" When is someone going to apologise for voting for George W. Bush?
First or second time? "Seriously, there was NO excuse the second time ^_^
@Red12b
said:
" I apologise to the Fat chick I banged on New Years, I was drunk, and I faked the orgasm because I wanted to get out as fast as possible, Actually no, She should apologise to me, it was awful. and now all my friends are calling me Paikea (Whale Rider) "
That was the most I have laughed in this thread so far. Man, I am still laughing. Whale Rider ................... Whenever I watch that film again, I shall think of you. How do you fake an orgasm as a male? Do you just pretend you are enjoying it? How drunk were you? Not drunk enough obviously. "I wasn't drunk enough, I still remember it,...
And dude, it's quite easy to fake an orgasm,
Just put on your orgasm face, and make sure you hide the condom. if the lights are off, then it makes it easier.
I've done it a couple of times before, when I've taken,,, substances... that just takes ejaculation out of the equation, I fake so that my partner doesn't feel bad about it, Sexual inadequacy takes a pretty big toll on your self esteem.
And now I am going to explain how and why I cracked a fatty.
Ok, if you don't want to read this, please skip.
New Years 2010, I was down with a couple of mates enjoying the night, Midnight struck and the bar we were at was going pretty good, I had managed to charm a nice looking girl with my wit, and drinking skills, and we had a good smooch at midnight, she wanted me to go to hers, I SHOULD HAVE! The reason I didn't was that I wasn't in my neck of the woods, I was in the south Island, I was with my mate and I needed to stay with him as that was where I was staying,
The place we were staying at was having a house New Years party, we got back at about 1:30, and the party had disintegrated to a few of my friends friends just having a sing along with two Acoustic Guitars, Good songs too, like early MUSE,
Acoustic TOOL, (Acoustic for fucks sake, AWESOME!) some Beetles, and many others, it was a real good night, anyway, we had two guitars, one of the players was my Flatmate, and the other, well I'll let you guess who that was, So, by that time I was more than slightly drunk from the multiple Tequilas from the bar, and I was smashing down Jack Daniels in between songs. I was still slightly horny and pissed off that I missed the chance with the cute girl from the bar, so I was looking for something anyway, 4:30 crept up on us and most of my mates were either heading to their respective rooms, or already asleep, I had the shitty two seater couch ready for my head to fall asleep in, and wasn't looking forward to the krink in my neck the next day.
She came up to me while I was starting to does off in my uncomfortable spot and said she had room on her airbed in the spare room, (WARNING WARNING WILL ROBINSON!!!) I said, "Sweet thanks top and tail eh?" so I got in and started to fall asleep, and she started to fondle things, my reluctance evaporated in the dark as (In the words of Jim Morrison Mr Mojo Risin') so, I thought, fuck it, It's new years, I wouldn't mind a root, and it was on offer, we started kissing and things, I had some chewing gum in my pocket and also, Protection in my wallet, (All in preparation for the hot girl at the bar) so I was chewing gum and gave her some to, (Ciggs and alcohol wooo!)
The thing is, it wasn't just the fact that it wasn't good, it was the things she said, I don't like butch women, when a woman says, "Stick it in there bro," That doesn't turn me on! that makes me wonder what sort of diseases you have...
There were other things she said as well, But, they are just too graphic and vomit inducing so I will spare you the details,
So, anyway, I started to really dread what was happening, and it had already started, I also had to stay in the house for the next day, recovering from alcohol poisoning and the mental scaring from this episode, that was what was going through my mind, I also would have felt bad if I just up and left, so I waited a couple of minutes and put on my orgasm face and rushed to the toilet to flush the sordid remains before she noticed, also, just to add to this list of greatness, there was blood.
Thank Christ the light was off.
Also, this is all true, It's of course your prerogative to either believe me or to not believe me, but I have nothing to hide,
All my friends know, and also my parents, so I don't care, I am an open book, so, yeah.
Also, I hope I didn't come off sounding like a real dick, that was not my intention, I had a good trip, met some wicked people, and crossed off a requirement off the list of achievements, Now I don't need to do that again.
