Greetings traveler. I am Jordan Middler, and I will be your guide on your quest.
It’s been another resplendent year over at VGC. Our Patreon, Patreon.com/VideoGamesChronicle, was given a huge boost when Giant Bomb almost died, so if you fancy doing that again, we’ll split the money.
Sadly, advancements in energy drinks have been slow this year (thanks, Starmer). The Lando Norris Monster is good for a few, but eventually tastes like being waterboarded with Yuzu juice.
Ultra Blue Hawaiian is very good, but the bossman still wants £4 a can, when the “normal” flavours are only a quid, so he can get to fuck.
Anyway, games;
10. Hades II
Hades II is so good that it’s quite boring to talk about. Oh, they made a better version of an amazing game? Good for them. Absolute try-hards. I think some of the base management stuff is a bit odd tbh, but when you’re smashing your way through the underworld, it’s hard to fault it.
Ben Starr is in it.
9. Ball X Pit
This game does have a whiff of something that would play on the bottom half of my screen while I’m watching clips of Grey’s Anatomy in Chinese on TikTok, but it’s still pretty sick. I do worry about how susceptible I am to games that are so explicitly designed to make me waste hours of my life.
8. Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater
Exactly what it needed to be. It would have been some laugh if Konami managed to shag this one, but the folk behind Metal Gear at the moment seem to have their heads on straight. This gets higher marks because during the review period, notable bald Dan Ryckert took me for great pizza in the gaddam Big Apple, New York City, forget about it.
7. Donkey Kong Bananza
Switch 2 survived how mince Mario Kart World was and delivered a very good game. It may be the single most annoying game ever made for the person sitting in the same room as you, but fuck them. Also, all of the power-ups after the first one aren’t as good. Anyway, Banana, etc.
6. Assassin’s Creed Shadows
Turns out they did actually just need to make a Japanese Assassin’s Creed game. Banger. It must be very annoying for them that it’s the second-best Japanese Assassin’s Creed game of the year.
5. Kingdom Come: Deliverance II
During a preview event for this game, we were given an extremely in-depth and interesting walking tour of Kutná Hora in the Czech Republic, one of the real-life inspirations for KCD2. It must have been about 45 degrees, and yet they still made these guys dress in boiling-hot period-accurate costumes to take us round the town for three hours. That level of hardship is actually very appropriate for an excellent RPG hellbent on kicking your teeth in.
4. Ghost of Yōtei
Woke of Woktei, as I like to call it, is brilliant. How do they make games that look like this now?
What will games look like when I’m not the 21-year-old I am now? How will Triple H’s hair look?
Anyway, top marks to Sucker Punch for making a game that has made that lot so angry it’s like they’ve stuck two pencils up their nose and smashed their heads off a desk. One for my UK lot, there.
3. Clair Obscur: Expedition 33
I have a lot of shoot heat with France as a nation, but this is very good. You must be so, so bored with people telling you how good it is. You’ve either already played it or decided to sack it off.
Le Ben Starr is in it.
2. Pokémon Legends: Z-A
I have a lot of shoot heat with Kalos as a nation, but this is very good. I love Pokémon. I love Pokémon. New Pokémon games make me happy because I love Pokémon. It would have been nice if it weren’t also on the 2009 Switch hardware, so it could look a bit better, but who cares, mate, Trubbish is in it. And Klefki.
Ben Starrmie is in it.
1. Death Stranding 2: On the Beach
It says a lot that a game can be so good, that even the absolutely heinous lack of a Monster brand deal within the game can’t spoil it. I would like to know Kojima’s thoughts on the Paddington musical that just opened in the West End.
Ben Starr is not in this one. He’s currently playing Paddington in the West End.