After thirteen years and a lifetime, I am returning to school.

I received my high school diploma in May of 2001. Returning to school after all these years, I feel more fear and nervousness than I ever have. I don’t know why I am more afraid of walking on the campus than when I deployed to Iraq, or when I heard the news about 9/11 knowing that my mother was in DC at the Pentagon at the time. I think maybe it is fear of failure, which might be my greatest fear. Or perhaps it is fear of not being accepted by the university I wish to attend, then again maybe I am getting ahead of myself and it is a combination of these fears including that I have to take the SAT, a test I never took before since I joined the Marine Corps straight out of high school. I really wish I had taken it when I was still in high school now.

Math, a subject that I grasped with ease and considered my strong suit all those years ago, I found lacking on taking the practice test. I found my skills lacking to the extent that I fear that even with a month to go until the test, I may not be able to bring them back up to where they were. Thirteen years can do a number on your proficiencies when not used, most anything beyond basic algebra seems like gibberish to me now.

On the other hand, English, a subject I would have considered one of my less than stellar skills, seems to have improved in the intervening years; other than my tendency to write in a conversational way and use comma splices. Maybe those skills just haven't deteriorated as much.

I guess there is really nothing I can do but study hard and try not to let my perfectionist tendencies take control.