Device Connected - Episode 1 (12/01/2012)

I suppose it’s time I use this space here... You know, this “blog” thing.

I should start by saying that I’m really poor at updating anything. I would love for this to be a recurring blog, but I have a busy schedule coming up on me for the next few months and I don’t know if I will be able to. I would like to, I guess. Have a place to talk about anything on my mind. I could use that. Maybe just talk about life in general. Games sometimes, but not all the time. Also, what’s with the name? Well, I am bad with names. That’s why my blog is named after what my computer said when I plugged in my phone to charge. And why the episodic format? Because I’m creative, unlike you.

I probably won’t even be able to play many games for the next few months, honestly.

I guess (Hey, every paragraph starts an “I”! I’m a selfish fuck.) I should clarify--my GOTY stuff will not continue. Sorry. I can post the pretty images in a gallery so you can see what the other categories were, and what would of won. Maybe I’ll post everything I had written that wasn’t posted in an outtakes blog or something. Or maybe in a gallery. Point is, I didn’t finish writing them, some bad shit happened, and it made me lose all will to continue writing that stuff. If you need to know, Skyrim was my Game of the Year, with Deus Ex at #2 and Catherine at #3.

I should probably start with what is bugging my mind at the moment. It is also the reason I have no finished writing that GOTY stuff. You know, I don’t want to go into the details. They suck, and they make me very, very sad. Like, I am going into therapy because it is fucking with my mind-sad. My girlfriend and I are no longer together. … for good. It’s a two year relationship that I fucked up with juvenile, selfish mistakes and it cost me a happiness I will never have again. It brings my morale down pretty severely, as I am sure y’all could imagine.

I start school mid-next week, and it is going to be my busiest semester yet. In typical Dawson fashion, they have completely botched my schedule and forced me to not only jam-pack my fourth semester full of classes, but also force me to take summer school to take the courses they couldn’t fit into my current schedule. Wonderful! Fucking bureaucrats, right? Or, you know, whoever is in charge of that bullshit. In addition to this, I am going to have to take up therapy. I don’t know how often per week, but I would like for it to be a regular thing that I can have a good amount of time for. What happened... fucked me up in a lot of way, on top of the many things about me that are already plenty fucked up. I have a lot of shit to deal with, and what happened did not help one bit. It’s stressing knowing you have to fix your life, and especially more so when the only moral support you could count on leaves you. I need help with it and while I need to get my shit together, I need to make sure I don’t go insane doing it.

I also need a job, because I currently have no source of income and I am in desperate need of moving out. Adding a part-time job to the schedule I have up there, on top of the therapy and homework... yeah. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to do that. I need to, though. I’ll have to figure that out in the coming weeks. I’ll have to settle with commissions for now (which some of you have contacted me about--and I will get to them! I swear. I need things to slow down a little, though. Please.), but the only problem with those is that it’s not really a source of income. I do commissions cheap, because I don’t believe in artists charging $80 an hour. No one’s time is worth that much, especially when any artist I know typically spend half of their time on the web just surfing shit.

In gaming related news, I’ve been playing a buttload more of Battlefield 3. The Back to Karkand maps are great and have really re-kindled my love for that game. Moreso than the Vanilla maps, the B2K maps really emphasize playing as a team and I love being able to just pick any role and never be punished for it. Tank or gun, medic or recon, I can always be a credit to the team if I play right. It’s awesome. I’ve also played a bunch of Skyrim, Saints Row: The Third and Forza 4, but those are things I do not want to talk about. I played all of them at my girlfriend’s and... yeah. Tough memories. I can barely even look at the boxes without wanting to cry.

I also need to update my art stuff. Keep a portfolio going, perhaps. I don’t really like what deviantART has turned into, and I don’t much care for how tumblr works. I’d like to operate my own site, but I lack the knowledge to do that properly, unfortunately. Maybe some day, when I stumble upon a web design course or something. I suppose that’s all I have to add, at the moment. I am getting a new pair of glasses, so that’ll be cool. My current pair is being held together by painter’s tape and they have become really uncomfortable to wear.

I guess that is it, for now. I don’t really have much to add. These past days have felt like the longest time of my life now that I’m alone and I have to dredge through the rest somehow, until I start school at least. It’ll be good to be around people again, even if everything reminds me of what I lost. On the bright side, … well, there is no bright side. Everything is pretty much shit, right now. Life feels like it’s kicking me when I am down constantly, which is terrible for my morale. Opportunities are falling out, and everything feels like it’s favoring every one else who doesn’t need to be favored. Maybe my time will come.

I hope it does. I could use it.

This blog brought to you by the letter ‘I’, by the way.