Sex, Power, Love and Money
When I studied Philosophy at the now defunct Heythrop College, one of the many smaller colleges that formed the University of London, I was very early on taught a simple way to present an argument. The first step was always to establish you premises; statements or assertions that would be pretty much accepted by your entire audience. Such things would usually be self-evident or otherwise propositions that no one would reasonably try to refute. From these logic would naturally lead to your conclusion and et voilà, your argument is made.
With Dead or Alive 6, Team Ninja’s violent parade of ridiculous costumery there is one particular premise that merits asserting. We all know it to be true and even if it isn’t at the forefront of everyone’s mind when playing it forever is tied to this long running series, so let us all together acknowledge a universal truth; that boobs are pretty great.
Team Ninja clearly know this; however their admiration for the mammary gland has maybe gotten a little out of hand. For them, cleavage and physics are forever estranged and the patience of less forgiving souls can be sorely tested as a result. Despite claims to the contrary, this sixth iteration shows absolutely no signs of getting a birthday card from Anita Sarkeesian.
But such things can distract from the many other things that go into a Dead or Alive game. It seems there is little doubt that publisher Koei Tecmo are keen to lean on the series’ sex appeal to sell eye-wateringly priced downloadable fabric masquerading as some sort of clothing, but some of us do like to temper being horny with enjoying an actual game from time to time.
Fortunately, Dead or Alive 6 is very easy to get into, with one button for punch, kick, hold, throw and a few buttons that even do two at a time if you’re feeling sassy. The lack of a one handed mode is perhaps a little short-sighted but for mutton fisted dullards like me it’s a refreshing antidote from the finger mangling demanded from more intricate fighters.
Not that it helps online though, with my soft and really quite lovely arse being smeared across time and space by anyone who has internalised the mystical art of blocking. At time of writing all that’s present is a ranked mode and this fact fires the starting gun on the game’s biggest issue; the sense, rather ironically as it happens, that it all feels a tad half arsed.
Stages and costumes are shamelessly reused, the menus are basic at best and the story mode is a disjointed mess of nonsense where scenes and fights are broken up across a large unwieldy grid with characters getting into scuffles for the most absurd of reasons. Admittedly story isn’t the draw when it comes to fighting games but with Netherealm blazing a trail in this respect it seems reasonable to expect a little better from one of the larger, better known franchises. A couple of new characters are introduced and a new break blow system has been added to allow easy counters but otherwise it’s largely more of the same for anyone familiar with the series.
As such it’s all still very fun and enjoyable as the action is suitable flashy and over the top. You can knock opponents into eggs, get carried away by dinosaurs and get body slammed by giant octopi through the deck of an ancient pirate ship. It’s delightfully stupid, towing a line where you are never quite sure whether Team Ninja are taking the piss or are just lunatics.
When it comes to the costumes I am somewhat torn. Anyone who has read my Ladykiller in a Bind review would be unsurprised to learn that I actually quite like a lot of the more kinky outfits, but while such things could be part of a great evening at my house, it’s hard not to feel jilted by how they now have to be unlocked. Previously a few rounds on the arcade mode would unlock that character’s alternative outfits but this time around they must be unlocked via ‘pattern parts’ (or ‘patten’ parts according to a lingering typo). The idea is that through playing various modes, be it the ranked online mode, arcade, or the new Quest mode (complete specific objectives within a specific fight) you can gain enough parts to unlock costumes.
The chasm of stupidity however is that the number of parts gained is ridiculously small, and when coupled with the fact that the parts gained are for a random character, even for one’s you don’t own, it becomes hard to know which is the bigger insult, this or the £74 season pass. The unlock issue has at least been acknowledged with an up to 100x multiplier in parts gained for the first few weeks post-release, but they’ve shown their hand, and it’s very disappointing that one of the few shifts to modernity with DOA6 is the introduction of more excruciating, execrable grind.
Alas, what joy and entertainment there is seems almost incidental. The rush to exploit the series’ sex appeal monetarily has become like a cancerous growth, suffocating that which ought to be the main appeal; the bit where you fight. The impression one gets from the experience is that it is merely a vessel; a reusable vector by which developer and publisher can simply sell more overpriced DLC to people who really ought to know better. That they arbitrarily restrict already in place characters to sell as pre-purchase ‘bonuses’ speaks volumes as to a depressing level of avarice on display.
A shame then, but perhaps not an unexpected one in today’s climate; Dead or Alive 6 is still, for better or worse, a Dead or Alive game. It’s still as outrageous and as horny as ever, with an easy to pick up fighting system that has style to spare. Your view on the sexualisation may very well differ, but the question as to whether or not DOA is kind of icky seems pretty clear to me, regardless of where one sits between prude and pervert.
