Part 1: Why Was This Game Made?

Before you wallow in my misery, put your face close to your computer screen and look at my question for a few seconds. I want you to answer my question. Do it. I'm not kidding, do it now. What did they do to Final Fantasy X? What did they do to Yuna? What did they do to Rikku? What did they do to Spira? WHAT DID THEY DO?

Of life's many quandaries, this is the easiest to answer. Basic research on Square's corporate history surfaced their sorry state of affairs when Final Fantasy X-2 began development. For those not "in the know," around 1999 to 2000 Square thought their eye for technical excellence went hand in hand with moviemaking. The result was Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, and the near $95 million write-off damn near bankrupted the company. In a bind, Square developed a three-pronged approach to regain their financial solvency. This plan included:

1. Cut a deal with Disney to make Kingdom Hearts.
2. Make a sequel to Final Fantasy X.
3. Buy their leading competition, Enix Corporation.

Each of these bullet points warrants a doctoral dissertation, but for this series, we will set our sights on Final Fantasy X-2. When you accept that Final Fantasy X-2 is a shameless cash grab during Square's darkest hour, its missteps become immediately forgivable. I think Final Fantasy X-2 is a disappointing game, but context is everything. Sometimes forest rangers need to start fires for the greater good. If a shitty sequel to Final Fantasy X guarantees the franchise's continual existence, I can live with that.

Everything falls apart if you examine Final Fantasy X-2 as a self-contained entry in the mainline franchise. Its combat system is an odd half-measure between turn-based and real-time combat. The character class system is visually appealing but painfully unbalanced. Character outfits are equal parts objectifying and exploitative. The writing is a massive regression compared to Final Fantasy X. The story is a non-factor for enormous swaths of the game. None of the new characters feel memorable. Objectively, you would be hard-pressed NOT to refer to Final Fantasy X-2 as a "disappointment."

What surprised me most of all is how much of Final Fantasy X-2 is Square carbon copying shit from their design "playbook." Not only that, but its reliance on Japanese pop-culture magnifies my impression a corporate committee was in charge of its design. Whether it be the return of ATB combat or the use of tired and true storytelling tropes, so much of Final Fantasy X-2 is an exercise of contrivance. The worst is yet to come when the game tries to invert your expectations. Final Fantasy X-2's many pivots come across as failed attempts to draw inspiration from Final Fantasy VII or X.

Part 2: I Am In A World Of Shit

Final Fantasy X embodies a timelessness that ensures it will stand the test of time. I enjoyed how Final Fantasy X drew on ancient Japanese culture for its narrative. It is important to remember how the backdrop of Spira fit FFX's tone perfectly. This sentiment does not apply to Final Fantasy X-2. By chapter two, the game is a painful reminder of the new millennium. The game spends most of its time paying homage to modern Japanese popular culture instead of providing Yuna emotional closure. As beautiful as Final Fantasy X-2 can be, I couldn't help but feel its visuals were wasted. Yuna is the main character, and in theory, undergoes a dramatic character transformation. Unfortunately, the game steadfastly refuses to scaffold what set this change into motion, or why we should care.

Final Fantasy X featured a sophisticated and somber setting. The characters had to earn their jovial respites in a journey ultimately defined by sacrifice and selflessness. This thematic balance set the world of Spira apart from other JRPG settings. Exploring the world of Final Fantasy X made it clear we were exploring a culture in its death throes. Families were devastated, and cities lay in ruins. While most look at Final Fantasy X as a pleasurable travelogue, it never pulled its punches. Need I remind you, half of the story boiled down to a young adult confronting his abusive and alcoholic father.

For X-2 to use the locals and visuals of Final Fantasy X to convey a farcical Charlie's Angels-inspired adventure comes across as a betrayal. Final Fantasy X has neither the cast nor the world for such an experience. Yuna is NOT a keystone for J-Pop induced wonderment. This disconnect is why I find the narrative universe of Final Fantasy X/X-2 to be wholly "broken." I have a hard time imagining people who enjoyed Final Fantasy X's dower moments accepting of X-2's bubbly narrative, and I am one of them. Likewise, I cannot fathom those who enjoy Final Fantasy X-2's wonton silliness appreciative of FFX's hard swings into melodrama.

Then there's the matter of Final Fantasy X-2's production values. Final Fantasy X-2 is a game where you can feel its cheapness. The dungeons feel as if they were made using a level editor. Character models look marginally better than they did in Final Fantasy X. To add insult to injury, the game's sense of progression is stunningly superficial. Locations like Kilika convey remarkable changes, but for the rest of the world, it is as if the developers just slapped on a new color filter. Luca, Bevelle, Besaid, and the Calm Lands are shockingly static despite being the most visited locations in X-2.

I am someone who tries to see the silver-linning to everything, and I must admit Final Fantasy X-2 isn't without merit. There are several scenes which "work" in Final Fantasy X-2, and we will discuss two of the most successful shortly. There are other novel ideas in the game worth praising. Final Fantasy X-2 is one of the few games in the Final Fantasy franchise to use its gameplay as part of its storytelling. Dresspheres not only work to build the game's tone, but they provide the characters with an opportunity to share their real-world personalities. The dress combat system also adds to the game's air of independence.

Part 3: WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO RIKKU?!

My prior praise is tenuous as there is an "elephant in the room." As Jeff once put it, Final Fantasy X-2 disgusts at every turn. The game's establishing shots ogle the posterior and breasts of the female cast, before panning to their faces. This practice happened more times than I can count. Then there's the matter of the dress transformations. The character transformations showcase the same areas of bare skin regardless of the selected dressphere. The fact more care and attention went into the dress changes than the rest of the game, is frustrating.

Speaking of which, let's talk about the clothes for the cast. I have no qualms about Final Fantasy X-2 drawing inspiration from the magical girl genre. Well, other than it creates a tonal anachronism between it and its predecessor. What I actively question is why half of the outfits look like lingerie. With several enemies shooting guns or casting magic, you would think the characters would WANT sets of armor that better protect their body. Instead, the dresses are equal parts exploitative and impractical. Case and point, look at what they did to Rikku:

Look, I get it. This game is aiming for a "specific" target demographic, but that doesn't make things better. The game's grossness is especially disappointing because I adored Rikku's personality transformation from Final Fantasy X to X-2. Rikku spends a great deal of Final Fantasy X doubting herself and questioning her role in Yuna's pilgrimage. In Final Fantasy X-2, she's bubbly and self-assured. Changing her look to surface her newfound confidence is within reason, but the execution is cringeworthy. The camera isn't exactly an equalizing force either. It is obsessed with showing Rikku's thong or positioning itself to provide shots of her downblouse.

I have to question why some view Final Fantasy X-2 as a source of empowerment. Yes, this is coming from a mostly white, male. If you disagree with my early impression, I want you to know you are a beautiful person and I love you Platonically from the bottom of my heart. I pose my objections with an open mind and am more than willing to hear out claims to the contrary. It is commendable the main cast is all female. To its credit, the game avoids belaboring this point and allows its characters to exert physical and mental might.

On the flip-side, the story fails to develop a growing sense of determination and grit in its actors. I cannot shake the feeling the developers selected this cast with selfish intentions. The reason we do not see Wakka, Kimahri, or Lulu as playable characters, is because they wouldn't have melded as well with Tetsuya Nomura's unique dress designs. With that being the game's main selling point, the developers went with three characters with the same geometry to ease development. Plain and simple, the all-female cast is another sad byproduct of bargain-basement design.

I would view Final Fantasy X-2 as an empowering stepping point for women in games if Square learned from the experience. The absence of progress on their part makes their true intentions embarrassingly transparent. Square didn't pick these characters to create a legitimizing journey of self-actualization. They chose them because they knew they could exploit their geometry. If this was such a ground-breaking moment for Square, then why do they continue to fuck up the depiction of females in their games?

Part 4: Why Did They Shitcan FFX’s Combat System?

I will accept assertions my feelings about the new tone or character designs are purely subjective. What I am ready to defend with my life, is the gutting of Final Fantasy X's "Conditional Turn-Based Battle System" was a MAJOR misstep. Final Fantasy X-2 is a pre-pubescent half step into adulthood. It is caught between a turn-based and real-time combat system. Much like your middle grades, Final Fantasy X-2 is an awkward, clumsy beast who practically breaks everything it touches. It means well, but it's also oozing with acne puss.

I have gone on record saying I think the ATB system is artificially rigid, and a primary reason I have avoided earlier Final Fantasy games. Whenever used, the ATB system requires hours of grinding to self-correct its kludgy mechanics. I understand this is a controversial opinion. I will even concede returning to the ATB system was an inevitability given X-2's truncated production cycle. But Final Fantasy X-2's attempts to "modernize" the ATB system are dispiriting adjustments. Had it committed to an entirely real-time or turn-based system, I think everyone would have benefited.

It's not all doom and gloom for the mechanics of Final Fantasy X-2. The dressphere system is a novel concept. It's a creative in-game way to craft a sense of freedom with its female cast. The transformations are voyeuristic, but significant time and care went into each outfit. Garment Grids take the Sphere Grid and graft it onto a user-friendly interface. The limited slots on each Garment Grid force the player to experiment with each character and attempt to play off their strengths accordingly. It is also important to note how easy it is to re-tool each playable character to your liking. When you stop to invest time in each of Final Fantasy X-2's mechanics, it rewards you handsomely.

I do not believe I am out of line in saying the dressphere system is flawed. Including this mechanic de-emphasizes the importance of character levels, outside of increasing each character's HP. This issue would be permissible if it were not for the fact each dress is leveled individually. To compound this problem further, half of the character classes are better renditions of pre-existing ones. Putting hours into the Warrior dressphere does not translate to the other, often better, physical attack-based dresses.

Let me provide an example from my own experiences. When I started out, Rikku spent hours in the Songstress dress. I found the "Darkness Dance" debuff a useful tool against early bosses. When I gained the Dark Mage dress, Rikku switched to that and started from scratch while learning new magic spells. By chapter two, my progress in each class was all for naught when I uncovered the Dark Knight dressphere. Hours of my hard work became antiquated because of my advancement of the story.

Final Fantasy X-2 bakes grinding into its core. My contrivance is the AP required to level the different dresses is scattershot. Why does the Warrior's "Power Break" ability take 40 AP, but the Songstress's "Sleep" command requires double that? Other classes immediately provide commands like "Firaga" or "Darkness," when in previous games such powers needed to be earned. By the end of chapter one, I was sporting two characters with "-aga" level magic, and the game could not respond accordingly. This issue inadvertently decouples the meaning of long-standing terminology in the Final Fantasy franchise.

To further compound these issues, Final Fantasy X-2's combat is WILDLY BROKEN. Classes like "Festivalist" or "Dark Knight" far outpace their peers. Some dresses have exceedingly long attack animations, and if an enemy interrupts these animations, you do not get your time back. Characters will even whiff in the air if you queue up attacks against recently KO-ed enemies. Using items also requires loading animations, and this slows battles to a crawl.

The balance between character classes is incommensurate. There are physically focused dresses which attack in quick succession. Magic-based dresses require more time to queue up defensive and offensive abilities. This asymmetry is why I would argue physical classes are more useful than their magic-based counterparts. Practically every enemy is weak against physical attacks but will have a random assortment of elemental immunities. Sure, there's a magic-based rock-paper-scissors mechanic, but when physical attacks fuck up all the above, there's no reason to learn its eccentricities.

Part 5: The Introduction Is A Fever Dream

If there is one positive takeaway from chapter one, it is Final Fantasy X-2 establishes its new tone swiftly. Before the first scene concludes, you know you are not in Kansas anymore. The dower and humble backdrop of Spira changed in the two years since you last visited it. Therein lies my initial problem with Final Fantasy X-2's story. It has only been two years since the events of Final Fantasy X. How is two years enough time for Luca to host neon-drenched J-Pop concerts populated by backup dancers and flying guitarists?

In two years time, every person in Spira has learned how to use Machina. Every city is electrified, and the NPCs are universally supportive of these massive changes to their environment. Practically every NPC has a newfound obsession with the profession of "Sphere Hunting." There's no sense of a culture clash between new and old. The game just shotguns a bunch of shit and hopes your emotional investment in Yuna and Rikku is high enough to carry you through this anachronism.

At least the developers had the foresight to have Final Fantasy X-2's first scene begin where the previous game concluded. The last we saw Yuna, she was using the arena at Luca to bring solace to an exhausted populace. This goodwill is not enough to justify having Yuna ostensibly singing a J-Pop tune while sashaying in a short skirt. Especially when said J-Pop tune occurs on a laser platform created by a gigantic robot drummer. Do any of you wish to challenge my notion this is too much of a leap of logic?

Remember the introductory cinematic of Final Fantasy X? Remember how Final Fantasy X started with Tidus having to live through Sin destroying his home? Remember how that scene established Sin as the story's focal point? Why doesn't something like that happen in Final Fantasy X-2? All we learn in Lucca is Leblanc can shapeshift into Yuna, and the Gullwings want to find spheres. Who or what is the driving force of the story? Why is any of this happening? Additionally, the game expects you to welcome new named characters alongside Final Fantasy X mainstays without question!

By not having a clear and cohesive hook, Final Fantasy X-2 feels aimless. A bunch of shit just happens, and the writers think this is enough to keep the story going for another two hours. Not only are the visuals a bewildering affair, but including several new characters makes it impossible to get your bearings straight. Side characters come and go with little care, and the results are nauseating. The ultimate irony is Final Fantasy X-2 makes the familiar backdrop of Luca seem alien.

What does the game do in the place of cohesive storytelling? Well, if we are honest, a whole lot of nothing! This frustration leads me to the most significant problem facing Final Fantasy X-2. 60% of the game is a series of one-off minigames or fetch quests strung together in the husk of Final Fantasy X. The "story" amounts to less than half of your playtime. Hours are spent attending to pointless errands and witnessing exploitations of nostalgia. Final Fantasy X-2 is a marshmallow. It's filled primarily with air, and what joy you get out of it is spoiled by an off-putting saccharine aftertaste.

Part 6: Leblanc Is The Worst. THE WORST!

After a concert Beyonce would have been proud of, Final Fantasy X-2 drops you into the fray, and there's no pomp and circumstance. All we know is Rikku, and a companion named "Paine," are attempting to get a Songstress "dressphere" from a Yuna doppelgänger. The only connection we have to Final Fantasy X is the brief mentioning of Yuna's name, and the presence of Rikku. Why is this happening? Who is Paine? The game doesn't care to answer these fundamental questions.

After doppelgänger Yuna beats a hasty retreat, Rikku and Paine follow suit. There are several battles against random goons, but none of these actions assist in building a sense of "place." We are attempting to "catch" a fake Yuna, for the sake of gaining an object only recently introduced. The writers thought the solution to this aimlessness was to throw in more new characters. With two unknown goons about to test Rikku and Paine, Yuna comes to their rescue.

Yuna's character transformation is an immense anachronism. In Final Fantasy X she was a naïve, but kind-hearted altruist. She valued the well-being of her peers ahead of her happiness. In Final Fantasy X-2, her modus operandi is acquiring material possessions without a care in the world. What caused this change to happen? She's introduced in X-2 as wanting to take back a stolen dress from Leblanc. In the culminating mission of chapter one, she pilfers a sphere from New Yevon. The game doesn't explain what set Yuna into a sphere related tizzy. Why is she working with the Gullwings? Why is she so confident the footage from the spheres is Tidus? And again, WHY IS ANY OF THIS HAPPENING?

Leblanc is the worst Final Fantasy villain I have ever seen. Part of this stems from her use in the game. When Leblanc enters a scene, her establishing shots always start at her crotch or bosom. In a world where half the population uses guns, Leblanc's outfit feels all the more ridiculous. She is one of the game's MANY examples of Tetsuya Nomura's character design gone haywire. Somewhat annoyingly, the game doesn't even bother to make Leblanc's flamboyant outfit a part of her character. In fact, her shapeshifting ability is dropped after the first chapter!

If you thought my issue with Leblanc was purely superficial, think again. The real "elephant in the room" is how she's the closest thing we have to a villain for the next four hours. Even then, the writing cannot be fucked to scaffold basic parts of her background. The Gullwings have an established rivalry with Leblanc's "syndicate," but the context on why is never established. Neither does the game provide Leblanc with moments where she feels like a legitimate threat. She's an annoying impediment to YRP's progress but relegated to delivering forced situational humor.

I hate to rag on the combat again, but the first Leblanc battle provides a segue to another issue I have with X-2's combat. Your party is randomly assigned a place on a battle grid whenever a fight starts. In turn-based Final Fantasy games, this isn't a big issue. In Final Fantasy X-2, the placement of your party can result in dire consequences. On more than one occasion I started a battle with one of my party members surrounded by monsters. Other times, party members would change their placement, with no agency given to the player, to regrettable locations.

Part 7: The Writing Is FUCKING DOGSHIT!

After Leblanc temporarily goes down for the count, the game transitions to what is ostensibly the game's "hub." On a flying hot-rod called the "Celsius" X-2 introduces its supporting cast. I get I need to maintain an open-mind, but this is where I draw the line. The Gullwings pilot a flying muscle car, and one of their members is named "Shinra!" This game can go fuck itself. In the absence of proper character development, X-2 plays a card from Seth MacFarlane's playbook and inundates you with referential humor.

Final Fantasy X-2 is littered with examples of referential humor. To further exploit nostalgia, half of your NPC interactions devolve into people asking if Yuna remembers them. I could tolerate X-2's attempts to elicit cheap laughs if its characters weren't strung together on a flimsy foundation. These soulless automatons are just here, and there's no sense of community. Again, say what you will about Final Fantasy X's penchant for histrionics, but at least the characters had a reason to be together. Why should I care about Buddy, Shinra, or Brother other than the game needs me to care?

Admittedly, X-2 is less bothered about conveying melodrama and more concerned about crafting a sense of playful adventure. While this is admirable, the haphazard writing bungles everything. The Gullwings feel as if they are fused together out of the convenience of the plot. Then there's the pop-culture inspired dialogue. I started off curious to learn more about the new party members. Lines of saccharine dialogue and forced attempts at humor demolished my interest.

When it became abundantly clear the story had no interest in valuing my curiosity, everything fell apart. Final Fantasy X-2's tone is already dissonant from Final Fantasy X's. Its failure to develop any compelling plot lines is a further insult. The exposition the game provides is all about Brother fawning over Yuna, or Rikku wanting to steal shit. WHERE ARE YOUR PRIORITIES FINAL FANTASY X-2?! For fuck's sake, one of our player characters is brand new, but receives no characterization until chapter three! This structure is not "pacing." It is a sign of someone not giving a fuck.

This nitpicking pales compared to the ghastly dialogue. While Buddy tinkers with the controls of the Celsius, he detects a sphere for YRP to nab. With enthusiasm you would expect out of a Kindergartner; everyone loses their shit. Buddy gesticulates like a maniac; Rikku bobs back and forth as if she is on methamphetamine; Yuna spews a myriad of vapid soliloquies. As the characters ascend Mount Gagazet, the game shares the worst line of dialogue I have ever heard in a video game.

To the writers of this game: Fuck you, get fucked, go fuck yourself! Rikku's moronic dialogue is meant to showcase her bubbly personality. The same could be said about our interactions with Leblanc on Mt. Gagazet. It's a playful attempt to install a sense of whimsy, but the result is groan-inducing. There's no sense of risk when a mission involves Leblanc, and our confrontation devolves into cheap comedy schlock. It's B-tier anime writing the likes of which the Final Fantasy franchise typically avoids. Because everything is played for yucks, I felt anemic when the culminating boss battle occurred.

Part 8: FFX-2 Can’t Ruin Besaid And Old Friends

Before any of you accuse me of mad-dogging Final Fantasy X-2, there is plenty to like in its initial chapter. Unsurprisingly, these decisive moments feature simple scenes between YRP and recognizable characters from the previous game. Case and point, revisiting Besaid is always a delightful experience. Touching base with Wakka and Lulu is consistently fun. Besaid showcases how to do shameless pandering correctly.

Besaid is a shocking example of how to use nostalgia to a story's benefit. When I started the game, I wanted to see what happened to Wakka and Lulu. To see them happily married and expecting a child is a delightful treat. What enamored me is how they are the same characters, but facing different, but relatable, life problems. Wakka's character arc, while short, is a relatable and real issue. Regardless of the superficial backdrop, questioning if one will grow to become a proper parent is something I can relate to as a person.

The game's tone is equally commendable. There are no forced attempts at humor. For once, the writing provides a scene where the characters convey a sense of love for one another without an ounce of cynicism. When Lulu and Yuna have their brief aside, there's a feeling of honest concern in Lulu's words. She's happy to see Yuna but doesn't want her new job to go to her head. Lulu congratulates Yuna on "spreading her wings," but cautiously reminds her not to lose sight of what makes her unique. These are actual words to live by for any person.

Besaid is a story moment which plays with your emotions. When Lulu exclaims Wakka is missing, you know what you need to do. The drama provided a pure adrenaline rush which allowed me to overlook the mission's pitiful code-inputting puzzle and cookie-cutter dungeon. Wakka's attempt to prepare for his pending parenthood is a play on the strengths of Final Fantasy X. When you push aside the Final Fantasy bullshit, Final Fantasy X featured a cast of relatable characters you wanted to see happy. When Wakka walks away from the dungeon, realizing he needs to learn how to be a parent by doing rather than watching, X-2 crafts an ethos of newfound independence.

Part 9: Side Quest Nonsense: Everything is Terrible, And Luca Makes Me Feel Empty

Before you ask, I want the record to show I have no plans on 100%-ing Final Fantasy X-2. If I had a choice between slamming a screen door on my genitals and 100%-ing Final Fantasy X-2, I would have to think about it. One would be a short burst of excruciating pain whereas the other would be an extended drain on my goodwill. If I am honest, I err toward the genital pain. The amount of optional content in Final Fantasy X-2 is nefarious. Anyone who has played the game can attest the side content vastly outnumbers the main story.

If the side quests were consistent about building the world of Spira, I wouldn't have as big a problem with X-2's structure. Nonetheless, virtually every side quest is a singular throwaway experience. The game can't even be bothered to craft compelling moments out of pre-existing environments. When you go to Luca, you witness a flashback where you control Yuna in a Moogle costume and hand out balloons to random NPCs. I am NOT JOKING; this happens in the game!

What I find degrading is how there are significant storytelling dragons the side content could have slain, but the game's priorities are out of whack. Topics like the rise of the Youth League or New Yevon's reformation are delayed until chapter five. However, watching Yuna waltz around in a Moogle costume is in the introduction. The game's "open-world" fares none better. While you are welcome to explore your surroundings, it never results in anything substantial. Despite the design team taking the time to make your surroundings feel distinct from what you remember, they all feel stagnant and stale.

Think I am joking? Exploring virtually every location absent of a mission leads to the same result. Yuna has a heavy-handed soliloquy directed at Tidus, and the game juxtaposes back to the level. Sometimes a familiar face will try to get Yuna's attention. Again, the game assumes the worst of its audience. It is perpetually stuck in a low cognitive domain and recites information with zero follow through. The examples list themselves. When you take the time to visit the headquarters of the Youth League or New Yevon, the game brings you up to speed on what they are, and who are their leaders. Beyond that, the game cannot be fucked to develop their platforms or impact on the greater world.

Part 10: Side Quest Nonsense: Macalania Forest Is Just The Best

But lo-and-behold, Final Fantasy X-2 surprises me once again! While exploring the Macalania Forest is a nightmare, everything you do there exhibits the best storytelling in the game. The game does three things at the Macalania Forest I immensely enjoyed. It uses the forest as a metaphor for the changes facing Spira, a backdrop to the game's best moral dilemma, and as an emotional showcase of Yuna's pent-up feelings for Tidus. It's the best level in the game, BAR NONE!

One of the recurring themes in Final Fantasy X-2 is the culture clash between the past and present. Some feel it is time for the people of Spira to take control of their destiny; others seek comfort in Spira's history. At the Macalania Forest, the beautiful woods are in decline with the disappearance of the fayth. The astounding Macalania Forest and its inherent beauty are moments away from disappearing forever. It's one of the few somber elements to Final Fantasy X-2's otherwise lackadaisical bubblegum-pop adventure, and it is a welcomed change of pace.

The moral dilemma the forest introduces is even better. When you explore the forest further, you find the Guado hiding as refugees. Interacting with Tromell showcases one of the most compelling character transformations in the story. The former totalitarian is penitent and regretful of the actions of his people. He recognizes the sins of Seymour and the genocide of the Ronso as a grave mistake, and his humility, if it can be called that, is stunning.

Visiting Mount Gagazet is a phenomenal complement to our interactions with Tromell. Kimahri is the leader of the Ronso and principally wants reconciliation, not revenge, with the Guado. I much appreciated how the game doesn't expect you to take a side on the matter immediately. My third compliment of the Macalania Forest is its use in forcing Yuna to confront her emotional issues, but this is a topic for another time. All I will say is, it's the BEST!

Part 11: Side Quest Nonsense: WHY IS EVERYONE A DICK TO YUNA?

Kilika Port is without a doubt the most disappointing environment in chapter one. When you first set foot in the port city, it is the environment which has changed the most. In the waning hours of Final Fantasy X, Kilika was still a smoldering pit. Now, it is a burgeoning trade hub teeming with life. It's a disappointing affair because the game does not capitalize on this potential. The best you get is a scene where Dona and Barthello make their best Romeo and Juliet impressions.

Dona and Barthello provide a reminder of two sizable inadequacies with X-2's story. First, X-2's storytelling functions on a low taxonomy of thinking. While it is happy to recall information or solicit understanding of its pathos or logos, it never challenges its audience to draw their own conclusions. Case and point, Dona and Barthello are in a relationship but split between the two dominant factions in post-Sin Spira (i.e., the Youth League and New Yevon). Learning this is haphazardly presented as a fact. There's no investigation why the two picked the factions they did, or what impact it has had on their relationship. There's no metacognition required, and this makes the plotline regarding the two camps feel all the flatter.

The second issue this scenario highlights is more to blame on X-2's tone. Why is every side quest giver an asshole to Yuna? No, really, why are so many people complete dicks to Yuna? She's the one responsible for bringing peace and salvation to the world of Spira. She single-handedly stopped the Apocalypse! Why are Dona, Gippal, and Beclem shit lords to Yuna? Why do random buffoons waste Yuna's time with pointless errands?

Tobli is a piece of shit. Everything we do with Tobli at the Moonflow is a waste of my goddamn time. X-2 took one of the most beautiful levels from FFX (i.e., the Moonflow) and used it to structure insipid fetch quests! What a fantastic use of my time. The reason I feel so strongly about Tobli is the game never connects him with the main story until chapter four. Until then, every interaction we have with him feels inconsequential.

The worst is yet to come until you reach the Djose Temple. There you have the pleasure of encountering the chauvinist, Gippal. I don't know why the Final Fantasy series insists on having at least one "Casanova Wannabe" in each game, but it is driving me crazy. Gippal seamlessly harasses each of our party members without a care in the world. He's a colorful personality in a world devoid of memorable characters, but JESUS CHRIST, I could do without sexism in a Final Fantasy game.

Tolerating Gippal's degenerate behavior is in the name of digging for shit in Bikanel Desert. Like I said, Final Fantasy X-2 is a series of minigames strung together to look like a full-fledged video game. Moments like these make the game's uncoordinated patch-work, all the more obvious. It's not as if revelatory discoveries are gained through the excavation minigame. Quite the opposite, the random number goddesses hates you if you put any time in Bikanel Desert.

Part 12: Tactically Guided Depression In Zanarkand

Full disclosure, when I first visited Zanarkand, I felt an unfathomable rage comparable to the heat of a thousand suns. After thinking about it, I have a greater appreciation of what the writing attempts at Zanarkand. There are a few quibbles worth noting. It's another level which shows Yuna's awkward evolution from a kind-hearted humanitarian to a selfish materialist. While Cid and Issaru aren't strictly "heroes," I wasn't sympathetic to Yuna's perspective.

Beyond this contrivance, Zanarkand is another fun exploration of our memories. The only difference is how Zanarkand purposefully tries to elicit a bitter response from the audience. Tourists populate the ruins, and they view the wasteland as an opportunity to steal its historical artifacts for financial gain. Traveling the many levels of Zanarkand, only to find empty treasure boxes and trash, is a depressing experience. All the same, this is the emotional response the developers wanted, so I commend them.

Yuna's interactions with Issaru and Cid paint a clear picture. While Yuna avoids calling their activities "sacrilege," she finds the conversion of Zanarkand into a tourist trap deplorable. Yuna's perspective would be more relatable if the significance of Zanarkand were not rooted in a bullshit religion. Lest we do not forget, the whole point of reaching Zanarkand was to perform a pointless sacrifice. Furthermore, I do not blame the tourist for wanting to visit parts of the world they previously couldn't. While the game wants you to view Yuna as a commiserate figure, it fails spectacularly. Her declarations about cordoning off Zanarkand make it seem as if she is announcing it as her property.

At least the culminating scene with Issaru is hilarious! Seriously, this was the one attempt at humor that worked for me. I have to praise the game for following through on its introduction of Zanarkand as a tourist trap. Having the scene end with Issaru acting like a narrator on a Disney ride is amusing to watch. Pacce and his "Kinderguardians" are fun to peruse as well. The game frames Issaru and his brothers as having each gone their separate ways and divided between Spira's two major factions. Sadly, the story fails to capitalize on this intriguing premise.

Part 13: Sucking The Life Out Of An Adventurous Caper

After hours of ineffectual thumb twiddling, Final Fantasy X-2 attempts to kick its story into gear. Buddy informs the Gullwings he's detecting an "Awesome Sphere" inside Kilika Temple and everyone battens down the hatches. When YRP arrive in Kilika Port, they discover New Yevon has placed the temple on lockdown, and the Youth League plan on assaulting the temple to gain the artifact. Somehow, Yuna's team sleuths their way into the temple and steal the sphere from both factions. Despite the inherent risk of their act of treason, the cast acts like they are about to join a party.

Right, this makes NO SENSE! The whole point of being a sphere hunter is to sell undiscovered artifacts to the highest bidder. Who in their right mind buys an orb stolen from the most significant religious organization in the world? I get this is a Final Fantasy game, and I need to suspend my disbelief, but when the scaffold for the game is as half-baked as this, I can't. Why is YRP so committed to stealing a part of Spira's history when they know doing so will turn an entire army against them? Why is Yuna so confident this sphere contains another video clip of Tidus? And again, WHY IS ANY OF THIS HAPPENING?

Speaking of that last question, let's get a few housekeeping items out of the way. Part of the main drive of Yuna being on the Gullwings is she holds hope Tidus is "out there" wandering the far corners of Spira. She maintains this belief because she saw a sphere, recorded a thousand years ago, which contained an image of someone who looked like Tidus. Correct me if I am wrong, but that's the plot of Final Fantasy X-2. I know I am guilty of my fair share of histrionics, but this is the dumbest basis to a story I have ever seen. Why the fuck would any reasonable person think a recording from a thousand years ago is evidence your recently departed love is alive?

What ensues at Kilika Temple is an exercise in Final Fantasy X-2's shoddy development. The environments are unchanged, and what impedes your progress are minigames and NOT cinematic battles. I have meant to talk about this issue before and now seems like the appropriate time. I cannot believe the developers could not be fucked to include at least a few new enemy types in X-2. You fight the same goddamned fiends from Final Fantasy X, and the only difference is they do not share the same elemental weaknesses. Even the bosses are rehashes of shit from FFX. The dungeons are even worse because they feel like they were pulled from a level generator.

There's a significant amount of buildup to a confrontation between the forces of New Yevon and the Youth League. Does the end of chapter one finish with a bloody battle between the two factions? NOPE! It concludes with a boss battle against a robot that looks suspiciously like Defender X! After offing this boss, Yuna's party runs away with the sphere in tow, and the scene just ends. That's it. That's the scene. That's how chapter one ends. It's as if the writers didn't know how to write a proper conclusion.

WHAT IS THE POINT TO ANYTHING IN THIS GAME? WHO IS NOOJ? WHO IS BARALAI? WHY DO I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT PAINE?Whenever I play Final Fantasy X-2, I'm left with an empty feeling. It's as if the game is developing a void in my soul. There must be something more to this game! There must be a hidden meaning to its aimlessness. This game can't just be a glorified Ponzi scheme!

Yeah... X-2 was the first and only (besides XV which I have yet to get around to) mainline FF game I never felt the need to play. Looking back, I see parallels between it and the shitfest that is the XIII trilogy. This one really heralds the beginning of the end of FF for me.

As to why they shitcanned the turn-based combat in general, I think they saw the numbers action games in the West were pulling. I think it's fucking crazy, but I love turn-based RPGs unabashedly and think the gameplay of the older games still holds up, even when it kinda doesn't (looking at you, random battles).

Japan RPG development went down a really dumb path it's never quite recovered from. For every game that gives me hope - I Am Setsuma, the occasional Tales game, Ni no Kuni, and Bravely Default - there's another game that almost immediately follows that kills my expectations that they've seen the light, either through rushed, uninspired sequels or dumbass action hybrid games like FFXIII or XV that just don't play to the strengths of the series at all. It's not that I dislike those things going for more of an action-y feel, but they've never found the right gameplay to match their aspirations, and by now, I've given up hope they will.

But how about that intro sequence though? It's the stupidest and I love it

Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I can't wait for the rest of this.

Over the years this game has grown on me a lot.

Look Final Fantasy X is my favorite FF game for many about all of the same reason you have given in your blog. My original opinion was much like your own.

I think the big core thing that has changed for me is that I now completely buy Yuna's character progression between the games now.

One thing that helped me to accept it was by finally playing these games with the Japanese VO. I found that in X English Yuna was a quiet reserved timid girl who was driven to defeat Sin out of duty and selflessness. In the Japanese VO, she came off much more like an average girl and her quiet reserved nature was part of playing her role rather than intrinsic a part of her. Like if she wasn't the daughter of the high summoner, she would be much closer to Rikku in personality,

The other factor was finally seeing the Eternal Calm cutscene that they released with the international version of X. This cutscene was apparently made before they had any intention of making X-2. It sets up Yuna motivation to become a sphere hunter. It shows that she has been constantly badgered by both factions to give them her official endorsement or for her to lead Spira herself. She was not willing to accept that responsibly feeling she did enough ridding the world of Sin. So then Rikku shows up with a sphere actual Tidus in the original pre-sequel plans with the same clothes and everything and says "hey you want to fuck off to the sky with me and find your boyfriend?" She was already primed to just run away from it all and now had a perfect excuse of course she hopped on it. Tossing aside her habit for some booty shorts while drastic at least they gave sufficient character motivation for it.

I also appreciate the gameplay of this game much more now than I did back then. FFXIII is what changed my mind about it. Because I love XIII's combat it is solidly my second favorite in the series after X.

Everything about XIII seems like they knew they were on to something with X-2's combat. So they took 6 years polishing every rough edge out of the system as they could and designing an entire game from the ground up in service of that combat system. It removes the redundancy of the dress sphere by distilling them into roles and gives each role a specific use that all remain useful and never get obsolete.

XIII-2 also adds a lot of retrospective fascination to X-2. XIII-2 just loosens up everything XIII did back to its X-2 origins. The game structure is exactly the same here's a bunch of side missions if you visit locations off the beaten path. This time they take the tact of not having any of the main cast return as main cast members. Instead you get to be the previous character motivation device and Paine 2.0. Also they bring back that 'fantastic' monster collection system of X-2 international but now as a main unavoidable mechanic. In a lot of ways XIII-2 makes X-2 look amazing in comparison.

Having said all that I don't think X-2 is a good game by any means. It's now at least the best -2 two in the series. I can totally accept it existence now as a follow up to FFX. Did it need to exist? No. Was it extremely rushed and came out half baked as a cash grab? Yes. Was there any merit to it? Yes. It even managed to spawn it's own legacy divorced from the X name in the forms of the XIII series. It's totally an ok Final Fantasy above bad Final Fantasy like FFII and FFXV.

Oh, I forgot to drop a link to my archive of playing the first hour and half of Final Fantasy X-2. It is amateur hour at best, so you all have been warned. Around Monday I'll do my usual comment dump. I know people like my commitment to responding to every comment on my blogs for up to a week after publication.

Yeah, I think your podcast discussions have made me come around to the idea that this game is actually kind of dire. I think I still have some ironic affection for how dumb it is, and will defend the combat as an interesting, fast-paced take on the ATB system (and, in a lot of ways, the precursor for where Final Fantasy combat would go from there, for better and worse) but then you and Gino reminded me that there are large chunks of the game with zero combat and a bunch of pedantic, meandering minigames seemingly designed to frustrate or waste time. I think even apologists of this game can acknowledge those parts as being the absolute nadir of main-series Final Fantasy.

Because X was one of my favorite Final Fantasies, I considered pulling the trigger on X-2 multiple times and every time my better self held me back. Eventually I reached the compromise of watching a Let's Play and I did not make it far. The dialogue (and by extension the characters) are just so, so stupid. And though I get that it's not the kind of pandering they were going for, the selection of Rikku And Yuna as the characters to carry forward suggests to me that they weren't even interested in what people liked about the first game.

The parallels between Final Fantasy X-2 and Final Fantasy XIII, and everything in the XIII wheelhouse, write themselves. Slight credit goes to XIII for not being entirely exploitative of the female form, but that is faint praise. That said, I was always under the impression the "beginning of the end" started with Final Fantasy XII, and not Final Fantasy X-2? Correct me if I am wrong, but that game seems like a very "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" moment in the franchise. It embraces its past, reiterates plot beats from the franchise, and is set in ostensibly a fantasy heavy world reminiscent of Final Fantasy VI or IX.

Here's another thought that crossed my mind about the gameplay of Final Fantasy X-2. Much like how 2D games age better than 3D games because evolutions in the technology make earlier 3D releases look increasingly "dated," whereas the charm to 2D pixel graphics always holds up; the same could be said about turn-based combat. Real-time combat is ultimately a product of the console/platform and controller it was intended for. Compromises to be released on said platform or controller are a necessity for real-time combat, but the same can not be said for turn-based combat. inputting commands works on virtually any platform.

But let's not get on the real-time hate train entirely, because there's a reason why it became popular. Developers such as BioWare, CD Projekt, and Bethesda Game Studios created gaming masterpieces all while embracing the best parts of real-time gameplay.

It is an effective tone-setter and at least the music itself is "good." I think I am starting to finally come around to the OST for Final Fantasy X-2. It's a psychedelic J-Pop induced fever dream, but at least it's full of life.

Beyond that, everything is wrong about that intro sequence. You have no bearing on who the villain is, or why anything is happening in the story. Why is everyone doing their best Charlies Angels impression? When did Yuna learn to sing? Who created the Dresspheres? How do the characters get powers from changing their clothes? Why does Yuna go from being a priestess to a spelunking pop idol? How is that a natural progression of her character arc? Why is there never an explanation as to why this happens?

I accidentally booted up Final Fantasy X: Eternal Calm! WHAT THE FUCK?

WHY THE FUCK WASN'T THAT INCLUDED IN THE ORIGINAL RELEASE OF THE GAME?! WHY?! WHY IS THE ONLY CUTSCENE THAT EXPLAINS WHY YUNA BECOMES A SPHERE HUNTER NOT IN THE GAME?

@zombiepie: I don’t hate real time combat. Love me some Ni no Kuni or the occasional Tales game. But I hate half-assed real time combat, and FFXIII and XV are most definitely examples of that.

They were always sleazy with Rikku. She's 14 in the first game. I know that's age of consent in Japan but that doesn't make it right. Count the shots of her arse.

I confess I don't hate the gameplay of X-2 to be honest - I don't mind the dress-sphere stuff on paper and really it's just another version of the old ATB stuff from the games prior to X - it's just that it looks horrible. The way characters just kind of spaz out and animate like shit in battle, the way their positioning tends to end up being so close to the enemies sometimes because they just kind of stand where they were after the attacks end, to the point that their models get awkwardly shoved around by the other characters' movements - describing it as "like a rom hack" is totally accurate. I guess, maybe it would be more accurate to say I don't hate the progression system of X-2 but do actually hate the gameplay. Because it really does feel markedly worse than even the old FF ATB systems.

Similarly, I don't hate the idea of a silly girl-power J-Pop adventure theme for a Final Fantasy game, it's just that this is literally the worst possible candidate for being that game. It runs so contrary to everything the first game was about, and everything those characters' original characterizations were like. Literally turning Zanarkand and the Calm Lands into shitty theme parks? It's like the game is just rubbing it in.

@zombiepie: FFXII is a weird outlier in a way, because a lot of people didn't really care for it back in the day, but as more time has passed public opinion has come around more in its favor. Being a much more open-world kind of game with sort-of automated MMO-style combat kind of made it ahead of its time. It wasn't the sort of JRPG people wanted in 2006, but fits right in with games made a decade later. For what it's worth I think it's a great game, just with two shitty completely useless characters forced on you as the "leads." You know how Yuna is sort of the "real" main character of X, even if Tidus was important to the plot in the end? Instead of Tidus imagine someone who has literally nothing to do with anything at all, with a best friend who has even less than nothing to do with anything.

@ryuku_ryosake: Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to write a response as extensive as yours. It's comments like these that really motivate me to continue with this series in the first place. Anyway, here are my brief passing thoughts on your main points:

• Controversial opinion time: I did not hate the English voice acting from Final Fantasy X. The vitriol directed at the original English voice acting is just that, it is an overreaction to a decent first attempt at inserting voice acting into the series. The actors do a decent job of conveying the ethos of their scenes and do their damndest to make lemonade out of an otherwise terrible script. It is this tacit appreciation for FFX's voice acting why I continue to play FFX-2 with the English voice acting. You would think after FFX and failing at making a movie Square would know how to do this better, and to expect so doesn't seem out of the realm of reason.
• The Eternal Calm is the most frustrating thing I have seen in a video game. Not only should it have been included in the game in the first place, but it also does not address many of my fundamental issues with FFX-2's story. Yuna's motivations are tenuous at best. Why does she develop a sense of hope from watching orbs from a thousand years ago? Why does she completely change character after seeing one orb? But more fundamentally, the Eternal Calm cutscene addresses one issue out of many. Yuna's motivations are developed, but the greater world remains in purgatory.
• The gameplay is fun to cheese, and it is wonderfully liberating, but beyond that, it is wildly broken. On top of that, large swaths of the game do not even allow you to engage in the combat systems. All the minigame-based side quests take up hours of your time, do not reward EXP, and remove you from the one thing this game has going for it.
• I have a feeling I am going to actively hate the XIII series largely because I do not like what I have seen from the real-time combat systems. They all seem like boring messes that barely engage their audiences.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! If Final Fantasy X-2 was just a fun stupid adventure full of fanservice bullshit, I would be more appreciative of it as a game. However, every attempt it makes at storytelling is uncomfortable and every step of the way it greets you with rampant sexism. If you are going to have an all-female-cast on a Charlie's Angels-inspired adventure, I don't know, maybe allow the characters opportunities to showcase some grit and intuition? Instead, every major story set-piece has the characters caught in a standstill because of one of their mess-ups. Trust me, the worst is yet to come.

And it's just not a lot of fun to play outside of the dressphere system. The rapidity of the minigames is soul-crushing, and the breadth of the side quests is exhausting.

Well, my good friend, around Christmas time you should look forward to my "BONUS" episode on the additional content they put into the HD Remaster. I know I have already moaned and complained about The Eternal Calm, but the other two "bonus features" aren't any better. The Last Mission is an insulting waste of time. It is a slog and no fun to play. Be that as it may, at least it is an actual video game.

Final Fantasy X -Will-, on the other hand, is an audiobook, and it RUINS EVERYTHING YOU LOVE ABOUT FINAL FANTASY X! I'm not joking, it ruins everything. I accidentally booted it up, and within ten minutes I rage-quit it. It's bad... it is very bad.

And what drives me insane about FFX-2, and I mention it in this blog, is how awkward of an attempt at real-time combat FFX-2 ends up coming across. The characters move in the jankiest way possible. Their attacks will whiff into thin air if you are unlucky. You have no agency over where they move to, and sometimes they'll get caught running into a random enemy. It's so half-assed it hurts to write about it.

I'm right there with you. During my Final Fantasy X series, I called out how creepy the game's depiction of Rikku could be. She's young, but the designers couldn't help but view her as another objectifying symbol. What's frustrating about Final Fantasy X-2 is the developers didn't learn and do not understand how their anime-inspired depictions of Rikku are counter-intuitive. It's a classic case of a creator attempting to have their cake, and eat it. They try to frame Rikku as being a strong and independent character who has "found" herself. But how is she framed in every possible scene? She's used for fanservice purposes so the audience has something carnal to gravitate toward. There's nothing wrong with a female character feeling comfortable with their dress or appearance, but Rikku is not used to showcase female empowerment, she's used for exploitation.

I can barely remember X-2, but I remember likely the dress spheres a lot, because they're just another implementation of the job system from the tactics games - which I really liked. It's a shame that the rest of the combat isn't very good. It certainly didn't help that this was the time period that Square was awkwardly trying to move away from turn based combat to their implementation of real time combat.

The most vivid memory I have of this game is the dude in front of me in the queue on the day Dirge of Cerberus was released trading this in to get money off DoC. To this day I can't figure out if he made the right value choice.

That and one other thing that you maybe haven't seen yet so I won't mention it, but I can't wait til you get there.

Once you unlock the Moogle costumes it becomes pretty funny.

@zombiepie:I will actually agree with you on the English voice acting not being that that bad. I watched plenty of dub anime around that time. FFX probably scores a B to B+ among that crowd. I think the main point I was trying to get was that I found the subtle differences between the two performances that might have worked out pretty much fine in X have drastic changes in the massive leap in tone of X-2. When you have a character like Yuna who has been on a death march from birth with the fate of the entire world on her shoulders and afterwords the weight of being the savior. When she finally casts off that weight it is to be expected that she would likely undergo a major change and the slight differences the performances set different expectations on where she will end up. The Japanese performance better preps you for X-2 Yuna in X and fits better in X-2 where the English actress not exactly the best choice anymore.

For me the Eternal Calm only works really as it was originally intended which was to an extra cut scene in the international version to give you just a glimpse of the future of Spira. It sets up a bunch of cool exciting things. Wakka and Lulu are having a kid, there's a young liberal faction rubbing up against an old conservative faction, Kimahri rules the Ronso, etc. Basically any of the good narrative ideas in X-2. The problem was all the chosen by committee ways they chose to expand on that when they were forced to make X-2. The big technology leap is nowhere to be seen. Sphere hunting as a profession in X-2 is not shown. It's more like Yuna is just joining up with the Al Bhed doing what they have always done poking around the world for technology. Things are presented as lighter than the complete bleakness of X but not the drastic tonal shift in X-2. There is a much better X-2 that could have been made if Square didn't have a gun to their heads but then they probably wouldn't have made a X-2 at all. We live in the world where X got more follow up than it probably need. As I X fan I'm glad that the Eternal Calm exists and am on the slightly more positive than indifferent that a X-2 happened. I don't know gotten their already I haven't caught up on the deep listens. Chapter 4 spoilers. But the goddamn balls on them that they managed to wrap around and make Yuna doing a J-pop concert actually work as a plot point. Bringing up that she technically defeated Sin by leading Spira in song. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on that later.

Also on the subject of the 'Tidus' sphere. There was nothing to suggest that the Sphere had to have been 1000s of years old. Spira still had sphere recording technology in the present era as seen by the Jecht Sphere and that 'good bye' sphere Yuna herself recorded during X. The only info that was given about the sphere was that Kimahri had found it on the mountain. If anything implying it is most likely a recent thing as it is not likely the Ronso where doing any excavations of their sacred mountain. Also as I mentioned before the very first version of it had Tidus down to his clothes. So there was definitely enough reason for her to have so hope. The issue with this is it becomes a bit muddy in X-2 when the stated goal of sphere hunters later in X-2 is specifically to find old spheres but I believe it is stated in the gold rush nature of it they are basically indiscriminately grabbing up any sphere new and old which is Yuna's hope. I believe it is a plot point in X-2 when the gang finds another sphere that directly links that sphere to the past. This basically breaking Yuna's motivation but it is also after they know about the doomsday device so not like she can call it quits.

There was probably a way better way I could have structured this post please excuse the rambling.

"I don't hate [X], BUT...." almost perfectly describes my overall relationship with Final Fantasy X-2. I would argue there are fundamental issues with the dressphere system outside of the fact it looks janky and is easy to exploit. Never have I EVER seen an RPG where if you queue up commands on an enemy, and it dies before the queued commands are able to hit them, you just whiff into thin air. This is a problem Final FREAKING Fantasy II was able to fix from the first game. The AP system is BROKEN, and some dresspheres are easier to level up than others. I found more than a few dresspheres painfully difficult to use in their default form. And worst of all, the difficulty is all over the place. Either you grasp Final Fantasy X-2's scattershot concepts, and are rewarded handsomely, OR you wallow in the salt mine grinding away on a random assortment of dresses.

But it isn't even J-popy enough. There are MAYBE three or four scenes where music plays a prominent role in the game, but beyond that Yuna's singing abilities are never brought up again. It's simply used to increase the potential audience of this game. It's shameless and cheap. A wonderful double-whammy I never would have thought I would see in a Final Fantasy game.

I actively hate how instead of having the low-level dresspheres "evolve" into higher and better versions, you "collect" superior dresses through quests and story progression. In a normal job system there comes a point where, after you have reached a certain level, you can morph your character's starting class into one of two specialized off-shoots. When you select these off-shoots, you aren't entirely starting from scratch. Sure, there are new spells to learn, and abilities to gain, but you do not start at Level 1 and a paltry amount of HP and MP. In Final Fantasy X-2 this happens ALL THE TIME, and it highlights to me how not enough thought and care was put into what impact each dress was supposed to have in the game.

I have seen video clips of Dirge of Cerebus. That Tetsuya Nomura... he sure does love leather jackets, belts, mesh, and anime-ass looking character designs.

What you speak of is without a doubt... THE BIGGEST PILE OF SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN A VIDEO GAME!

NOPE! NOT HAPPENING! Unless I can be convinced unlocking every other dressphere is worth it... the Moogle costumes can go die in a fire pit.

Please tell me they are not worth it... I do not know if my heart can handle any more of this game.

I actually liked X-2 better than X. It was something different than the angst and end of the world tropes the recent FF games have been bogged down it. The dress system while annoying was the closest thing we had to magical girl game at the time. But my tastes are very weird since I also enjoy Star Ocean games which every hates so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

@ryuku_ryosake: Hey, these are the types of comments I look forward to when I come back from work! Keep them rolling.

I don't know, Yuna's whispy and airy VO performance fit her role in Final Fantasy X. Whenever Final Fantasy X-2 tries to establish her as being sure and confident about herself, she still has a mostly downbeat and low-energy VO. It's really a mindfuck when Yuna is trying to get everyone excited for adventures when she sounds like she's trying to give safety instructions for rides at Six Flags. To top it all off, the script and writing in FFX-2 is miles worse than the writing in Final Fantasy X.

The scene you speak of from Chapter 4 is indeed good, I will grant you that. I would even argue the game should have ended there. But because this is a Final Fantasy game, it doubles down on its themes of religious dogma and pre-destination. And say what you will about that scene being a powerful moment, but the game doesn't do enough to really justify its existence. None of the previous chapters scaffold toward that performance, and the game muddies its own waters by not having a clear hook and antagonist until the end of chapter two. Final Fantasy X-2 breaks every long-standing storytelling format, but not to its benefit.

Here is an exact quote from the next blog: "The first half of chapter two is the biggest pile of shit I have ever seen."

I have no idea who thought that minigame was a good idea, but they should not be allowed near video games ever again. I mean... God DAMN is that entire sequence just the worst thing in human existence! THE WORST!

I can see why some people enjoy X-2 over X, but my issues about this being a franchise are how the two games lack any real narrative connective tissue. Remove the few named characters X-2 has the common decency to include, and I think you would be hard-pressed to argue there's that much in there to really tap into people's love of Final Fantasy X. Instead, X-2 is more distracted with crafting an entirely new tone with characters who have dramatically transformed from what you last remember them for. Final Fantasy X-2 should have just been its own game. I light-hearted adventure with this combat system isn't without merit.

But in the end, Square needed money. So they grafted characters who were NOT a tune for a light-hearted adventure with a combat system that has nothing to do with the strengths of the CTB system or even the sphere grid. Square does not care about honoring what either of us likes about our respective games. That much is certain because the extra content throws away everything you and I like about either game.

Hey everyone who cares, ZP is going to be streaming Chapter 5 of FFX-2 today at 12:30 Pacific Time! So watch if you want to see the exciting conclusion!

My first attempt at streaming chapter 5 was a disaster. I honestly accomplished nothing. I lost all of my progress twice. I experienced an existential crisis. And finally, I rage quit the game. I do not know how to jump into the holes to enter the Farplane.

I'm stuck. Does anyone know what I am doing wrong?

@sinusoidal: @pyrodactyl: @veektarius: @thatpinguino: @shindig: @marokai: @jesus_phish: @ryuku_ryosake: @marcsman: @dudeglove: @puchiko: @ltsquigs@dixavd@hassun@danielkempster

Look I get the blogs are way behind on my actual progress in the game, but I'm stuck. I mean, what in the literal fuck is this?

It's one of the best ff games.

@zombiepie: I tried to warn you. FFX-2 isn't a mainline Final Fantasy and should have been skipped. I'm so sorry. :(

I really should have responded earlier, but if this comment was not published in jest I would love to hear more details on why you think this.

More than anyone else I blame @thatpinguino, this whole torment is his fault, and now he wants me to start Final Fantasy XIII in 2018.

@zombiepie: Ya Know this bitch right here IS A Very dumb decision 2 Reboot this IS botched as hell & I Truly Love the Original the best their ever will be 4life

So I only just stumbled on this... "Article"(?) and there several blatant false claims, inaccuracies, and outright ignorance all through this *and* the comments.

Starting with the three dot points.

"Cut a deal with Disney for Kingdom Hearts"? It was nothing more than "Nomura wanted to do something with Disney characters involved, Final Fantasy Brand Manager Shinji Hashimoto and then Lead Producer Hironobu Sakaguchi both said 'as long as it has FF cameos in it, go ahead".

It was also *entirely Sakaguchi* that pushed for The Spirits Within. He had very little to do with FF games after directing FF5. Kitase directed 6, 7, 8, and produced 10 onwards. Ito mostly (co-)directed 9 because Sakaguchi was A; busy surfing in Hawaii, and B; hyper-focused on The Spirits Within.

"Make a sequel to Final Fantasy X"? That wasn't why it happened. At all. In fact, the Japanese X-2 released under *Squaresoft*. It was only *Square Enix* in the Western release.

"Buy their leading competition, Enix Corporation"? No. You, uh... Didn't do all that much research, did you, huh? Enix and Square were in talks for a merger for a *while* before any of this. And *Enix acquired Square*, Square did not buy Enix.

You have had a massive misunderstanding about *the point of the Final Fantasy series*. By Hironobu Sakaguchi's own design choice, *no two FF titles are the same twice*. FFX-2 doesn't have FFX's battle system because it's not FFX. It's FFX-2, a different game. Not even IV's The After Years plays much like IV. XIII-2's system is *vastly* different to the one in XIII. Because *every single title is uniquely designed every time*.

The entire point of X-2's new Spira and Yuna herself is *she never got to actually be a normal person*.

Throughout FFX, Tidus & Yuna were 17. Children. Being forced to cope with mature, adult circumstances. Neither of them ever got to be *just a kid*. She was pressured so much through a false religion and a grim, sacrificial pilgrimage that she never got to be *herself*. So she's trying to *find who that sense of self is*. You really need to lighten up, buddy. It's entirely supposed to be light-hearted, after Spira has gone through constant hell and torment from Sin.

EDIT: OH, and let's not forget you also make entirely xenophobic and outright racist "jokes" in some of your image captions... "Chinese water torture"? Really? Yikes.

@zombiepie said:

@sinusoidal: @pyrodactyl: @veektarius: @thatpinguino: @shindig: @marokai: @jesus_phish: @ryuku_ryosake: @marcsman: @dudeglove: @puchiko: @ltsquigs@dixavd@hassun@danielkempster

Look I get the blogs are way behind on my actual progress in the game, but I'm stuck. I mean, what in the literal fuck is this?

So you've never heard of an octave scale? It's a PIANO, dingus!

No she isn't. You may need to go back to school for basic mathematics...

She's *18* in FFX-2. FFX-2 is set *two years after FFX* (which means she's *16* in FFX, not 14., the Eternal Calm has moved Spira on from the horrors of Sin, they're able to live more comfortably.

If Yuna was 17 in FFX, and 19 in FFX-2... Then Rikku went from 16 to 18. Two years.

@mattandre said:

@zombiepie said:

@sinusoidal: @pyrodactyl: @veektarius: @thatpinguino: @shindig: @marokai: @jesus_phish: @ryuku_ryosake: @marcsman: @dudeglove: @puchiko: @ltsquigs@dixavd@hassun@danielkempster

Look I get the blogs are way behind on my actual progress in the game, but I'm stuck. I mean, what in the literal fuck is this?

So you've never heard of an octave scale? It's a PIANO, dingus!

Bring back calling people "Dingus" in 2023

I personally loved Final Fantasy X-2 once I understood what was going on when I replayed it and didn't rush through the main missions which tells you very little of the story. If there is a setback, I'd say its the fact you need a guide to truly reveal everything, including what you have to do to get the golden ending. There is no way to guess it without one. When you really playthrough it, those 25 hours easily turns into over 100 hours.

@sombre: My dude, dingus and chungus haven’t gone anywhere.

And to be fair, it’s actually not a “piano”… But it IS a singing note scale, and it’s really no different to Tifa’s piano in FFVII’s Nibelheim…

@av_gamer: Genuinely, my ONE gripe with FFX-2 in the broad view is the “100% completion” checklist is *ridiculous*.

“Oh, you actually talked to that person? That’ll be 1.45% taken off your completion percentage!”

“You did that thing instead of the other thing? NO PERCENTAGE FOR YOU.”

Like, down to the most minuscule actions, you lose percentage on the 100% completion. And the game straight up doesn’t tell you if the decision/action you made was “the correct one”.

@ryuku_ryosake: “sphere hunting as a profession is not shown”.

…What? Yes it is. Maybe you did the most barebones playthrough, but to outright 100% the darn game, as someone else here had said, the game goes from, like 25 hours to close to 100. There’s a *lot* of deep lore-building and Spira coming to terms with a new reality post-Sin.

It’s definitely there, you just have to find it. Game won’t hold your hand or force exposition on you.

It was also essentially Kazushige Nojima (literally the same guy that wrote FFVII’s scenario and FFX’s, as well as VII’s remake trilogy currently) saying “Spira’s changed, there are multiple paths to take, you get what you put into it. If you don’t bother, the game won’t either.”

Oh, and just to add to the further inaccurate claims from ZombiePie;

Final Fantasy XI Online and Final Fantasy XII were both also already in production alongside X-2 (so X-2 was *not* "some desperate effort to rescue Square from The Spirits Within, only thing I'll agree with here is that The Spirits Within bombed), developed by different teams (Ivalice Alliance studio from Tactics on XII, and XI's eventually became the XIV and XVI team), because X-2's team was the same team behind X, IX, VIII, VII, VI...

Sakaguchi in particular *loved* XI Online (almost as much as he *adores* playing XIV Online & XVI), there's a reason promo leaflets for PlayOnline were in the PS2 box for FFX and X-2. He notably liked PlayOnline so much he wanted every FF title going forward to utilise it, with leaderboards and various multiplayer "features" for even strictly singleplayer titles (note that not even FFXI even uses PlayOnline the way it used to anymore), and this eventually led to Lightning Returns: FFXIII having a "Otherworld" pseudo-online feature, and both XIV and XV have leaderboard features (XIV's PvP content, and XV's Hunts (as well as Comrades multiplayer) had scoreboards and such.

The irony of "To each and every one of you reading this; be kind, earnest, and nice to those around you."... While the initial post of this is incessantly bashing the developers (and scenario writer) of FFX, which also made X-2.
X-2's apparently "sexist"... But X isn't, huh? It only had Seymour forcing an unwanted marriage with Yuna, pressuring a teenage girl to literally sacrifice herself "because Sin", Lulu's entire character expression... I could go on!

@mattandre: Well, this certainly is a blast from the past. First, be aware that you have responded to a blog that is over five years old and several of the people you are responding to simply do not use the site anymore. Likewise, I'm not going to respond to any of your input in part because these early entries were often written off the cuff and while I was actively playing them. For some of these I was even in my early twenties and didn't know what my voice was when writing. I don't do that anymore and as a writer have evolved. Have at these posts what you want, I would just request you maintain a civil and respectful tone when attempting to re-engage other users on the site.

Thought this was new, but it's just some oddball in the comments having a go!

Oh well, I'll just throw in anyway! Square should've just done what they always do when Final Fantasy is flagging: stripmine another, more interesting game for budget and blame Western subsidiaries for "under-delivering."

Now get back to solving adventure games five years in the future, ZombiePie!

Well the odd thing is this is oddly prescient because there's been ANOTHER Square Enix leak that states that the Final Fantasy IX Remake is very much a real thing and is more than a fancy HD filter over the original AND that there's a new project that has a codename that is associated with Final Fantasy X.

I have no issue with people going back to my older stuff and calling me out for my histrionics and speculations. When I first started writing, I had no aspirations of these becoming primers on their respective games and instead viewed them as video game let's plays that were textual rather than visual. Things have changed, but I still see no reason to retract anything I wrote. I was shooting the shit and having fun and posted these for $0. I view blogging as a hobby and still do.

How have I not known about this write-up until now? I guess if there's one silver lining to be had from the vitriolic postings of the guy who brought this back from the shadowrealm it's that I get to read another ZP Final Fantasy blog.

I bought this game the day it came out after loving FFX and boy was it rough. I didn't ever beat it then and I honestly can't bring myself to even attempt another go in my late 30's. I recall that the battles felt like

they took forEVER ad it just got boring quick. Although it might've been my playstyle of constantly swapping dresspheres during fights because I didn't like having one character always be a healer/debuffer so I'd swap back to attacker and then back when I needed heals. It's been 20 years so my memory is fuzzy but I'm sure it played an animation everytime you changed the dressphere.

Hey, at least it introduced me to Koda Kumi before she got uber popular.

Great write-up! This game will always hold a special place in my heart as it was one of the first games I ever borrowed from my friend along with the strategy guide. My memory is a little foggy, but I may have played this prior to playing X, and that was a trip. Still, I do recall they did a good job on the exposition and made me feel like I didn't miss anything.