Easily Roach. I love Geralt's attitude towards his horse. To a monster hunter, they are unremarkable, not beautiful, and the same as any other beast.

Any horse that poops on my face is #1.

What.

Roach and I had some good times, but I think we have a clear winner here.

Do it (Defecate)

I only used Roach. He was not good. Randomly stopped when galloping. Witcher 3 had mediocre controls.

roach controls better than d-horse, but they both suck. d-horse can poop though.

Remember the first month of Witcher 3 where you had to jam on triangle just to mount Roach?

I put D-Horse through a whole lot of stupid shit and he/she is ALWAYS cool with it. D-Horse gets my vote easily.

Whenever I see the name BoJack Horseman I can only think of Bo Jackson, so that one.

D-Horse sucks. He's just a vehicle that locks you out of using a more useful buddy.

to be fair bojack horseman really came out last year so he is out, roach is the worst horse i've riden in a video game so he is out too and zebras are not horses so d-horse wins

Do it.

Does the pig from Tearaway Unfolded count?

Do it.

(Defecate)

I nominate this thing.

Roach is just Roach Nr. 10 or so by now, so as much as I liked it in TW3, it's a clear nope.

It really can only be D-Horse. I mean let's be real: that's a horse that likes romantic balloon-rides. You can't best that.

Also I don't much care for BoJack Horseman.

I picked D-Horse despite barely using him, but he bugged out less than Roach did.

D-Horse. He managed to brush off being hit by a tank yesterday. If only he'd stay out of the landing zone. :(

I hate Roach. Holy shit do I hate that horse.

The Indianapolis Colts. Go sports!

D-Horse for sure... Roach is hard to control and often doesn't follow the correct path when he's on auto.

@sessh: I find Geralt's practice of always naming his horses Roach strangely amusing for some reason. That he pretty much always manages to end up sentimentally attached to them anyway says a lot about his character, I think. It's a microcosm of his whole, 'I'm just a heartless Witcher even though I have more of a conscience than around 95% of the people who live in this shitty world.' shtick.

The relationship with Roach is better, but D-Horse controls waaaaaay better and is more enjoyable to use

With D Horse I rode through multiple enemy outposts taking out tanks and soldiers while blasting some sick 80's synth pop. With Roach I sort of cantered through a race or two.

Sorry, Roach, Geralt doesn't even like you that much.

Can I vote for the horses in Bloodborne that pull the cart to Cainhurst?

@kirkyx: Oh, I certainly agree with you on that. It's another really endearing character trait of Geralt's, of which he has quite a lot of.

Roach is still pretty much an anti-"character" though, much like Jeff always argues that Toad is an anti-person.

I mean, D Horse can be equipped with riot gear sporting a fancy polycarbonate visor OR he could look like a FURICORN.

Didn't we have a triple-crown winner this year? These are some elite horses if that one didn't even get a nomination.

can that joker shit on command?

As far as video games go, the dumber the horse the better. Roach has a tendency to dodge out of the way of obstacles without any input from me, which can be a pain when he veers wildly off course. On the other hand, D-Horse really likes taking jumps. Especially when I'm trying not to run off a cliff. Customization-wise, Roach has more options (the saddlebags, however, make him an excuse for the weight limit), but D-Horse can upgrade to that sweet ninja suit. I say D-Horse by a smallish margin.

Honestly fuck D Horse. I have a helicopter and tanks ready to drop in. Hell, as soon as I got the dog with a knife, I no longer needed a horse who can poop on command.

Roach doesn't always listen to my commands, but sometimes I ride him through a bunch of things trying to kill him. And sometimes he gets stuck in foliage but sometimes I just run around with out him. Its a give and take relationship. Roach is always there for me when I need him most.

"Do it!"

Alas, the scouting reports say no. Shoot, we in the big leagues now.

Roach is garbage. Stops far too often. D-Horse appears magically as it should. I love that I can run while whistling then jump on him easily.

You should be able to land on him from a helicopter, really.

I mean, Roach can't shit on command or wear cool dresses so I think you gotta give to D-Horse. And Bojack definitely can't win because he's a real piece of shit.

Do it.

I've gotta go with Roach since I actually used him (them?) a lot. I was done with D-Horse as soon as I got D-Dog.

I had more of a connection with Roach than with D-horse, but MAN Roach's pathing at release was bad.

So D-horse.

American Pharaoh.

Roach the Retarded Horse is maybe the worst mount in any game I've ever played. Stops for no reason, can't navigate simple paths, clips through walls, interrupts me during fights. He can't even come all the way to me when I call him, and often spawns in nonsensical places like behind walls or on top of ledges he can't get down from on his own. Fuck Roach.

@redyoshi: He lets you fire stinger missiles while on his back and hide while using him, something you can't do in other vehicles. And you just fulton in D-Dog when you get to a base anyway and say buy to D-Horse.

D-Horse takes it.

Do it.

@darkvare: Assassin's Creed Brotherhood had a horse. It was the worst horse in video games.

The Kentucky Saddler needs to be on here, I don't care that he's from 2010.

Furicorn wins, so by extension, D-Horse.

D-Horse arrives faster when I call, is more responsive to control, and doesn't back down in the line of fire. Unlike that wimp Roach, that gets scared the second a monster shows up.

D-Horse

Because he, you know... does it.

If my Ferrari 458 Speciale from Forza 6 doesn't count, then I'd have to go with Roach. D-Dog is pretty cool, but felt something for Roach.

@coaxmetal: wow what? D Horse actually controls pretty well. I had no problems with Witcher 3 on-foot controls but any time Roach wasn't in cruise mode on a path he was terrible to control - especially during races when he would rear up randomly.

I got a falling pole in my head while riding D-Horse and there was a fitting animation for getting struck in the head and falling off D-Horse followed by D-Horse falling because a pole hit his back.

That's winner tier.