This Weekend I am DOOMed (for the kids!)

This was kind of an inevitability, I think. I can’t just be making all these damn posts about DOOM and how I think I might be pretty good at DOOM without eventually having to go prove it. I’m not gonna do it for free though – your boy isn’t easy.

So we’re going to do it for the kids. Specifically, we’re going to do it for Pencils of Promise, as a part of the Giant Bomb Community Endurance Run. This has been a long time percolating in the ol’ brain, and what with *gestures vaguely in the direction of the world* everything out there, I figured it was high time I actually do something to help with *gestures vaguely in the direction of the world again, grimacing.*

The Rundown

So here’s what we’re gonna do – or what I’m gonna do, and you can help if you want:

This Saturday, starting at 2:00 pm, Central European Summer Time, I’m going to go live on ye olde Twitch dot tee vee. I will begin playing DOOM. Specifically, I'll be playing DOOM I+II, because I think the remixed soundtrack owns. Sometime over the following six hours, I will finish episodes one through three, and the stream will conclude. At the end of it, hopefully we will have raised some money for a good cause! That’s the basic shape of it. No cheats, Ultraviolence (the gentleman’s difficulty), ripping and tearing until it is done. Saves allowed, because I’m not that good at DOOM.

BUT WAIT

“Hey wait a minute,” you shout, startling a bird outside, “there’s more than three episodes of DOOM and you know it! Ultimate DOOM has four episodes, you hack!”

Oh, is there? Thy Flesh Consumed, you say it’s called? Hmm, how strange. Well, here’s the deal:

I’ve got a pretty modest goal of $150 for this thing. But where’s the fun in not having a couple stretch goals to give people the opportunity to make me suffer?

So, if you lot get me up to $200 – a mere $50 more than my goal! A pittance! – we’ll add Thy Flesh Consumed to the run. That means you’ll see me playing through Perfect Hatred – on ultraviolence, no cheats, etc. – one of the hardest things I have ever had to play through. It will be miserable (positive) for me, and fun for you!

BUT WAIT THERE’S EVEN MORE

If we hit $250, I’ll add SIGIL to the run. For $350, SIGIL II! For these, I'll run a poll to see if y'all want the MIDI soundtrack or the mp3 soundtrack (from James Paddock, Buckethead, and THORR, respectively). This will potentially involve switching from DOOM I+II to GZdoom, depending on Your Decisions. I’m not sure what comes after that, but we’ll figure something out (probably I will start DOOM II, splitting it up into chunks).

And where would we be without the threat of Pistol Starting?

Anyone who donates $50 will be able to make one of the following choices:

1. I am allowed to cheat once (this is if you are feeling benevolent

2. I will have to die and pistol start whatever level I’m currently on. If you do this to me on Perfect Hatred I will cry. You will see a 39 year old man break down and weep.

For $75, I will be banished to the DOOM³ Zone: I have to play a level of DOOM³. I don't remember how long the levels in DOOM³ are, so this will be potentially disastrous.

For $100, you gain the following options:

1. I will stop the run and play through One Humanity, Romero’s DOOM II map that will eventually be folded into Hellion whenever he makes it

2. I will be banished to the Daikatana Zone, where I will have to play through a level of Daikatana. I’m currently in Act II I think, but if you, Generous Person, will it, I will start from the beginning. And yes, we’ll watch all the cutscenes. In my memory these levels go on forever, but actually I'm pretty sure they aren't that long.

If someone donates $1000 I’ll stop the run wherever I am and play Plutonia.

Forgive Me I am Old

In the event I haven’t managed to fulfil the obligations y’all have paid for in the six hour block, I’ll keep going until my terrible posture gets the better of me and I have to stop, but then I will be back on Sunday – same time, same place – and if I somehow don’t finish then, well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. A run every weekend until I’m finished is fair. Hopefully this won’t happen, because hopefully I will in fact still remember how to get through these levels with something like aplomb.

SEE YOU ON SATURDAY.