Wishlist
Games that inspire murder
List items
-
a rocket backpack game, you are rocket wearing jim, and you are hooked on g's. i once saw this doco on rollercoasters, and there were these total freaks who were going, "i'm hooked on g's, hooked on g's dude". much like the people in said doco, the dude what is in this game is hooked on g's, and loves telling people about it.
-
tom clancy is a gentleman who writes books. he hates video games but pretends he likes them when off camera. I saw that dude once in an arcade, and he was literally foaming at the mouth at being surrounded by that which he hated most, video games. I sent him pacman once and then spied on him when he went to receive his mail. as he tore open the package, a great rage was adorned across his wrinkly visage when he spied it was pacman, a video game.
-
you are bob or jim and are tired with your job, you leave and become the alpha protocol and win the affection of three woman, and get lvl 10 armor. the armor is actually pretty shitty though and when you find the lvl 11 armor you think to yourself, "why did I wear that shitty lvl 10 armor for so long? i didn't realise it at the time but that was like walking around with a suit of faeces"
-
you ride on dragons, you feed the dragons, you groom the dragons, and they reciprocate by teleporting you to various locations and giving you 5 magic potions. there's a red dragon in the game, and its my best one, its also on the cover. theres a green dragon also but you only ever see him in the distance and you wonder if its a mirage.
-
a game about time going funny. there's a part where you see this dude in a time loop, and you help him out of the loop, but he's all like, "dude, I liked it better in the loop", so you say, "to hell with you then mr singularity!!!, back in the effing loop with you!!", and then you put him back in the loop, and he goes, "aaaaah, the warm familiarity of the loop"
-
you play as john wolfenstein who is the president and orders missiles from the shop. He then delicately presses the big red button and fires the missiles one by one at the enemy, each missile firing brings him more joy to the point where he fires the tenth missile and has a brain explosion. They have to get a new president, so they reincarnate john wolfenstein and reluctantly get him to take on that heady mantle again.
-
boxing is a game played with 1 to 4 participants. in the game you slap at people with your fists like this, slap! slap! slap! slap! The first person to reach the winning threshold is adorned with the winners wreath. people who think of exiting early are told in no uncertain terms that if they decide to leave, they better not think about coming back.
-
a man with spike arm travels the world looking for his borther. When he find the borther, they wrestle on the ground like baby leopards, all rascally like. one of them hits his head on the wall by accident and it ends in tears like these things always do. prototype johnson realises he is responsible so hides behind the bushes.
-
You play as Allan Border and you conspire to murder the president. the president catches wind and calls you in to the office, he is upset and that makes you upset. you try to blow your brains out with your fingers, but that doesn't work, they are fingers, they don't shoot things, they point at stuff. the president hits you with the level 10 axe of bludgeoning and you take -250 damage and die for real.
Load Comments