Bah Humbug and a Happy New Year to all!

by yummylee

Holy mothertrucker of a fucker... the past three or so weeks has been a constant uphill battle against an army of little shitty soldiers all trying to overcome what little spirit and optimism I have to begin with. LazyIntroEnd/ In The Beginning... There Was A Flood... Three Tuesdays ago, the day went like any other. I was awake surprisingly early, though like hell can I remember why, then at ar...

In The Beginning... There Was A Flood...

Three Tuesdays ago, the day went like any other. I was awake surprisingly early, though like hell can I remember why, then at around 10am-ish, I noticed puddles forming around the T hallway that connected the bedrooms and the toilet. At first I thought little of it and figured the cat's bladder exploded. I went to fetch the usual Cat Cleanup Crap to notice that the water was slowly making progress throughout more of the hallway. At first I figured my Cat was fucking with me (not really, but don't tell my brain I said that!) to only did I notice the pattering sound of what is usually accompanied by rain. I went outside and found no rain to be found--plenty of snow to paint a beautiful portrait of a white christmas, though.
Heading back towards the hallway now the water was flowing into the bedrooms themselves now. I was mostly confused at this point but when I opened the cupboard in my nans room to find water pouring through like a monsoon then the panic started to settle in a little. First I grabbed all the towels and tried to contain most of the water and least stop it flowing, and then decided to check upstairs. Soon as I left through the front door I was greeted by the upstairs neighbour who for the life of her couldn't say a single sentence without the acknowledgement of 'luv' in there.

She explained what happened and I checked her flat to find her living room a complete and utter disaster. The ceiling was literally covering most of the place with water pouring at an alarming rate. Seems her tanker blew due to the winter, and of course with it gushing down like working class waterfall it didn't take long for it seep down into me nans flat.
The woman, as annoying as she was, I still felt sorry for her as she clearly panicked by the whole ordeal. The worst part was of the effort she put into contacting the council yet they still only arriving four... motherhugging hours... after the first notice was given about her flat. She phoned them around maybe 4 times; she visited the council building three times and even I gave a rang to hope that another victim of this mess might speeden things up just a little... and whether they did or not, we still had to wait till 1:45 in the afternoon for those sods to arrive. What I found funny with their reaction time is when they did give us a definite time they'll arrive at around 12pm, they said they'd be here at 1:30pm...not only did it take them around three hours to give a time for their arrival, the lazy fucks where late!)

By the time they did reach her, the wallpaper was beginning to peal off on my living room ceiling and the water coming from the cupboard in my nans bedroom had marked all three rooms as its own by this point. Fortunately the electric was off before it lead to that, but the carpet had enough water to probably begin inflating and the water level itself seemed fit for a toddlers swimming pool.

Anywhoo the mum arrived, followed by the nan, who had the right to be pissed still overreacted to intolerable levels. After seeing the mess upstairs, our flat was dandy. The most terrible thing about all of this is that the woman upstairs didn't even have insurance. My nan did but, again... her flat looked like a scene out of Saving Private Ryan.

In any case, that's where me and my nan where forced to move into my mums for the not very fashionably late council cunts to do whatever.

And this is where I soon became ready to tear off my hair with my own DEEEAD HAAAANDSSS.

I've never had much of the opportunity, nor reason, to say so.. but my family; tolerable bunch when I see them every so often for sunday dinner or what have you, abso-fucking bunch of loud mouthed, slobbish, cigarette smoke spewing knobheads when I'm forced to live with 'em. My nan's also an ignorant dope who always loves to make a fuss out of everything aswell, but when it's just me and here back at the flat I have my bedroom to seal off all that silly noise and keep to myself <3.
At me mums, I don't even have a fucking bedroom! It's not down the house being small, either. It's got 2 floors, four bedrooms, two living rooms, two toilets and a sizeable kitchen. The people that inhabit it, however, still make a potentially sweet spot for a living replacement into an unknown level of hell that is too torturous to even be publicly known.
To start off there's:

Nan - Again, fucking moron who knows nothing about everything and is plenty willing to make mountains over molehills... or a slight crease in the carpet. She's also annoyingly childish who has humour that rivals a braindead 12 year old. The type of person to find jokes involving penises, farting ect to be gut bursting material.

Mum - Always pissed off and astonishingly ignorant, she's a smoker who seems to find the best way of communicating for the most part is through constant yelling. The type of mum who found the best way to discipline her kids was to simply take away the TV. Such predictable quotes from her would be ''kids, why'da bother? ''Men, they're all the same!'' ''OOOO a love me sex n the city, me!''

Sister (Katie) - Generally a fuckup since she went to secondary school, I pretty much predicted the many kinds of stupid shit she'd get into. Smoking at age 12, hanging with chavvy scum who 'like her the way she is' eventually becoming a slag, who also is very akin to burping outloud, smoking wherever and whenever she wants no matter the company and also abit of a idiot, too, if that wasn't already obvious.

Brother (Bradley) - Brad I get along with, because he's gradually been molded by me through the years. His gaming habits are my most precious work <3. The problem is, though, that he's also a complete slob. Sleeps in his clothes, practically only leaves the flat when he has to go to school and is also susceptible to gamer-rage which has before resulted in him punching his fist into his PC monitor. His room also hangs of that god awful ''teenager'' smell. BO with yesterdays BO... beautiful.

Brother (Tyler) Only 3 years old, he's a lovable lil chap. He's also been spoilt like he's freakin' royalty so not getting what he wants will result in the usual ear bleeding wails and screams.

Sister (Rebecca) A year younger, Rebecca screams and whinges like it's her own form of breathing. There's always 'something' for her to whine about, and with mums voice clashing against it also, it can make the house sound like some sort of distorted noise metal.

Cats (6 of em..) - Mums household on its own has four, with the other two tagging along from me nans. They're not much of a bother, though the stench of cat shit can be very strong, as you'd expect, sometimes.

Lily (Dog) - Lily's awesome. Incredibly friendly and a great friend to have as a pet. Though her tail is like a whip, and with that tail never ceasing to wag she'll accidentally smack Rebecca or Tyler causing baby screams which then causes Mum to scream which then causes my head to explode.

Rabbits (Fuck knows how many of em there are in total) - Truly one of the most useless pets I've seen. Least in the way I've seen them managed over at Mums. They're all kept in cages in the back living room giving the room the lovely aroma of rabbit shit, while the rabbits themselves mostly just sit there in their own pebble stone feces.

The House - What could of been a kingdom amongst the working class is now like a house shaped chimney with every breath bringing in 2nd hand smoke, and I'm not even exaggerating. Every room seems to have its own yucky, unique smell to its own, aswell, and not to mention carpets with stains on them, and enough kids toys (all of which have to make some sort of brain damaging jingle or noise) to make the house look like an obstacle course.
And again, I didn't even have my own room for all this. My PS3 was set up in the back living room, with its wonderful shitterific atmosphere. Of course I was only allowed to hang in when it fit the family, too. It's been known as the 'kids room' since all of their bright and noisy toys where in there. I could still, for the most part, just sit and play, but with the rabbits and the kids and the noises and the screaming and KIIIIILLLL THEMMMM ALLLL constantly being repeated in my head, it was a chore. The internet aswell, it might aswell as not exist, least not for me. There where three computers, all of which where located in a bedroom. The only one I had access to was my brother, Bradley's, but his internet was criminally slow it made me laugh out loud. A 2 minute video on youtube would take around 40 minutes to completely buffer. Even the fuckin' adverts some videos had prior I'd have to wait to load.
I did least get some gamage while I was there:
Mostly my Hard Mode playthrough of God of War 3. My quick verdict? That game really does have a lot of tits.
Final Fantasy IX also. Which is still fantastic and undoubtedly my favourite Final Fantasy from the ones I've played.
I was forced to sleep on the couch in the front living room anyway, which is surprisingly comfortable at least, but always had me thrown out of slumber of course when everyone else was awake. Kids screaming at 6am is the kind of alarm clock that breaks you, mentally.

IT'SSSSSSS CHRIIIISSSSSSTMASSSSSSSSS!!

All holidays, including Christmas, are never much of big deal for me. Like every other I was surrounded by my family who, on occasion, I like to imagine I axe murder them all, aswell as the traditional christmas dinner which was least as tasty and appetite satisfying as it always is. Far as gifts go, I received a watch and a pair of headphones. Headphones didn't fit in my ears too well and my watch broke after around 12 seconds of wearing it. The back living room was also near inhabitable with the amount of spoil those walking pair of lungs got for Christmas, either. Why does every single freakin' kids toy also has to come complete sort of sound with it, aswell?!? There's so many teddy bears that proclaim they love me that I was beginning to fear going to bed afterwards.

I bought Dead Rising 2 Case West literally within the first 15 minutes of when it is on Xbox Live <3

But only now, today, have I actually had the chance to play it >=/ I was at my mums when I first made my purchase, but of course the said internet over there, least my brothers side of the internet, had me literally sitting there for an hour to witness my eagerly awaited download to hit 5%.

By that point I also just thought 'fuck that' and went on abit of a verbal fit with frustration. Arguments and other such joyous Christmas activities arose and once all the fires where put out, I was to be shipped to me Uncles.
I loved how much fear my mum and nan tried to put into me with living with my Uncle, over how strict they are with the electric and what have you. Long as I can breath indoors without coughing back someone else's cigarette smoke then it's all good! No animals, kids and family that cleaned up after themselves! The ''chores'' and other kinds of vile tyranny my mum tried to chill me with was mostly just... well cleaning up after myself. Yah know, rubbish in the bin, dishes in the dishwasher, but I suppose that would count as labour to most on my side of the family.

And frankly, I enjoyed my time at my Uncles to be honest. I had to sleep on a coach bed, and most of my time was spent watching DVD's on like a 12" TV. But since I actually appreciate the company of my Uncle and his family then it was all so very bearable. I still had no access to the internet with my 360, either, since they had it all set up via wireless connection, and who'da guessed the 360 needs an attachment for a wireless connection?!?

OK, I understand it's an old piece of hardware; it was just more of the terrible timing for me to find it out. So, still Case West-less, but again with all my time chatting my with Uncle about movies, TV and media crap in general is sa'lll guuuud. It also gave me the chance to get back into Demon's Souls via my cousin's PS3, which is still fantastically addictive.
I also least had the occasional bit of access to the internet ^______________________^.... least when the overly paranoid aforementioned cousin would allow it. He's the type of person that frets that google itself will ship a few dozen viruses into his computer.

And it all comes full circle!

Anywhoo only now have I been forced to move back into my flat, which is still polluted with this vile and downright vomit inducing smell from all the dampness. Not by my Uncles decision, rather it's my mums because she doesn't want to pay to support me over there. Not even with my own job-seekers allowance that usually went to bills, rents and other blaarg when I was in my flat??...
Fortunately, though, the place has improved, and the yukky carpet in my room has been taken up... along with everything else mind you, of course. Moving back in I'm greeted with most of my possessions making up the dump in the living room, with my own bedroom carpetless but still still having a bed, my precious computer, internet (<3) and my consoles (now) set up and ready! Annoying thing is, after having no choice but to live with 3+ people for the past three weeks in one household or another, with me now alone back at the flat, it's oh so awfully quiet. =/

So I'm more or less back to my old routine, just now with a few dozen hours worth of GB video content and bombcasts to catch up on.

And despite all the rage I've afflicted over my family through all of this, I don't necessarily hate them as much as I just happened to recently. It's all down to living with the bastards that turns them into a physical manifestation of the plague, complete with 2nd hand smoke. They still brought me plenty O food and delivered me my DVDs over during my stay at my Uncles. My mums usually pretty supportive and helpful, but holy hell does she have a terrible lifestyle for herself.

My nan, though, really is a fucking brain-tard.

And the moral of this blog? NEVER HAVE FRANK WEST UNPLAYABLE IN THE SINGLE PLAYER PORTION OF A DEAD RISING GAME!