Perfecting the Yellow Russian?

For context, Dan decided on one of the old Big Live Live shows to see what could be improved with nacho cheese, including replacing the cream in a White Russian with said cheese.

https://x.com/danryckert/status/593509975420350465?s=46&t=uLm_oUFYc0BMyL90wRO2aQ

So, some friends are hosting a Big Lebowski party, and I want to bring yellow Russians. However, I don’t want to turn my friends into enemies.

How can I honor Dan’s creative intent without creating a new species of mind parasite?

I think the required characteristics of a yellow Russian are:

* Yellow

* Vodka forward

* Contains cheese

* Spicy

How can I turn this into something appetizing? I want it to be perfectly homogeneous and sweet like a White Russian, and it needs to be able to travel. I was thinking about using a little bit of Brie with sodium citrate for emulsion. Then maybe adding turmeric for color and sliced jalapeños as a garnish.

Is there any way to salvage Dan’s madness? Is it possible to make it better with nacho cheese?

Custard? Not that I think alcohol will mix with that.

Any version of a spicy cheese drink sounds horrible, but if I were to try to make any kind of cheese drink I would use a lighter, sweeter, cheese like ricotta or mascarpone instead of something rich and flavorful like brie. If you're replacing cream you should use a cheese that is creamlike.

As for using actual nacho cheese...I mean...if you're going to do that just mix some nacho cheese and vodka and drink that vile concoction. Nothing will make that sound or taste better.

@pugtato: Your idea sounds kinda good. Would need some experimentation. But like ol' Socrates said, I'd use something lighter and more cream forward. Ricotta and Mascarpone are the obvious answers as some fancy cocktail recipes legitimately use them, but even mozzarella could work. Mix them with milk to make a creamlike drink. The turmeric for colour is what I'd do. And my big game changer: Instead of Kahlua, get a spicy liquor! DeKuyper at one point had a chili variety

Contrary to the previous posts, I think it's obvious that you start with a bechamel style sauce, but like a really small amount of oil and flour, and continue to thin it out with the milk/cream adding either real strong cheddar or maybe powdered cheese product. Don't use a ligh cheese because it adds moisture because that sort of coctail you dont want a watered down drink.. You want the lightest consistency with least amount of moisture, lots of fat content that, which I think is paramount, when shaken will emulsify nicely with the vodka. I'd maybe throw in a measure of eggwhites to get it foamy.

edit: I'm quite drunk right now, bear with me, I'll make this work.

I like the mascarpone idea. Put through a high speed blender, I bet it would come out creamy and smooth.

I feel like a coffee liqueur is also a requirement, although it doesn’t have to be kahlua. I might get a nicer liqueur like Mr Black, and then steep jalapeños in it.

I’ll update this thread with the results after the party. I’m also going to make some Dan’s Originals ©—staying as true to Dan’s livestream creation as possible. I’m sure it’s not as bad as it looks, right?

@mkeskimaki: I like the egg whites idea too. It would give some foamy body, with the added bonus that it would horrify Dan.

@pugtato: are you...not going to try this yourself before making it for the party? You're just going to bring a potentially noxious and disgusting substance to a party and hope?

You must be young. Live bravely, my friend.

@bigsocrates: No, my wife and I are going to experiment first—much to her dismay. I told her she doesn’t have to try Dan’s version.

The party is on Friday, so we’re going to do a dry run on Thursday.

I told her she doesn't have to try Dan's version

Oh good. You're not planning on meeting the legal definition of spousal abuse this week.

a dry run

I see what you did there.

@pugtato: Just know that I'm blaming you for somehow cursing us with this thing. The monkey paw curled.