or your opinion on it.
"No, no, you don't understand. The kid was choking on his own stupidity."
You're wearing the lightest dress in the game. I'm drawing the line here.
This is what happens if you try to get your daughter competing in anything other than cooking.
I'm gonna be honest with you: this dish is making no sense to me.
Because apparently, it wasn't THAT Lilly.
Grilled Pie with Tomato and Calvados Sauce? Fucking fuck, man. Do cooks just throw shit together?
"Hey, listen, sorry about that other Lilly woman winning second place over you."
This has to be the fourth or fifth year in a row that you've been given this choice.
It's apparently part of the Queen's schedule each month: sit with random village girl and have tea.
"Strength and beauty"......yea, that sounds like an apt way to describe Tsukiko.
And by that, I mean my girl could drop kick a fucking elephant and then feel bad about it.
Oh, you know it. You all know it.
Of course it is. Neither your portrait nor your sprites ever change to reflect your stats.
And just when you thought you would see him no more, Phantom Dog returns once more.
It was probably a bad idea to let Tsukiko work with swords so much without teaching her how first.
Now that she's reached the age of consent, she's legally allowed to work the worst job in the game.
Oh, it's nothing, Tsukiko. That's just how you know you're becoming a woman. A crazy, crazy woman.
The call of the Wind Spirit beckons her to the wilds. The dull, uneventful wilds.
"HOW CAN SOMEBODY'S SKIN STRETCH THAT FAR!?"
After all this time with the game, I still have no idea what was in that damn chest.
Behold, the fruits of my arborial labor: a confusing raise in morals and sin.
Now when you say "さっそく"....
What are you talking about? That clown at the Coliseum seemed to think you were alright.
I was hoping you wouldn't.
Now all she needs are roller-skates.
"Tomato and Oyster-Flavored Natto". Damn it, Lilly.
Roast Oyster Stew Natto. That's the closest thing in this game I've seen to an even remotely yummy.
"For somebody with such a beautiful heart, I brought you a heart from a beautiful creature."
Or maybe it's a....whatever the hell this is. It doesn't show up in the inventory.
And upon her seventh birthday, she finally learned the arcane art of "spunk".
"I have come to train you in the way of the Valkyrie."
Oh, you thought I was kidding, didn't you? Nope; turns out she was actually visited by a war god.
And Tsukiko just takes it all in stride. I've done a good job raising this girl.
Well, maybe not in the analogy department. I'm working on it, though. Promise!
"Nothing can stand in the way of her awesome fury, and I am A-OK with that."
And just in case you doubted me on the last screenshot, here's a screenshot of her strength maxed.
Somehow, this is MORE disturbing than what I Photoshopped in.
RECORD SETTING CURRY STEW WHATEVER! NONE CAN MATCH TSUKIKO'S COOKING PROWESS!
A whole slew of previously established characters suddenly returning to thank Tsukiko?
OK, so according to this game, her name isn't Tsukiko Kinian. It's Tsukiko Videogameking.
"Hey! Guard duty's a fine job! How dare you talk about it like that!"
Don't you blame me, girl. That random outburst is all on you.
Recognize, motherfuckers.
W...wait a minute. Why's the calendar ending prematurely? What's going on?
If this is going to end, I at least want to send her off on a happy note.
You hug that dog. You hug that ghost dog to your heart's content, my little princess.
The ominous nomenclature certainly isn't making this any easier.
And neither is the busted nomenclature.
But of course, I must tutor her in the finer arts.
Why are you asking what job she wants to go into? I believe we already have our answer.
Hopefully for a prince. You know, given that title and everything.
DON'T YOU SAY THAT, TSUKIKO. I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS.
Oh, let me guess: this whistling asshole is your husband now, isn't he? FUCK!
Well, you've already botched it with me.
Tsukiko, you could've made me feel A LOT better if you'd gotten a job ON TOP OF being a wife.
"They live off the money he grifts from children and streetgoers."
"Knowing that poor Lilly girl couldn't even get a job at Taco Bell....so joyous."
What, pray tell, does Superman have against bodhisattvas?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND, TSUKIKO? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE DARK PATH YOU HAVE SUBJECTED YOURSELF TO?
Just in case I forgot all the stats that I determined myself.
And just in case you forgot how little her waist has grown.
See, Tsukiko? This is what happens when you become a house wife.
Titan-esque strength + Fragile Dreams levels of emotional sensitivity = kinda mediocre fighting stat
Her magic and social skills, on the other hand, are alright. Probably explains how she ended up here
"Here's your reward for completing our game: naked teenagers covering themselves with bedsheets."
Everything else was ripped from Darius +, if you can believe it.
Did Gainax kidnap an entire family and force them to work on this game for meager scraps?
What's stranger: the one graphic, or that there's somebody named Chibi Person?
Well, that certainly explains the sardonic, anti-religious attitude to this game.
Just a flower. That is all.
If you can believe it, things get weirder from here.
Like when the credits start writing out Japanese using Latin letters, for some weird reason.
No, you don't understand. That's actually a really obscure jinmeiyou kanji and not sloppiness.
I don't even know anymore.
"Bowl to Win"? I'd agree with that statement if there were any bowls in this game. Like, at all.
That explains all the bouncing titties.
That explains.....wait, Takara? OH, FUCK. NEXT.
What have you got for me?
