Simulator of the century

**Note: Please keep the following song on a loop through the duration of your reading. Thank you, and enjoy the review. 
 
Have you ever wondered about the specifics of the miracle called child birth? Have your school's health classes, or your very own--formerly trusted--parents been too embarrassed to properly educate you on this matter? You don't have to live in ignorance any longer! From Stegersaurus Games comes the most realistic simulation of Baby Making ever to be coded and published. 
 
The "game" starts up with a black loading screen with white text. The text depicts the exact steps involved in going into labor. The detail is astounding with such text bits as: "water breaking", "stuck in traffic" and "entering Maternity Ward". The eloquent writing in these sections paints a vivid image in the player's mind. There certainly isn't anything that could have been more interesting here than white text... on a black background. 
  

Once you enter the "game" proper, however, you see that this educational experience (known by some as a "game"), features a nice paper cut-out art style. It works for the purposes of this "game". After all, you don't need to witness every last detail in order to learn the ins and outs of the child birthing experience. As you press the A button to advance to the next stage of education, you will promptly notice that making babies is indeed an "EXTREME" experience. Play this "game" and learn about this miracle of a process at your own risk. 
 
There are two ways to witness the miracle of child birth. The first is using a generic baby. This baby will show you the ropes, but may be a bit too featureless for your tastes. You could choose to dress your generic baby up in such things as vests, helmets, a diaper, scuba gear, etc. or all of the above. But, an even more interesting way to learn about this process is to select your premade avatar to put in place of the birthed baby. You may find that the detail provided when using the custom avatar makes the experience overly emotionally overwhelming. If this is the case, quickly switch back to the generic baby, and rinse your eyes completely for three to four minutes. If emotion persists, stop playing the "game" completely, and go play something better instead. 
 

Assuming all goes well, you will begin the experience by performing a couple of quick time-esque events in oder to prepare for the baby's swift exit. This is meant to simulate a real doctor's actions just seconds prior to birth. Alternating button presses rhythmically as well as mashing other buttons is a key part of making sure that this mother-to-be is as comfortable as possible. If the doctor has mashed buttons on his machines fast enough, the baby will make a swift and safe exit. The first thing that will always happen if the doctor is good at his job, is the baby will hit the doctor, earning the "Doc Block" award. This is the first award of hopefully many as the baby exits the mother and begins its journey through the hospital. At this point, the framerate of the entire hospital may stutter. This happens often, do not panic. As the baby soars through the air, it will have enough free will and brain power to decide when to use a boost to get some extra lift power, and when to use a dive in order to bounce off of certain glowing objects. Bouncing off of objects is the best way to continue the baby's first flight, and ensure proper point development. That's right kids, what you probably didn't know is that the distance traveled by the baby on its first flight out of its mother determines a total point score. Some have speculated that these points are directly related to brain power, so shoot for the moon, moms-to-be! After adding up all the awards that the baby has earned, such as "You Got Crabs" or "Stiffy", a total score is written down by the nurses and reported to the local leaderboards.  
 
Boys and girls, this educational tool is far and away the best way to learn all of the ins and outs of the baby making process in a safe and secure manner. Could this be a free flash game in the internet? Sure, it could. Is paying even a single dollar, too much? Maybe, yes. But if you value knowledge, and want to know the truth, and nothing but the truth when it comes to making babies in an extreme manner, then don't hesitate. Play this "game". 
 
 
 
**Note: Please play this "game". We know it kinda sucks, but we didn't meet our revenue goal for this quarter and we're desperate! It's actually kind of funny, and can be entertaining for at least a brief period of time!
--Childbirth.org representative