Hades II presents eight guests to the snake diner

Those should have been Metal Gear Solid Delta Snake Eater’s Japanese voice cast

This is a pure flight of fancy with the subject matter being shipped products. At the same time, it’s a fantasy reflecting my current rather negative feeling towards the corporations and their lackeys, who are particularly ruining this industry. Back in August, I made relatively quick work of Kojima Productions and Konami Digital Entertainment, while this one would be slow and painful beat down of both, preferably with a pair of brass knuckles branded “Fuckojima” and “Fuckonami” respectively.

Introduction: mess hall for the deceased, and the long prelude towards it…

Comparing the audio aspect of Hades II to Bastion’s is to see how far San Fransico based game studio Supergiant Games had come. While their 2011 debut had to just relay on studio members Darren Korb and Logan Cunninghum, the 2025 hit managed to recruit a voice cast including video game usual suspects such as Ben Starr (Plus a lad who once co-starred with Harrison Ford) and world-renowned talent for music.

In contrast, what Konami Digital Entertainment did with MGS3 remake is more than disappointing to me. However, what Konami kept is the flaws their then renamed “Kojima Productions” branch had embedded. It was the early aughts and there were efforts to put faces on products. Hideo “the face there” Kojima is of my parents’ generation, so his idea of a dubbed spy thriller naturally would not be aligned with mine. What a shame that the cowardice corporate bastards over at Konami were too scared to change a goddamned thing.

Well, that’s their way of business and this is my hobby to speculate: What if Konami had at least a backbone like Capcom’s and made any decision for their remakes? One would think refining the script, recasting the voice actors and recording the audio are the least they can do. But “not further pissing off the MGS fanbase they had alienated” is clearly the priority there. Still, my 35 years old cynical ass is pissed anyway, for those lazy bastards as paid pros should have put more thoughts into it than I have as an amateur.

Here are the thoughts I put into this one. 8 Japanese voice actors with IMDB links in total, 4 completely new to the Metal Gear franchise and other 4 at least worked with Kojima. They should have voiced characters that left impression on me when I played more than one version of Snake Eater and gave newcomer something new to hold on to.

Yes, the following 8 characters were selected by yours truly with several filtered out. The Boss’s Cobra Unit never left more impression on me, not with their voice acting in either language I played anyway. I enjoyed how Mr. Hase set up their background story in the novelization yet never thought about how should they sound. And do please help the completely spinless Dr. Sokolov to his corner but kept that nothing burger brute Colonel Volgin at the opposite end just so they can all eat in peace.

Now allow me to introduce the first cause on the menu: Kojima Roast!

First table of Four for “newcomers to MGS”: Forgers’ feast

Where is the “we”? You. You! YOU! No, there was no “we” who said “I see a top shot in John Wick 4”. It was like “Hi, I’m Chad and, oh yeah, that’s what I see in my head.”

----Keanu Reeves to Chad “the kooky director guy” Stahelski when both were interviewed for Wick Is Pain

One would say that the showbiz is pretty rotten with unfortunate wankers like Hideo Kojima and Chad Stahelski held in such high regards. (In other words, “Dan Rycerkt sucks!”). “Unfortunate” since both were nailed to their respective franchises, Kojima to Metal Gear and Stahelski to John Wick. “Wankers” for their warped and masturbatory fantasies are somehow seen by many as “realism”, bafflingly so. But at least Stahelski’s bullshit had been called out even by many, the star of his shows included, while criticization of Kojima’s even kookier bullshit is too few and far between.

One aspect of Kojima’s warped perspective would be the Japanese voice cast. First, I am not calling it bad since it did job effectively enough. I just much prefer the pitches the English dub operates on and consider Konami coward for not recasting accordingly.

The first four guests are cast members of Spy X Family (The “X” is silent.). The comic book and animated show based on it can be seen as a more comedic take on the Cold War spy thriller shtick. Yet, it actually managed to pull EVA’s “I saw the universe” moment and Ocelot insisting that he is an interrogator not a torturer bits way better than the limited scoop of “A Hideo Kojima Game” ever could. Nothing special there, just non-interactive media better at articulating things.

More importantly they all operate in pitches closer to Snake Eater’s English dub thus more pleasant to the ears of modern audience members like yours truly.

Mr. Forger…

Takuya Eguchi as Jack turned Naked Snake then “honored” as Big Boss

(Mr. Eguchi voices the spy with the alias “Loid Forger” in Spy X Family. He might make a wonderful Apollo in Hades II, in term of both voice acting and vocal. )

The instant confirmation that Akio Otsuka would be back to voice the player character for MGS3 during E3 2003 is one of those “cool marketing stunt that will hurt the final product” moments. It’s also, in my opinion, apt evidence that Hideo Kojima is among the corporate bastards we should loathe instead of a creative mind this lousy industry sees him. The solider with the callsign “Naked Snake” is younger than Solid Snake in the 2 previous games, neither Mr. Otsuka nor Mr. David Hayter adjusting accordingly was a damned shame.

Anyway, my vote for the recast of Naked Snake would be Mr. Takuya Eguchi. Had Kojima and crew made MGS3 in 2020s, Mr. Eguchi would have clicked several boxes, first among many would be he starring in an anime based on best-selling manga. His voice is also closer to Hayter’s Clint Eastwood impression that the wonderful Otsuka can ever do. No point in just playing one super spy within a franchise.

…His wife…

Saori Hayami as the Boss

(Ms. Hayami voices Yor Bria Forger, a secret assassin in Spy X Family. I would love to hear her giving Ashely Barret a run for her money by both singing and acting as Artemis in Hades II.)

Lori Alan as the Boss is a brilliant vocal performance that can be described as “Clint Eastwood’s female counterpart”. It seethes me for being an effortless restraint on one’s strength. Kikuko Inoue on the other hand tried bit too hard under Kojima’s direction, but she did improve as the voice of the Boss AI core in Peace Walker and Phantom Pain.

The younger Ms. Hayami here once voiced Hukenberg in 2024’s Metaphor: Refantisio. Personally I think the character could have worked as a man but there is the “You try to sell a JRPG in a which one clears the first real dungeon with a sausage party” concern. Either the way that redheaded lass blend stoic and seething together makes think Hayami could have done a wonderful as MGS3’s final boss, even though it would take her back to the earlier stage of her career when she played the Fridged often…

…Their daughter…

Atsumi Tanezaki as EVA

(Ms. Tanezaki voices Anya Forger, the adopted daughter of Loid and Yor in Spy X Family. She is voice actor cable of many voices, one of which might fit Eris, Nemesis or ever Melinoe herself in Hades II. Or maybe she can used 3 as the Fates .)

I am starting this part by saying that there is nothing wrong with Misa Watanabe’s portray of EVA. The character is meant to seductive and Ms. Watanabe played her with low-pitch voice and seduction in spade. However, the “Rita Hayworth” vibe Kojima and crew aimed for in the role is something occurred before both my parents’ birth. Thus, it’s bit old hat and something the remake should have changed for the modern times.

As her role in Spy Family indicated, Ms. Tanezaki can play young girls very convincing. Her sweet radio voice is also much closer to how EVA sounds in MGS3’s English dub. More importantly I think it would keep the player guessing in terms of who EVA actually works for. Tanezaki’s “thousand voices” approach of her trade was not exactly new, it started at least in 1980s. Why did Kojima adopt it is a great bloody question.

…And her uncle

Kensho Ono as Major Ocelot

(Mr. Ono voices Yuri Bria, Yor’s baby brother in Spy X Family. I envisioned him as Moros in Hades II way back when. I am sticking to my gun on it now I’ve seen Melinoe’s love scene with him with “2020s’ Netflix logo on repeat” being the visual. No “hot coffee” horseshit there, of course.)

While the creators and consumers of Spy Family tend to include the family dog called Bond as one of the Forgers, I am talking about creature closer to cats here. Yes, Twilight’s colleague callsign Nightfall is also a bloody cat but she does not have dick and balls. Enters Uncle Yuri, someone loves his sister so dearly that he often gets into dick measuring contest with his brother-in-law. There is also the spy versus counter-espionage agent thing as well, though only the spy knows it for now.

The neat dress uniform and cap on the surface is one thing, Yuri and Ocelot also share in terms of being an interrogator not a torturer. While Ocelot seeing Volgin throw beating and intel into a poor sod tied up, Yuri is closer to John Le Carre’s George Smiley: what good is intel if it cannot be used to get more intel from someone across the table? While Twilight and Snake are the more swashbuckling ones in their respective franchises, Yuri and Ocelot are the real spymasters. Though they should have shared voices.

Second table of Four for Hideo Kojima collaborators: the “Bridges” and their “butler”

Konami Digital Entertainment can take the cake of cowardice among their fellow corporate bastards. I mean getting some Hideo Kojima collaborators to act in their products is the least they can do in battling the Fuckonami voice. Instead, yours truly is adding to that voice for their inaction.

Well, here is my reaction with a little bit Fuckojima peppered in. 4 Death Stranding cast members, with 2 started there and others actually played different roles in 2004’s Metal Gear Solid 3 Snake Eater on Playstation 2. A different pair also appeared in Spy Family, with the others likely up for some roles in the show’s continuation.

Mr. Bridges…

Kenjiro Tsuda as Sigint

(Mr. Tsuda, dubbed Norman Reeds as Sam Bridges in both 2019’s Death Stranding and its sequel, 2024’s Death Stranding 2 On the Beach. He dubbing Ben Starr as Prometheus in Hades II is a no-brainer to me. Or maybe he can loosen up as Dionysus.)

Corporate bastards are rarely above blaming the dead. Konami Digital Entertainment’s reasoning of keeping all audio tracks for Delta was that several of the original cast members had since past. I say, with Atlus having to recast between Persona 5 vanilla and Royal due to the untimely passing of a younger woman, I am not paying you shit for not replacing senior citizens who past, Konami Digital Entertainment!

Well, I said “senior citizens”, but Mr. Keiji Fujiwara was not quite there when he untimely past in 2020. Turned the clock back a decade, he voiced player character in “Hideo Kojima presents” Castlevania Lords of Shadow. I think it’s fair to assume Kenjiro Tsuda, who is actually more of screen actor than voice actor, became Kojima’s favorite because he shares the same swagger with the late Mr. Fujiwara. Do I just want to hear him talk gun!

…his biological father…

Kazuhiro Yamaji as Major Zero

(Mr. Yamaji dubbed Mads Mikkelson as Cliff in 2019’s Death Stranding, a character Kojima just refused to bring back for the sequel. In case long-time Metal Gear franchise cast member Banjo Ginga became too old for this shit, Mr. Yamaji can replace him as Cronos as I imagine he doing here.)

Ah, bloody Cliff, someone Jackson Taylor over at Abnormal Mapping considers Death Stranding’s Big Boss with Outer Heaven agenda. Though months before hearing they made such statement, yours truly already consider DS as the MGS speed run and it’s shit! Anyway, I do kinda sorta see Cliff as a Major Zero stand-in, so why wouldn’t Konami recast him as Zero other than that they are corpo cowards! Mr. Yamaji’s voice just goes so well with lean mean scar faces, friendly or foe.

…adopted female family members…

Inoue Kikuko as Para-medic

(Ms. Inoue had been a Hideo Kojima collaborator since before 1998’s Metal Gear Solid. She voiced a handful of characters just within that franchise, including MGS2’s Rose, MGS3’s Boss and MGS4’s Sunny. She lent her voice to both digital copies of Linsay Wagner in Death Stranding, de-aged and otherwise. I hope she gets to say the Japanese counterpart of “hot stuff” as Hestia in Hades II.)

Yep, the very Ms. Inoue I criticized for trying just bit too hard as the Boss in MGS3. She is just very better in soft spoken roles like Son of Liberty’s save call, Rosemary. Kojima claimed that Rose is his idealistic woman with long reddish brown hair. I wonder if he just wanks to that image or actually married and shagged one into the mother of his 2 sons. I lays into the latter given that Rose had it much better than almost every woman in the Metal Gear franchise…

Anyhow, Para-medic is almost the same red head one calls to save game progress in MGS3 just with shorter hair. In another showcase of Kojima’s corporate cowardice, one Ms. Houko Kuwashima behind MGS1’s Mei Ling was brought back. Yep, another lady to call for saving game progress. With Para-medic dropping movie references left and right, one would think the role would have gone to someone closet in age to the director. But I guess the temptation to act against type is bit too much. Well, at least she improved in the sequels.

…and loyal butler

Akio Otsuka as Aleksandr Granin

(Mr. Otsuka played Diehard Man in 2019’s Death Stranding. Before that, he had voiced every Snake except Liquid through the entire Metal Gear Solid franchise. He just is Hades to me, whether the telling is faith to the myth or not.)

Another dead voice actor’s role. Though when Mr. Takeshi Aono past in 2012, he had a relatively full life. Just hear me out on this one. Mr. Otsuka dubbed over a man almost cried his own eyes out in the epilogue of Death Stranding. So a drunk man telling his story to a foreign spy should prove no pressure.

Okay this is the prelude for me to talk about how Konami did not adjust one bit in MGS3 for remake being so disappointing, “I am not gonna to buy this shit” provoking. The bit would be Granin’s office complex. In the novelization, the place is described as a pocket of peace and serenity in middle of a war zone, or at least high albert zone. If the game is made in PS3/Xbox 360 generation, this level would likely have been made into a RPG hub.

However, as one can see Drew Scanlon’s “John Matirx” method (No, the “John Rambo” method is playing the game as a stealth game despite how a retired commando used "Johnny Rambo" on Gamespot), the office building is just another war zone with military officers in dress uniforms with their Makarovs out. Konami think they are on thin ice to change anything, but to me not changing shit is exactly why I have no intention to purchase. Guess they are just doomed either way.

Afterwords: critic-turned-creator versus pretentious corpo

Metal Gear Solid 3 is a great achievement, one that fans of the series will love and vividly remember long after most of 2004's other games are forgotten.

--------Greg Kasavin, about 5 years before Supergiant Games

The end of this year would be exciting for me for a particular reason: Hades II with writing by Greg Kasavin is set to go up against Death Stranding 2 On the Beach, “A Hideo Kojima Game” for the title of “Game of the Year Twenty Twenty-five” during Keighley’s and other discussion. Provided that the world does not go to hell in a handbasket before that can happen…

As someone who started to visit Gamespot in June, 2006, Mr. Kasavin’s reviews for the site was already treasure trove back then. Suffice to say, I was sad to see he depart at the end of that year. Then in 2013, I found a way back to his writing on game after playing Bastion for the first time.

So, to me, it would be a race between the MGS3 creator’s PS5 exclusive and a MGS3 critic’s new peak. The former still has buffs like the industry’s preference of photo real and Keighley’s er, eager to put a trophy on his affection for Kojima. Still, I would be back to edit in a “Damn you! Damn you all to hell! Just die screaming next to this lousy industry aflame!” if DS2 won, mark my words!

Funny. I planned to separate the respective criticism on Kojima and Konami more evenly yet more hash words were used on the former. The GOTY 2025 consideration and how the man just had a wank fest in September being why. How a corpo ass corpo got such glowing reputation is a case study high above my ability…