Done with college. Time for a new life! (career in films)

(I edited the title so many times that the word "career" sounds really funny now. How did we come up with that funny word?)

Note: I live in India, so things like education/ career work a little bit differently here (for example - the film industry)

First, a bit of intro to my college life, and why films

After 5 long, difficult years of doing something I pretended to be interested in, I'm finally free of the burden of college. (Yes I can hear some people saying it gets harder, but it feels great anyway!) I'd joined Architecture when I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with my life, apart from the fact that "I like drawing". Being inspired by films like Office Space in my childhood, I knew I never wanted to work in an office (Ironically, an architecture firm's office life, in many cases, is not very different, as I later discovered) And so, I blindly stepped into a course that was more challenging than I'd ever imagined, and made me work more than I ever had in my life. I had a terrible first two years, passing by the closest of margins while having no idea what on earth architecture was about.

Thankfully by the third year I realized that in order to get out of the nightmare in the shortest possible time, I'd have to work my ass off and do my best in college. That ended up working out pretty well, since the third year onwards I got a real hang of it, decoded what it was all about, and did really well (funnily, without actually working my ass off anymore, cause I knew exactly how to work) Also, luckily I was able to identify my passions by then, and film was one of them.

Still, what kept me motivated to work in college was the need to get out in 5 years - not more. I never developed a passion for the profession of architecture, but I enjoyed the competition with my classmates. Also, changing my image from a "good-for-nothing" student in school, to an "always done on time with good work" student in college was a real revelation and learning experience for myself. I earned my own self respect, and realized that school always tried to push me down, whereas college didn't give a shit about me. I thrived in the latter situation.

During the college years, and through all the work, I also managed to take time out to make a couple of short films, about 8-10 music videos for my two-man band, and two travel documentaries about trips we made to different parts of my country. This ended up being super useful, as I identified my passion for making films (which outdoes even watching films. It's similar to how some of us spend more time tweaking/ modding games than actually playing them), and also went through all the difficult parts - the stress, the irritation, the rush to finish everything on a really tight schedule, the zero budget solutions etc.

Having done architecture, I was easily able to relate the pains of the two and learn something - for me, going through all the difficult parts of film making is still enjoyable and rewarding. When I worked on my arch. projects though, it was all pain and no pleasure. Creative and artistic fields always bring a degree of pain with them, but when you're willing to, or at some level, even enjoy going through the not so cool parts, then that's something that would be best to pursue.

So in the past five years, I learned how to turn around a difficult situation into something I could do well at, and ended up becoming highly motivated, passionate, etc etc.

The current situation - post college, lack of direction, grew a grief beard

College ended (on May 28th) and the first few days were a high. The rest have been a mix of confusion (why am I not having the best time of my life??) and feeling completely useless. (I'll get to my career plan after this section)

During college I always felt that given a few months of complete freedom, I'd be able to have the best time of my life. I know how to entertain myself and be productive. I'd write a book, make videos, draw until my hands bled, learn music composition, read until my eyes bled, play games, meditate, sculpt Michelangelo's David, build a cabin in the woods - you get the idea. I thought this was going to be an amazing month, with the release of my most anticipated game ever (Witcher 3) lining up perfectly with free time. Also, it's monsoons. I love the rains. And now I've had a month off to myself, and it's mostly just been depressing. I feel I'm more on a schedule than I was when I was actually on a schedule.

Get up by 9 am, breakfast, play Witcher 3, internet, watch a film, football, Witcher 3, internet, sleep. Funny thing being, I did exactly the same thing post school (before college) and that time was a blast. (replace Witcher with Dragon Age Origins)

I have a few theories as to why that was such a great, fulfilling time as compared to now. One maybe that five years of work in Architecture have made me a productivity addict, and lacking that constant flow of work - reward, work - reward, gives me feelings of guilt because it's been all reward without any work recently. Second, that maybe after school holidays, I knew I had to get into some college, and all colleges have a specific starting time (around July) So I knew there was a direction in the future, and this free time was limited. (although I have enjoyed myself for a few moments in between, and reading/ watching stuff about philosophy and life/ leadership skills has been enjoyable and useful)

So basically its me, living with my mom (living with parents is the norm in India until you move for a job) with no current direction in life (and only dreams/ passions) on the doorstep of actual adulthood, doing nothing (as of this moment) with my life. This gets overlooked because we usually have a plan (I do) but the plan isn't in motion yet. Also, my friends are all busy (old friends still in college, some busy with jobs) or have moved, which maybe adding to the situation.

Plan for the future -

During the last months of college, I'd given an exam for a really good film school in the country (I know it's not recommended to join one in US, but it's a bit different here) and I failed to get through that (21 people out of 1000s were selected) I met a director who lives closeby, and he said I should take at least a short course so that I understand the technical language used on a film set, so that I'm not confused during a shoot/ don't slow the clockwork process down. That made sense, so I signed up for a good, very affordable 3 month course, which is probably due to start mid - July.

That is currently my ray of hope. I'm not useless (excuse the drama). Somewhere, mid July, I'll travel across the span of the country (literally, from Goa to Calcutta, where my dad lives due to work). I'll meet new people, face new challenges, pursue my passion head on, and in my few moments of free time, reward myself with a bit of Witcher 3 :)

The director I met earlier, has another shoot coming up in January, and I'll most probably be working with him for that. Also, this course chooses students according to their performance, and offers them work on some of their real life projects after the course. I may be working for free for a while, or working on really small projects, but I'll be doing something. I'm sure within a couple of years I'll get the hang of this too, and work out how exactly to work.

Plan for a lifetime-

So that's basically my situation, and it's actually not as depressing as I've made it sound :P Once the dates for the course come out, I'll once again have a specific target in front of me. But most of all, it has made me realize something important about myself. I need a reason to be free. (i.e I do enjoy drinking tea and watching the clouds roll by for hours, but that's when I have some structure to my life. For example, semester holidays that will end at some point) I need to earn my time to "do -nothing" (Also I need to learn how to enjoy doing nothing) Which, in a way, is good. If I want to pursue my passion, I need to be willing to work hard everyday - and it seems that I want exactly that. And once I'm done with my hard work and have created something out of it, I can reward myself with a holiday, and therefore avoid any guilt. (and then maybe I can enjoy living in the woods for a few months, reading, writing, meditating, having tea and being a hermit)

The film industry in India is something that I'm not a fan of, as discussed in an earlier blog, but I've realized that this creates a good opportunity. This is the very moment where there's a shift in mentality occurring (albeit slowly) concerning the type of films that are getting created here. New, contemporary filmmakers are showing up, and filmmaking is being recognized as something more than just "mindless entertainment" (which has been the formula of Bollywood for most of its existence) I've read stuff that suggests that hollywood doesn't want any more directors, and that there is a huge amount of competition. While Bollywood also has (relatively lesser) competition, it's going through a sort of a rebirth. And a rebirth needs new ideas. I hope to take advantage of this situation, and hope to do it soon.

But for now, it's back to waiting for mid July!

What about you guys? Can you relate? Have you gone through weird times like these and have something to share?

Also the blog ended up being so long that I might have lost direction halfway and may have stopped making sense. Excuse me if that's the case :P I also wanted to talk about so much more,(The Witcher 3, games, daily life) but this is all I could remember as of now. Maybe in another blog