Help me to apologize to my sister

Hello. This is kinda a complicated story and I didn't know where to put it, but there aren't that many places I can talk about this.

I am 32 years old and I have a 15 year old sister. I have been raising her since she was 10 and our parents died.

A couple days back we were at a gathering with multiple people. You should know that I am very awkward socially and I say a lot of dumb stuff without thinking it in the moment.

So while we were at this gathering, violence against children became a topic, and thinking I was being funny I said that if I had a child I would beat them and even worse, I started describing that I would put hot pepper dust in their eyes as punishment among other pretty awful things.

Now I would never do this, and I think violence against children is awful, but for some goddamn reason I thought I was being funny, probably because of my very poor social skills.

When I said this, people seemed offended, so I shut up and minded my business.

However when we left, my sister (who was present) started berating me that I embarassed her and now the people there think I am doing this to her and some of them even came up to her to ask if she is ok and if there are any problems at home.

She is very upset with me currently and she says she is ashamed of meeting those people again because they believe she is being abused and she called me an idiot.

You know what, I am an idiot, and not only have I said something awful, but it never occured to me that since my sister is still a child they will think Im talking about her.

Now I want to ask you to maybe give me some advice on how to apologize to her and make things better, because I never saw her this upset before.

That’s……..a rough one. I don’t know how you come back from that one very quickly. You put your sister in a very weird place saying those things, especially in front of others. Probably one of those memories she will never forget. My advice? You need to actually take action. You say you are socially awkward, maybe seek out help for it. You hear people and advertisements mention therapy a lot these days. I mean you’re in your 30’s (I’m also in my 30’s), you should know child abuse jokes don’t really fly anywhere in the real world. The best scenario I see going forward:

You sit down with your sister face to face. Tell her you’ve been socially awkward for a long time and you are disgusted by what you said and how embarrassing it was.

You legitimately want to change as a person and you are seeing a therapist to sort this stuff out.

If it was a close family member of mine that did something similar, I would have a hard time forgiving/believing them after comments like that. If I saw they were actually taking action and getting help, I could find myself willing to accept them more comfortably back into my life.

Say you're sorry, offer to apologize for your bad joke to the other people present and make clear it isn't true (she probably won't want that because it will draw more attention but make the offer) and then tell her you're going to change and do whatever it takes to change, whether that's therapy or whatever.

You screwed up but you're still pretty young (though not young enough not to know better) and you've raised her so hopefully she can understand and forgive if you make the effort to change.

Also she's a teenager so she's going to be embarrassed by you no matter what. Not to say that what you said was okay, it 100% wasn't, but don't take her reaction too personally. You screwed up but it was just a tasteless joke, and she should, and probably will, eventually get over it if you sincerely apologize and make an effort to change.

Edgelord humor in your 30s is never cute or funny. Cut that out. Being an edgelord when you're 15 isn't cute or funny either, but at least then you have the excuse of being 15.

It sounds like you already know exactly what you need to do, time will do the rest.

I'm going to be real with you.

Your sister most likely loves you and will forgive you in time. Yes, apologize, because its the right thing to do, but she will forgive you regardless in time.

The real problem I see is with you. What you're describing to me might go beyond having poor social skills. Joking about abusing a child and not realizing that its far from funny until you saw how people reacted negatively might be a sign you need to talk with someone. The other people were correct in being concern about your sister's safety. I wasn't there so, your actions could've been you just trying to annoy your sister and it went too far. But as someone on the outside looking in, I find this story kind of disturbing. Which should hit home how much you really did mess up.

But like I said, don't worry about your younger sister. She will forgive, because her love for you is unconditional.

And no more violent humor. It's not a good look for someone who is in their 30s, especially in these current times.

This will pass.

Thank you for your replies!

I talked to her and things are better now, she said her jaw hit the floor when she heard me saying those things and wanted to hide in a hole out of embarassment.

But I apologized and I think it's ok now. I also made her favorite food as an apology!

There you go

It's good that she's forgiven you or started to. But you still have to change. She's giving you another chance, so do your best to deserve it by not repeating the same kind of dumb mistake. This is a great learning and growth opportunity and it would be valuable for you to remember how bad it felt to let her down like that so you don't repeat it.

It seems you've already mapped out the necessary steps; now, it's just a matter of allowing time to take its course.

@dorothycornel: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS, ROBOT!!!!!!

@dorothycornel: I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. If only I had a house to call my own, maybe I wouldn't be such a mental trainwreck...