Vintage ranking: 10 “Old” Games Played and Reviewed in 2023
I chose to engage tech through tablets only in 2023. The Surface Pro I am typing on is technically a tablet. My phone is functionally a much smaller tablet, with phone calls nowadays not made with its inherent function but with some app. I consider Nintendo Switch, Steam Deck along with those Android or Window devices Jeff Grubb calls “Chinese handhelds” as gaming tablets. If video gaming is a vice, its closest analogue would be alcohol beverage drinking. After all, both gamers and drinkers would go “Ah, that’s a very good year.” over one 4-digit number or another. The least gaming can do is providing the counterpart to drinker’s flasks in the form of handheld devices.
Going all handheld in a year when development for the 3 years old consoles finally picked up some pace means playing more old than new. And it just so happened that I had played and reviewed 10 old to 2023 games. Ticking off “bucket list” item, revisiting old favorites and being introduced to stone cold classics, it has been a lot of fun on the not keep up with new releases front. Well, why not recap it the same week as the Keighleys and added in some thoughts I forgot to put into the reviews.
Three-star zone
Number of residents: One is the loneliest you would ever do.
One or two out of five is usually about loathing while three out of five is bit hard to define. The best I can come up with is having more fun think about those games than actually playing them. And by thinking about I came to realize the pattern that “things branded ‘A Hideo Kojima Game’ are one off then one on, repeat the whole thing until Konami kicked him out.” started even before 1998’s Metal Gear Solid. You know the “MGS 1 and 3 are good, MGS 2 and 4 are bad” stand one Patrick Klepek made on this site. That pattern holds with Policenauts failed to hit before and Phantom Pain just being a fascinating train wreck after Mr. Klepek’s “move to Youtube” from this outlet. Oh, well, now the man is completely off the leash, why did any of us think that Death Stranding would hit the spot?
Number 10: 1996’s Policenauts ported to the original Playstation
Policenauts is the world’s very first “Hideo Kojima Game” in concept (Metal Gear Solid’s English language release is still the first time “A Hideo Kojima Game” appears in name. And it’s a localization adjustment since the more absurd “A Game by Hideo Kojima” would grant one in the Japanese release.), and I think it almost killed the whole thing dead right there and then. Cannot recommend this old horse in the post-Expense world. Go read Levithan Wakes and Caliban’s Wars then watch the first 3 seasons of Expanse and avoid this one like the plague. You all can thank me later.
Well, there is something felt in 2023 and nowhere to be found in the Expanse. CG is a science fictional proper noun in Policenauts. It does not mean the digital visual effect industry started to grow when the game came out, nor does it mean the detailed illustrations one collects in visual novels. Instead, it is closer to Deep Fake plus ChatGP. While consents for one’s likeness and sound to be used by contents generation artificial intelligence is still messy topic today, Policenauts certainly cast its liberal vote on as long as people gave their consents for a good cause. One news anchor and her team in this game “deep faked” a clip of she on the news as alibi so she can save someone from being wrongly imprisoned. Well, Kojima and team were only thinking about cars back then, they would not think about traffic jam until they released something in the 21st century.
Four-star zone
Number of residents: Trilogy
4 out of 5 is typically a thumb-up with some caveats. Some flaws just too glowing to ignore. Why not let the 3 below battle it out Olympic style? Is production value the deciding factor here? Not necessarily, but the rank certainly looks that way.
Number 9: 2019’s the Hong Kong Massacre on Steam
Brone medal is to a top-down indie title. I found myself not too fond of video games solely dependent on its leading action man’s whole macho bullshit. That might be fine within feature length, but a game longer than a sword and sandal epic can make that horseshit unbearable. There are ways around it of course. For all their faults, things branded “A Hideo Kojima Game” certainly devote their er, run time to make the action hero archetype into more nuanced men. Hong Kong Massacre took another route: just shut the homicidal bastard up and let his action speak. Limitation of a lower budget put to good use here.
Number 8: 2001’s Metal Gear Solid 2 Sons of Liberty ported to Playstation Vita
Sliver medal is to a stone cold classic that yours truly just cannot love wholeheartedly. MGS2 was well-regarded for many reasons, one from critics is how it predicted fake news and echo chambers. While I say those 2 had long been plaguing our civilization before internet and the digital age. Thinking about traffic jams is to see how old bad habits develop with new technology after all. And they should pace themselves better.
Playing MGS2 after Death Stranding is to find how the latter is a return to form for things branded “A Hideo Kojima Game”. Their creative lead certain prefers “regular joes crossing a dangerous place with wit” to “spy commandoes secretly dominating a combat zone”. The tight corridors of MGS2 are in military term, close-quarter yet this game does not have CQC. Player is supposed to use corners here to get pass and little else.
MGS2’s original Japanese script is a house of card barely standing, but it stands regardless. The whole thing crashes under the wind of localization. And boy, should Kojima not have too much influence over localization, he just does not care too much about that aspect. The whole Otacon misinterpreting Chinese proverbs is based on Japanese puns (An article on it was what drove yours truly into majoring in Japanese language at college by the way.). You just do not listen to someone like that when translating a script.
Number 7: 2002’s Metroid Prime remastered for Switch
Gold medal is to a vintage title with modern adjustment. It’s enjoyable and all, but more should have been done if you ask me. Still, being able to play Metroid Prime on the go in 2023 is quite a god send. Being allowed to move and shoot at the same time does not hurt either.
Five-star zone
Number of residents: No love, just six
I personally think people who rate things with the one hundred score under any system are losing their shit over the things they rate. 5-star system can be forgiven for it inherent lack of nuanced numbering. The six below is a mixture of old favorites, stone cold classics and overlay of the two. So, I could not help but lose some of my shit over them.
Number 6: 1997’s Quake 2 enhanced for Steam
I almost did an all three early aughts’ gun games across the big 3’s platforms early this year: MGS2 on PS2, Metroid Prim on Gamecube and Halo Combat Evolved on Xbox. Scrapped that last one because booting up Master Chief Collection on Steam is too much of a churn. Then Quake 2 got a face lift in the summer, I dived in and would go as far as to say that Bungie almost fucked the whole first-person shooter genre up with 2001’s Halo and its slow ass movement. Guess they tried to promote the vehicles.
Even without Romero, id still got a solid team of level designers. Combine their effort with the movement Carmack and the tech team managed, Quake 2 is still a supreme “boomer shooter”. Too bad it laid foundation for that cod fish…
Number 5: 2011’s Dead Space 2 on Steam
To play Dead Space remake and Dead Space 2 back-to-back is to feel how developers bled out of EA. Despite all that quality-of-life improvement, the 2023 game still cannot hold a candle to the 2011 one. Oh, EA, how I wish you went the way of Konami.
Number 4: 2003’s Muv-luv on Steam
The original Muv-luv is an odd cat. It contains a high school rom com and a military science fiction novel while those 2 sharing a similar cast. The latter would lead to a long ass sequel that tops this list, so let’s talk about the rom com.
Muv-luv does have a fan disc and it made the unusual swing from comedic to dramatic there. It’s a kinetic novel continuing the storyline of player character dating his childhood friend. It’s essentially a longer rom com third act. You know the kind where the love story feels no longer romantic and the comedic energy runs out. Oh well, at least this game is supposed to end with the sweet bitter tone of military science fiction portion.
Number 3: “2012’s” Metal Gear Solid 3D Snake Eater on 3DS
I suppose I played through Snake Eater times enough to get a little film critic brained about it. By “film critic brained”, I mean how film critics become fond of talking about one scene and something new they find out after revisiting old favorites. Mine is as followed.
Watching Naked Snake tied up and beaten bloody by Colonel Volgin for about the nineth time there, I was no longer shocked by the violence and instead laughed at the implied farce. Volgin is not good at this interrogation at all because he got the whole thing backwards. One is supposed to beat information out of the tied-up poor sod yet Volgin is singing for all the intelligence agents targeting him there, including the tied-up poor sod. Or is it just my cynicism speaking?
Number 2: 2019’s Resident Evil 2 on Steam
Funny how many ask “What’s the Citizen Kane of video game?” while Die Hard is the big screen classic the media form more prone to immediate. 2009’s Batman Arkham Asylum is certainly one in the Die Hard mold comes to my mind first, with its Castlevania in 3D space gameplay, high production value and “cop vs. robbers” narrative. Then there is 2013’s Tomb Raider. Of course, it’s nothing new even back then, with original Playstation having Metal Gear Solid and Resident Evil series.
Resident Evil series could have been seen as Die Hard with zombie back in its original Playstation days. With Resident Evil 2 remake released in 2019, the series not only brought itself back to modern production value standard but also added the one last factor of the Die Hard mold: the seemingly low body count. The thrill ride here is about getting out of one jam after another rather than killing one horde after another.
Number 1: 2006’s Muv-luv Alternative on Steam
Tell someone to start visual novel with Muv-luv Alternative is like tell someone to start high fantasy with A Game of Thrones by George RR Martin. The volume is bit daunting for first timers. Characters being quite vivid is another plus. Well, maybe Alternative being a sequel is the only rut here. Words cannot describe how impactful this 50 hours long visual novel, maybe you all should consider tip you toe into this pond.
