Half-Life: The Movie
I have a lot of text files on my HDD. Game ideas, dreams I've had, forum posts I want to make, emails I've written and want to save, emails I've yet to write, game reviews, etc. This is one I apparently wrote (or at least saved to my HDD) in February of 2008. That makes it about two years old. I believe it was originally a forum post that I made and liked, so I saved it to my HDD. It is, joking...
I have a lot of text files on my HDD. Game ideas, dreams I've had, forum posts I want to make, emails I've written and want to save, emails I've yet to write, game reviews, etc. This is one I apparently wrote (or at least saved to my HDD) in February of 2008. That makes it about two years old. I believe it was originally a forum post that I made and liked, so I saved it to my HDD. It is, jokingly, a snippet from a would-be script to "Half-Life: The Movie".
INT. BLACK MESA LAMBDA LABS
GORDON FREEMAN is roaming the halls, being chased by the deadly XEN ALIEN SLAVES. He approaches a big red emergency exit door and pulls the handle. The door refuses to budge. On the other side of the door, GORDON hears a voice. It is DOCTOR KLEINER.
DOCTOR KLEINER
Ah, yes! You are from the Anomalous Materials Lab, I remember you.
Noticing the scientist, GORDON taps on the safety glass and points at the handle.
DOCTOR KLEINER
I can't be bothered right now Gordon, I'm rather busy.
DOCTOR KLEINER simply stands there for a moment before brushing off his lab coat. GORDON thrusts his full weight against the door. It still does not budge. He jiggles the handle.
DOCTOR KLEINER
Have you seen my coffee cup?
GORDON FREEMAN looks puzzled. Nervously, he glances back and forth before jiggling the handle a second time.
DOCTOR KLEINER
Why do we all have to wear these ridiculous ties?
In the distance the unearthly language of the XEN ALIEN SLAVE can be heard. The stomp of its hooves is steadily drawing closer. GORDON FREEMAN reloads his pistol to find he barely even has a full clip left. Fed up with DOCTOR KLEINER, GORDON FREEMAN pulls out the Crowbar attached to his HAZARDOUS ENVIRONMENT SUIT's belt and begins prying at the emergency door.
DOCTOR KLEINER
My God, what are you doing!
DOCTOR KLEINER takes off running in the opposite direction, waving his arms in fear. No matter how much leverage GORDON has, the door does not so much as even creak. As GORDON turns around to find another passage, he is met, face to face, with a XEN ALIEN SLAVE. GORDON does not even have time to grab his pistol before the ALIEN pushes him to the ground and begins charging green electricity. Knowing what's next, GORDON FREEMAN closes his eyes and braces for the worst. There is a gun shot. Gordon opens his eyes to a dead XEN ALIEN SLAVE laying on the floor to his left side. On his right, stands Security Guard BARNEY CALHOUN. BARNEY helps GORDON stand up.
BARNEY CALHOUN
Hey, catch me later. I'll buy you a beer.
I had plans to one day write an entire movie script like this (tongue-in-cheek, using quotes exclusively from the game itself) but I never got around to it because that would take actual effort, all for a joke that gets itself across well enough in the above snippet.