The real Dark Souls starts here, 279 hours into the game.

Am I mad? Am I absolutely crazy? Probably... Yeah. I've played almost 300 hours of Dark Souls. I am out of my goddamn mind. And yet... I think the game has even more to offer. I've just begun.

Wait wait wait. lemme start from the beginig. How in the hell have I played 279 hours of Dark Souls? Where did all that time go? My life! Well, instead of playing Dota 2, Starcraft 2, Team Fortress 2 or whatever.... 2, I just play Dark Souls... 1, Demon's Souls 2, Manchester 0. Yeah, I just re-used a Yahtzee joke, big deal.

So what's up with that game? Well, for starters it's gameplay-heavy, it relies on a guy with a sword slashing and mashing his enemies into an undead, hollow pulp. These days stories slow games down to a near halt. Snoozers. Give me a sword, a crossbow and a world to explore and I will relish your game more than those 2 hours of cutscenes you designed.

A wise man once said all games are about that 30 second loop. You have those 30 seconds of gameplay, and you do them over and over again until you get bored. These 30 seconds have been refined here, yes, but I feel there's more to this game than refinement. There's also diversity.

Yeah, there are classes. You can be a pyromancer (easy), a sword guy (normal), a sorcerer (hard) or you can go bananas and make a samurai or something. Okay, a couple of options, that ain't half bad. But wait...

There's more.

You can pick (almost) any goddamn weapon in the game, and you can upgrade the hell out of it, and it can be your weapon of choice. Utilize it well, and you can kick as much ass with a rapier as with an enchanted axe of the stone gods* or whatever (*not an actual weapon name). And the weapons feel very different. By using a weapon, you learn to use it, not your character, you. Change weapons mid-game, and you'll suck horribly. You have to feel that shit in your soul. Your... blackened soul.

You can feel safe with a lame-ass pike+shield combo, or you can go all out by two handing an awesome claymore. Maybe add some pyromancy to that bow and arrow? Or sorcery to that dagger and buckler? Hey, why don't you wear that heavy armor while wielding two small sabers? Makes you as slow as a turtle, but your defense is really high and you can jab your enemy to death. Or maybe run around naked with a club that takes good 30 seconds to actually hit something? You'll be fast enough to dodge an attack and retaliate dealing massive damage!* (*There are no giant enemy crabs in the game)

That 30 second loop? It changes every time you play. It changes only slightly (you still press the RB to attack, there ain't no changing that), but enough to keep things interesting.

You're having some problems with Gravelord Nito as an archer? Play as a pyromancer and his ass is toast. Having problems with Gwyn as the pyromancer? As a warrior, you'd just counter him to death. The warrior has problems with that damn giant moth? An archer takes care of that shit in 20 seconds or less.

Oh, you're a sorcerer? I sure hope you've learned to dooodge!

The rest you probably know. This is an action RPG. The stats matter, but not as much as how you play the game.

Have an hour? Watch this fucker speed run Dark Souls as a pyromancer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9ymysN3qQ8

Or watch a warrior speed run:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMkuj10z7L4

No glitches, jsut some good gameplay.

If you know the game, which stats to boost, enemy placement and such, your playthrough time goes from 60 hours to 6 (my avarage now). Prepare to Die? I laugh at your ungodly visage sir. Death is for pansies. The true Furtive Pygmies die when they want to die, not when Smough orders them to do so.

Am I crazy? Yes. But there are people out there playing Skyrim for 500 hours, and, as Bruce Lee once said, it is better to master one kick for 1000 hours than to master 1000 kicks for 1 hour at a time. Using this quote to describe a video game is the worst thing I have ever done in my life, forgive me Bruce.

Forgive my dark soul.