sombre

Why does everything appear on YouTube first rather than Giantbomb premium?

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you had a beef wellington, they're not going to make it to order unless you're cool with waiting a very long time. They're not overly difficult to make - there's just a lot of steps. The biggest hurdle to making one is the price of the tenderloin - I feel like Jan could probably walk Dan through making one over a voice call and end up with an edible end product.

Take one beef tenderloin, season liberally, sear on all sides over crazy high heat, 2 minutes per side plus searing the ends, so about 10 minutes. Let it rest a few minutes on a cooling rack. I'll usually take any trimmings here and then throw them in the hot pan. Throw in some minced shallot, garlic, thyme, a bit of flour. Cook that off, then add wine and beef stock and let this simmer while everything else is happening.

While the tenderloin is resting, time for the duxelles. Finely mince MUSHROOMS and fry it off in a pan with some shallots (fancy lad onions), garlic, and thyme. You want these to be bone dry, so 10+ minutes.

Roll out another sheet of cellophane. Take your parma ham and shingle it to make a sheet of ham that's large enough to roll your tenderloin in. Or make a crepe. Apply the duxelles like you were smearing refried beans over a Taco Bell Mexican Pizza. Without the dry duxelles, the juice from the tenderloin will make the bottom of your wellington a soggy mess and you will get a blowout.

Take your chilled tenderloin out of the fridge and give it a good coat of English MUSTARD. I like to use Coleman's for the 'heat'. Then plop it in on the edge of the parma ham/duxelle burrito and roll it up. Then, give your tenderloin in a blanket a few twists in the plastic wrap so that it's very tight. Plop that in the fridge for a bit - a half hour or so. You want it cool enough for the next step.

Plop down that puff pastry. We just buy our's, but have to get a little creative as it's usually too small to completely cover the meat package. Combine EGG yolk (not the white - the crunch is off putting!) with water, whisk to make an EGG wash. Use this like you'd like an envelope to seal it, sealing the tenderloin in its puffy blanket. If your meat hasn't chilled long enough and it's warm, you'll melt the butter in the puff pastry. If you handle the puff pastry too much, you'll melt the butter. Once it's sealed up, score the top of the pastry with a knife, making cuts to the top deep enough to go through the pastry. Then brush the EGG wash over the pastry so it comes out nice and golden. Top with fancy lad muldoon's flaky salt. If your pastry won't wrap neatly around the tenderloin, use scraps to make a decoration and hide the seam.

Into a 400 degree oven it goes, check at 15 minutes to see if the pastry is golden. You aren't looking to cook the meat - that was 80% done in step 1. This final step will carry it to the finish line. Once the pastry is golden like a pie, take it out and let it chill on a cooling rack for 5-10 minutes.

While you're waiting for your wellington to cool, strain out your sauce. Taste and add salt and pepper to taste. Mix in a tablespoon of butter. Heck, throw some peeled yukon golds in some boiling water - when done, roughly mash with a hand masher or toss it through a potato ricer. Then, take a brick of Kerrigold butter and fold that in. Season with salt and white pepper to taste.

Serve with a glass of seasonal limited-edition Coke product.

@sombre: Yup! Fully agree. OG Tomb Raider was one of those I had on my list, until I removed them because of level design being the crux. If you didn't need to be pixel precise (on top of all the weird camera stuff) on all those jumps, the core mechanism would be less memorably awful.