227 public reviews
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[Castlevania : Order of Ecclesia] : The latest attempt at a modern day Symphony. Story : [Castlevania : Order of Ecclesia] is based around a young woman named [Shanoa] who was chosen to bear some kind of almighty power capable of bringing down [Dracula], only for fellow cult-mate [Albus] to steal the power for himself, forcing [Shanoa] to go after him. There’s a good twist or two here and there but the overall story…
Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe : A fighting game featuring characters from both the Mortal Kombat fighting game and DC comic book franchises, in a combination that could only make sense to fellow gamers who’ve seen Capcom do it before with Street Fighter and Marvel. For all intents and purposes, all of the franchises involved are being riding on the coattails of The Dark Knight, as evident by Batman’s prominent…
Guitar Hero : World Tour : The latest installment in the inanely popular musical rhythm game, expanding the range of playable plastic instruments to include plastic drums and USB microphone singing. Story : The in-game story is just the usual bits about cartoon musicians going from a garage to the big time. The out of game story is the one people seem be enamored with; original Guitar Hero developers Harmonix were…
Far Cry 2 : A supposed open-world first person shooter that lets the player go anywhere and betray anyone, because these are the aspects that appeal to players apparently. Story : The game makes you choose one of 8-odd playable characters, with no discernable difference between any of them other than appearance…which doesn’t mean anything either considering how you are playing a FIRST PERSON shooter. The goal of…
So if you’ve been around me and my DS sometime within the last month or so, I’ve probably subjected you to a series of unusual and frustrating puzzles. You may be surprised to know that the source of these puzzles is a video game known as… Professor Layton and the Curious Village : …and to us existing fans of the game, lets all stop kidding ourselves and acknowledge this game for what it is; a mini-game compilation,…
Read the full review Professor Layton and the Curious Village
Saint’s Row 2 : An open world gangsta game that’s flakin' and perpetratin But scared to kick reality. Story : After some kind of explosion from the first game, your character wakes up in a prison hospital, and doctors must rejuvenate you using the game’s character creator. (I’m sure it’s coincidence this very same aspect of gameplay appears in TNA Impact the video game, but developers and people in general should…
Earthworm Jim : A 16-bit platformer from Dave Perry and Doug TenNepal and a developer called Shiny Entertainment, all of which are only famous for making…well, Earthworm Jim. Story : Here’s as good a synopsis as any. It’s your typical scenario with games of the day where the only way to understand the story is to read either the back of the box or the manual, as the game itself had no form of dialogue or…
Brain Age : Train Your Brain in Minutes A Day : The solution to a problem you don’t have. Story : Brain Age is based on the ideas of Dr. Ryutu Kawashima, working with the idea that doing certain math, visual and memory problems on a routine basis will improve your brain…somehow. As you age, your brain may become dull, old, unfocused. By playing Brain Age, you can keep your brain sharp, clear and young. Also, be sure…
Read the full review Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day!
Writer’s note : This is anything but a professionally-written review. If a job hunter asks for samples of my writing for any kind of job, may they not stumble across this. NHL 09 : The latest installment of a franchise that does not like me. SD-DEFICIENT Story : With the Leafs falling out of playoff contention, Mats Sundin was the focus of numerous trade rumours as the February 26 trade deadline approached. On…
Wario Land : Shake It!! : A 2D platformer based on the gimmick that the main character can shake any object he can grasp, effectively making it a knockoff of… Mischief Makers : A 2D platformer based on the gimmick that the main character can shake any object she can grasp. Except the shaking aspect is better implemented, and it’s a good deal more easy on the wrists since you’re just mindlessly pressing buttons to…
Fable 2 : An action/RPG hybrid from a developer best known for not really keeping promises. Fable 2 gets off easy as the only broken promise here is the lackluster co-op play. Story : A revenge plot involving an evil man who killed your sister trying to summon evil magic for a grand scheme. Nothing we haven’t seen before in these kinds of RPGs, though the solid voice-acting makes up for it in part. Fable 2 works…
Guilty Gear 2 : Overture : Some kind of bizarre attempt to create a new kind of strategy game. Story : So thousands of years ago there was this big war between humans and this race of monsters that may or may not have relevance in the later plot, but probably does since the game shoves this backstory down our throats some two or three times in the opening sequence. From what I was able to gather, there are beings…
World of Goo : A structure-based puzzle game where the player erects long objects by taking a lubricant-like substance and forming it in a matter that makes it hard. Story : Something about an evil corporation and their grand scheme, and a whole lot of “goo balls” that seem to have nothing to do with this grand scheme. The cutscenes, which look like some kind of cross of Emily The Strange and a stoner Flash cartoon…
Braid : A 2D platformer with sinister arthouse intentions. Story : A young chap named Tim made some kind of mistake and is trying to rescue a princess from some kind of monster… …or that’s what you’re led to believe. This game takes a Killer7 approach to game design in that not everything is what it seems, rather that there’s some kind of hidden truth behind all of these goomba-stomping levels. Braid reminds gamers…
Viva Piñata : Trouble In Paradise : A gardening game on the Xbox 360. The biggest new feature in this game is online play, and I shutter to think of the racism a game about piñatas inspires on the bigot breeding ground that is Xbox Live. Story : Professor Pester hates happy things, and has begun a crusade against happy things by waging a very subdued war on pinatakind. Along the way, he destroys some kind of…
Star Wars : The Force Unleashed : An action/adventure game based on the Star Wars universe where players control an all-too-powerful dark Jedi knight, capable of incredible feats beyond anything seen in any of the movies. I’d rather not say that this makes Luke Skywalker and such seem like pantywaists in comparison to this “Starkiller” chap, and instead just say that your belief is going to be rather suspended, even…
Kirby Super Star Ultra : An “expanded” edition of the Super Nintendo pseudo-compilation, Kirby Super Star. Story : Actually, Kirby Super Star is a series of smaller adventures, each one based on either saving the world or saving food. I’m not going to criticize a story aimed at kids of being uninspired so it is what it is. This Nintendo DS version adds computer-generated cutscenes in spots to tell the stories, and…
No More Heroes : An action game for a more crass generation. Story : For the first time since the Pokemon trainer decided to capture and manipulate wild animals for fame and fortune, we have a main character who’s goals are unjust and selfish, remain unjust and selfish to the end, and he’s all the more admirable for it. Travis Touchdown wants to become the top ranked assassin in the world, not to save the world from…
Iron Man : The video game rushjob adaptation of the summer blockbuster motion picture. Story : Like most movie-to-game adaptations, the plot here is an incoherent mishmash of cutscenes that assumes that the player has seen the movie, leaving the rest of the world to be confused and force them into paying money to see it to make sense out of how this series of events is happening. And really, the only movie-based…
Soul Calibur 4 : A Medieval-themed fighting game. Or at least a medieval-themed fighting game with the camp-value turned all the way up. Oh, and there’s Yoda thrown in there for some reason. Story : So we can now confirm that "A long time ago in a galaxy far far away" was simply referring to 1500s Europe. Or at least an alternate dimension of 1500s Europe where the nutrition of the general population was different…
Ninja Gaiden 2 : An action adventure game where players control a bondage-clad ninja warrior and get immersed in a world where DD is considered pitiful endowment for a woman and demons and cyborgs work side-by-side to eviscerate you. Story : Ninja warrior Ryu Hayabusha goes on a revenge/save the world quest against some sort of empire-like evil that attacked his home village and is attempting to revive an ancient…
Bionic Commando : Rearmed: A remake of the 2D side-scroller Bionic Commando, a game that earned notoriety more for its need to be different for the sake of being different than anything particularly memorable or great. Story : Some kind of Nazi faction is building some kind of ancient weapon, all the while kidnapping the ingeniously named soldier “Super Joe” and you, the player, control the equally well-named “Rad…
The World Ends With You : A Japanese Role-Playing Game where fashion-aficionados battle supernatural demons in a fight for their unappreciated lives. Story : Neku is a world-loathing lonely boy who, despite presumably having rich parents based on his attire, hates the world, himself and the general idea of being alive. One day he finds the world littered with demons and himself unable to communicate to most actual…
Why am I reviewing a 12-odd year old SNES game? Well it came out a few weeks ago to this day on the Wii Virtual Console and I promised that I’d attempt to review every 2008 release that I spent an adequate amount of time on, so here we go. It certainly dominated any free time I could’ve used to play newer games, and killed the possibility of me being able to adequately review Mass Effect, proving that simplicity and…
Read the full review Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars
Mario Kart Wii : A not very realistic racing game where assorted Mario characters compete in races riddled with weapons, traps and too many weapons. Story : In 2012, the Mushroom Kingdom economy collapses and life for everyone is not the same. Once a NASCAR champion, Mario, (Jason Statham), hits rock bottom and spent several years in prison. His life was improving and changing for the better after meeting and…
Super Smash Bros Brawl : Some kind of fighter/platformer hybrid where players control a variety of characters from Nintendo’s past and battle each in some kind of King of the Hill-style of cartoon combat. Along the way, Nintendo will pat itself on the back a lot throughout the game. Story : Oh yes, this one has a storyline, based in the new single-player campaign “The Subspace Emissary.” Apparently, the Nintendo…
Your favorite band, after years of solid rock albums, worldwide touring, partying and hotel smashing, decides that they need to evolve or mature their sound. Therefore, they produce some “experimental” albums (probably with some kind of jazz influence) and alienate most of their fanbase. Eventually, the band realizes the error of their ways and produces an album similar to what got them so popular in the first…
Grand Theft Auto 4 : A city-based action game comprised mostly of shooting things, driving things and driving over things, combined with the immigrant experience. Story : Niko Bellic has immigrated to Liberty City on brother Roman’s promise of living the American dream (and other reasons) only to realize that Roman is in debt to bad people. Fortunately, Niko has military training and a very dark past, and after his…
Lego Batman : An action/adventure/co-branding venture game based on, or rather satirizing, the Batman universe by making every character and object composed of Legos. Story : There’s a breakout at Arkham Asylum and every Batman villain that matters (and 2 or 3 that don’t) manages to escape, banding together into 3 groups with vile plans for Gotham City, and only Batman and Robin can stop them. Being that this is a…
God of War : Chains of Olympus : An action game set in a vengeance-driven version of Greek mythology, where the player controls a black, white character named Kratos, the gods’ personal army-slayer. Story : Actually a prequel to current God of War games, Chains of Olympus (which doesn’t actually have anything to do with any sort of “chains of Olympus” and is presumably some kind of metaphor for Kratos being the…
Rock Band 2 : A rhythm game where you and up to 3 others manipulate plastic toy controllers to match the colours scrolling down the screen in unison all the while imagining you’re part of Journey. Story : The storyline of the game I guess would be the “Band World Tour”. You create a band and its members, and work your way from playing small venues to stadium sellouts and fame and fortune. Well that’s what the game…
Guitar Hero : Aerosmith : A rhythm game where the game orders players to press coloured buttons at the precise right moment the game tells you to. To cover up the oppressive nature of this practice, the game plays rock music in the background to make the player feel like a rebel. This instance of false empowerment focuses on being themed after AEROSMITH, the supposed biggest rock band of all time, though players…
TNA Impact : (or if you want to be more precise, TNA iMPACT! I guess) A wrestling video game based on the promotion trying to be the second-rate knockoff…or rather the “alternative” to the WWE. Story : Yes they’ve conjured up a rather bizarre story for this one, and it feels like it came right out of the imagination of Vince Russo. A wrestler named “Suicide” ignores threats to take a fall and wins the World…
Devil May Cry 4 : An action-adventure game where players control one of two practically identical clones of each other and slaughter an army of demon by way of using your giant sword to fling them in the air and either jumping in the air to slice them some more or juggling them in the air with bullets from your gun. Story : Peaceful Sunday mass at the nearby sacred order of monks is interrupted by longtime Devil May…
One could make a case for the Civilization games having the greatest storyline in gaming, or at least the greatest of the “choose your own adventure” type storyline in that they let the player control history of a global level by dictating the development and actions of a single nation. It looks like Maxis is opting to one-up the Civ games by dictating the course of history on a galactic level by manipulating the…
