Bayonetta is like a really good friend who doesn't get the hint. They tell a joke that goes on for far longer than it should. Other times, they tell a joke that makes you say, "whoa, slow down there buddy." But, for the majority of the time, they are so wrapped up in themselves, they fail to see their own faults.
My biggest problem with the game is that it doesn't seem to know when to stop throwing things at you. In particular, two chapters consist of vehicle sequences that are so stupidly long that become a chore halfway through. Sure they're cool at first, but the magic quickly wears off once you begin to notice "Hey, these things control like crap."
But no, it doesn't stop throwing things at you there. Sometimes during a level, cutscene, boss fight, etc the game will magically decide it is time for a small quick time event. They are never too hard, but the words too unexpected come to mind. I'm not a fan of the "hey player, come watch this cool boss throw this - PRESS THESE BUTTONS NOW OR DIE" this game seems to adopt ad naseum. Again, some of these can be fun, others become really annoying, really quickly.
While we are on the subject of bosses, this game pimps them out like no tomorrow. Admittedly, the second, third, fourth and beyond time you fight some of them, they are weaker than their first encounter selves, but it doesn't help ease the feeling that these bosses...the moments you shared with them would've been so much more memorable if you only fought them once. However, it quickly ruins and magic they would've had once you're hacking away at their lifebar for the third time.
But bosses aren't they only enemy with a problem. Oh no. The enemies are also a pain in the ass. Not all of them of course, but some do try their hardest to get on your nerves. Case and point: Grace and Glory. Fun to look at. Funner to not be around. The thing that bothers me about these two in particular (and I won't even bother talking about their big brothers) is they are introduced in a manner I find to be very chaotic. For starters, witch time lasts about a second or two at most against them. I wouldn't find this a problem if the game had conveyed this message to me in any form. Instead, I'm left with a feeling of confusion as it's literally the first time in the game that issue crops up. No explanation for it. It just happens and that's what it is. Second, their damage output is off the walls insane. I'm a firm believer that damage should balance out how difficult a move is too dodge. If the move is next to impossible to dodge, is it fair to make it overly strong? If a move is easy to dodge, shouldn't it therefore pack more of a punch since it's not expected to land much anyway? Now, I'm only using these two as an example for many more enemies with similar balance or lack of information problems. It's not the fact the game keeps throwing enemies at you, it's that the encounters are handled so poorly sometimes. None of them are ever game braking, but a lot of them make me question "Why?"
And as for the whole dodging thing, Bayonetta is either really friendly or the meanest game in the world depending on the situation. Sometimes the game is real lenient with dodging. You can flip through giant claws, axes, swords, etc. Other times, the game stops you in your tracks and says, "no, fuck you" and proceeds to hack away your lifebar once again.
The final topic of discussion will be none other than the witch herself, Bayonetta. I remember reading an interview where the creator mentioned he wanted to create a strong, heroic lead that females can be proud of. He also wanted to make her sexy and have some appeal for guys at the same time. He fucked up.
Sure, she's 'sexy', but that's all she is. There's nothing to be proud of when looking at her. One could argue she shows a 'good' side throughout small portions of the game, but that argument is completely overshadowed time and time again especially when the end of the game shows her dancing on a stripper pole for five minutes. Yep, real strong. Oh yeah and there's a dance scene that follows that includes her, as well as every other female in the game, dancing in clothes that get tighter and smaller by the second. And just for added measure, I'll just mention and let you see for yourself the countless sexual innuendos and poses she takes takes throughout the game for no reason whatsoever. There is a fine line between a sexy woman and a little boy's wet dream. Bayonetta is the latter. I'm not a little boy. Neither am I some female activist or old geezer. I'm a man in his twenties. I don't need to be beaten over the head like this with sexuality. I'm past that.
Like I said, Bayonetta [the game] can be a really good friend sometimes. Other times you just wish they would calm the fuck down.
If I had so many negative things to say then why give it three stars? So many people have had so many good, often too good, things to say, why should I waste my time. I'm listing the problems I had. Nothing more, nothing less.
(As I'm reading the review, I'm really not feeling the flow of it all, but I don't feel like writing more and / or changing much so I do apaologize for anything that sounds out of place and awkward. This is my first review anyway, but I do hope you enjoy.)
