The 23rd Worthless Game Awards: 2013X

Welcome to the 23rd Annual Worthless Awards. I'm your host, random Giant Bomb user. But you can call me Joel McHale. I like it when you call me that..

What a year! Tons of great games and game awards. But you wouldn't know about any of that because you live alone in your basement eating Cheetos! Man, you're a loser!! Isn't this fun. Aren't you glad you came here! But we don't just have awards, no, just like the Oscars DON'T do we will have some big exclusive announcements. Are you excited, huh you fat nerd!?! Well lets get this thing started.

"Best Xbox 360 Game"

Killzone: Shadowfall

This year we didn't want to limit Best Xbox game to the few games, if any, that only came out on the Xbox 360. So we opened it up to any game we felt most embodied the spirit of an Xbox game, whatever the hell that means.. And after emailing some game journalists, we said fuck it and picked one out of a hat.

"Best Playstation Game: Sponsored by Polygon.com"

NONE, Playstation sucks!! LOL

Hey, it's me, that writer at Polygon who gave your beloved game a low score. Man, why do you guys even play games on the PS3/PS4? They are so terrible. Seriously, we are so glad you Sony fanboys discovered we get paid off by Microsoft to purposely rate games low. That means we can just be open and honest about how we here are all SUPER DUPER Xbots. Yeah!

"Best 'Back pedal' of the year"

Microsoft, Xbox Division

Hey guys and girls, we here at Xbox were so excited to hear all your feedback! It really helped us shape the future of entertainment. So once again, we say thank you! We know we might have acted like we didn't care about your consumer rights or that we were so high on success that we assumed you would just buy another Halo box, but now we know. Like seriously, we get it, you were mad..but please..just buy some Xbox One's. Please. What else do you want us to change, you want us to start calling it the Xbone!! Ok FINE. PLEASE just buy an Xbone please.

"Most Broken Multi-player"

Battlefield 4

We here at DICE are committed to making sure that Battlefield 4 works. We know that our fans, around the world, are disappointed about the current state of the game. We are going to continue to improve the game, and make it better everyday. As a way of showing our gratitude all current BF4 players will get a BF3 keychain mailed to them starting sometime next year. We hope this makes up for some of the frustration you may have felt.

"Most Broken Singleplayer"

Battlefield 4

Seriously..I mean, ok...um. Sorry, again. We here at DICE are, as we said a minute ago, working to make the game better every day.

"Best use of Crash Reporting on a Next Gen Console"

Battlefield 4

Fuck off, EA is destroying us! We have to make BF4 DLC, Star Wars BF, Mirrors Edge 2 and help all the other studios who are now using Frostbite 3. So sorry, were a little fucking busy. Plus EA made us ship ahead of CoD Ghosts on Current gen and..shit I see one of the EA PR people, before he gets here, please...someone..help us. HELP US.... *ahem* Leveloution, NEXT GEN, 60fps 1080p, Am I forgetting any other buzz words?

"Most use of the N word"

Grand Theft Auto V

[Censored]

"Best New Phrase"

"bullet cancer" Army of Two: The Devil's Cartel

Wow.. we here at Visceral Games like totally forgot we even made that thing. Like that came out this year? What the fuck, really. Well I'm betting it wasn't any good. I really can't believe we made that game...haha, totally forgot about it.

Hey it me's, Joel McHale! Did you fat losers tweet something angry at us yet! If you do feel the urge to, make sure to use hashtag #WorthlessGameAwards2013XTweet. Anyways, Pac-Man was walking across the street then he got hit by a car. Now he's call Broken Back-Man. Now time for our first BIG exclusive announcement! Coming next year, to a console near you.

CALL OF DUTY 11.

The newest game in the series, were here to officially announce, yes its being made. Are you excited!!! I bet your screaming like a fat virgin who gets to see...ahh..teleprompter messed up forget it, get back to the awards.

"Best Voice Actor"

The guy who did the grunts and heavy breathing for your Call of Duty Ghosts character.

Thanks..I mean, I'm just an intern. It took like I don't know, 5 minutes. Maybe? But its nice to get an award. Thanks!

"Funniest name for a console failure"

Blue light of death

Hey, its me that REALLY cool dude who works at Playstation! Man, aren't we cool. We are like the anti-money hungry business dudes your used to. We're so fun and nice, all we care about is the games man..and that you pay us every month to play online with the PS4, but mostly the games man. That's what we care about. Were sorry about the Blueligtht of Death issues, we're working on it. But in the mean time why don't you share some used games with your friends, hahaha, wasn't that a funny video. Thanks for the award guys!!

And now we reach the end of our show. Sadly it has to all come to an end. Just like when you run out of MTN DEW! Bet you get all sad when that happens. Well anyways, here is the last award of the night. The Game of the Year award! And the winner is....

Call of Duty: Ghosts!

Hey, from everyone here at Infinity Ward, Raven Software and Neversoft games we just wanted to say: thanks! We really are excited to see how much you guys enjoyed Ghosts, and we can't wait to sell you $50 worth of DLC and skins for your fake guns. And we really think you guys are going to enjoy Call of Duty 11 when it comes out next year! There's a Soldier in all of us!! Have a great year!! Whooo!!

*Shitty dubstep plays, credits roll, in the shadows behind the set we see Joel McHale getting paid his 200$ and Pizza Hut Coupon*