Starting a "Side-Gig" that is ALSO my passion

**I know this is my blog, but if any mods decide this is me self-promoting past the bounds of good taste, I will happily delete or modify this entry**

Back in 2013-4 I was a very depressed and anxious Grad Student. I was stressed for obvious reasons and some non-obvious ones too. I had lots of schoolwork to do and even though I was training to be a Counselor which, since I was 14 years old was my life's dream, I was incredibly stressed-out with the amount of schoolwork that I had. I also had some really shitty "learning experiences" (that's what we terminally optimistic counselors refer to trauma as when we're trying to "keep it posi") going on outside of the classroom. Video games were my main escape, and because of that, until this past year, it was the closest I came to what I would refer to as "Video Game Addiction." (For those whose interest was just piqued, I plan to write a blog about that in the near-ish future.) I was mainly playing Spelunky after being inspired by "Spelunking with Scoops", Euro Truck Simulator 2 which was inspired by Vinny's insane gameplay, and watching Giant Bomb to do anything except live in my incredibly stressful life. The passing of Ryan Davis during that timeline...didn't help my depression despite never meeting him face-to-face. One day; however, I found an adventure game which I actually DON'T think was directly inspired by GB. It was called "The Cat Lady" and even though the art style was relatively primitive, I just felt drawn to it. 10 hours later, I had finished the game and was struck with a certainty: I wanted to talk about how Mental Health is presented in video games!

This game had demonstrated how crippling depression was so accurately and was clearly a work of incredible passion that I just felt I needed to talk about it. I would feel the same thing about Her Story when I finished that, but I've since decided that as incredible as the journey through that "game" is, it's not the GREATEST depiction of dissociative identity disorder. That idea has stuck in my head for a long time. Then H. Bomber Guy put out his magnum opus on Plagiarism and You(tube). Watching that video I was inspired by his call to action that if you have a great idea, MAKE IT! The idea had been bubbling in my head for almost 10 years at that point, and every time I conceptualized it, it was a written blog here on GB or somewhere else, but I hadn't done it. NOW I was thinking about doing a video series! It made a lot of sense. In the intervening years starting with Covid lockdown but not STOPPING after it, I had developed a slight "problem" in watching video essays. Two creators were my relative favorites, Civvie11 and Willarious the Therapist. Super Eyepatch Wolf, Jesse Gender, and (obviously) H. Bomber Guy were also standouts. I could take what I had learned from them and put it into a creative place for me and make video essays about all the games I think spoke of Mental Health issues well and show them practically and visually as well. ... Then I got busy as a counselor, scared of what it would mean to learn a new skill that I would be "bad" at for a while, and I decided to start training as a yoga teacher. The plan went to the backburner.

In the past 4 months, I decided "fuck it," it was time to put my money where my mouth was. When I graduated from my yoga teacher training, I got to work. I started to learn how to use Shotcut, I captured a new, full playthrough of The Cat Lady, and then I spent 3 weeks sweating over learning how to edit. Now, it's done. It's posted, and it is the most watched video on my exceedingly modest YouTube channel!! For those who would like to see what sort of madness I get up to in my head, feel free to give it a watch. I like to talk, so be aware that it is a little over an hour. I had tried to keep it to 45 minutes, but such is life.

I've learned a few things. I want to figure out something better than I have now for audio and video capture. My mic is decent, but I have ZERO knowledge in audio mixing, and I knew that using the same webcam that I use for video sessions would be...imperfect. I think I still DO want to go through every diagnostic criteria for any disorder that I cover, AND I could probably speed up that section of the videos in the future. I've also learned that I use "however" as a filler word WAY too much when I'm speaking off the cuff. And finally, I've learned that even though I think that reading from a script makes me sound too robotic for my taste, I could maybe solve that last issue and some of the longer pauses by trying to be better about scripting. I also MIGHT want to get a "professional" video editing tool, but as someone who owns their own business, but is by no means free and clear of financial worries, Shotcut existing for $0 was too good of a price to pass up.

I'm open to constructive criticism. This is the first project that I've put together that was more than just me editing the start and end points of videos as practice. I'm aware that I will probably look back on this and cringe 3 years from now wondering "how did I think THAT should have been posted publicly?!?!" And still, when I hit "Export" nearly 2 months ago on the video, I was happy with it and it fit what my head wanted to see from this project that I had been sitting on for 11, nearly 12 years.

To actually drive some engagement on this blog though, I do have some questions on what you, the larger video game loving audience, would like to see. I have immediate plans to over some of the more obvious ones: Spec Ops: The Line and The Last of Us, Part 1 are ones that I have goals to post in the next month or two, and I have a PRETTY long list of games, movies, and one particular manga that I want to cover in the coming years. Sharp eyed readers may have already spotted that I KINDA named my business after a location in Psychonauts, so that one certainly is in the plans. And I'm sure I have MANY blind-spots. Are there any games that you have played where when you finished it, you just stopped and said, "Damn, that really hit me, and I wonder if other people feel that same way," or just felt as if that game covered a mental health diagnosis super well? I plan to MOSTLY stick to the DSM 5-TR for my diagnoses, but I also want to put in some things that are not yet diagnoses *cough* video game addiction *cough* or are just counseling ideas that I think should be talked about like Internal Family Systems (IFS). What would you like to see me do?

Also, I WOULD like to monetize this channel at some ill-defined future point. If you feel like giving me a Subscribe, like, or comment to help my chances in the unfeeling Google algorithmic future we're barreling towards, I would appreciate it. That's the extent of my request to a call to action though.

Thanks for reading and "stay safe and proceed mindfully," my fellow Duders.