Gabe of Penny Arcade Resolves to Stop Being a "Bully"

In a welcome show of personal maturity, Gabe of Penny Arcade apologized for his responses to criticism over the years which have made him "a bully" at times.

Penny Arcade - Resolutions

In his New Years resolution on Penny Arcade, Gabe(Mike Krahulik) explains how a young man who stood up to bullies failed to see how his quick defensiveness had made him a bully as he grew older. Instead of seeing that others merely felt differently, he treated others as enemies if they felt differently from him, and he now acknowledges how that led him to unnecessary anger, meanness, and immaturity in his responses to criticism.

"So what am I? As a young person I imagined myself a sort of vengeful spirit. A schoolyard Robin Hood who attacked the strong and popular on behalf of the social outcasts. I’m 36 years old now though and I realize what I am is a bully. I may have been the one who got beat up but I sent plenty of kids home in tears. I also realize that I carried those ridiculous insecurities into adulthood. I still see people who attack me as the enemy and I strike back with the same ferocity as that seventh grader I used to be. I’m ashamed of that and embarrassed. The crazy thing is I don’t even necessarily believe the stuff I say a lot of times. It would probably be more noble if I did. The truth is I just say them to be mean. I say them because I know they will hurt. It’s pretty fucked up."

I know that many here on Giant Bomb don't believe he has ever acted out of line or has any reason to apologize, but Gabe seems to believe differently. Like many of us at this time of year, he appears to have taken stock of himself and found an area where he can improve in the year to come. Most importantly, while initial reasons for criticism may be debatable, his responses to that criticism were what truly became so problematic. As he says, his reflex to defend himself was greater than his desire to understand what others were really saying, and it led to far more of a conflict than was at all necessary.

That kind of response is not unusual online, and we are all susceptible to it. As spoken to in his resolution, people are often more interested in "beating" someone than sincerely standing for something. A chance for understanding is lost when all we want to do is defend our views to the death while not acknowledging the person behind the other views. We think we'll "lose" if we're willing to give an inch in understanding or compromise. Not everyone that disagrees with us is an enemy that needs or deserves to be crushed, and very few of us are mere caricatures or boogiemen out to get anyone else or ruin someone's fun. Arguments are naturally going to occur, as we are all different, but we don't have to let our frustrations out on others and ruin any chance for reasonable discussion or understanding.

"I’ve learned a ridiculous amount this year. About myself and about other people. It’s been a difficult year, probably the hardest in my life and I realize I brought most of it on myself. That’s a sobering realization. I also realize that I’ve made it harder for the people I care about, my friends and my family. I can’t be this guy anymore. I have every intention of taking the things I’ve learned this year to heart and changing. I’ve said I’m sorry for the things I’ve said but I’ve never apologized for who I am. I need to separate the busted kid from the man I am now. I guess that’s my new years resolution. Might be harder than losing ten pounds."

If Gabe is sincere in this and truly pursues improving how he interacts with others that may feel differently than he does, this is something we can all celebrate. He is a man who has resolved to do better for himself, and that's great to see. Personal improvement, perhaps even on this very issue, is a fantastic thing for any of us to consider as we face a new year. May he follow through on this resolution and his many fans benefit from a better man at the helm of Penny Arcade.

One of my favourite quote is: Be nice to people on your way up, because you're going to meet them all on your way down.

Well that's a thing I guess

I'm glad that he seems to be taking the first steps to growing as a person. That's a hard thing to admit.

The message of wanting to communicate in a disagreement instead of "win" is a profoundly important one and I'm thrilled that Gabe is preaching it.

I just hope the folks that have unjustifiably derided him for years don't also miss that point and see this as a triumph of their own.

I'm glad. I don't think Mike (Gabe, whatever) is a bad person but it's nice that he can recognize where he has been hurtful to others. It's probably something we all should do more.

I wish these people wouldn't cave and apologize for this stuff. Don't let the social justice brigade on twitter push you around. I mean, I guess he kinda has to act like he was wrong or else he'll be harassed forever on social media, and crazy people will set up boycotts of PAX, but it still sucks to see. I remember reading his twitter as the "women have vaginas" controversy was happening and it basically went down like this :

I don't think he needs to apologize personally, but I am happy he's being introspective. As we all grow older we do that.

That being said I do wonder if all the controversies hes raised this year are the reason for his introspection as I know it's put himself and the PA site in some hot water.

It is good though that he's moving towards positivity. Everyone should.

Their initial comic had nothing wrong with it.

Critics reaction to the comic was overblown.

Penny Arcade's response to the criticism is the biggest problem.

This doesn't absolve him for his actions, but it's good to see a little self-reflection on his part. That's something that has been sorely lacking from his previous apologies.

We all fuck up. We can all do better. Not all of us have to do it in the public sphere. I hope this really does mark a turning point, but we'll see. Change is hard.

I'd say, if he follows through on it, this is a "win" for everyone involved. It's a welcome statement from him, and perhaps others will consider it as they look toward the new year, as well. :)

I've not liked how he has responded to a lot of criticism, but I have still believed that he is not a lost cause. Fortunately, he seems to be taking a mature look at himself lately, and I really hope he does improve for the sake of himself and all who know him. I think that Penny Arcade and PAX can be better than ever. Here's hoping!

It's a step in the right direction. But we've seen him apologize before only to watch it be followed by more insults and glib remarks.

If he truly can grow and change great for him. If he can't, PA and all that surrounds it my be better off without him.

So like most resolutions, this will last for maybe a few weeks?

*self high-fives**diamond-cutters everyone in the room*

ha. That's the worry, but I do hope he's sincere in it. He has already indicated real changes for PAX, and hopefully his actions continue to follow through. After this public resolution, people are certainly going to hold him to it.

I've liked Penny Arcade for many years; so, I hope this is something that really has an impact on him and all he does.

I did not read this yet(too long!) but that is an excellent sentiment. maybe this bs will be put to rest. If the attitude is sincere, it will be on my part. Others I've learned don't always want nice things though, for whatever agenda. At least that was my experience in life.

Okay, but what I was saying is that I hope everyone follows through on it. Without a doubt, in the past, Gabe has reacted in stupid and potentially insulting ways to criticisms of things he's created/said. But what fulled his dumb reactions was the onslaught of intolerance thrown at him. It was the dumb outcome of a series of shitty moves from all involved.

I guess I'm just saying that it takes 2 to have a twitter flamewar. And, as I hope he considers his future reactions to criticism with care, I hope that the internet at large and their reactionary criticism is equally tempered by reason.

@rangers517: Come on, man. This isn't the place to spark an argument. That's not what this post is about.

Good for Mike. Whether you have a problem with some of the things he's said or not, somebody admitting that they don't like the person they've been and that they want to change is huge. I especially appreciate the idea of listening to the concerns people have rather than jumping straight into a fight. People aren't usually faking it when they're offended. And it doesn't take a lot of effort to hear them out. Discourse is always more effective when you're keeping a level head, and not letting your anger get involved.

I think regardless of your opinion of his previous actions, the fact that he's trying to grow as a person is nothing but positive. Ain't nobody on this erf that couldn't use a bit of that.

I would agree in the hope that people temper their reactions to consider the person they're disagreeing with.

We can have that great hope, but practically, the best we can do is try to have a similar self-awareness and pursue personal improvement in the year to come. I hope he follows through on this, and hopefully we can all do the same in our own lives, whether we're on Twitter, Giant Bomb, or anywhere else.

Gabe has been consistently shit and continually offering nonapology apologies or just outright insulting whenever he says and does dumbshit, so once he acts like a decent person I'll maybe change my mind but until then he's an asshole.

Maybe he should just ignore the shrill, out of touch & crazy critics and just do his thing. He's pretty decent at it. They don't like it they can move on.

I read all about drama about dickwolves, "every woman has a vagina" etc. etc. but there was not something I found truly unacceptable. It can be childish to talk about rape like you're a 12 y/o on a quake server fragging along but that's about it. His back-and-forth reply were petulant at times but I agreed when he said he wouldn't want to be adressed as -cis. I wouldn't either. But what are you going to do, the LBGT community is out for blood sometimes. Before someone wants to start a war about my privileges, please stop. I tried to place myself into both groups and see how I'd react.

He apologized, good. But those starting an internet crusade based off of tweets are still there.

Penny arcade is surreal to explain, are they comedians? trend setters? bloggers? Are his antics like andy kaufman skits?

They're "gaming personalities"? Yeah, they have their hands in a lot of pots.

Good for Gabe. Sounds like he's growing, let's just hope his more vocal detractors can do some growing too.

It will be good if he can keep it.

I stopped caring about PA a few years ago. Comic strips have become archaic for me; only being funny every now and then -- that is if I know what the hell they're talking about. I'm not in the D&D/tabletop world, and I don't frequent other sites to keep up with every little thing in the world of video games, so I'm lost a third of the time.

The controversies did not help things, but I was losing interest in PA for a while now. The documentary was kind of cool for a season, but then they kept on doing it and made me incredibly bored. Gabe making poor decisions made it easy for me to stop visiting the site altogether, and although it's great that he's improving, I don't care about PA anymore.

like just trying to explain this to someone it's hard. I still think that comedy needs more creative freedom then other mediums. But it's hard to even understand or fallow most of their antics. Like the 2010 controller guy, just posting a conversation that isn't bullying? Is it?

haha. I don't think we need to get into the crazy thing that was Paul Christoforo from Ocean Marketing. That just... man. So many layers. Like an old rotting onion.

Here, I'm just expressing some appreciation for him deciding to better himself, and whether people think how he has acted in the past has represented a flaw or not, he believes it is and intends to do something about it. I hope he's better off from it.

Oh, bother. Most people praised him for bullying the Ocean Marketing guy. I know there were some dissenting voices, however.

But now, just because they disagree with him, and he wasn't taking their bullshit, boo hoo he's a bully and should be more respectful. If he wants to be "less of a bully", let him, whatever, no one is his boss.

But don't pretend it has anything to do with the way he acted, and ALL to do with the people he was arguing with having this irresistible desire to make everyone validate their silly opinions. And if someone doesn't accept theirs skewed world view they're the devil and must be eliminated. And of course everyone in the gaming press and journalist community must accept their bullshit for fear of being outcast. I'm pretty sure I know who the real bullies are.

Poor guy, and what a bunch of nonsense.

Btw, a little ot, but Gabe's streaming from his PS4 to twitch right now and is the top ps4 stream, if anyone wants to watch.

Well I bring up andy kaufman as an example of that creative freedom of comedy and how difficult it is even if it something abstract. Like Penny Arcade is complicated to the most average person, actually it's even complicated for smart people also. And penny arcade opens up in podcasts, video documentaries and long blog post explaining their humor, and still they have problems explaining their actions. Self reflection is always a good thing.

Penny Arcade are cartoonists. They are not video game personalities.

I suppose this is a nice little summary of the things he's said in the last year. I believe I had my own realization in life that I also had the tendency to respond to any abuse real or perceived with nuclear retaliation, and I like to believe I have greater control of my emotions now.

Granted I'd like to hold in view the complete inanity of the situation; Penny Arcade labelled misogynists and rape supporters for comic that makes oblique reference to a male rape victim. This from a series that had previously shown a main character be curb stomped and decapitated on the edge of a Gamestop counter. And drawn images of the imperious spacefaring race, the Scrotus; little scrotum-men with phallic pistols.

Yeah, this is more about his responses to criticism of some things than necessarily those original things. I know we can all argue the merits of any criticism, but the point is that Gabe has realized that he has responded poorly in the past, often just making things worse, and he wants to do better in the future. I appreciate that and hope it's true.

And ha, as far as what they are, I guess you might as well just say they're some guys with a still popular, generally game-focused webcomic, a growing gaming convention, a gamer charity, and formerly a gaming news outlet.

@rangers517: He basically said that transgender people are cross dressers who took it too far; how could you not understand why that's such a moronic and hurtful thing to say, especially from someone who helped create a convention based largely around being inclusionary? Also, could you stop with the reductionistic use of "check your privilege"? If you really don't recognize that your life is easier than people who are LGBT then you obviously don't know anything about the issue and shouldn't be talking about it.

I'm so glad you didn't finish that with *stares into the middle distance looking vaguely confused**RKOs everyone in the room*

I do hope that things start going better for him, and that he can change; hell, we've all wanted to be better people at some point in our lives. I spend most of my time doing that, and to my knowledge I've never been involved in any sort of huge controversial dust-up.

That said... I don't think it's gonna stick. Not because he doesn't want to, or can't change, but because he's too public a target. No matter how much people say they want cooler heads to prevail, I can't see his detractors forgiving him. As far as they're concerned he's a monster, and it'll inevitably end with another huge argument where people say that Twitter's really not conducive to conversations... and then continue to use it non-stop and get into more misunderstandings and fights.

I do hope that things go better, for him and everyone else, but I'm not sure anyone else does at this point.

I think may be the most admirable thing he's ever written. Takes a pretty big person to realize something like that about him/herself.

I guess what make me believe it this time, where I haven't before, is that he used no qualifiers and has taken some concrete actions (disassociating PA from PAX and Child's Play, TBD if that's as true as he make it sound). maybe that's partly why PAR and PATV shut down.

Time will tell of course whether he can actually do it, but realizing and going public with this all this is a big step in the right direction. Sounds like he gets the problem.

Hopefully he is successful in earning back people's trust, because a lot of what PA has accomplished is pretty awesome and they do deserve recognition for that.

What the fuck are you even talking about?

Well, despite being a fan, I have also been a detractor of him for his poor responses to a lot of criticism, and I'm willing to see if he really follows through. Obviously, change is hard; so, it may not be perfect. People will still criticize some things he does, because, well, he's an imperfect person in the public. But if what he is saying is sincere and his actions follow his words, he'll not make things worse in his replies to that criticism and may actually improve himself from them.

I think he is making it clear that regardless of how others respond, this is a choice that he is making for the benefit of himself and all who know him. No matter how some people respond, he's finally talking about this with personal maturity and resolving to do something good. We can all be glad to see that.

Whatever. Obviously, the best thing he could have done would have been to ignore all these crazy people that scour twitter just to try to correct people that use the word "gender" instead of "sex" and other pointless stuff like that, but I can't blame him for fighting back when he was attacked.

Also, who's responsible for deciding the difficulty of people's lives? Is this based on a 5 star scale or something?

My brother is openly gay and has a high-ranking position at a national department store chain. (not WalMart, thank god) I'm straight, and I have way more mental issues than his (on top of us both suffering from Bipolar Disorder, I have Asperger's Syndrome), and can't seem to find a job for the life of me. So yeah, it's not a 1:1 argument every single time. I understand the overall notion, but some people are just born into bad situations. Just because I'm white, straight, male and living in America doesn't mean my life can't be saddled with shitty circumstances.

Anyway, beyond that, those weren't his exact words, and in fact he was just saying that all women have vaginas. Which is not an entirely unreasonable thing to say or assume, if we're going by generally accepted evidence. Sure, there are cases where it doesn't apply, and not all of them involve sexuality to begin with, or a feeling of not belonging, and they were born with a body that is not reflective of the norm, but to say that we don't understand hardships, and that we have so much privilege is disingenuous.

Sorry for the long post, btw.

It's too bad that he didn't immediately change into some magical super fairy that's incapable of doing anything bad. Because that's what it's going to take to please his biggest detractors. Because his detractors are definitely good people when they take any opportunity to talk shit about a person.

That simply never happened.

Edit: I realize now I probably shouldn't have even replied, as this could totally derail this thread about the dude trying to act better in general, into yet another pointless argument about how much of a jerk he really is. But I think it needs to be made clear that even the most insensitive responses he made never implied that he doesn't accept that trans people are people.

If you want to still hate him, do your thing. I can't change that. But don't put terrible words in someone else's mouth.

@rangers517 said:

I wish these people wouldn't cave and apologize for this stuff. Don't let the social justice brigade on twitter push you around. I mean, I guess he kinda has to act like he was wrong or else he'll be harassed forever on social media, and crazy people will set up protests, but it still sucks to see. I remember reading his twitter as the "women have vaginas" controversy was happening and it basically went down like this :

Revisit this when you graduate high school or college.

Maybe one day when you become capable of self-reflection, you'll realize that sometimes people just want to be better people. Change comes from within, though it's often spurred on by suggestions from without.

What have you done, joshwent?? You've doomed us all!

heh. Yeah, if we can keep it on the topic of resolving to be better, that'd be super cool and possibly even a miracle.

I'm really sympathetic towards this guy, since I know first hand how easy it is to give in to anger and argue back at criticism. Unlike me however, he broadcast it so all of the internet could hear it, and man did it really hurt the reputation of his brand.

I hope people can forgive him, and I really hope he can change for the better as a result of this. I just hope he's prepared for the amount of discontent and hate THIS will bring, despite it being a positive change.

Edit: This thread has 999 views at 3:33 in the morning. It's irrelevant information, but I doubt something like that again will happen for a long time, so i decided to take note of it.

Edit2: I also need to head to bed. Why in the world am I up at 3:00 in the morning?! Ugh... At least I don't work tomorrow... Which consequently, is probably why I'm up til 3 in the morning.

@random45: Yeah, where I've seen this news shared, a lot of angry guys have been insulting him as a "pussy" that has betrayed them. "Real" and "strong" men apparently don't admit faults.

It seems to me that his apology and resolution to improve himself suggests to some people that maybe their own behavior is flawed, as well, and that pisses them off. I think, whether you agree with criticisms of him or not, you can respect his desire to respond better to others and hopefully be a nicer, happier individual.

(also, yesterday I had 6666 comments. It's fate. Or some kind of omen. ha.)

As a straight white male who doesn't use tumblr I never had any problem with his behaviour, which I'm pretty sure makes me a terrible person. Good for him, always good to try and recognise your flaws and work on them, I hope he works it out and we can all go back to liking Penny Arcade.

@hollitz said:

@rangers517 said:

I wish these people wouldn't cave and apologize for this stuff. Don't let the social justice brigade on twitter push you around. I mean, I guess he kinda has to act like he was wrong or else he'll be harassed forever on social media, and crazy people will set up protests, but it still sucks to see. I remember reading his twitter as the "women have vaginas" controversy was happening and it basically went down like this :

Revisit this when you graduate high school or college.

Maybe one day when you become capable of self-reflection, you'll realize that sometimes people just want to be better people. Change comes from within, though it's often spurred on by suggestions from without.

Unfortunately, the people in this scenario that need to change aren't the ones writing long apologies and donating to charities.

And I'm offended that you implied that I'm young and/or not very intelligent. Please try to change and better yourself because I've said right here that I'm offended so that automatically means that I'm right and you've got some work to do now to better yourself.

@greggd: I'm sorry to hear about your shitty situation. I was being too absolute when I said that every LGBT person has it worse than every white, cis, straight person. I meant that being straight or cis is easier than the alternative, not that everyone who is straight and cis has it easy. Sorry for the confusion. The "all women have vaginas" isn't a crazy thing for someone to assume, since there's so little education about trans people, but it is still really hurtful; it's saying that genetalia defines a person's identity. That might sound like a silly thing to be offended by, but it has an awful effect on folks like me.

@joshwent: You're right. He didn't actually say that, and I'm sorry for saying he did. He did say many things that were deeply offensive to me, though, which is why I was emotional and conflated what he actually said. Sorry for derailing the thread!