Reload my Dread.

Persona 3 Reload has a content warnings screen, that among other things, warns of reference to suicide. Because of that, and the game being so heavily about depression, I wrote about my own experiences with that, so...I felt it appropriate to include a similar warning here.

And, less seriously, but also, I'm going to spoil this game, including the ending, and other major plot points, so keep that in mind too. If anyone stumbled upon this, I have a spoiler free blog posted as well!

Living with Dread.

Every night, when the clocks strike midnight, the city is flooded in an eery green glow as the moon looms across almost the entire sky, and most people turn into coffins. The Dark Hour comes every night, but aside from a few unlucky souls, everyone is completely oblivious. The result of experiments in the shady Kirijo Group, they now exploit a group of teens with the supernatural ability to summon their Personas (with the help of an Evoker) to clean up their mess, fighting deadly shadows night after night.

For a lot of the first half of Persona 3 Reload, I really thought this was going to end up the central focus of the game's themes. Adults causing problems, then forcing the young do the dirty work of fixing those problems, so they don't have to risk their own lives. I'm not saying that isn't an undercurrent here, even the rest of the Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad (SEES) are taken aback when their go between with the Kirijo Group, Ikutsuki, forces a ten year old upon them, saying he's here to fight too. That's not even the worst of what the Kirijo Group has done, when the truth of why those experiments were conducted is revealed, or that they later ended up killing almost a hundred kids in the hope of getting them to summon Personas, and only ending up with a few who could.

But that's really not what Reload is about. Especially when it turns out that the current head of the Kirijo Group, Mitsuru's father, seems genuine about wanting to fix his father's mistakes, and right those wrongs. Though I guess even as an adult himself, he's still cleaning up the messes of those who came before.

No, what this game is about, ultimately...are endings. So, of course that wouldn't be apparent until pretty far in, now that I think about it. It's less about the endings themselves, so much as knowing that everything eventually comes to an end...what do you do until then?

For many, that answer is give in to Apathy. For as much as SEES are being manipulated and used by adults, that doesn't mean they aren't fighting a very real problem. Every month, as the full moon approaches, more and more people succumb to Apathy Syndrome. They give up on life, unable to do just about anything. It's plain to see in game, as more and more of the Apathetic appear on the streets as the full moon nears, only to return to normal after SEES deals with the boss shadow. Mostly, anyway. There's always at least a few that remain, and even more seem to succumb each following month.

This is one of the reasons why I like taking my time, and walking everywhere in game, instead of using the fast travel. It's one thing to hear someone say, “more and more people with Apathy Syndrome,” it's something else to actually see them, growing in numbers every month. Eventually outnumbering everyone else. There's a lot to be said about environmental storytelling in games, but I think this is one of the better ones in recent history.

I don't know that Reload ever uses the word depression, I think it just sticks to “Apathy.” As someone who's lived with depression, in one way or another for...basically as long as I can remember, I couldn't not think about that. It's hard not to, when so much of my life, so many of the decisions I've made, or not made, have been colored in some way by this deep, awful Apathy gnawing away at me.

What's the point of even bothering if I'm just going to fail? I'll only screw it up, somehow. Or if I don't, my chronic illness will flare up, and that will stop me. So why should I even try going out and doing anything? Everything's either my own damn fault, or so stacked against me there was nothing I could do in the first place.

Not every day is like that, thankfully. There were always bright spots. Times when “everything was coming up Moosey,” and I felt like I could make something out of my life. And honestly, the last few years have been pretty good in that regard, in that I've at least not had long, bad episodes, for lack of a better word. I like to joke to myself that Goku cured my depression, because Dragon Ball Super helped me through one of those, and I haven't had one since, but I know better. I've just been lucky, been better about doing what I need to do to keep myself focused and, above all else, moving...just not, forward.

That little voice in the back of my head, always ready to remind me how much I hate myself any time something goes wrong, or even any time I remember some part of myself I don't like. That's still there. Even if I can keep my head above water, I know my life's been stagnant for over a decade now. I still can't figure out any to move forward.

I write, and I write, and I write, because I'm passionate about it, but all it gets me are a few positive comments. I appreciate them, but sometimes that's not enough to keep me from succumbing to Apathy. Keep all those awful thoughts from flooding in, all but crushing me... Yet, I keep going, keep trying, keep writing. Doing whatever I can to just keep living, because what's the alternative?

A scene I can't get out of my head, from near the start of Reload, is the first time the protagonist uses an Evoker. In all its incarnations, Persona 3 is the only game where almost everyone needs an Evoker to actually summon their Persona. And the Evokers not only look like guns, the user needs to point it directly at their head, and pull the trigger to use. As the game goes on, it doesn't seem like the Evokers actually hurt, or have any sort of negative effect on the user (if anything, not summoning their Personas seems to do more harm long term). So knowing that, using an Evoker doesn't seem like that big a deal. Just a striking, possibly upsetting image.

The first time he used an Evoker, the protagonist...didn't know any of that. He sees Yukari try, and fail to use the Evoker as a shadow approached, because even knowing its function, she still couldn't bring herself to pull the trigger. Then, after she dropped it...he just picks it up. Almost without hesitation, he points it at his head, and at the urging of that voice in the back of his head, pulls the trigger...

I just...did he know? He says “Persona,” so some part of him must have known, but still... It's one of those things I didn't think about too much in the moment, but the further in I got, the more I learned about his past, and the more the game's themes sunk in, I just... I can't help but wonder if a part of him thought it was a chance to simply...end it all, so he took it.

Ten years before the start of Reload, the protagonist's parents died in what appeared to be an ordinary car accident. He survived, and spent the next decade drifting from place to place, never setting down any roots, never making any connections, just...existing until this fateful night. What the game reveals much later, is this wasn't just a simple car accident. It was caused by a battle between the anti-shadow weapon Aigis, and the result of the Kirijo Group's experiments...the physical manifestation of Death itself. Death being Death itself, it can't really be killed, even if it is beaten in a fight. So, in order to prevent Death from bringing about the end of the world, Aigis sealed Death away in the only available vessel...

A young boy, the lone survivor from a car crash...

I know “subtext is for cowards” is a common joke, and maybe someone could argue that this game is a bit over the top with the metaphors, but... To me, literally carrying the specter of Death inside you is about as potent a metaphor as there is. When I was thinking about what to write, jotting down little notes about the big things I wanted to touch on, one of the first ones was, “how does it feel to carry Death inside you for a decade?”

The thing is, I already know the answer to that. As I'm sure a lot of people out there, probably even reading this know too. When I say I've had depression for about as long as I can remember, I don't mean just feeling sad, or Apathetic, or dealing with that part of me always ready to remind me that I hate myself. I mean a constant presence, a deep, painful, gnawing feeling in my chest, in my head, all but drowning me. Not telling me that I hate myself, but that I should just kill myself.

Thankfully, it's been years since I've felt it that badly. I want to be clear, this isn't a cry for help, I'm in a much better place than that these days, and have been for a while. But I still remember. Remember how it feels to want it all to end, just to disappear into darkness, fade away, and simply...cease to exist. The last time it was that bad, was...eight or nine years ago now? Which, from one perspective, feels like a lifetime ago, but in some ways, feels like it was just yesterday.

It hasn't been easy, either. It took a lot of hard work, both on my own part, and even if they didn't know it, all my friends and everyone I care about who helped me along the way. Thank you, to all of them, I owe you my life, quite literally. And to be clear, it still takes a lot of hard work, because like fighting Death itself, it's less something you beat once and are done, and more something you deal with for...as long as you're still able to keep trying.

And as much as it sucks to still be reminded about all my self-loathing...it's still a heck of a lot better than thinking I should just end it all. Sometimes you gotta take the small victories when you can.

One last point on this before I move on, I made several comparisons to drowning, or keeping my head above water, etc. Again, maybe the metaphor is too obvious, but just look at Reload's pause menu. The main character, upside down, fully submerged, sinking deeper... It's stylish, and looks cool, but I can't help but see it the other way too.

Ken and Shinjiro.

The character in Reload that most directly references suicide is actually Ken Amada, who is only ten years old. Two years prior his mother was also killed in a “car accident,” leaving him an orphan too. Only in this case it was because fellow SEES member Shinjiro Aragaki's Persona went berserk. Ken, having the potential himself, saw what he saw, and never once forgot it, or Shinjiro. He even says that there were times where the only thing that stopped him from committing suicide was his need for revenge.

To some people, I could see how the ten year old being the only character to actually bring that up to be shocking but... In some ways it's the realest thing in this game. I couldn't possibly remember the first time I ever thought about killing myself, not that I would want to, but... If I had to guess, I probably wasn't much older than Ken. And I never even had anything tragic happen in my life, not like losing a parent at least.

That's just how it is for some of us humans. Sometimes we're just screwed up, broken messes, and it can be so overwhelming that it feels like there's no other option.

Thankfully, for me, I never got as far as actually attempting it. There were certainly times when I did, fully and truly, intend to do so, but it just...ended up being dumb luck that I didn't get the chance, and later changed my mind.

But even now, there's a part of me that wonders, if, at my absolute worst point, had I been in the protagonist's shoes, and saw that Evoker, not knowing what it was... Would I have...

Back to Ken and Shinjiro, as the game continued to not focus much on the “young being used by the old” thing, I really wondered why he was even in the game. Until it got to the revenge, with Ken confronting Shinjiro during a full moon, while the rest of SEES were occupied fighting. Ken spoke his piece, saying he wasn't going to rest until he got his revenge, and stoic as ever, Shinjiro took it in stride. Or not stride so much as...acceptance as punishment for what he did.

Of course he never intended to hurt anyone, let alone leave a poor kid orphaned. He just lost control, and ever since swore he'd never let it happen again. He left SEES, and started using shady Persona suppressing drugs to keep it in check. All the while knowing this was slowly killing him, meaning that even if what was to come didn't happen, he wasn't long for this world anyway.

He ends up getting killed, not by Ken, but by Takaya of Strega, one of the few survivors of the Kirijo Group's experiments. Takaya hasn't given into Apathy so much as he wants to just revel in the Dark Hour, using his power (and revolver) however he sees fit. He abhors anyone who tries to find any more meaning in what he sees as a meaningless, uncaring world.

But, Shinjiro isn't just killed, he takes a second bullet meant for Ken, sacrificing himself. Ken might think it's too late for himself, that all he has left is his revenge, and to take his own life, but Shinjiro realizes it isn't. Realizes that while he can't ever undo his mistakes, at least he can do one last good deed. Hoping it helps set Ken on a better path than the one he took.

I don't often go back and rewatch sequences in games to make sure I have the details correct, but I did this time, and... I didn't gain any new insights into it or anything, but it definitely made me tear up again. At no point, under any circumstances was I expecting Shinjiro to die. Not in the course of the game itself, I remembered he told the protagonist he was dying. I just figured either someone would find a cure, or at least a treatment to extend his life. Or even if he did die, it'd be after the game ended.

I was shocked. I didn't think the game had it in it to actually kill one of the main cast, midway through. If I had known, I would have prioritized spending more time with him. I did manage to finish his Linked Episodes, but I think I only ever cooked and tended the garden with him once or twice. I would have taken every chance I had to spend more time with him if I knew, but that's the great tragedy of life. You never know until it's too late.

At least, if nothing else, I went to the movies with him. It was played for a laugh, but seeing his usually stoic demeanor shaken by a sad movie about animals was funny, yet also deeply endearing. Shinjiro Aragaki, your time may have been short, but that doesn't make your impact any smaller.

His death ends up being the catalyst not just for Ken and Akihiko (who was best friends with Shinjiro since childhood, even if it was rocky at times) to awaken their ultimate Personas, but for the whole of SEES to refocus, and redouble their efforts to both end the Dark Hour, and bring Strega to justice.

Friendship.

Like any good found family story, the Persona games are always filled with misfits who have their own problems, or traumatic backstories, but Reload focuses more on it than at least P4 or P5R did. Aside from Junpei, and to a lesser extent Fuuka, every member of SEES has experienced some sort of tragedy, or lost their family so young they didn't know anything else. Akihiko and Shinjiro grew up in an orphanage, so they never really knew their parents. Still, Akihiko lost his sister in a fire, so even growing up with nothing, he still managed to lose everything. Mitsuru, Yukari, the main character, even Koromaru all lost someone they cared deeply for, before the game even began.

While Fuuka might not have the best relationship with her parents, she at least still has them, but even so, she ends up a victim of bullying (another warning at the start of the game). And Junpei having no tragic backstory doesn't make him flawless. He only joined SEES to try to be a hero, but it turns out that, and all his goofball antics are just to cover up his own insecurities.

I can certainly relate to that, as I'm sure a whole lot of people can.

On the surface, all of this stuff sounds depressing, and I bet in another universe, there is a version of Persona 3 that is depressing. One that focuses on the misery, the pain, the suffering, and doesn't see a way out, a way to deal with it. One that views the world closer to Takaya, where all that matters is your own strength, and what you do with it.

Yes, it might be “gamified” in a kind of silly, rigid way, but Reload at its core, is about making connections with people. Persona 3 introduced the concept of the Social Link, which even if it got renamed in Persona 5, has become the cornerstone of what makes Persona...Persona. It's persisted because making friends, spending time with people, and helping them along their own life journeys is engaging, and touching. But in Reload, and I'm sure the earlier versions too, it's absolutely vital to this game's message.

Before I get to that message, though, there was something about a lot of the S Links in Reload that really took me aback at first, especially as it kept happening. A fair number of them end with the person in question just...leaving town. Bebe, who I grew so attached to in such a short span of time, has to return to France, hoping to convince his uncle to let him return. Hayase, the track star from a rival high school, has to quit track, drop out of school, and go get a factory job in another city. His mother can't support the family alone with her failing health, so he needs to do what he can to help. Little Maiko leaves town with her mother after her parents divorce, and even ornery old Mutatsu, the drunk monk himself, leaves town. How else is he going to salvage his relationships with his ex-wife, and his son?

And, of course, Kamiki, the dying writer. My own chronic illness is, even when it was at its worst, certainly far from life threatening, but again, hard not to see shades of myself in a chronically ill writer. Spending time with him was painful at points, his illness so bad he could barely even sit up straight, but also... There's something kind of...beautiful about his arc. His finally finding someone he can confide in, someone who doesn't treat him as just something to be pitied. Someone who treats him like a real person, willing to criticize him when needed, and empathize with.

Someone to urge him along to finish his story, and to experience it with. And that story is as tragic and sad as Kamiki's life, but beautiful in its own way too. A lot of things in this game made me tear up, but out of all the S Links, I think his was the one that hit me the hardest. And to be honest, I was shocked when after he gave the protagonist his notebook with the story, he just stood up and...disappeared into thin air. I don't know what happened, and frankly, if there is an explanation, I don't want it.

All I know is he accomplished what he set out to do, found peace, and moved on, a smile on his face.

Even the S Links that don't end in someone literally leaving, many of them have some feeling of finality, or acceptance to them. Kaz eventually accepts that he needs to let his knee heal, so he stops pushing himself at track practice. Keisuke loves art, but accepts that he'll never stop wanting to help people in distress, so he decides to go to medical school after all (though I'll be honest, there's no reason he can't also keep doing art on the side, so this one didn't hit as hard). The old couple at the bookstore accept that their son is gone. As much as the persimmon tree he planted at the school means to them, in the end, they know he would have rather the tree be gone to make room for a new building to benefit the students. So they stop their effort to halt the school's construction plans.

Some of these still have happy endings, of course. At the end of the game, Kaz reveals that the time he took to heal worked, and he's finally able to return to track practice! I can't tell you how relieved I was to hear him say that. The old couple are delighted to relay that rather than just cutting down the tree, the school is moving and replanting it, so everyone won in that case. Then Keisuke...I still think his path in life should be a paramedic, not a full doctor. The thing he's compelled to do is help stabilize people in medical emergencies, which is a paramedic's job. But that's neither here nor there.

Aigis' S Link doesn't open up until the final few weeks of the game, and in many ways I think is a perfect encapsulation of Reload's main themes. She's struggling with her newfound emotions, the new ways she's able to see and experience the world because of them, but also the fact that, in her own words, her own view, she's still a machine. She's caught up on thinking that no matter how much her heart grows, she'll still have a body made of metal and circuits, rather than flesh and blood. All the while going out of her way to help others, acting every bit as human as anyone else.

In helping an old lady find her lost cat, and being perplexed at the lady's grandson not caring to spend time with her, Aigis starts to question what's the point of making connections if they're all so fragile? If they're all doomed from the start, to eventually break? She reunites the lady with her cat, only to later realize the cat ran away again, this time seemingly for good. Because the old lady thinks the cat knew it reached the end of its days, and left to find a place to pass on alone.

Through the main character's help, Aigis realizes that even if some connections do eventually break, the point is that they were made in the first place. The point of being human, being alive is that none of us can exist on our own, we need these connections, and their value is inherent. And that even if she may still be an android, she's as human as anyone else. At least that's what I got out of it.

Burn your Dread.

There's so much more I could write about every little thing, every subplot, every character. Junpei and Chidori's arc, Yukari's struggle with her bad relationship with her mother (which I relate to), how Koromaru helps everyone in the neighborhood, and they all in kind love and support him, and so on. But, to keep this a reasonable length, I'll focus in on one last thing.

As the months draw on, eventually SEES, and specifically the main character are presented with a choice. The end of the world is nigh, Nyx, the Night incarnate, a being beyond comprehension is due to descend from the heavens, and with them, engulf the world entire in Apathy. Everyone will slowly die, and nothing will be left.

The choice is simple. Option one: Accept the end, and in doing so, forget all about the Dark Hour. All the pains, tragedies, and everything caused by it, all of it washed away from their memories. Able to live in peaceful ignorance until the end comes.

Or, choose to keep going, keep fighting, even in the face of a seemingly invincible foe. I said earlier that you can't kill Death itself, so how do you intend to fight the thing that created Death itself? As futile as it seems, and while the game does let you choose the other option, there's really only one choice. Keep fighting, no matter how impossible the odds seem.

Better to try and fail, while keeping the memories of all the good times alive until the very end, than to roll over and give up.

In a game that begins with the main character seemingly trying to kill himself with the Evoker, to see him grow and through his friends, find it in himself to keep fighting, no matter what, it's beautiful. Knowing that to keep going is the harder choice, knowing it won't be easy, just makes it hit all that much harder.

One of the most striking things, visually in Reload is that after making this choice, when the final month before the end starts, the whole game's color palette changes. Gets darker, washed out, muted, as all the music shifts too. Apparently, for the dorm at least, it goes back to the murkier, more muted colors from the original version of Persona 3, which is a really cool touch. But it is such a stark, immediate, worrying change that it drives home how dire it's getting.

As the end grew closer, I found myself dreading it, both because I was worried about what might happen (now knowing Reload is unafraid to kill characters), but also because I didn't want the journey to end. I didn't want to stop spending time with these characters I'd grown to know and love. So I ended up doing stuff like spending way more time in Tartarus than I needed to, just to get a little more time with them. Every time Junpei said “Perfecto,” every time I got to do another divekick with Aigis, every bark and growl from Koromaru, even every healing spell Yukari cast, I appreciated them all, and I didn't want to give them up.

But I knew I couldn't keep grinding forever, so I had to let go, and come what may, face Nyx. Perhaps being level 99 with all my main party members, even playing on Hard, made it a smidge easier than I would have liked, but there were still a couple close calls. By virtue of having thirteen phases, one for each major Arcana, the fight is still long, and still feels like a fitting final battle.

Yet, as foretold, Nyx can't be killed. So in the face of impending doom, of losing everything and everyone he cares about, the main character burns his dread, summons up everything in him, and knowing that all his friends believe in him with all their hearts, he ascends up into Nyx, into the Moon, and...

He seals Nyx away once again, using the only available vessel...

Final Farewells.

At some point before the final battle with Nyx, the group realizes that if by some miracle they are able to defeat Nyx, and end the Dark Hour...there's a very real chance they may end up forgetting everything that happened anyway. They all swear they'll remember, how could anyone forget what happened after that year? Surely the connections they made were strong enough to last? But, in the event they aren't, they all made a promise. Come what may, if they were still standing after, they're going to meet up on graduation day, on the school roof. One last time with the whole gang together. Or at least with as much of the gang that was still standing.

After the final battle, time moves, zooming through all of February, and landing early in March, right before graduation. The main character, Junpei, and Yukari are walking up to school, chatting about this and that, how they became such close friends in only a year, yet... None of them can really remember how, or why they became friends in the first place. Nor do Junpei or Yukari seem all that close with the other members of the dorm, or know why that weird Aigis girl keeps staring at them...

It's unclear how much the protagonist does or doesn't remember. Obviously as the player I did, and I project myself onto him as much as anyone playing the game does, but I think even he forgot much, if not all of what happened over that year. At least related to the Dark Hour, Tartarus, Strega, Nyx, etc. Because, as the game is quick to convey on this final day of school, even if memory fails, many connections are so strong that nothing, not even separation can break them.

This wasn't even the end of the game, and I was already tearing up with almost everyone I went and spoke to. I already mentioned some, like Kaz, and the couple at the bookstore, but everyone I talked to hit me, in some way or another. I'm delighted Yuko has found her path in life, and to have helped her. I'm still sad Hayase had to drop out of school, but happy his job was working out, that he's still able to run for fun in his spare time, and making new friends while doing so.

It was really touching that Mutatsu took the time to send a message, and even a special bottle of booze along with it, even if the night club manager said he'd have to hold onto it until the protagonist hits the legal drinking age. Talking with Maiko's dad was sad, but still nice to know she was doing as well as she can, given the situation. “Maya,” Ms. Toriumi, finally realizing just who it was she spent all that time with in the MMO...this scene had me cracking up, because of how silly it was, but it was touching all the same.

And Bebe, reading the letter he sent... It turned out that convincing his uncle that returning to Japan was worthwhile wasn't hard at all. The problem is, it wasn't just his uncle, and now deceased aunt that footed the bill, it was all their friends and neighbors chipping in too. Everyone coming together to fulfill one person's wish, but...he couldn't in good faith do that anymore, now knowing how much it cost them all. So, he'd work hard, become the best fashion designer he can in France, and when he can afford it on his own, return to Japan, to reunite with his best friend.

And, that even his signature was smudged with tears in the letter, you know he wasn't the only one crying.

Finally, going back to the shrine where I spent so many Sundays with Kamiki, and seeing his mother there... I'm glad I was able to tell her that he finished his story, and see her joy. See that as much as losing a child is a pain I can't even imagine, it didn't stop her. Her plan is to live life to the fullest, go everywhere and do everything her son couldn't. So that when she eventually passes on, and they reunite in the afterlife, she can tell him all about it.

Of course, all the former members of SEES get a last heartfelt conversation in too, aside from Mitsuru, who I really regret not managing to find the time to finish her S Link. And that weird Aigis girl, who just seems so familiar...

All the while, the protagonist just feels so tired, so much so that after going back to the dorm, and taking a look at a picture of Shinjiro, he decides to go to bed early. He was so tired he managed to sleep in too, and is greeted by Aigis at the door, to remind him of what day it is.

Now, he definitely remembers, all the pain, all the joy, all the hard work, and the truth of all these connections. Aigis, being an android, never forgot, and had to carry the burden of being the only one to remember over this last month. Watching everyone else forget, day by day, I'm kind of glad for once that time was skipped (as much as I would have used it to finish Mitsuru's S Link). That would have been even more heartbreaking to see it happen in real time.

But that doesn't matter, because now, when the day came, he remembered, and everyone else will too. Still, since he slept in so late, the graduation ceremony has already started, so the two of them decide to skip that, and go straight for the school roof. Give them a chance to spend some time alone before the others get there.

At the school, Mitsuru is giving her valedictorian speech, and midway into it, suddenly it all comes back to her. As it does everyone else, and with the memories flooding back in, they realize they have somewhere better to be, and all rush out, even making sure Ken and Koromaru showed up.

Meanwhile, on the roof, Aigis is seated on a bench, with the protagonist lying down, head resting on her lap. Still just so, so tired. After all this time, all this fighting, it's a struggle to even keep his eyes open.

Aigis talks, about what she's learned, the connections she's made, and...knowing what's coming, starts to cry, while the protagonist holds her hand, and tells her it's okay. And, right before the others burst out onto the roof, he closes his eyes, one last time, finally able to rest, after all these years.

It's just, so devastating. He fought so hard, struggled so much, for himself, for the world, for everyone he cared about. Sacrificed it all for the people who meant so much to him, and at the very end...he couldn't hold on to spend even one last afternoon with all his friends.

Yet, it's beautiful. Visually, the two of them on the roof, bright sunny sky, with the pink petals floating by... And the music, especially when the credits roll, is just perfect. The whole scene is beautiful in a way that I can't convey in words, that you can really only feel by experiencing as the culmination of the whole game. Like I hate it, hate that he doesn't get to go on with his friends, doesn't get to live the happy life he deserves but...

I am happy that he finally gets to rest, tragic though it may be.

Memories of you.

I said earlier that Reload is about endings, and specifically what we choose to do with the time we have, knowing that everything ends eventually. Every part of this game says what we choose is important, and that we should choose to build the connections, the friendships we can. None of us can make it in this world on our own, but with friends to lift us up when we fall, friends to help carry the burden when we falter, we can. And friends for us to help when they need it just as badly as we did.

I'm living proof of that. Without my friends, without my family, without all the people I care about, and all the people who despite it all, still care about me, I wouldn't have made it as far as I have. I'm sure it's true of everyone reading this too.

I don't know that Reload, or any version of Persona 3 says, or does anything that hasn't been said or done before. What I do know is that the way it does it, is special. To me, at least. Otherwise I wouldn't be tearing up just writing this. I wouldn't have cried so hard at the ending, and so many other times throughout the game. I get now, all these years later, why people love Persona 3 so much. I'd say I regret not playing it sooner, but I'm also happy I waited for the version just right for me. There's no such thing as being late to the party when you come away from having experienced one of your new all time favorites.

It's a tragic, devastating, yet beautiful game. It's a game that believes with all its heart that the connections we make are stronger than any adversity we face, that these connections can be so strong they never break, even if the memories fade with time. That's as hopeful, and uplifting of a message as I can imagine.

And it's a game that made me more introspective, made me take a real, deeper look at myself than...maybe any other I've ever played.

Thank you for reading this. I cried a lot playing this game, and I cried a lot thinking, and writing about it. I just hope all this introspection produced something worth reading. If nothing else, it helped me appreciate this incredible game even more than I had, so in the end, still worth it.

I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful day, and remember: Life is what we make of it, while we still can. Never forget it's never too late. <3