Well it seems my blog posts about my failing social and love life are far more popular than my thoughts on gaming, so here's another wailing blog post. So really, if you're sick of them, not my fault. It's yours and the universe. So there. Nyah.

Let's begin with a statement. I am sick of socializing and not working the same way as other people. I'm different. I get that. I cannot change that. I know that. No matter what I try I am inexplicably drawn to screwing up my relationships, friendships, social life and life in general. It seems my time with a person in my life is limited to under 2 years. But in the case of the last few, it's been growing less and less. 1 year. 6 months. A month. What's worse is that even from childhood I've been instilled with the thought that I can rely only on myself and that the world isn't over if I lose a friend. So I push push and push people away to see if they come back. If they don't, then I've just fulfilled my life story.

I've also had the idea I'll die young. I treat everything like it's gone tomorrow. Not always a bad idea to live like you're dying, but when it comes to relationships and friendships, apparently people don't want to rush things. They just want to take it glacier-slow. And if you don't, you're needy. So imagine a guy wanting to be your best friend, and the cycle of doing lots of things together and then the pushing away/probing crammed into a month or two. It seems like an age for me. But apparently it's not.

And it looks crazy. I look weird. I look demented. But no matter what I do or how I try to "Not read too much into things" or let things flow naturally, I must push people away. It's like watching a bad horror movie. No matter how hard you try to hope it's different, you see the same cliches, the same plot twists and it's all over too short before the end.

So that's basically where I'm at with my "best friend". He ignores me when we're in a group and when I ask him to share stuff about himself (after he asked personal stuff about me) he doesn't. Either we're not as good friends as I thought and he doesn't trust me, or he doesn't think I'm one to give advice. And he'll only watch comedies! I love horrors. He doesn't. And yet I'll watch his type of movies to appease him, but he'll never budge to watch a horror, or even a thriller. Ever since this girl has turned up he's treated me weirdly.

So frankly, if this friendship falls through, I am done. Done. I'm sick of people not being willing to talk about problems, even if they're not important to them. Why is there this cliche of guys not wanting to talk about issues. I'm a gaddamn guy and I want to talk! I don't care if you never talk this much outside of "relationships"! Maybe that's why you are single and we're having issues!! I'm not even allowed to message him yet on Facebook without him first "collecting his thoughts". My mind has already thought up a million lines of what I'm thinking and he cannot reply.

So yeah. If this ends, I'm done. I'm sick of losing friends. I'm sick of losing friends over issues which I think are important, but easily conquered, and that THEY think are unimportant, but STILL too hard to stay friends over! Isn't that crazy?? Maybe I'm just a lone wolf and should stay that way. As someone said, the world is a toilet and people are all assh*les...

I was out at a party in a bar. I was hitting it off with a girl. I bought her a drink. She was a little drunk. She was all over me, rubbing my leg. Her place was around the corner.

You know what I did next? I left. To go to a friend's house and play board games. True story.

Why did I do that? Why? I do a lot of strange things which I don't fully understand, but this truly takes the cake. The job is halfway done. And something stops me. Maybe she's too drunk. Maybe I know it's just lust. Maybe it's too soon. But why should that matter?? I'm a hot-blooded male created to stab everything that moves with my... handle of power ? Why would I stop myself from doing the inevitable? I didn't get her number, will probably never see her again.

Why do I keep myself miserable. And usually I know my primal purpose and why I've done such a thing, but in this case, I have no idea why. It's not like I'd have been doing anything wrong. I just said "Done" and walked off. Why? Maybe deep down I knew I'd probably have screwed it up anyways.

I didn't even ENJOY myself that much at my friend's house. It all makes little sense. It's safe to say I'm a tortured soul. I try to do everything right and I'm miserable. Even when I'm not doing anything wrong, I feel like I am and deny myself.

Reply. Laugh. Comment.

*Cry*

I finally unlocked my last weapons achievement on Gears of War, all but guaranteeing me a 100% achievement count for that game! I managed to find someone who's host was amazing and leeched off him until the torque bow achievement popped. My side count was only at about 50 or so, so I must have had far more torque bows than I imagined! Boy was I happy to see that achievement put behind me - now I can finally go back to using my chainsaw and get Gears of War 3 while I'm at it.

I've also decided to keep Dark Souls. The game is just too damn good. I've ranked up a bit more and am now up to the part with the blacksmith below, the bell-tower above and a forest in another direction. And all of those ways suck balls to fight through. If I'm not getting munched on by trees, mobbed by Hollows, skewered by knights, I'm getting walloped to death by giant centurion things. And surprisingly, I'm still enjoying it all! I haven't even raged like I normally do. I guess that's because I've been smart with my souls and either recovered them early or only lost a handful seeing as I'm spending them on levels and repairs more often than not. I've only really lost two big caches of souls really.

Wish I had a capture card!

I just couldn't hold back the urges any more. Watching Dark Souls online and not be able to play it right then and there was absolute agony. So yesterday I bit the bullet and bought Dark Souls. I knew it was hard, but I was prepared to give it the chance after seeing its incredible beauty and depth. So, despite the massive amount of university work still left to conquer (strangely more impossible to do so against than most enemies I've encountered in Dark Souls thus far!) I loaded Dark Souls up into my console at 10:30PM. I didn't get off until 5:30AM. I tell you one thing, waking up this morning I myself certainly did feel like an undead Hollow riding off only 4 hours sleep!! So if there's loads of spelling mistakes, please forgive me - I turn into Mr Clumsy hands when I get little sleep. Combine that with being Mr Perfectionist and it'll mean I'll spend the next hour writing this blog post...

So, my thoughts thus far? F UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! Okay, that sounded like I didn't enjoy it. I did. A lot. Pretty good game play, scenery and story. The problem is that I'm now stuck and it's hard and I'm both impatient and eager to get on and see the rest of the amazing world. *Whines and throws mini wobbly like toddler* The problem was that I was too cocky in a way. (Possible spoilers of what you're going to fight?) I beat the asylum without even dying. Then I made it all the way to Undeadsburg also without dying. That's where my run stopped. Although the enemies are pretty easy, together they're a pain in the ass.

I sort of got trapped in farming them but then being too scared/too jaded to keep going. I'm wondering if this is one of those games which doesn't mind if you boost up on smaller enemies, or if it just wants you to keep going? In any case, despite the seemingly pathetic attempts of the denizens of Undeadsberg, I can't move forward! I either get rousted up by that knight with the horns under the walkway or the bunch of hollows I usually try to run past (my own laziness and lack of patience is punishing me) to the Taurus demon. Not that it matters, since every time I've versed that sucker he's squashed me into the cobbles. The knight was actually pretty hilarious. The first time I snuck up behind him and he turned and cut me in half with one swing. So I thought "Ya know what? F UUUU Mr Horned Knight, I'm gonna kick your ass!" So I snuck up and did almost no damage to him. I preceded to run away, all the way back to the bonfire, thinking I was safe. Then I see him come in the door! "Can I haz safe zone?" *Killed* "NO FAIRZ MR KNIGHT!!" Goes to show that no where is safe in this blasted game! I feel bad using guides, but I think this will be a game I'll have to rely on them. Like Limbo. Sigh.

However, despite all these trials and tribulations, I haven't felt like the game is in anyway unfair yet. I've died mostly (probably solely) from my own mistakes and impatience, and you always have the feeling that if you harvest some more souls, rank up a tiny bit, and find a weakness, that you'll be able to beat anyone. But do I have the patience? The game has already turned me into a real life zombie after only one night! Now don't try to lump me in with those CoD numbskulls - I have actually really enjoyed the game and know that if I poured my heart and soul into Dark Souls I could at least pass the Taurus Demon lmao - but I'm intelligent to know that it will indeed take many hours and much frustration to move forward, probably more time than I'd be willing to give.

There's a lot left unexplained. I'm not sure this is a problem, but there's a few things I'm so confused about! How do I play with other people? Why do you sometimes see other people walking around? WHAT IS KINDLING????

So I'm at a dilemma. It's such a beautiful game that I've enjoyed and think is pretty awesome in both scope and the way it demands so much from its players (the more time you put in, the more you get out!), but is it all worth it in the end? Does I got the skillz? I'm not sure. I'm sure going to give it a few more days of play time though if I was going to return it, so rest assured, I'll try to give the game the fair shot it deserves. But enough rambling from me about my pathetic attempts at excuses and why such a great game might be too hard for a noob like me - give me your thoughts instead.

But! There is DEFINITELY one thing FAR more difficult to accomplish than Dark Souls. And that is, unbelievably so, Tetris Splash! Well, more accurately, its multiplayer! The game was on special, so I got it. I loooove Tetris. I blitzed most of the single player achievements, so decided to take the show onto muliplayer. Nothing puts you in your place more than being dished out a cold hard defeat over and over by a woman named "Susan housemom". I thought I was good. These ladies were better. It seemed they were able to play at super sonic speeds and take my manhood in their hands and emasculate me all with one foul swoop of about 30 seconds. Kinda hawt in a way, but quite sobering. So yes people, there are apparently Tetris nerds. People who spend nothing more than sitting playing block games all day (enough to get their play online for 10 hours! Do the math people - 1 minute a game...? 10 hours of games...?). Here I was thinking that Gears of War rank whores and Prestige seekers were scary! Who is looking after these housewives' children?!

And that concludes my epic 24 hours in gaming. Two games, seemingly far apart, both joined in the fact they make me feel like a 12 year old girl. I'm looking forward to the next 24 hours... Hopefully it has more achievement and success and finally helps me make a decision over whether or not I'm cut out for Dark Souls. Hollow out.

I rolled the dice first, and you get to hear all about my woes before I get to Battlefield and llamas. Sucks to be you right now, thinking, "Geez, should I just skip forward to the Battlefield part? Or wait it out? What if I skip to a part still about the Facebook stuff? Sigh... well he has captured my interest with this snazzy intro I guess. And now he's reading my mind! Woah..."

Facebook. Why is it that a friendship is over if you get deleted on Facebook? Why is it that relationships aren't real until that little heart status is changed on your profile? Why do we need to share everything we do and then get disappointed when the world doesn't greet us with a small thumbs up or comment? If you've felt this, then you're in the same boat as me sadly. Someone deleted me. I know who it is, why they did it (something trivial) and it bugs me!

Firstly, how much effort does it take to keep someone on your list? And why do I even care? It's not like he was a best friend, just an acquaintance. Well a good one anyway... And yet I feel compelled to win him back! Like a trophy from the Sahara. And if he doesn't, and I saw him in real life, it'd almost (well probably totally) be the cold shoulder for him, even though in real life he'd done nothing. Simply from clicking delete (well twice... I guess that takes malicious thought!) it now means he's dead to me proverbially in both forms of reality. Why? Why is Facebook so huge and encompassing now that it is simply another extension of our real lives? I know I'm not the only person feeling this way.

And it carries over to other forms too. Xbox LIVE lists - you've heard my methods! Keep a secret list of all on my friends list so I'll know who has deleted me and I can track them down. Even if I get them back, what has that added to my life? They only added me as a courtesy. It's not really real. Why not set something free if it no longer loves you? I can tell I'll be a possessive husband at this rate.

Whilst you ponder these deep thoughts, with a hopefully pleasant reply (it's okay, haters gonna hate... I ain't gonna get irate... word) let me tell you, Battlefield 3 is going to blow my mind. Your mind. All our minds. It's gonna be so good it's gonna feel like a smokin' hot babe doing unspeakable things to you all night long. Just blowing and blowing and blowing. I played the Beta for about 6 hours straight and only sleep kept me enjoying it for another 6.

At first it was an aggravating experience, not having set up an account yet. And then with all the server lag making the Beta nigh unplayable. But after a good hour of trying to get a good game where I could actually move, my expectations had packed their little suitcases and sailed out the door. The class system of no medic and support/assault seemed strange to me, but I'll live with it if it means I get to have as much fun as I did.

Basically there's no describing it - you really just have to play it for yourself. The environments don't seem as destructible any more. This was the main aspect of the game I'd looked forward to for improvement. Looking at it now, I thought it was a good trade off. Firstly, although you can't simply blast your way through all the walls to the objective in the subway tunnels of Metro (well I don't think you can...) this trade off obviously sees the developers set more of the choke points and therefore delivers a better strategic and team based match, as they've undoubtedly play tested the levels to perfection. And although the large buildings cannot be destroyed such as in the last stage of Metro (at least I don't think they can...?), the destruction I saw proved to be far more believable and far more realistic. I just hope anti-tank mine craters, some building collapse (think of the epic scramble out in those large sprawling buildings if one was about to drop!) and the like make a return to the destruction options too! Think ambushing tanks from a crater while prone. Oh ye-yah!

It's funny how the increased number of attacker's lives there are does little to stifle competitive match play too! And little changes also make all the difference for me: The added emphasis on team spawning; suppression fire; accepting/declining revives; better knifing mechanics! They're as small and as big as other revelations such as "You can shoot down UAV's??!" in MW2.

So yeah, between this, Skyrim, Gears 3, Rage, Arkham City and the intense backlog of un-played games I currently own, I'm going to be super relaxed and entertained for the New Year and my life after graduating from university. Only 2 more weeks to go and I'm already feeling the carpal-tunnel in my arms! YeeeHAA!

Oh and llamas... what's up with them?

Yay! Finally got my sniper achievement in Gears of War. Only one more weapon to go then I'm 100%ing the game! :D 
 
Unfortunately, I HATE the torque bow. I lag every game, I've played on a white-bar ONCE in my life and I only use the chainsaw - how the heck will I ever get the torque bow achievement! I've only got about 20-30 kills with it! After 4 years of playing!! Guess I'm going into Warzone and meleeing people down. The ONLY chance I've got of getting people to stay still enough for me to torque them outside of boosting. Sigh, why can't more maps have torque bows with easy access? Like Subway or Tyro Station, two maps NO ONE plays...

What is it with me and losing good online friends??? I'm dead tired because I was up til 7:10 AM arguing with a now ex-best friend on xbox LIVE. It's kinda more complicated than it'll probably sound, but here's the deal: He helped me boost A Series of Tubes on Gears of War (which btw, I actually got! Yess!!) which took about 10 hours on my laggy connection. He helped with about 20 games, so about 20 minutes all up per match. We were still playing and having a good time (IE, I wasn't torturing him!), but afterwards every time I saw him he acted like he'd cured cancer or given me a gold en egg, holding it over my head. It's not that I wasn't grateful or anything, but if you supposedly do something from the goodness of your heart for a friend, you don't then hold it over their head and then do annoying shit like suddenly ask for MSP!
 
So two days ago he did something which really pissed me off. I asked him never to do it again. The very next day he does it again, and coz I was in a bad mood, I deleted him. I was ready to add him back if he just promised not to do the thing he'd done again, but he was all like "After EVERYTHING I've done for you! You gave me nothing and I gave you an achievement! Surely the mean shit I did doesn't compare to that? IDC about you you fake friend BLAH BLAH BLAH" Um no buddy, all the achievements in the world doesn't give you any right to disrespect me. 
 
So we just argued for like 8 hours straight via messages. His arrogance grew so great this is what he sent "I think a sincere apology is in order - you said I'm right, you're wrong and then give me 1600 MSP and I'll take you back". I thought he was f*cking taking the piss! I was prepared to apologize and put it behind us if he did the same. No chance. So yeah, apparently he's a dick and I never knew it. 
 
So yet again I've lost a good friend. I must either be a terrible judge of character or I must be missing something. So now I've got very few "best" friends left online. It's very hard to find the personalities you bond with that much every day and I guess I'm gonna be a lone wolf for a while online. I think this is kinda different to most of the other times where this guy was actually a narcissistic weirdo and I never knew (as opposed to someone who didn't like how I played and got shitty about it). So oh well. I'm tempted to post all the messages he sent up here for a good laugh, but there's literally 50 of them. : /

I've got some extra MSP to spend, burning in my pocket, and the Bulletstorm DLC is on sale. Worth it? Or nah? 

Well I've been stabbed in the back again. A few people from my Gears of War online friends have apparently been talking shit about me behind my back. The only problem is, I don't know who! The person who told me doesn't want to say, so how am I supposed to know who the heck is my friend and who is not? Apparently they've been nice to my face, and then really horrible when I leave. And how can I determine who to delete from my friends list when I don't know who is just shit-talking me for lawls, and who is doing it seriously? 
 
I'm a pretty up-front guy. I'm honest and march to the beat of my own drum. I'm not easily impressed by tossers or competitiveness. I like to take it easy, be fair and have fun. All I ask of my friends is that you're a nice person, don't quit and are honest. You don't have to be good player and you don't have to be on all the time. That's all I ask. Three things. If you have a problem with me, tell me. Wouldn't you want to know? Firstly if someone was being mean to you, and of course who it was? What's the point of having me on your friends list if you're just going to backstab me every time I leave the party? 
 
So I've given up on Gears for now. I only play with friends and if I can't trust them why should I play? I'm sensitive guy and I am having a lot of real life problems that this is the last thing I need. I can't even relax online now! Sigh. I seem to attract these people who are backstabbing pieces of crap. In real life, and online. I mean, look back over this blog, I have at least 2 other instances of people turning on me for no reason. Especially on Gears where I only chainsaw. Even if I carry them during a game, even if I am a good team mate and nice to them, I'm still first to be blamed, first to be booted and first to be called bad. 
  
At least I now have my "Ride of the Valkyrie" achievement in Battlefield Bad Company 2! After a month of trying to get 50 kills in a paper mache helicopter which gets shot down consistently within 5 seconds on take off or flown by noobs who can't dodge tank shots, I finally got my final kill today. I stalled on 49 kills for about a day. Then I got it - I got roadkilled by a helicopter flying UNDER a bridge, and then I hopped in my squad's own heli and managed to down someone. 
 
I found the most successful way of getting kills was to camp at Flag A on Operation Hastings and jump in the helicopter and use it as a immobile turret. Ifthe enemy captured the flag, they spawn in front and you can usually mow down a couple every time. The only problem is that your team mates tend to fly the blasted thing away with you in it and then crash it like total douches! So unless you can get a good friend to help you out, grinding it as an immobile turret is the best way to go. Or if you park it far away and snipe off the back (which still counts as a kill towards the achievement). 
 
Well now just 3 achievements to get for Bad Company 2 and I've 100%'d it! If only my friendships were that easy...