My gaming habits have changed drastically over the years and the one I want to talk to you all to today is the beating of a game, some may say its the most important thing to games while others look at it as a bonus if it happens.
I used to be obsessed with beating games and it drove me to beat and play loads of games, kind of like those "Read 100 books in a year" challenges that you see at the start of a year. My younger self participated in these types of challenges throughout my youth and yes it did get me to actually beat a lot of games. But I started to realise that beating the game became the objective and often the only objective, I would want to find the most optimal route to beating a game even if it meant missing out on some content that probably was fun. I also ended up beating games I would have stopped playing because I was no longer enjoying or enjoyed in the first place.
Two years ago I was playing Seikro and I got to a boss I could not beat, I think I was like 70% into the game but I just couldn't get past this one boss (The head comes off in second stage and he flings poo) so I came to a realisation. I can just put this game down and move on to something else, I don't HAVE to beat it, so I gave in and put it aside and started a new game. But I hated myself for it and took a while for me to accept that I got beat by a game, but who the fuck cares am I right?
A recent example is Dragon Quest Elusive age or whatever for the PS4, I got like 90% of the way through, but I had had enough of the game at that point so was like eh I think I've played what I want and was able to put it down and move on. This time it was easy to move on and not give a second thought as I've started doing that a lot more in my adult life. Time is limited and games often are much longer or infinite now depending on what you play, so I no longer force myself to beat a game if I've had my fill of it. Just because I've put like a lot of time into a game no longer means I HAVE to keep going because I've put all this time into it already, I no longer see that as a waste of time but more just I had fun playing it up till this point now want to move on.
I do love playing games and have beaten so many in my time, but the act of finishing it is no longer my main objective anymore, because who am I here to impress?
What do you guys think? Does it actually matter if you beat a a game or not and is that the purpose of the games?
So as some of you may remember I was a very active user in the GB forums, one year I got like most comments in one year or something like that. I was often noted for my funny and generally stupid threads, but I also contributed to the wiki. I was banned from the site in 2013 during the weekend where the site was transitioning and the forums had a period where for the next 3 days anything you say will be deleted after the period. I then wrote a comment about a certain adult website and got banned for it. Ever since then I've been trying every year to get back on and looks like 2021 was the year they said you know what, lets give this Hizang guy another go!
Since 2013 wow, what has happened, how about some bullet points in somewhat chronological order?
Joined the Giant Bomb mumble server. (Remember mumble?)
Got a gaming pc and far to many games that I never played.
Got a New 3DS.
Got a PS4.
Got an Xbox One.
Quit my job at the nursery and got a retail job. (Still there)
Got way into the Yu-Gi-Oh card game and played in local tournaments.
Went to my first comic con.
Met Warwick Davis.
Moved out of my parents for the first time into a house share.
Had a whole lot of gay sex!
Did a whole lot of the Weed!
Tried to commit suicide.
Went to therapy and rehab.
Came out as bisexual.
Set up a group in my community for people with mental health problems and ran it for 3-4 years.
Bought a Switch.
Helped run a local board game group.
Played Dungeons and dragons for the first time.
Moved into my grandparents house cause my landlord was a huge dick.
Got rid of like 70% of my gaming collection.
Attended a Buddhist church and took part in meditation lessons.
Went to college and studied creative writing.
Got a PS5 (At launch even!)
Got a huge CRT.
Spent a bit to much on Fortnite.
Bought Skyrim like 3 more times.
Worked all throughout Covid and never caught it, wear a mask you fools.
So yeah that's about it! I'll be uploading my game of the year lists from 2013-2020 over the coming days so if your interested in that look out for it. I hope to be more active in the forums and also the wiki, went to the resident evil village page and there's like nothing on it, you guys be slacking! Hope to hear from lots of you soon, are any of the og forum people still about, where's Claude at?
Since I beat Far Cry 3 I kind of lost interest in video games, it actually was one of the reasons I suspected I may have depression as thats one of the symptoms. It was kind of scary, I mean video games had been my life up to that point and to suddenly not give a toss about them really made me ask some hard questions.
For the entire of January all I was able to play was Ratchet and Clank: Q Force, that game is both a fantastic game and a terrible game, I got so addicted to that multiplayer it was crazy. I don't think I really enjoyed my time playing it unless I was winning, when I got into a game where I lost i was cursing out loud and chucking the controller against the wall. There became a point in that game where everybody who was playing it was playing it, all the causal folk left and now all that was left was the hardcore people. I made it on the leader boards, I was like the 20th best player in the entire world, that was something of an achievement. But I was not able to keep up with the player base and now I get crushed most games, I still am on the leader boards but I think I'm like in the 100's now. That game is a good game, the multiplayer especially is absolutely fantastic, but some matches go on for an hour, that is often an hour of you knowing your going to loose, which is a crappy feeling, one of the many reasons I will not let myself play it anymore.
So what now? I'm playing Ni No Kuni, my first proper game of 2013, I must say its an incredible game. I am about 8 hours in and I've just learnt how to capture familiars, which probably is not good because now I am going to have to capture them all! Fuck this game is gorgeous, I'm not joking when I say it's one of the best looking video games I have ever played, it just makes me wish that Level 5 are working on a Professor Layton game for the Wii U. It also gives me hope for the Pokemon franchise, this games concept's are very similar to Pokemon's and could easily be translated to the Pokemon universe. Ni No Kuni is a game I am always excited to play, I'm thinking about playing it right now, it's all I will think about tomorrow at work too, I'm also getting very close to buying that book...
Games are also on the horizon, I think Dead Space 3 comes soon as well as Tomb Raider and Metal Gear Rising. All games I am VERY eager to play, I hope you guys are too, but what are you playing right now?
The gym has been packed this past month, as I expected of course but shit its like 3 times the amount of people here now. Before Christmas it was pretty much dead, classes I took had just a few of us there and the gym itself was very quiet. I went to my classes though but didn't go to the gym as much as I would have liked. My new years revolution was to go to the gym more often and be a healthier person, so thats exactly what I have been doing, here is my current routine.
Monday - 45 Minutes in the gym.
Tuesday - 45 Minutes in a Cardio/Boxing class.
Wednesday - 45 Minutes in a Spinning class.
Thursday - 45 Minutes in the gym.
Friday - Day off.
Saturday - 45 Minute Boxercise class.
Sunday - 45 Minute Spinning class.
I only started this routine last week, so I am still quite tired. Before I would go on a Tuesday, Wednesday and a Saturday, so I have doubled my efforts and am feeling happier for it. I've been going through personal issues lately, I am much better now and I think it's because of the gym. My doctor told me to go someplace that makes me happy, so I did just that.
I have been going to the gym since the summer, I have changed a lot since then and I think at last I am starting to notice a difference. I'm not like some body builder with huge guns and a six pac, but they are still things I have noticed. For example I no longer get out of breath so easily, before I started going to the gym a long flight of stairs would make me worn out, no longer. I can run for longer periods of time, a year ago I started to take up jogging, I couldn't make it to the bottom of my street without keeling over and dying. Now I am able to jog top the bottom of the high street and back again without even stopping. Without sounding like a braggart I think the muscles in my arms are slightly bigger too, sadly no six pac of any kind but hey, soon!
To help me stay fit and healthy I have started to be more careful about what I eat, I try and have an apple a day and make myself a sandwhich for lunch instead of a burger or a pizza. May not sound like much, but small steps. I also went and bought myself a whole new set of gym attire to make myself feel better, I don't want to sound like a sell out but i bought everything from Slazenger, everything was dirt cheap but looks really cool and is comfortable. I bought shorts, vest tops, socks, trainers and other equipment. I also got myself an iPod Shuffle for use in the gym, running in the gym with an iPhone is not that great and honestly phones are not allowed in the gym.
The iPod Shuffle by the way is great, I had the old iPod Shuffle when I was at school, it was a affordable MP3 player that was both fashionable and hard as nails. I managed to get myself the red one which is limited edition, I wanted red because my gym trainers are red...(Am I a bad person?). Yes so the gym is still going strong, nothing really new to report otherwise, I will do another one of these later on to let you know my progress.
I have been playing video games my entire life, the earliest memory I have is playing Super Mario Bros 3. Well when I say playing it, I mean my mother would be playing it and I would be holding a unplugged controller thinking I was playing. Ever since then I have devoted a lot of my free and not free time to playing and thinking about video games, video games are one of my biggest passions in life.
Banjo-Kazooie is my favourite game of all time. I have made this point clear to anybody who asks me, but I can find nothing wrong with Banjo-Kazooie. I think it looks fantastic, sounds fantastic, plays fantastic and I just absolutely adore it. Now some of you may think that my mind is clouded in nostalgia, being that this was the game that came bundled in with my N64 and I spent a large chunk of my childhood playing this I would agree with you. But there has not been a year where I have not played the game, in fact I'm going to say that since I acquired it I have beat it at least twice each year.
Banjo-Kazooie is everything I want out of a video game, it is a bright and colourful world full of interesting characters and environments. Banjo-Kazooie had a soul, which is where Super Mario 64 (For me) fell short. I love Super Mario 64 to, but the one thing keeping it from taking Banjo-Kazooie away from my heart, is Super Mario 64 had no soul. Banjo-Kazooie played better than Super Mario 64, had better worlds, had way more characters that often had humorous dialogue and its world just seemed more attractive than SM64's did. I never understood people who thought Banjo-Kazooie was not better than Super Mario 64, but those people are not me, so i will never know.
The earliest memory I have is this game, it wasn't the original version though it was the All Stars version. My parents told me that out of the four games on all Stars this was the only one that I was interested in playing. Looking at the games now it's easy to see why, Super Mario Bros and Super Mario Bros 2 never clicked with me, I have only finished Super Mario Bros once and not really got far in 2.
But I have completed this game dozens of times, I managed to beat it in my childhood at a young age, I think I was 5. Ever since then my parents knew that I loved video games. Even since childhood, I managed to squeeze time for this game into my life. I picked up the GBA remake, which is probably the best version of the game but this debate is for another time. I also went back and bought Super Mario All Stars and bought the Wii version. Anytime I crack out my SNES I always end up slotting in game that started it all, still having a complete and utter blast.
Although I had Super Mario Kart, I never really got into the series until Mario Kart 64. Mario Kart 64 was just such an amazing game at the time and to this day remains my go to Mario Kart. It just has so much charm, each level had a certain amount of care put into the track making all of them unique and cool.
Did you know that you could go into the Super Mario 64 starting area? Did you know if you jump off the huge ramp on Rainbow Road at the start you can make a really long shortcut? Did you know that this game is awesome?
I never had many N64 games a child, I think that the lifespan that console was relevant I had about 6 games. When I aquired a job aswell as buying a ton of new games for the current systems I had the money to go back and buy games I never did. My eyes were set on my N64 as I knew there were games out there I hadn't played. The N64 is a hard system to go back and play if you didn't play it back then, I acquired about 30+ N64 games since then and most of them I would play when i get it then never play it again.
Conkers Bad Fur day is probably one of the only exceptions, I played it in 2008 for the first time and have played it a few times since then too. I was a huge fan of this style of game, but Conkers Bad Fur Day may have looked like them but it sure as hell was a different experience. It is a fantastic game but that is not why I put it on this list, I put it on the list because playing through the game for the first time, I was able to treat it as a game not a N64 game. I wasn't stopping and thinking, man this looks shit or these references sure are dated! I was enjoying it for it being a funny and fantastic video game, that is reason enough. Although I can see why my parents never wanted me to have this one as a child, my parents were clever and saw the rating instead of all those stupid parents out there who assumed it was a kiddy game.
My mother got me and my sister a copy of this game each, I got Pokemon Red she got Pokemon Blue (This may be the reason why I always choose red over blue in multiplayer situations) but we only had one Gameboy, my one. We spent ages fighting each other to see who would get a go first in the morning, I always made the argument that because its my Gameboy I should get a go first.
Neither my sister or my parents saw it that way, because I was older they often told me I could wait and let her have a go first. Funny how every time it was my go the battery red light was on.. So yes I played a bunch, I replayed the game many a time, always choosing different Pokemon each time. Pokemon was a good holiday game, when your traveling or just sitting around waiting to go out Pokemon is a life saver.
It's hard to remember being jobless, I have been working since the summer of 2008, ever since then I have had a very large amount of disposable income. Its how I got 90% of my game collection today. Before I got a job the only way I would get games is through Birthdays, I got £3 a week pocket money, so I was able to get some games through that but they would have to be very cheap. So to make sure I could keep playing more and more games, I would only keep games the very best games, anything else would get traded back in so I could use that money to buy new games. Well one birthday my parents got me The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, I looked at it and said thanks but I was kind of gutted I didn't get the game I asked for. Well lets just say I have never been more wrong.
Oblivion took over my very life, as a child I was only allowed to play video games on weekends and on Friday evenings, my parents never stopped me playing them on weekends of course but they always liked to encourage reading and studying. But after I got Oblivion my entire weekends would be spent lost in the world of Cyrodill, I haven't ever gotten so deep into a games world before. I think my total time is over 400 hours spent playing Oblivion over the course of two years, thats a lot of time. I had never really played RPG's before, I had never really played a game like this before, or a game that looked this amazing. My breath was taken away at the vast landscape and the very fact that I could travel anywhere and do anything made it all the more incredible.
I remember feeling quite scared, for the first 10 hours or so I never ventured far from the Imperial City. I made a name for myself in the Imperial City, helping out a local shopkeeper Thoronir, helping an old fisherman and fighting my way through the arena. But when the champion of the arena asked me to go out far away to a dungeon, that was it, I went out and didn't return for about 30 hours. I just got sidetracked and before you knew it I had forgotten all about the arena. Skyrim never clicked with me, I haven't played Oblivion since the release of Skyrim, but if I had a choice of choosing between Skyrim or Oblivion I would not hesitate when choosing Oblivion. Skyrim does fix alot of the issues that Oblivion has, but it seemed very dark and depressing where as Cyrodill had much more life and colour.
My parents never let me play World of Warcraft, they thought it was a crazy scam, why should they pay out monthly for a game when they just thought you buy a game and thats that. I still wanted my MMO fix, so I came across a site called Miniclip. I'm not sure if it still exsists, but Miniclip was a website in which you could play multiple flash games for free. Its where I found Club Penguin, which I was also playing at the time. I then stumbled onto Runescape, looked a bit more at it and it pretty much looked just what I wanted, plus hey its free!
So I signed up under the name FredGoon and spent the next month addicted like it was my drug, I spent many a time wandering the free to play realm of Runescape chatting with friends I had made, getting my skills up, exploring the world, completeing quests and just having a blast. My account later got banned, some guy tricked me into giving him all of my stuff and I called him a twat. That was abad move and I lost my account, after that I quit for a bit. Not for too long and I was back under the account name of Hizang, which is my account to this day.
This is where I spent the most of my time and effort, I remember being very proud of my prayer level that was at a very high level. High enough to get an immunity to melee, ranged and magic attacks. After I got a job I went back and bought a membership, that was where I fell off on the game though, I think the part I enjoyed about Runescape was how big and how small it was, it was big enough that i had lots of room to explore but small enough that I knew my way around. The membership area was far to big and way to different, so thats when I stopped playing. I go back every now and then to see whats different, but I will never capture the same experience again, locked in my memories.
I was never taken home after school, my mother worked at one of those after school club type things. So every day after school we would meet up with a bunch of other kids, then taken to a large building and slightly entertained until it was time to go home. The one thing that kept me sane through this was the N64, they managed to get there hands on a N64 with a copy of this game. It has been a while, but i think this is the only game they had, to avoid fights from people who want to change the game. It was pretty much most days just me and a group of us sitting around playing this until we went home, it's probably how I got so darn good at the game.
I also had the game at home so I played a whole bunch of this game, which again was why I was unbeatable. I could wipe the floor with any child there and my sister and even parents at home. I would main Kirby, always and forever, his ability to take abilities wasn't what drew me to him. It was his ability to fly and his downward sword strike and his ability to turn into an anvil. Fuck this game was awesome, even today I would much rather play this than Brawl or Melee, although Melee is a fantastic game.
I know what your thinking. I don't care what your thinking, I enjoyed the shit out of this game as a kid. I was a mega Simpsons fan back as a kiddy, I would watch it every evening, one episode would be on at 6 while the other would be on at 7. So when my dad got me and my sister The Simpsons Wrestling, you can guess how happy I was. I had never played any wrestling games before, so I had no bar to fall under or sore across.
I ate the game up, I spent ages playing through this game, I would not do the story mode as that got mad difficult towards the end. But me and my sister played a bunch, but what made this game was the cheat system. The cheat system added extra characters and even some characters and stages only made available through cheats (Itchy and Scratchy). No I haven't played it since I was a child, yes this game probably doesn't hold up anywhere as good as I would have liked it to, but I had more fun with this than I did with Pac-Man, there i said it!
Prepare to be Snap Shot! That was my catchphrase, my name in the game was Snap Shot and before I started a match I would type that phrase in. Metal Gear Online was hated by many, loved by few, I was one of those few. Before this I had not spent much time playing online, I had recently started playing resistance Fall of Man online and that was my first console online experience. That may have had a hand in why I enjoyed it so much, I was also quite good. My weapon of choice was the sniper riffle, which is odd because I never really liked using snipers in games before and even now I'm not a huge fan. But I kept using it and got really good at it, I was also very good at rolling out of the way of shots.
My favourite mode was the Snake VS soldiers mode, I would keep playing until I got to play as Snake. It was incredible cool sneaking around stalking enemies with them not knowing where you are at all. Playing as the MK II was also really fun, if only to run around and tease the guards. I kept with the game for a couple of years, I made it into a few expansions, but by the time Raiden and Vamp came around I was long gone. I played some matches before it went offline, it's sad to see that you can no longer play this. But I'll always have the memories, plus all the friends I made along the way.
I never owned a Gamecube, my sister did though, me and my sister would wake up each Saturday and usually play a game of Mario Party 4. It was our first Mario Party game and although we did play Mario Party 5 and 7 for a while we never did get as in to them as Mario Party 4. Every weekend our mum would invite her friend over, her friend had a kid my sisters age, every time he came over we played a round of this three player for years. It was like a weird ritual, but hey this is a fantastic game and easily the best of the series. Mario Party 9 is just so off base and I do hope if they get another chance they bring it back to this kind of gameplay.
PC gaming wasn't really what me and my sister did, The Sims was pretty much the only game we played. Both of us spent years and years playing around with The Sims and there expansions, but while she just messed about I went into crazy hardcore mode. I spent a year or so crafting my own unique story, I created every single person living in the town, created there house every single one was unique and fitted there character. I would use the rosebud cheat to have no limits, but I went even deeper. One of my characters was called Hizang (Where I got the name), he was one of the main protagonists Fred Goon (Google that!) best friends.
He was a celebrity chef, so I built a luxury house, I would get him a job as a chef and work my way up the career path in order to get him as a proper chef. This would make no difference though because the way I told my story was via the in game camera, which would take place on Fred Goon's house, but I went crazy detailed. The plot never finished, I spent years just going and going and going. It started around a slob who managed to get the job of s secret agent, who took down a criminal mob boss known as Randy Razor. Who was in love with Lacita Lovegood, who was in love with Fred Goon. It was a great story that had some very emotional characters, when I read it out to my parents i would use voices for each character. No Sims game ever came close to this, both Sims 2 and 3 failed in my eyes, it will never match the original.
As a kid when your parents tell you that you can't have something, you generally want it more. This was what I wasn't allowed but desperately wanted, all my friends at school had it and told me every day all the stuff that they get to do in this game. It sounded fantastic and once my friend snuck it over and I got a go, I had to keep pestering my father and eventually it worked. My father bought it on the condition that I wasn't allowed to tell my mother, granted again, I was 8-9 years old. Call it bad parenting, call it good parenting, I just called it a bloody miracle!
At long last i could roam around a city and do whatever I wanted, my sister got all wierd and followed the rules of the road and never commited any crime. Watching her drove me crazy, because when I would play I would drive around like a maniac running people over, using the weapon cheat so I can spawn a tank in and blow shit up! The story was great, but as a kid the story never grabbed me to much. All I cared about was getting far enough in the story that I had the ability to freely go on the second main island, then I could have the roam of the city. All I wanted was to drive fast and kill lots, oh to go back to the mind of a child. I can't do that kind of thing anymore as I get bored, but back then I loved it.
I have beaten the original Metal Gear Solid over 200 times, at the very least. Until I decided that Banjo-Kazooie was my favourite game at around 2008, if somebody asked me what my favourite game would be I would say Metal Gear Solid. My dad got the PS1 with a copy of this, my dad is not a fan of watching games though so soon decided it was not for him, he then gave me the game and the PS1. I spent the weekend playing through the game, I think I cried four times during them game, (I happened to get the Meryl dies ending) granted I was about 8 or 9 years old. I just had never played or even seen anything like this, I was used to watching cartoons and playing Spyro the Dragon and Mario, not getting attached to realistic characters and then getting crushed when those characters died.
The game itself was quite hard, or at least i found it hard playing through it back then, but playing the game isn't the best part about the game as I'm sure you all know, It was the characters and the interaction between the characters and the voice acting that made the game. The characters all were fleshed out and had there own personalities and fantastic voice actors, especially Solid Snake. I got upset multiple times as I mentioned, Wolfs death, Meryl getting shot, Meryl's death and Gray Fox's death. I was also blown away by the massive Master Miller is actually Liquid Snake reveal, I had zero idea it was him and I was literally gobsmacked and my parents where there when it happened, they said I didn't move for at least a minute. The reveal of Naomi being a villain torn me to shreds, I loved her as a character too, fuck this game is amazing.
These are why video games are a fascinating source of media, every single one of these dug there claws into me and would not let go for some reason or another. I'm looking for a game to do this again, I wonder what it will be?
The past two weeks have been the worst two weeks of my life.
If you will recall two weeks ago I went to visit the doctor, I was told to keep a mood diary and everything. Well it turns out this was some week to keep one, because the worst shit happened in the two weeks and well it's why I have not been here. It started off alright, not happy happy happy but you know just normal days. But a few days in my dog passed away, we had to put him down, and I was in the room when they did. I loved my dog so much, he was 13 and I was 7 years old when he entered my life, he was a black labrador and he was pretty much my best friend, I wept for a few days after he left even taking a day or two off of work.
The rest of the days went along pretty poor, interests faded away, I no longer enjoyed playing video games or reading or watching media. I would wake up, go to work come home and go to sleep. On the weekend I would surround myself with family in hopes of getting better, but it just seemed to get worse. I even stopped going on the Giant Bomb forums, I haven't created a single topic in weeks which isn't like me at all. Then this past Sunday, it came down to it, I tried to kill myself.
I had it all planned out, I would take as many painkillers as I could take and then go to sleep. I wasn't going to leave any note or anything, just go, as quick as I could. But i didn't, I panicked and well I managed to get ahold of a friend and they calmed me down. The next day I went back into work, in which I broke down and had to confess to my boss what I tried to do, resulting in some long conversations. One of the bad outcomes was that my friends have had enough, the people who I considered to me my best friends all sunned away from me, one word answers and didn't want to look at me. I confronted a few later and asked why are they doing this, they told me they were going to take the tough love approach, they told me to get over it and stop pestering them. That night, I tried to take my own life again.
I'm still here, so it didn't work, this time I had no friends to calm me down. So I trudged along to the doctors banging on the door asking for help, nobody was there as it had just closed, so I collapsed and cried in the snow for a while. This was when I had hit my lowest point, I had just tried to kill myself the second time and I was laying in the snow, in a doctors car park crying. The next day I took a day off work, I stayed in bed all day not really moving or talking to anybody. I had stopped eating the day before and didn't eat anything this day either, I was just not hungry. I had a doctors appointment that evening, I confessed to her everything that had happened. I ended up crying at the doctors too, she was a really nice doctor and listened to what I had to say, but they she came out with something that i wasn't really expecting. She told me that I was only mildy depressed and that there is something else much more prevalent and the main cause.
I didn't know quite what to say, at first I was quite angry and confused, she then explained and diagnosed me with an Anxiety Disorder. Turns out that people with an Anxiety disorder believe themselves to be depressed when actually the reason they are feeling depressed is due to a Anxiety Disorder. I hadn't considered this before, but when she explained everything to me she could tell in an instance. I always assumed everybody was like this, but apparently it isn't. She still said I had a mild form of depression though so they will work with both things, but they want to try and get rid of the anxiety first because thats the main issue with my life right now.
She gave me some antidepressants, I'm to take one a day for as long as she feels necessary. I've heard from others that have been on AD's for years, so I have no idea when I won't need them anymore. The side effect list was very long, but she told me all I needed to worry about was sickness as that seemed to be the most common. They will take a week to work, until then I just have to keep going. Work spoke to me again today, they have given me three days off next week. They have told me though to keep going to the doctors, which I am now as I have to see her every week until she decides she can't do anymore and recommends a therapist or decides I'm all good.
Now I'm sitting here, eating some Caramel nibbles and watching funny cat videos on YouTube. Video games haven't interested me in a while and they still don't, the only one that seems to keep my attention is Ratchet and Clank: Q Force, the doctor told me that my ability to enjoy former interests would return as soon as the drugs start to take effect. Until that time I will continue to keep on getting on. I have had to stop drinking and also delete my Facebook account, drinking is my way of feeling better when actually it just makes me feel worse in the end. Facebook makes me very paranoid and would not be helpful at this time, so it's gone.
All thats left is me, thats something to be happy about.
Christmas has come and gone, New year has come and gone, however the bad feelings have gone and come back. I was generally very happy for the majority of the holiday, but a few days ago I got really down again. I decided I have had enough with all of this shit, I need to get something done, so I went back to the doctors. I went to the doctors about a month ago and was given a questionnaire, I filled out the questionnaire and after googling it I discovered that if your total isn't over a certain number your deemed as ok but with some issues. I stupidly didn't go back and show the doctor the result because I had to much faith in my google result.
With the idea that I was fine I drilled that into my head, I forced smiles on my face when I really didn't want to because I was "Fine". The weeks went passed and some part of my believed it, but the more time passes by the more times I have to convince myself I'm fine. So last night I decided that if I need to constantly remind myself that I'm fine then I clearly must be not fine. I wrote down all i thought was wrong with me and went back.
I was sat in the waiting room for about half an hour, which sucks because I hate waiting in the doctors, its there no phone on policy that sucks. I asked to see a female doctor this time, I work with females and most of my company is from females so I just wanted a doctor who I would feel more comfortable with. When I went in I explained that I never came back, the doctor then told me that that answer to the questionnaire is a vague guide instead of a clear yes or no. Me and the doctor talked for the full 10 minutes going through my situation, much better than my previous doctor who handed me the questionnaire and told me to come back in a few weeks.
The doctor told me then told me that I may not be depressed, but there is something wrong. She told me that I am more likely suffering from an anxiety disorder than depression, which surprised me but when she told me why I kind of agreed. So for the next 2 weeks I am to keep a mood diary, each day I am to give a rating to the day out of 10 in terms of my mood, write about something that I found difficult and something that I enjoyed.
Thank you for your kind Christmas messages duders, it's nice to know that although I am hated by many I am appreciated by few.
Oh and to give this something for the game people, I started getting into XCOM, I'm playing on easy but fuck it I play games to enjoy them not to get frustrated!
Since 2008 I have done my own 2012 awards, this year I decided to start a new trend and just say fuck it. This is the place where I talk about what happened in 2012, the good, the bad and the ugly. These are not just about video games either, this is about anything that I found to be quite important this year.
I Platinumed my first Platinum and that will be my last Platinum.
I've had a PS3 since 2007, it's strange how it took 5 years to actually get my first Platinum trophy. Since trophies launched I really did care about trophies, so much so that they changed the way I played certain games. I played Dead Space with just the Plasma Cutter because there was a gold trophy that i could get if I did that, some may see this as a waste of time but I really enjoyed my time using it. In Dead Space 2 there was no trophy for just using the Plasma Cutter, but I ended up just using it anyway, which gave the game much more tension.
Ever since I played Saints Row The Third I really wanted to play it again, so i went ahead and beat it a second time through. After I beat it I still wanted more, so I went and played so much Saints Row I was near the end of getting 100%, so I went and got myself that trophy. It felt really good after I got it, but then when I looked at my playtime and what else I could be doing I felt kind of stupid. Sure Saints Row the Third is an amazing game, but towards the end I spent 10 Hours doing all those stupid missions, which could have been time spent elsewhere. For what? A silly blue icon that nobody os going to bother to look at anyway? Since that day I never gave a fuck about trophies, I hardly ever look at them anymore and I think I'm better off because of it.
The Apple Fanboy in me screamed and I jumped.
I was coming hot off the heals of Apple's shoe last year, I got myself an iMac and dreamed up an entire list of Apple related products that I wanted. Around February and March i picked up both an iPhone 4S and an iPad 3, I went out and bought them both outright without having to do a contract. I always laugh when I do this because when I say I just want to buy one, the people in the shop look at me like I'm some crazy person, nah son I'm just LOADED!
The new iPhone was not a big change, my past one was the iPhone 3GS so although it's a bigger upgrade its still just an iPhone. The better camera was cool and the screen just looked so nice. But it's not that much different from the 3GS. The iPad was a different story though, I wasn't sure I would need one, but the Apple fanboy in me screamed so I bought one. Now that I look back I kind of wish i got an iPad 2, sure the screen looks a little bit nicer, but it's a whole lot more heavier and it was way more expensive. Other than that it has been awesome, it allowed me to watch the entire Giant Bomb Endurance run (Via the cool Giant Bomb Video Player App) without leaving my bed. Each night I would watch one or two episodes and that continued for months, I had already kind of watched it before but when I originally watched it I skipped around alot.
One step closer to the digital future.
Netflix has been in the United States for years, when I visited there as a child I saw Netflix vending machines, Netflix would never come to the UK. But early this year Netflix did in fact come to the UK, I wasn't too interested. I was proud of my Blu Ray and DVD collection. But when I got a free month I decided hey thats cool, man this is really cool, oh my god where have you been all of my life, lets fuck already! It's low low price of £5.99 a month VS one DVD of a TV series costing £20 really could not compete. I managed to get rid of so many DVD's and clear up so much space, and with that I was able to watch some amazing shows and movies. Breaking Bad and LOST are some of the biggies but there have been plenty, I haven't really bought any DVD's this year and about a handful of Blu Rays.
Gymness!
If you told me, a year from now I would be a regular at my local gym, I would insist you have the wrong person. I never really enjoyed P.E in my school and I never really desired to be a muscle man. But midway in the year a friend of mine joined a gym, not the one I ended up joining but a gym. She always talked about how good it was and she told me I would never keep it up. At the time I was having breathing issues, I've always been quite slim but this year I kind of got a bit bigger. Sure I'm still slim/average but i knew it would just get worse. So I bit the bucket and popped down to my local gym, I got the full package and well four months later I am still there where as my friend is not.
I love going down the gym, the people, the atmosphere, the fact that I know it's better than sitting around and the fact that it's also pretty fun is just amazing. I've pretty much stuck to similar things throughout the four months, but I'm still throughout enjoying myself. I stuck with Boxercise, Spinning and the actual Gym since I started. Swimming only lasted in the summer and fall, now it's so cold Swimming doesn't seem all that fun. I also took up cycling down, but again the drop in temperature and increase in rain has encouraged me to job.
The friends I have made there is pretty crazy, I didn't think I would ever make friends outside of work, but there are some people I have met at the gym that I know rather well. I even convinced my friend from work to come and join, she is still going too so it must be good, The gym is no longer the place I go to get fit, it's part of my life now, I wouldn't want to give it up for anything.
Start those butt jokes up again.
So I found out I had an STD this year, me also being gay didn't make me a stereotypical fighter. It sucked, for 6 months I went back and forth getting lasered and frozen and examined all in the butt area. So many times did I had to expose myself to a team of medical doctors and nurses and on one occasion a room full of students. It did't feel like me, I always felt like I shouldn't have been there. Now I'm in the all clear, I look back and I accept what happened and who I am. If anything it made me a stronger person, I kept it all to myself up until the end, I booked all the appointments myself, traveled there by myself and just delt with the fact that I had a Disease alone. Once I opened up I felt better, but then felt worse...
The Depression story.
I broke down, one day in October I just collapsed, I had a panic attack and contemplated committing suicide. I was unsure why I felt so shit but i did, now that I'm on the road to recovery I can look back and analyse my problems. My problem was a mixture of loneliness, uncertainly and I was bored. I have fixed all of these problems now and addressed them, I go out with my friends a lot now, I have more friends as I go out more and I make myself interact more. I give more rent to my parents now, I help around the house more and I'm forcing myself to save for the future, I accept that not everybody knows what they want to do with there life. I should not stress that I'm still in the same job that I have been since 2008, I should just embrace it and feel grateful I have a job and that I have money. I have learnt to feel happy again, the road to happiness is acceptance, yes I have an STD, yes I stutter, yes I'm shy, yes I don't have a clear idea about what I want to do with my life but god damn yes I'm going to be happy about it.
The year of the backlog.
Late last year i took a look at my PS3 collection, I had a lot of PS3 games. Right now I have a staggering 158 PS3 games in my collection, this is just retail copies so thats not even counting downloaded games. But yes that is indeed a large collection, I decided this year to really pound out these games I have, so yes I still bought new games but early on in the year I missed out on so many 2012 games because I as too busy having fun with older games. Brutal Legend, Darksiders, GTAIV, Prince of Persia, Assassins Creed, Borderlands and Super Mario Bros are just a few of the highlights.
Bricked!
Late last year Tested's started discussing LEGO on there podcast, they continued to talk about it up until the announcement Bricked. Bricked was a race between Will and Norm to see who could build there LEGO structure the tastes, I couldn't take anymore and I went and bought Luke Skywalker's Speeder. Ever since then I have been picking up LEGO models and really still enjoy building shit. I'm not as hot on it right now, but only because I have built so much LEGO that there is no room for anymore. I have always built all of the cheaper sets that I'm interested in so all I have left now is the expensive shit, so wish my wallet luck next year.
2013?
I don't know what lies for me in 2013, 2008,2009, 2010 and 2011 all had there ups and downs but 2012 has been the craziest year yet, I would not change anything about it. I do have a few things I would like to accomplish though.
Keep the gym up.
Learn to cook more,
Learn to drive.
Look for a new job.
Take up a musical instrument and stick with it,
Beat 40 more games.
Enjoy life.
Thanks guys for sticking with me for another year, I know some people hate me and some people love me, but hey, I'm always going to be Hizang!
Before August I had not played Borderlands and had no intention of buying Borderlands 2, I played Borderlands once before for an hour but got bored and stopped. In August when there was nothing else going on I managed to get a copy of Borderlands again, I played a whopping 30 hours worth completing ever side mission and everything. I had a great time, I told myself I would not go and play Borderlands 2 in fear of burning myself out, so after I beat it I went to sleep, woke up with a burning desire to play Borderlands 2!
I went down and picked up a copy, I went home and spent the whole day playing Borderlands 2, over the month I spent about 40 hours locked into the world of Pandora. Not one second did i get bored or burnt out or anything, I think having played Borderlands so close I was able to appreciate every little improvement. The mini map, the aiming refinements, the points system, bad ass points, story, characters, environments, boss fights, humour, soundtrack almost every single thing was better. On top of this I also played the Pirate DLC halfway through the game, so thats about 50 hours. Now that I have the GOTY list out of the way, I am going to jump in and play the new DLC and play some more Borderlands 2, my Game of the Year for 2012!
Journey was an emotional ride start to finish, Journey is unlike any other game I have played. flOw and Flower were both cool games and Flower especially was really good. Journey is the most game like but it still captures the feel of the past games. Journey works well and is as high as it is due to the emotional attachment you have to your partner, I had two and was heart broken when I lost my first partner. The game looks and sounds outstanding, the art style works really well and is the best looking PS3 game I have seen.
So every other game on this list would not upset anybody or even make people curious, but Little Inferno needs some explaining. Little Inferno was the first Wii U game I bought, I needed something and the quick look of it seemed like simple dumb fun. Little Inferno's plot is trickled slowly out through letters that you get from three people, most of then come from your neighbour Sugar Plumps. The plot has many dark and mysterious tones and throughout the game it gets crazy dark, crazy light hearted and then crazy emotional. I'm talking Journey style of crazy here, if you enjoyed games like Braid and The Unfinished Swan then you will enjoy this.
The gameplay is really fun to, there isn't much to it but the way its dolled out is addictive. Each time you buy a new object a new object is unlocked, your always burning something new. The combo system keeps it fresh with your trying out multiple items to see what fits. There is not a lot to the game, but thats another reason its amazing, Nancy explains this game well... " Little Inferno is not like other games... There are no points. There is no score. You are not being timed. Just make a nice fire...
I had intended for The Walking Dead to win this GOTY thing, multiple friends and multiple websites have called it there GOTY. But when I thought about it, I just have to admit I did't really like "Playing" the game. Everything about the dialogue branches and plot and art style and soundtrack is superb and sets a high bar for story in video games. I cared about Clem more than any other video game character this year. But the walking around, looking for items and solving puzzles was not fun, when I got stuck i just FAQ'd my way through so I could get to the good stuff.
Far Cry 3 was this years surprise, I hated Far Cry and I didn't really get into far Cry 2. After hearing good things about Far Cry 3 though I decided to risk it and see what i thought of it./ Turns out its an incredible game that features some fun hunting gameplay and stealth action. The only reason this isn't higher on the list is because I went and did all the hunting really early on, so the 75% of the game I had left was not as enjoyable due to the lack of the hunting. But the story was enjoyable and Vas is such an amazing dude, I really hated that game and liked him at the same time.
Mass Effect 2 was my GOTY last year, Mass Effect 3 is still a great game but doesn't quite live up to the expectations I had. Which doesn't mean the game is bad, it's one of the best games this year. But Mass Effect 2 was such a hard game to follow, Mass Effect 3 still gets the job done with a whole bunch of interesting dialogue and choices. Mass Effect 3 was when I started to stop thinking that I always need to pick the blue option, if I wanted to do something nasty I would just go ahead and do it. I was satisfied with the ending, I didn't get all angry about it like others seem to.
I never played the original Max Payne, so I had no history or nostalgia while playing this game. Despite that I still thoroughly enjoyed my time with the game, it had a large amount of great action sequences with a great main character who reminded me very much of The Punisher.
Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O Press O. That part was pretty awesome right! Honestly though, I really liked this game, it was just so batshit crazy over the top nonsense that I can get behind. I mean at one point you punch a planet sized god to death...
Sleeping Dogs is a great open world game that I had no intention to buy, but after the quick look I was sold. The story was a well told undercover cop plot and the game had a fantastic hand to hand combat, a first for the genre.
Last year was a disappointing year for Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 3 was not a bad game, but I just found the campaign mode rather boring and run of the mill. Black Ops II brings it back on board and I found myself addicted yet again to the multiplayer, plus I actually was able to follow the plot in the single player as opposed to the usual where I have zero idea of whats going on.
Well there you go, another year is done, now to go and play some Borderlands 2...
I wanted to wait until I finished my 40th game, you know to make it even, but I was just to pumped when I took a step back and just looked at all of these games I beat this year! I don't know if thats a lot of games in comparison to the rest of you, but I think that 39 is a fantastic number compared to me last year where I think I managed about 10-15. This year for me was all about the backlog, I have a staggering 130+ PS3 games that I haven't touched, so I said to myself "Self, I should play some of these untouched games! So thats what I started after Christmas last year, on Boxing day I sat through and finished Star Wars the Force Unleashed, then worked my way on to Brutal Legend, well, here it is.
This was a fantastic first game to beat this year, I was very surprised at how much I enjoyed it. It was sat on my shelf for a year and I finally got round to it this year, I loved the RTS style missions and the soundtrack was great. Although I had a terrible time on the last mission in the game, it took me a day to beat it which ultimately made the end experience not as good. 4/5
I was surprised this was happening, I mean I personally enjoyed the first Darkness but I assumed nobody else did due to the lack of a sequel. But here we are 2012 and we have a Darkness game, I am happy to say I had a great time with it. It was kinda short and at times very hard, but it had a nice style and I enjoyed the gameplay and Mike Patton was back in action! 4/5
flOw was one of the first PSN games I got, I was one of the people that liked flOw. Then Flower came out and I really liked that too and knew I had found a company I could follow. Journey came out and man it blew me away, I was speechless during the end scene and I really felt then it was one of the best games I had ever played. 5/5
I had the ending spoiled to me from my sister who beat it before me, but despite that I still was happy playing through the game and was satisfied with the ending, I didn't get all in a huff over it, just accepted it. 5/5
I've never been a huge fan of Zelda games, but Darksiders really does improve a lot of the little things that Zelda does poorly, got me excited for Darksiders 2. 4/5
Another weekend game, I did burn out on the game towards the end and I really thought they could have used a few new environments but all in all nice simple game. 3/5
So I never beat this when it came out, I spent far to much time on the multuplayer and never got past the first two missions. The driving really put me off and I just never played it. I decided I should just play through it this year because I want to play the next on, so I buckled down and spent a good few weeks playing through it. I feel bad now that I never gave it a chance before, I had a good time. 4/5
Some people seem to not like this game, but screw them I really had a good time with this game. I hadn't even played any of the original games and I still loved this game. 5/5
Had a good time with it, liked the chip mechanics and the sound was great as were the visuals. Story didn't really grab me and I had no idea what was going on up until I met that girl at the end of the game. 4/5
I have done everything in this game, all trophies, so there I justify putting this on the list. I was very surprised at just how much I enjoyed this game, I'm also surprised at how much I like this to Mortal Kombat, it's just so much quicker its crazy. Oh and did I mention it's free? 5/5
Great art style, great soundtrack and has some outright insane parts, but the game was kind of boring to play and I really couldn't stand any of the characters aside from Nick, I also really didn't like any of the mini games. 2/5
This was my first PS3 game, however I never got into it, only 5 years later do I find out how cool this game is. I was not really going to play this because everybody says its the worst one, but I really had a good time with it, the ending is also MGS2 style crazyness. 4/5
Spider-Man 2 was my favourite Spider-Man games, it was the essence of what made Spider-Man Spider-Man. The Amazing Spider-Man captured the web swinging. But really the combat wasn't all that and the story was kind of generic, also it feels like they got fake villains instead of the real deal. But man that web swinging! 3/5
Now before everybody yells at me I have completed the GBA version countless times, but this is the first time I finished the SNES version. For the record this is the best Mario game. 5/5
Super Mario Bros - I have never beaten this game before period, ok so yell at me, but I when I was in the mood for a Mario game I just played Mario 3 or Mario World. But I thought I really should beat this game, so I went ahead and beat it, only to discover the last world is the most frustrating gaming experiences I have ever faced. But it clearly still a fantastic game that holds up perfectly. Worth it in the end, fuck you Bowser! 5/5
Three fantastic games, this would have easily been a 5, but the guys who did the port did a pretty bad job. Throughout all three games I came across multiple audio sync issues and weird graphical bugs. 3/5
I'm a little late to the party, but dude this game is sick! It is one of the best single player FPS games I have played in a long time. I didn't touch the multiplayer because I'd assume it would either be empty, or full of people who have been playing it for 4 years. Never the less it was such an amazing experience, I can't wait to jump into the sequel. 5/5
I beat all 25 songs included, one of the coolest rhythm games I have played, it's low low price also made it easier to enjoy the game. Instruments are so last year. 5/5
Another one of these, when you stand back and compare it to other 2D platformers it is a well made platformer. But it's just kind of boring, they already did three of these before and another one coming out for the Wii U. The coin hook was cool at first, but around halfway through the game I realised I was never going to get to 1 million, so I ended up speed running through the rest of it. 3/5
Sleeping Dogs was not on my radar until it came out, I bought it and was totally blown away. I was sad to hear it did not sell well because so far its one of the best games I have played this year. It's combat is fantastic and makes a nice change to be focussed around hand to hand instead of guns. The only issue I had was that the story was at at times confusing, other than that I really enjoyed it. 5/5
Borderlands 2 arrived and it was supposedly very good, I never really played much of the original so thought I;d give it a try. This game is an absolutely fantastic game and I hate myself for not playing it sooner. Sure there really isn't much of a story here, but it more than makes up for that with its awesome style and gameplay. I ended up playing through pretty much all of the side missions, so I think I must have sunk about 30+ hours into the game. Now though, I don't want to play Borderlands 2 anytime soon! 5/5
I bought this for an upcoming party, it was only £4.99. Sure it had hardly any mini games and I played through every mini game in 10 minutes, it was £4.99. And for that much money I feel I got my moneys worth, but I would have hated to buy this at full price. 3/5
It has a lot of flair and it's intro video is just outstanding, but the game itself isn't all that interesting to play as its main mechanic is not that fun. This game would be better if they would have just done the same as Super Smash Bros. 3/5
A return to form for the franchise, I was worried it would be another dull affair like lasts years Modern Warfare 3. But happily it gets back on track and is one of the more enjoyable First Person Shooters I have played this year. 5/5
This game goes to Journey styles of originality and background plot, a fantastic adventure that is a fun ride the whole way through. Similar to Journey it also had a "OH SHIT" ending, if you have a Wii U this is the best experience you will find. 5/5
Far Cry 3 came out of the blue, I had no interest in this game what so ever. Then I watched the quick look and thought that looked kinda fun, so I picked it up and well. It turned out to be a 20 hours long fantastic game, the soundtrack was one of the high points with the hunting following shortly behind. Everybody else seems to have problems with the story, I think it tells the story of a man who wants to save his friends and will do whatever it takes to save them, but when its all said and done he is NOT a monster. 5/5
I am a huge fan of the RAC series, I played the first three earlier this year via a broken HD collection. I didn't enjoy last years All 4 One, so I was wary about this years release. I'm happy to say its a fun although rather short game. It has a nice difficulty and a really fun multiplayer mode. But as I mentioned there are only 4 (5 if you count the tutorial) levels and it can be finished it about 3-4 hours if that. It looks nice though and the main villain reveal is pretty great. I just hope that next year they take a break and work on a classic Ratchet and Clank game for the following year. 4/5
So as you can see its a varied list, I suppose I have beaten more than 39 too because with the MGS + RAC HD Collections I beat all three of the included games. But hey, even so, fuck thats a lot of games. The 40th game will probably be New Super Mario Bros U because I'm almost done with it, I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish another game after that in time for game of the year. I mean it's been fun, powering through video games and having so many different experiences, but right now I just want to not think to hard and play some familiar games like Black Ops II and Minecraft.
A few highlights? Playing through Borderlands for the first time and then jumping straight into Borderlands 2 was a magical experience. Not once did I think "Man I'm tired of this, I want to play something else". I mean I literally finished Borderlands and then the next day went out and bought Borderlands 2. Beating Super Mario Bros for the first time was a lifetime goal I always wanted to complete, the last level was tough but I pulled through. Finally beating GTAIV was another achievement as was beating 50 Cent Blood on the Sand.
In that case I will be posting my GOTY list and my 2012 awards on the 26th of December. I usually wait until the very last day of the year, but I'm working that day so fuck that shit. This year has been a good year for video games, I know many of you say that this year has been a rather dull year for games, well you know what I say to you!
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