No one will read this and comment, so whats the point in a title?

Life is a funny old thing. Especially if you actually sit down and think about your life, what it means, how you act and how others treat you. Doing this, however, is a double edged sword, cause its good to vent and think about yourself so you can get better, it can also drive you insane. I think I may be going insane.

My name is Dan, I am 27, work as an IT Support Analyst and I am currently writing a blog no one will read or pay attention to. The reason for this is quite simple, I am totally insignificant. Everyone I have ever encountered, or will encounter, can live thier lives happily and with no detriment without me in it. I sometimes think that I have affected peoples lives in some way, even to asking a store clerk where the toilets are, but in the end I know that that adds up to nothing.

I used to think I had interesting things to say, that my views and opinions on life, love and the human condition were unique to me and that if people actually asked me about such things I would give them something that they could ponder, if not change thier view to include an understanding of my point. I realise now that I actually talk total shit, and that no one cares what I have to say, be it verbally or in blog posts or anything. I bring nothing to the specticle of life, and I sincerely doubt anyone will honestly miss me when I am gone.

Dont get me wrong this isnt any kind of note regarding a cowardly intended fate, I am simply too much of a coward to actually do that. No, this is a vent, albiet one that no will read or care about. I am getting married next year, I have been with her nearly 8 years and I am fairly sure she has just settled on me, but I am not the person she really wants. For example she hates the fact I play games, last night I asked at 11pm if I could play Dead space for an hour, she wouldnt let me, so we watched Heros, to which she fell asleep after about 10 minutes.

If she cant even respect the fact that my main hobby is being a gamer, what hope is there for us? I love her I do, and I think she loves me back, I just cant for the life in me work out why. Maybe I am a safe bet, since she dosent like to take chances. I have tried to be better, I constantly criticize my self and my actions, trying to be a better person, a better friend, everything, but it all seems to have no effect and I end up feeling the same.

My job is ok, I like the people and have met some really nice ones through it, but I have a head full of ideas for games, books, movies etc, in fact I am currently writing a book and I know despite my best efforts, no one will ever read it. Why? because I have thought that one day it might get published, and when I think something might happen it wont. Which also means, someone might actually read this, but I doubt it.

I am creative, but not good enough at anything to make it work for me. Ideas run around in my head but I am not a good enough writer to end up doing that for a living and despite my best efforts I am unable to get  a job in games industry. I am going to try and get into a more creative career after the wedding, one that hopefully pays more too, cause like everyone I need more money.

Thats what really worries me, not being able to provide for my wife. Some say I am selfish cause I buy games, but I need something to take me away from life, to fuel my useless imagination. Even though it means less money to spend on items that help our relationship out, I try to minimize expenditure where possible.

I am going to finish here. I know it may seem like I am whining, like I can do something about this, but can I really? can you really change your life If you dont have any balls or talent? can you reset yourself if you fear confrontation and avoid it all costs?

Why am I asking questions to which not one person will give answers to? because I am that sad.