One Word Review: Shit-faced
Poker Night 2 is a lot like going out with the intentions to have the craziest night of one's life...by oneself. Poker Night 2 sounds like fun but, when you roll over in the morning and look at it's glitched out save screen, you will have a few regrets. There are good points to having a crazy night out. But, is it worth that terrible memory that follows you from that day forward.
The first part of the night starts out fine. You run into a few friends at a hipster dive bar: Brock Samson (The Venture Bros.), Claptrap (Borderlands series), Ashley Williams (Evil Dead series), and Sam (Sam & Max). At this point in the night, you are having a great time. You are having a few beers; everybody has some great stories. Brock keeps everybody updated on all of the goings-on with the Venture family. Ash talks about his Oldsmobile and how each bet could be used to keep her running. Clap-trap comments on the children of Pandora who are armed to the teeth and how ironic it is that they don't have any teeth. Sam tells old war stories from past adventures. There are a handful of other guest characters; namely GLaDOS. But, just like running into a group of old friends at the bar, when everybody starts telling the same stories you have heard a million times you start to plan out your exit strategy.
It is usually at this point in the night, when Brock starts playfully punching you and calling you a girl because you won't do another shot of Kessler's Irish Whiskey. You are still having fun, but every once in a while reality starts to creep back into your conscious. You realize that the two variations of poker aren't enough to keep you engaged for long. You also realize that the 6 shots of whiskey have somehow made it so the Playstation 3 version of the game stutters and slows down every minute or so.
Once most of your cohorts have left, you are sitting there staring at the last 'friend' left at the bar. You realize that you aren't really that close. You have never even hung out before tonight and you are sick and tired of listening to his stories. Pushing yourself away from the bar, you stumble, and wish that you would have brought a 'real' 'online' friend along with you. It is here that you make the bad mistake of getting in your car and driving home drunk.
When you wake up in the morning you have a splitting headache, and the memory of meeting some old friends who rambled on-and-on about the same fuckin' old stories.
Oh fuck! What's that smell! To finish off the final challenge and get GLaDOS' special prize, the player needs to win a Showdown with a high card. Out of 30 tries I never got the final challenge. The computer would always win or I would draw a pair on the last card. That taste and smell will never leave your memory; the coup-de-grace of your whole night piled up next to your bed; reeking and chunky. (I had that same taste in my mouth every time I booted up the game to finish off that last challenge.)
On the bottom of the garbage can next to your bed, you can see a piece of paper with a phone number written on it. You call the number. A cute voice speaks, “I was hoping you would call, papi. I left my picture on your phone last night. You seemed pretty shit-faced.” Like your little mamasita, Poker Night 2 leaves you with some nice backgrounds on the PS3 and, if you own Borderlands 2, you will have some pretty sweet add-ons.
A flashback of a taqueria creeps into your mind. A girl with a Spanish accent. You pull out your phone. Damn! Just like Poker Night 2 there is hope that the next one will be better.