DXSSI

Hamburgers and pizza actually have a lot in common.  Bun/crust, cheese/cheese, meat/meat, veggies/veggies, etc.  However, the cosmetics of each product make a world of difference, and assuming the entrees are of comparative quality, this makes hamburgers better than pizza—every single time.

• Hamburgers are even-layered.  With every bite you get a sampling of the entire scrumptious product.
• Pizza is random, and the ratio and consistency of various toppings is rarely ever right.
  

• Hamburgers are usually cooked open-top, allowing the chef to stop cooking them at precisely the right moment.
• Pizzas are usually cooked in a closed oven, meaning the chef is simply GUESSING when your food is done.

• If you put too many toppings on a pizza, they don't cook right, and various ingredients burn while others are undercooked.
• Hamburgers are stackable to infinity, and it does not affect the quality of the finished product.  Eventually you reach a point where you can no longer hold the hamburger in your hands or fit it in your craw, but this is a flaw of evolution or God (take your pick), NOT the almighty hamburger.

• Hamburgers never require utensils.
• Pizzas usually do; a pizza cutter at a minimum.  Sloppily-made soggy pizza may even require the use of a fork.
  

• If you're really hungry but in a hurry, you can have a double or triple hamburger (or more, what do I care?)
• Try telling your pizzeria to make you a double or triple pizza and see if they don't laugh at you.

• When being moved from Point A to Point B, pizza must always be held flat or the contents run all over the place.
• If properly stacked, a hamburger can be thrown across the room like a Frisbee, with only minimal damage to its structural base.

• If you're out of cheese, you can still have a hamburger.
• If you're out of cheese, a pizza aficionado will probably strangle you.

• Hamburgers are the perfect single-serving food.
• Even "small" pizzas usually feed two or three people.  This isn't so bad if you actually happen to be two or three people, but for the rest of us it is rather limiting.

• Hamburger toppings can be added individually with ease, making it easy to satisfy a large crowd.
  
• Pizza toppings have to be decided upon in advance, requiring careful discussion and agreement.  This may result in arguments and fistfights.

• The ubiquitous side dish for hamburgers is french fries.  Since potatoes are normally not part of the hamburger itself, this is an acceptable side dish and creates variety in your diet.
• The closest thing to a ubiquitous side dish for pizza is garlic bread, however, not everyone agrees and sometimes breadsticks are championed.  In either case, the side dish consists of a bread-like base (similar to pizza crust) and often comes with cheese or sauce (same as the pizza), and sometimes the pizza itself has garlic in it.  Any way you look at it, your side dish is often much too similar to the main dish to be considered anything more than an imitation.

• Pizza must be made in a rigid, military-like fashion.  Crust first.  Sauce second.  Cheese third.  Pepperoni fourth, etc.  This is to ensure even cooking.  Stuffed pizzas are an exception to the rule, but the great majority of pizzerias do not even offer them.
• Hamburgers allow for creative expression.  For example, you may have a hamburger with cheese on top one day, then the next you'll put the cheese ON THE BOTTOM.

• Pizza can be sliced into triangles eight ways or six ways, or into squares (except the corners) of 9, 12, or 16.  As the majority of Americans cannot perform simple math, this makes it difficult for patrons to determine how much to eat, leads to arguments over who gets the last slice, and may result in bloodshed.
• Hamburgers are reliably-sized and designed for the individual, meaning the only complaint you will ever hear from a patron regarding quantity is "More."

None of the above.  Bacon & cheese only.