292 public written reviews
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<Since the Delete function won't work, we're going to do this manually until they get flagged and somebody actually bothers to fix review deleting. This also apparently has to be 250 characters or at least 100 words, so here's some words for ya. So yeah, thanks for the memories, but I'm not coming back.>
The Short Pros - This is technically a spiritual successor of Night Trap . Just...think about that for a moment - Evokes a certain sense of uneasiness throughout, which then becomes genuine stress - Does well at using it's limited controls to make you feel powerless, increasing the spooks - Animatronic anything just gives me the jibbilies - The jump scares are surprisingly decent - Despite it's simple graphics, the…
The Short Pros - You can ride a dinosaur - You can ride a dinosaur - YOU CAN RIDE A DINOSAUR - IN SPACE Cons - Sometimes you are not riding the dinosaur AAAH YSSSSSS The Long "Something was terribly wrong in the distant man-made Spondylus Solar System. One by one the planet's central life support computers had been infected with a life threatening virus while the planet surfaces had been overrun with computerized…
The Short Pros - Pretty, HD Lumines action - Addition of "character powers" adds a bit more control and variation to the game - Powerups seem to drop more frequently. I'm ok with this. - Probably the best soundtrack out of all the Lumines games - Is on PSVita, a portable system, which is where it plays best Cons - It's...just more Lumines . - They still haven't found out a way to make any crazy modes or something…
The Short Pros - Fast, easy-to-pick-up puzzle game - Rewards aggressive play and encourages fast, frantic matches - Having to move pieces to the "beat" adds a new layer of spice - Seventeen songs initially, with songs from Blazblue and Guilty Gear available for unlock - Lots of DLC songs and characters available for cheap - Quite addicting Cons - A veritable dearth of modes - With no online play, the Vita version is…
The Short Pros - For a game made on the Unity engine, it actually looks ok - For a phone/android game, it also looks ok - Shooting is somehow more precise than the Uncharted series - The dialogue is so bad it borders on genius - Has multiplayer...for some reason - Only five bucks for "Episode 1" Cons - Everything else - Also, it's only an hour long. For a phone game, this isn't half bad. The Long Have you heard of…
The Short Pros - Clever roguelike that manages to actually make tired concepts fresh again - Four stages, tons of unlockables, and a plethora of enemies - Oh my gosh the music in this game is so good. Cause DannyB wrote it, so no big surprise there. - IF YOU WALK BY THE SHOPKEEPER HE SINGS ALONG TO THE SONG. THIS IS LITERALLY THE GREATEST INNOVATION GAMING HAS SEEN IN THE PAST DECADE. - Pixel graphics are charming -…
The Short Pros - Upgraded version of an already phenomenal game - Improved, widescreen, HD graphics look stunning on the Vita - Two new social links that are entertaining and do well supplementing the plot - Tons of new scenes interspersed within the main game, in addition to an entire new endgame and two extra months - New dungeon and boss, with the dungeon having it's own unique twist on the gameplay -…
The Short Pros - Another fun, weird Mario game on the Game Boy - An overworld connects six unique worlds each with crazy new gameplay - The Rabbit Ears are a fun new Mario powerup to go alongside the fireball - Music is killer and graphics pop even on the original Game Boy's screen - Three save slots make this the first handheld Mario game to save - Enemies and worlds maintain the strangeness of the previous Mario…
The Short Pros - Awesome hybrid of a God/City Sim with an action platformer - Music is amazing - Graphics for the platforming segments are quite pretty - Getting better towns levels your avatar, making you even cooler in the platforming segments - Battery saves your game - Like the box says, "Create order from chaos!" That totally happens. Sort of. Cons - City/God Sim segments seem under fleshed out - Platforming…
The Short Pros - Feels like a grand adventure - Adds a leveling/currency sense of progression to the series - Attempts to give an open world, which oddly enough is believable - Has phenomenal music - Looks decent enough - Has a day/night cycle that actually changes how the game is played Cons - Level design is a joke - Bad translations and obscure puzzles are a poor mixture - Next to no bosses to speak of - The game…
The Short Pros - Back to the linear Castlevania format - Graphics are a hybrid between the first Castlevania and Simon's Quest , and look fantastic - Music is kickin' - Four playable characters (three of which you have to discover) help mix up the gameplay - Branching and split paths - Some of the levels are ingenious Cons - Really, really hard - Like, absurdly hard. You won't beat it. Ever. Unless you have Game…
The Short Pros - It's like Castlevania, only SUPER! - We're back to Simon again in this...remake? Prequel? What is this game chronologically, anyway? - Graphics are pretty dang snazzy - Also, the music is awesome - Has like five trillion levels - Simon has learned how to look up, down, and diagonal. Meaning he can whip in all those directions for the first (and only time) in the series - Some cool SNES effects like…
The Short Pros - Brings back the regular, forward whipping Castlevania to the Sega Genesis - But wait! There's a bonus character, who has a multi-hitting spear! - New abilities like a power-spear vault and the ability to whip onto hooks to swing do a great job combining the old with the new - Speaking of which, the game is designed around these abilities, meaning you get an equal challenge regardless of which…
The Short Pros - Reinvented Castlevania by taking the aesthetic and mixing it with Metroid- style exploration - Single-handedly invented the "Metroidvania" (or "Castletroid" if you're a tool) genre - RPG elements including leveling, gear, and currency all play a role in this new style - Fantastic 2D art mixed with some 2D and 3D backdrops make the game look good - Music is absolutely some of the best in the series…
The Short Pros - Extremely addicting, difficult action game - Action game? Is this an action game? I'd say it's just like a reflex game - Seriously, the default difficulty is "Hard" and then it goes up to "Hardererestest" - Minimalist graphics and flashing colors add to the difficulty - Only three songs. All are awesome. - Exceptionally addicting - Quick; one "round" can last anywhere from a minute to under a second…
The Short Pros - A fun hybrid of shop management and action RPG questing - The translation is surprisingly entertaining and appropriately silly - Taking heroes on quests only to sell the best stuff they find back to them at 300% markup is pretty great - A surprisingly long RPG quest campaign with multiple adventurers, dungeons, and secrets to find - I sold month-old egg on toast for a thousand bucks. Take that,…
The Short Pros - The free sequel to the smash hit Plants vs Zombies - Did I mention it's free? That's a pretty big plus - Despite having microtransactions, the entire game can be beaten and is still fun without spending a cent - New plants, levels, and time periods are great - Tons of new challenges for each level, not to mention unlockable minigames and rewards - Plant food was an excellent idea to give you…
The Short Pros - Dark, atmospheric shooter - World and setting are phenomenal and very interesting - Shooting that hybridizes guns and magic keeps things fiesty - Side activities like vending machines, hacking, and other methods can mix up - Graphics and sound design are phenomenal throughout - Story's twist is interesting Cons - Last third of the game feels like a rehash, in both story and gameplay - Switching…
T he Short Pros - Beautiful world feels straight out of a fairytale - Unique controls that require no tutorials; you learn as you play - Achievements are clever and encourage exploration on an otherwise linear game - Music is phenomenal - The "burned house" scene - Ending segment's fusion of learned controls with story elements is quite powerful - Four words: Valley of the Giants Cons - The bigger emotional moments…
The Short Pros - A "reimagining" of the old Princess Maker games...but more violent! - Lots of varying events and activities help make multiple playthroughs different - Single playthrough is relatively short; usually around 45 minutes to 1 hour - Crunching numbers and min/maxing is surprisingly satisfying Cons - Not much to the game aside from stat raising - Due to both the randomness and just how the game is set…
The Short Pros - Unique music game experience (mostly) - DJ Turntable is actually quite fun to use and fairly intuitive - Difficulty range means anyone from noobs to pros can have a challenge - Lots of songs of...interesting mixs - Considering what they were working with, they pulled of something surprisingly good - Can play with both a guitar and a mic - Music actually alters based on how you are playing the mix…
The Short Pros - Same strong gameplay with marked improvements - UI is dramatically improved and the new clean menus are an improvement - Much stronger soundtrack drawing from modern bands - Two player DJing - Ditches the Guitar Hero brand - All songs start unlocked - Overall graphical improvement for characters, backgrounds, and...just about everything Cons - Still insistent on "mixes" in quickplay rather than…
The Short Pros - Basically Metal Slug 2 without any of the problems - New enemies, weapons, and slight tweaks to the levels make this the definitive version of Metal Slug 2 - No slowdown, even on the PS1 version - PS1 version has a level select - One of the funnest run-n-gun games to date - Finds a perfect balance between skill and arcade challenge Cons - Renders Metal Slug 2 redundant The Long I loved Metal Slug 2…
The Short Pros - Basically Metal Slug 2 without any of the problems - New enemies, weapons, and slight tweaks to the levels make this the definitive version of Metal Slug 2 - No slowdown, even on the PS1 version - PS1 version has a level select - One of the funnest run-n-gun games to date - Finds a perfect balance between skill and arcade challenge Cons - Renders Metal Slug 2 redundant The Long I loved Metal Slug 2…
The Short Pros - Takes the original Metal Slug formula and cranks it up to 11 - More weapons, slugs (vehicles), and enemies - Fight aliens and mummies , oh my! - Adds two new playable characters (girls!) and lets you actually pick your character - Can get "Fat" for more damage and more fatness. - Some of the best bosses and locations in the series - Strong balance of skill reward vs coin-pushing Cons - Arcade…
The Short Pros - Crazy run 'n gun action with lots of powerups and abilities - Drive vehicles (aka "Slugs") for more awesome carnage - Some of the best pixel art in the business, bar none - Six levels of not-nazi blasting carnage - Strikes a good arcade balance between skill-based and unfair quarter-stealing - Quite silly - Two players - "RAWKET LAWNCHAIR" Cons - Not as silly as later installments, though that might…
The Short Pros - Horrific, graphic Japanese horror game on PSP - Extremely unsettling to the point of bringing on nausea - Fantastic sound design - Cutscene/drawn art assets are appropriately disturbing - 16-bit graphics conflicting with the awful events create a great mind-bending dissonance - By majority, the translation is top notch, particularly when describing some of the grotesque ways characters die - Story…
The Short Pros - Excellent puzzle game fusing music with block puzzlers - Incredibly addicting - Great on a handheld - Visuals and music are top notch - Easy to learn, difficult to get chains in - Seriously, what do you expect from the guy who made Rez and Space Channel 5? Cons - Serious lack of modes - New songs/colors are unlocked by playing further through the game in a single sitting, meaning most people won't…
The Short Pros - Evolution of Persona 3 on a handheld device - Being able to take Persona on the go highlights the game's strengths - Inclusion of a new female protagonist completely changes the game - Female MC also comes with her own new soundtrack, which is much more appealing - Can finally issue orders directly to your teammates, making the game considerably funner - Many little added tweaks (like using the P4…
The Short Pros - Basic loot driven action RPG - It has dialogue in it - Graphics look cartoony and nice - Kind of reminds me a lot of the Deathspank games Cons - Good thing this isn't a Deathspank game, because if it was it would be the same recycled crap all over again - I mean, really. It clearly isn't. "Deathspank" isn't even in the title - As a savvy consumer, I have brand awareness, and based on that alone I…
The Short Pros - Very fun and furious co-op Zelda experience - The inclusion of subtle competitive elements causes dissonance between teammembers, which is awesome - Puzzles and dungeons are, for the most part, great fun with friends - Controls are reasonable with regards to character management if you can't get the complete set of four buddies together - Graphics look straight out of the SNES Link to the Past -…
Read the full review The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures
The Short Pros - Decent enough shooter...that is, it never really broke - Premise is interesting - Multiplayer is stable and has a few unique ideas - Graphics aren't...awful - Explosive barrels are yellow instead of red. That's...a good thing. Cons - Single player is three hours long. - Story is bland, patronizing to the intelligence of its audience, and borderline racist - Shooting feels weak and bland - Guns,…
Spaceteam The Short Pros - Frantic multiplayer game where you are a SPACE TEAM - Free - Can be played 2-4 people and game adjust difficulty accordingly - This game is an absolutely hilarious, insane good time - Cleverly written and designed, with no two games the same - Did I mention it's free? Cons - Some of the "disabilities" are much, much worse than others - Might make your friends hate you if you play really…
Read the full review The moon landing was easier than this...
The Short Pros - Excellently crafted fighting game from the creators of Guilty Gear and Blazblue - Accessible combos and moves make this Arc System's most "noob friendly" game yet - Game is gorgeous and follows a similar art/aesthetic style to Persona 3 and 4 - Story mode does a decent job connecting the characters from Persona 3 and 4 while adding some entertaining foils - Voice acting is spot on, as it usually is…
The Short Pros - Fun twist on the "runner" genre - Livid Dead levels are a fun, difficult challenge - Graphics look gorgeous on a retena screen - Game does a good balance of rewarding powerups to improve difficulty - Great "pick up 'n play" game - Has free DLC - Not hampered by microtransactions - Only $2 Cons - Could have used more levels - Simplistic platforming might irritate some I was runnin... The Long It's no…
The Short Pros - Excellent ports of the PSP God of War games - Includes one awesome game and one...ok one - Ghost of Sparta looks quite good in HD. Chains of Olympus ...looks ok - Has 3D support but...um...does anybody care about that? - Controls have been modified for the Duelshock, meaning right stick rolls! Hooray! - Runs at a consistently smooth 60 fps - Trophy support for both games is a great addition - All in…
The Short Pros - The ultimate refinement of the God of War formula - Absolutely beautiful PSP graphics - Full-length God of War game that takes you some crazy places such as Atlantis - Easily the strongest story in the God of War universe - Several slow moments really add to the game - Quite possibly the best game in the franchise Cons - Magic, as a whole, is underwhelming - A few technical glitches pop up now and…
The Short Pros - Faithfully replicates the God of War experience on the PSP - Does well with its limited controls to streamline the experience - Graphics look quite good for a PSP game - Story is an interesting prequel to the first God of War that answers a lot of plot hole questions - Well crafted through and through Cons - Too short - Hardly any bosses - Rolling, a crucial move, is mapped to the two shoulder…
The Short Pros - Finale in the fantastic action-game trilogy - Possibly the most refined variation of the core combat to date - Absolutely insane setpieces with some of the best graphics I've ever seen in any game to date - Seriously, this game looks so good your eyes will bleed - Fantastic voice work, sound effects, and soundtrack (as usual) - Lengthy quest that takes you all over the place and back again Cons -…
The Short Pros - Two excellent action games together at last in HD and at a cheap price - Both games look absolutely fantastic in HD and wide-screened - Added trophy support for each game - All the bonus content (interviews, etc.) is still here - Started the "HD Re-Release" trend, for better or for worse Cons - In-game pre-rendered video as well as the bonus content is still SD - No attempt to fix the polygonal…
The Short Pros - Improves on the original God of War formula in nearly every way - Better combos, more enemies, and tons of bosses - Easily the best looking game on the PS2 with some incredible texture and scale work - Lengthy quest with a host of replay options - A whole second disc of extras - Setpieces are even more incredible and jaw-dropping than the first game - An excellent Swan Song for the system Cons -…
The Short Pros - Bloody, fast-paced third person action game - Absolutely gorgeous PS2 graphics, if a little dated - Incredible setpieces and locations - Cut through a slew of mythological Greek creatures - Fantastic soundtrack - Kratos' story of revenge is both horrific and heartwrenching - Never a dull moment; the game keeps spurning you to keep playing Cons - Smaller enemies and Kratos have a bit of a low polygon…
The Short Pros - Mario in portable form in his weirdest adventure to date - Jump across Egypt, fly through the skies, dive in the ocean, and...go to Easter Island? - Music is absurdly catchy - Good balance and has an unlockable hard mode upon beating it - Graphics are minimalist but do well working with the original Game Boy's contrast scheme - Checkpoints are liberal and levels are long Cons - First run is too…
The Short Pros - Game isn't completely broken - Auto-maps to an Xbox 360 controller on the PC, which is nice - Game is playable, if mashing X over and over can be counted as "playing" - I got it essentially for free in an indie bundle somehow - The background/world graphics are actually somewhat inspired at times - Eventually it ends Cons - Graphically dated, even on max specs on PC - Main character's design is an…
The Short Pros - Hexagonal, turn-based HERC/Mech combat game - Heavy emphasis on power usage, weapons loadouts, and team balancing - Incredible amount of depth, features, and abilities - Tons of HERCs provide a solid balance - Creating "Bioderm" pilots that you can alter, edit, and jack up is exciting - Wide variety of mission structures - Fantastic 256 color, Windows 95 graphics - Bioderm death scenes are…
The Short Pros - 200 microgames playable in both single and multiplayer - Eight multiplayer modes of a wide variety that focus on the microgames - Minigames and modes are fun, especially with a group of friends - WarioWare charm shines through - Can play on a GBA with a link cable, though I have no idea why Cons - All the minigames are exactly the same ones in the GBA Warioware: Mega Microgames - As such, the…
The Short Pros - Hilarious, cheesy, well-written story - Absolutely outrageous and over the top characters - Playing both detective and attorney can be a blast - Great music and art - Sticks with you long after you beat the game - Cases are fun and have some great twists (despite the last one being weak) - Being able to yell "HOLD IT!" or "OBJECTION!" into the DS mic is freaking hilarious - iOS and Wii ports are…
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